Desire and Duty

by Marie Medina

  As she sorted the papers and put the ledgers in their proper places, she considered what to do. If Orman liked her, why wasn’t he saying anything? Doing anything? He talked to her a dozen times a day. She wasn’t being courted by anyone, and she wasn’t a flirt like so many of the other maids. She did her duty and focused on that, just as Orman did. Now she thought on it, that seemed to make them very compatible. As she put the last paper into place, she wondered how red he might turn if she pushed everything off his desk and stretched across it to wait for him in a seductive pose.

  He’d probably faint.

  She giggled at that, and at just that moment the door opened. Orman walked in and stopped short. He looked around with a puzzled expression on his face. “Someone else here?”

  She cleared her throat. “No, just me.”

  He glanced at his desk. “Something amusing you then?” He closed the door and came closer. “I see you’ve cleaned my desk.”

  “Aye, it was a bit messy. I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure with Lord Vane sick and all.”

  “Yes, I have.” He met her gaze. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Anything you need, you can always ask me.” Gwynn decided to test the waters. She walked around the desk and stood right in front of him. Taking a deep breath to make her breasts strain against her bodice, she said, “Anything at all.”

  Orman didn’t take his eyes off her face. “Then there is something. Lord Vane wants us to have dinner together tonight.”

  “Really? Isn’t he sick to death of us?” she asked, wondering why Vane would want them to have dinner with him.

  “No, you misunderstand. He wants you and me to have dinner. Together. Just the two of us.”

  “He said that?”

  Orman nodded, looking as if he was hiding something.

  “Why?”

  He seemed to search the air above her head for words before he said, “So we can just relax. Have some time to ourselves.”

  She took a step closer and noted how his breathing shallowed. “Liar,” she said in a low voice.

  “Excuse me?” he said, shock registering on his face as his eyes widened.

  “Lord Vane is bored stuck in that room, and now he’s playing matchmaker. He says you like me, so out with it. Is he right?”

  Orman looked uncertain as he searched her face, and Gwynn realized she’d never seen him look that way before. She swallowed and said, “I’m not teasing you.” She bit her lip and shrugged one shoulder. “All right, I am a little, but why are you looking at me like that? It’s just me.”

  “Just you? I can’t think of it that way. Not at all.”

  His brown eyes looked softer now, and his dark hair fell into his face as he gazed down at her. “Oh?” she said.

  “That all you have to say?” he asked.

  “Vane really said he wants us to have dinner?”

  “Yes. He commanded me to have dinner with you, in fact.”

  Gwynn almost laughed. “Did he, now? He wasted no time. He was working on me when you came in just a bit ago.”

  “Working on you?”

  “Aye, he was saying all kinds of things. How you smile more around me. How you’re happier when I’m in the room.”

  “He may be right about those things. I do think I’m happier when you’re in the room.”

  See where your teasing has gotten you? She pushed the thought away. “Are you?” She’d only meant to test the waters, not jump right in.

  “Yes.” He came much closer to her. “I have to obey my lord and have dinner with you, but it’s something I want as well. It’ll be my pleasure.”

  “Don’t I have a say in the matter?”

  “Of course, but if you say no, you have to go and tell Vane that you turned me down. I’m not going back up there today. He’s threatened to turn his mother loose on us.”

  “Turn her loose on us? What do you mean?”

  He smiled. “You’ve never been to their castle, have you?”

  “Vane’s parents? No, I’ve never been there.”

  “Lady Evane is the real matchmaker in that family, so we need to be careful.”

  “Be careful? What would she do?”

  Orman laughed and walked around his desk. “She once locked two people in the wine cellar to get them to admit their true feelings for each other.”

  “Oh, there’s no way that happened.”

  “Ask her. She considers it a triumph. They were married within a month.”

  Gwynn let her gaze wander over the desk. “Hmmm.”

  “Well, can I have an answer?”

  Gwynn put a hand on her right hip. “Not until you ask me properly. I don’t care what Vane said. I’m not having dinner with anyone because someone told me to.”

  “All right then. I want to have dinner with you because I do like you. I have for a very long time. Will you?”

  She plumped up the pillow in the chair in front of Orman’s desk before saying, “I suppose so. Not very flattering, though, that you had to be forced to ask me.”

  Orman walked around the desk and came up to her again. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but you should be very flattered. I didn’t ask before now because I don’t think I’m good enough for you.”

  “You’re the lord’s steward. What are you talking about?” If she’d set her sights on him, people would’ve said she was doing it to raise her station and earn more favor. What he said made no sense at all.

  Orman laughed. “You’re a strong woman and beautiful in the bargain. I’m more than ten years older than you and not much to look at. I see the way men your age look at you. Handsome, strong men that other girls fawn over.”

  “Well, you don’t see me fawning over them. Good looks are just luck, and muscles come from working hard.” She gave him a quick once over. “There’s nothing wrong with the way you look, and who cares how old you are.”

  Orman came even closer, tilting his head and looking as if he was about to kiss her.

  Gwynn stepped back and dusted her skirts off. “Well, if we’re having dinner, I need to finish a few things before then. Where do you want me?” She cringed at how that had come out, but she couldn’t help it. She’d kissed plenty of men, but she wasn’t ready to kiss this one.

  Not yet anyway.

  Orman seemed to take the hint well enough. She couldn’t even be sure he’d been trying to kiss her. He was so much taller than she was he might’ve just been trying to hold her gaze from that angle. “Yes, I need to see to a few things, too. I’ll come to your room for you about seven? We could take a picnic basket outside, just in time for the sunset. That way we won’t be in anyone’s way or need anyone to serve us or set up. That all right?”

  “Sounds like a good idea.” Was he truly being considerate of others or trying to ensure some privacy? Now she wished she hadn’t teased him and practically shoved her breasts in his face. “I’ll be ready.” She turned to go, but then she looked back and pointed. “There’s a reply for the merchant. I liked what he had to say. Change anything you like.”

  Orman smiled at her. “I’m sure it’s fine.” He looked into her eyes. “We make a great team, you know?”

  “Aye, we do pretty well. Think alike, I guess.”

  “And you look ready to bolt.” He took up the letter to read it. “Go on. I’ve wasted enough of your time.”

  She wanted to argue with him, a bit insulted at the implication she was scared or anything, but instead she grabbed the doorknob and twisted it to make her escape.

  And it came off in her hand.

  Oh, fuck me. Has Lady Evane somehow found out? Did she come down here and loosen the knob from the other side? Gwynn wondered what Evane would be expecting of them if she had.

  “Damn, I thought I’d fixed that.” Orman came over and took the knob from her, oblivious to her distress and wayward thoughts. He fit the knob back in and twisted it very gently. “I’m just going to have the entire thing replaced. It’s getting ridiculous.”
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br />   “Aye, best see to that,” she said, not quite bolting but definitely quickening her pace as she moved around him. She went straight to the kitchen and grabbed a basket to gather some herbs. She wasn’t fit to be around anyone right now, and she needed time to think.

  Chapter Two

  Orman switched the picnic basket from his right hand to his left as he walked down the hall toward Gwynn’s room. Mrs. Allen had outdone herself, so the basket weighed around twenty pounds, or so it seemed to his aching arm. People kept smiling at him, as if everyone knew what was going on. It occurred to him they could’ve met somewhere else, but he hadn’t thought of that at the time. One of them standing around waiting for the other would’ve probably drawn just as much attention, so it didn’t really matter. He’d changed into less formal clothes, but given the hour he didn’t think that warranted the attention he was receiving. Everyone in the kitchen had been very accommodating, so Vane might’ve sent word down to them somehow. Mrs. Allen had swung into action immediately, as if she’d been expecting him.

  He set the basket down against the wall and smoothed his clothes before knocking on the door. As he and Gwynn had talked in his study, something had definitely changed. Gwynn’s usual confidence had seemed to waver a bit, and that puzzled him. He couldn’t imagine her being nervous or wary in this situation, and he wondered if she struggled to think of him as a suitor. She might see him as a kind of father figure for all he knew, and he was roughly the same age as some of her brothers. The door jerked open, and Gwynn stepped out, almost bumping into him in her haste to close the door.

  “Hi,” she said.

  “Hi,” he said in return. He’d definitely spied a pile of clothes on her bed, which made him rethink his earlier assumption. Everything around Gwynn was always incredibly neat, everything in its place. What he’d just seen, however, told him she’d probably tried on multiple dresses as she got ready. The idea of her being nervous and fretting over her appearance made him feel a little better, though now he wanted to put her at ease. “You look lovely,” he said.

  “Thank you.” She wore a light blue dress that brought out her eyes, and she ran her hands over her skirt before clasping them behind her. “Shall we go?”

  “Yes, I thought we’d go out the back and down to the orchard so we could watch the sunset in a little while.” Shall we go? Why is she being so formal? He picked up the basket, and they headed back down the hall. “How was your afternoon?”

  “Oh, the usual. Busy but not too bad.” She kept her eyes ahead, her hands still clasped behind her back. She avoided eye contact with the people they passed.

  Once they were outside and in less danger of being overheard, Orman said, “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. You seem anxious. Uncomfortable.”

  Her shoulders slumped as she sighed and turned her head, her long brown hair cascading off her shoulder. “Everybody knows.”

  “Knows what?” he asked, even though he knew exactly what she meant.

  “That we’re having dinner. Lord Vane told Mrs. Allen, and it went from there. All the servants know.”

  “Mrs. Allen did seem to be expecting me.” He stopped before they’d exited the castle grounds. “Are you embarrassed?”

  “No. I just don’t like everyone knowing my business.”

  Orman laughed as he opened the gate and held it for Gwynn. “You’ve lived in a castle all your life. You know there’s no getting around it.”

  “Aye, but I guess there was never anything about me worth knowing before.”

  “I’d disagree with that.” They walked along the edge of the orchard, and Orman stopped at a level spot that would give them an excellent view of the twin suns as they set.

  As he was spreading a cloth on the grass, Gwynn asked, “So did you tell him? Or did he figure it out himself?”

  He extended a hand to steady Gwynn as she lowered herself to the ground, and she accepted it without hesitation. “He’d figured it out on his own. Seems I’m not too good at hiding how I feel.”

  She looked over at him as he sat down. “I thought everyone was imagining things.”

  “Everyone?”

  “Aye. Mrs. Allen. Ned in the stables. Ash’s mate even. Then Vane started in today.”

  “Well, they weren’t imagining things. I’ve felt this way for a while, but I rarely have much time for myself. It was easy to keep telling myself it wasn’t the right time. And that was stupid.”

  “No, not stupid.” She chewed her lip as she began to unload the basket. “You’re busy. You’re the most important man in the castle.”

  Orman laughed. “Hardly.”

  She rolled her eyes at him. “How would anything get done if not for you?”

  “You’d probably do all right. They wouldn’t even miss me.”

  “Hmmm, don’t put ideas in my head,” she said. She shifted her position a little bit. “You know, that’s why I thought everyone was crazy. I was thinking you just liked me because I’ve got my head on straight and do my job well. Told myself that was why you were always talking to me and getting me to do things with you.”

  “That’s true, but I’ll admit to ulterior motives the past few months.”

  “I see.” She looked at the food and then back into the basket. “How many people did Mrs. Allen think you were packing this for?”

  He reached in for the last few things. “She insisted on a bit of this and a bit of that. Kept bringing more stuff over. I could hardly lift the thing by the time she was done.” He pulled out two clay mugs and uncorked the wine. “I hope wine’s all right. I could go get some water from the pump.”

  “Wine’s fine. I doubt you’re trying to get me drunk.” She smiled as she accepted the mug from him.

  He smiled back. “You’d throttle me, I’m sure.”

  “Would I? Hmmm.”

  “Yes, my intentions are very honorable.” He sipped the wine. “My thoughts might not be quite as pure, but—” He stopped as Gwynn choked down her wine. “Sorry. I didn’t think you’d react that way.”

  She coughed and wiped at her mouth. “Just surprised me, is all.”

  “It really that surprising that I’m like other men?” he asked, genuinely nervous about her answer. He tried to keep his expression neutral but wasn’t sure if he was succeeding.

  She looked down at her hands a moment before answering. “No. Just never gave it any thought.”

  “Only one thing to be done then.” He set his mug down and closed the space between them. Her eyes widened as he pulled her in for a kiss, but after a few seconds she relaxed.

  He’d imagined this moment many times, but the reality of finally tasting her lips surpassed everything he’d envisioned. He drew back and looked into her eyes. “Do you think you can see me this way? Give me a chance?”

  She licked her lips. “Aye, I think so.”

  He smiled. “Good, because I’m kissing you again before this night is over.”

  She stared a moment and then laughed as he unfolded all the cloths to see what they had to eat. “Are you? You sure about that?”

  He loved that her usual fire and wit seemed to be returning. “Yes, quite sure.” He popped a grape into his mouth.

  She leaned on one elbow and tore off a chunk of bread. “I didn’t mean to run away earlier. I was flustered, I guess. I was trying to see if what people had said was true but didn’t expect an invitation to dinner right away.”

  Orman waited for her to look at him and said, “Was shoving your breasts at me part of that? You made me a little lightheaded there for a moment.”

  Her cheeks glowed a bright pink. “Heavens, I don’t know why I did that. Guess I’d never seen you with a woman before. You know, romantically.”

  “I haven’t been interested in anyone in a long time. Maybe I’m picky. I don’t know.”

  “You’re busy. No use wasting your time. Plus some people are always after something when they pursue someone with power.” She brushed some crumbs off her skirt. “But
you being picky would make sense. You’re a pretty exacting person.”

  “That a compliment?”

  “Aye, it is. I am, too, after all.”

  He moved a chunk of cheese to a plate to cut it, then offered some to Gwynn. They both nibbled in silence for a while.

  “You think they’ll find Arion?” Gwynn asked.

  “Now that they know they’re looking for a lycan, yes, I think they will.”

  Gwynn poured them both more wine. “I’d never seen you get angry before.”

  “If you hadn’t been there, I would’ve really let him have it.”

  Gwynn’s eyes widened, and she put her hand over her heart. “Don’t tell me you would’ve cursed? I’ll never believe it.”

  Loving the playful teasing, Orman grinned. “I fucking would have.”

  She burst out laughing, tears coming to her eyes eventually before she managed to stop.

  “I see I need to work on my image some. No wonder you didn’t believe I was interested in you.”

  “Why are you interested in me? I’ve seen other women try to flirt with you. You always put them off.”

  “Are you that oblivious? Really?”

  She frowned. “Oblivious?”

  “Yes. All the men chasing after you all the time.”

  She rolled her eyes. “They just want to sleep with me.”

  “With good reason. You’re beautiful. You know that, right?”

  “I’m young and have big tits.” She shrugged. “I like the way I look. I just mean all those men are shallow. They don’t want more than a tumble.”

  “I can’t speak for them, but I don’t think all of them are like that. You’re funny and clever. Strong and feisty.”

  “Men say they want strong women, but most of them don’t. They enjoy fucking strong women. Conquering them. But they want submissive wives.”

  “Pointless to argue with you, but not all men are alike. I love everything about you, and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “You expect me to believe that?”