Program Erin

by Alex Fall

  She blinked and stood up a bit more straight. "Who are you? How do you know my name?"

  "Captain, who is that? Is he with you?" Reggie asked.

  Keegan turned and pointed again. "Reggie Lawrence." Reggie stared for a moment, then looked at Wyatt and Lori.

  Again, Keegan turned and pointed. "Bax Gage." The new guy lowered his pistol and cocked his head.

  "Gar Ericson."

  An unintentional "Whoa..." escaped Wyatt's mouth.

  "Lori Phillips." She too looked to the other crew members.

  Next, he pointed to himself. "Keegan Laverdiere."

  The room was silent for an awkwardly long time. Finally, Wyatt spoke up. "Am I the only one who finds this a bit amazing?"

  Keegan stepped back to my side and nudged me with an elbow. He nodded towards everyone like he wanted me to speak. I think I know what he wants me to say...

  "OK, so you know us. Do we know you?" Bax asked.

  "No, you don't," I answered for him. "This is a guy that the Reds had. He's a Seeker."

  "Wait...THE seeker? What do YOU know about that?" Nicolette questioned with renewed interest. "I thought he was just made up."

  "Yeah, like the Decapolis?" Reggie threw in.

  "What's a seeker?" Asked Lori.

  "A mind reader."

  Wyatt stood. "OK... If this is for real, this town is insane."

  "And you brought him here?! He works for them!" Nicolette shouted.

  I held up a hand to restore silence. "I'm sorry for anything that happened to you Nicolette, but don't chastise me for making a right decision for once."

  Nicolette took a deep breath to shout at me again, but Keegan stepped forward. "Attendez! Se il vous plaît..."

  "Pourquoi devrais-je?" She asked.

  "Ceci est important. Se il vous plaît."

  He looked back to me and nodded while Nicolette huffed and crossed her arms. He nodded towards everyone again.

  "What?" I whispered to him.

  "De'mus."

  I squared myself against him and sighed. "Really?" I whispered in disappointment.

  "Oui," he nodded.

  I sighed again. "Nicolette, do you want to know why I am the way I am?"

  "No, but I'm sure you have some excuse."

  I ignored her comment for Keegan's sake. "When I was a little girl, the government that was then over our cities abducted hundreds of people off the streets over a period of time. I was one of them. They had research from as far back as from before The War, and they felt like they could make people into weapons using it, so they experimented on us based off of some very farfetched theories. They forced powers into us. The recurring problem was that the people's bodies were never immune to the power instilled into them. All of them died. Self electrocuted to death, self burned to death, self frozen to death, self mutilated to death. All of us. If we didn't die immediately, they would keep furthering the experimentation until we did. The reason they took me was because my genetic make-up was considered ideal. And for whatever..." I paused to look at the ground and suppress some long buried emotional and traumatic damage. "For whatever reason, bad luck took a strong liking to me. I lived through everything they did to me. No matter how much I wanted to let go and die, those people wouldn't allow it. This *cuss* world wouldn't allow it."

  "Captain..." Lori said consolingly. Keegan reached out and touched my shoulder. I jerked my head up and faced Nicolette, who was watching me with a face that seemed unsure whether to sympathize with me or sneer at me.

  "Do you have any idea how many times I burned myself, how many times I was beaten, broken, mentally assaulted, split open, tied down, starved, tortured and tampered with in the name of science? Do you know how many times I was killed and brought back to life? Do you know how many times I begged to die?"

  I could tell Nicolette was very uncomfortable that I was venting on her. I didn't care. She deserved to feel insignificant next to me.

  "Do you have any idea how many people came in to see me and did nothing to help?" I turned and looked at Bax. "How would you like to be taken as a child and have your future life ripped from you and replaced with hopelessness and pain? Would YOU do that to a child?"

  He let his eyes drop to the ground and he shook his head. "No..."

  "Well my government did. They didn't care. So forgive me if I'm not 'ordinary.' And since I got free, I've been wandering the planet, looking for a reason to stay alive. I never found one, until I found him," I stated, pointing to Keegan. My crew especially looked him over with keen interest.

  "And like I do to everyone, I treated him like *cuss!* But he's the only one who never gave up on me, so when he says he wants to go to the Decapolis for help, then God *cuss* it, I'm taking him there, no matter who stands in my way."

  The air seemed tense. Lori and Wyatt watched me with renewed understanding. Reggie seemed to being staring off towards Keegan. Nicolette watched me still with arms crossed, and Bax still let his gaze stay on the ground. Keegan, however, walked up and put a hand on my shoulder, making a point to give me a smile of approval but also signal for me to calm down or downplay myself or something. It's probably because I cussed.

  "So every time you use your powers, you burn yourself?" Nicolette asked.

  "Yes."

  "Does it hurt?"

  "Absolutely."

  "So...every scar on you..."

  "I did them to myself."

  Nicolette closed her mouth and swallowed uncomfortably. It seemed that my life predicament was sinking in.

  "Is that government still there in the Decapolis?" Bax asked.

  "No, she helped remove it," Reggie answered. "Hey, you said he's a mind reader right? How do we know when he's reading our mind?"

  I looked over to Keegan. "Can I tell them?" I asked. He shrugged nonchalantly.

  "He says that when we're awake, our natural mental barriers keep him out. He can only mind read you in your dreams," I answered.

  "How long did those people have you?" Nicolette asked.

  "She only got out like, what, two or three years ago?" Lori replied.

  "I'm going with you to the Decapolis," Wyatt said as he stood. "I'm ready to do something helpful."

  "Why would you want to go back there?" Nicolette asked me. This time her voice betrayed her concern.

  "I thought you didn't care what I had to say..."

  Nicolette looked off to the side. "That was...before I knew."

  Reggie began to ask something, but the tent flap opened and Sharon walked in. "Ms. Lori, I..." She stopped at the sight of me and Keegan, scanning us warily. She too wore several bruises, plus she had sling on for her left arm.

  "Sharon..." Keegan said with understanding. He seemed very genuinely happy to see her.

  "Elle vendait dans ma rue des trucs qui n'servent? Rien

  Des sph? Res en plastique qu'on retourne sans fin," he began to sing.

  Sharon's face lit up as the words were coming from his mouth. "Papa?" She asked in sheer delight.

  Keegan held a hand up to signal her to wait for a moment. He began to sing the next verse but couldn't finish.

  "Papa!" She squealed, interrupting his song.

  "Je ne suis que sa voix," he stated.

  "Je suis ta petite perle," she said, running to him. He leaned down and scooped her up in a hug.

  "Ça marche..." Keegan muttered. He set her down on the nearby bed and pointed to me. "Bourdon?" He mumbled to her.

  "Bourdon méchant," she replied while smiling. What are they talking about? And since when can she speak Parisian?

  "So what's the plan on getting back? Why are we even going back? I thought you didn't want to," Lori said.

  "You're her dad?" Nicolette asked Keegan. He shook his head no.

  Still watching Sharon and Keegan, I replied to Lori, "Do you still have the coordinates on your trackers?"

  "Yeah. I considered going back myself," Reggie told me.

  "Sapphire Eyes?" A guard said as he peeked in to check on all
the noise.

  Nicolette stood as best as she could. "No wait! She's not a threat!" The guard watched her for a moment to make sure. "I'll go explain to Rick," she added, walking with him outside the tent.

  Sharon and Keegan were content mumbling and whispering to each other. She was smiling from ear to ear. I had never seen her so openly happy before. Bax himself was content to hang in the corner of the tent and listen to us. My crew was ready for a plan of action, since I mentioned leaving today.

  I spent the next half hour answering their questions about Keegan, when to go back, who all was going, where I went, and so on. They wanted to know what we planned to do in the Decapolis. Honestly, I didn't know. Keegan didn't tell me. We just had to trust that he knew what he was doing. Wyatt was all for it. Lori and Reggie were a bit more skeptical. On top of everything, I would have to deal with Rick soon. Even though I was ready to leave this place, I had a feeling it would still take some time before we were ready to go.

  * * *

  Preparations to leave the camp and travel to the warp gate were nearing completion, so I began my search for Keegan. He disappeared shortly after I began to talk with my crew, and he was carrying some of my things for me. Discussions had already taken place with Rick (who was far less than excited to see me) and the lookouts of the camp, so now I was free to roam around. I was even given a tent to sleep in, but I wouldn't need it except for stashing a few of my things. We were about to leave anyway.

  I entered my would-be room and found Keegan sprawled out across a cot, very asleep. A note written in Parisian was next to him, but I couldn't decipher it at all. What's he doing asleep? It's not even noon yet. I walked over and nudged his left leg with my foot.

  "Hey, we're about to leave. Get up."

  No response.

  I nudged him in the ribs. "Get up."

  No response, not even a groan.

  "Hey! Dream reader!"

  Nothing.

  Botches... He's so called "dream walking." When the real Arty did this, he was pretty much comatose until he was finished doing whatever he was doing. I had forgotten that Keegan would be the same way. But why now? It’s the middle of the day! He should know better than to be napping with a condition like that, especially right before leaving! And why is he in MY tent?

  I groaned in minor irritation at his inconvenient timing and sat down on a folded blanket. An old pain of something still not quite healed in my shin shot up me and made my old, massive burns start to itch. I still couldn't use my broken hand much, so I rubbed my tender burns with my off hand softly to prevent more pain. I undoubtedly look terrible. I always look terrible. I don't feel very good either. This camp bothers me, though why I'm not sure.

  Footsteps approached my tent and Sharon came prancing in, but at the sight of me, stepped back to the entrance of the tent in alarm. She obviously came to see Keegan, not me. She was also still wearing her sling and a bandage here and there under her clothes. At first we said nothing, only watched each other. She was afraid of me. It wasn't hard to see that now.

  "Does it hurt?" I asked, pointing to her arm.

  "No ma'am."

  "And when it first broke?"

  "...yes."

  "Have you eaten today?"

  "Yes ma'am."

  "Why are you calling me ma'am?"

  She looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

  "Why are you saying sorry?" I asked, subtly irritated that she still says that.

  "I'm sorry, I don't know," she replied quickly.

  I let a breath out of my nose and stared at her. Really? "How do you know him?" I asked, nodding towards Keegan.

  She swayed from side to side and shrugged. "I don't know..."

  "Yes you do."

  Instantly she stood straight and looked to the ground. "I'm sorry, you're right. I...had dreams."

  "He was in them?"

  "Yes ma'am."

  "Sharon..." I said in warning, lowering my head to my hand so I could rub my temple. Her hyper defensive and overly submissive attitude was getting old. It was frustrating to deal with, and I am no good at hiding frustration. To add to it though, she easily detected my annoyance, which only drove her further into a defensive submission. Now she was silently staring at the floor, as if waiting to be dismissed, though the sling and old cuts and bruises made her seem abused. It hurt me to think that I was mostly responsible for her damage. What if I had killed her too?

  "Sharon, how do you see me?"

  She glanced up, but dared not move her head or speak.

  "Am I your owner?" I elaborated.

  She looked aside and shifted her stance, but still did not speak. She simply nodded.

  "Was Carrie your old 'owner?'" I inquired.

  She made no movement or answer, though by this point I already knew the answer.

  "Is that a yes?"

  Sharon nodded again. She confirmed my suspicions. I am no more to her than an owner, as if I were the Greater that used to be her master, as if Sharon were no more than an animal, or even an object.

  "Do you trust him?" I questioned again, nodding towards Keegan. She nodded in reply again.

  "Why?"

  She shrugged lightly. I could tell though that she had an answer floating in her head.

  "Why?" I repeated with a little more force.

  "Because he didn't leave me..."

  I braced myself against the cot and stood. That comment was passively directed at me. I already know, Sharon. I don't need a little, underdeveloped *cuss* reminding me I failed yet again. Sharon tensed when I stood and looked up to check on my actions. My first reaction was to yell at her, but a mental alarm told me I would somehow wake up Keegan. I knew he wouldn't wake up, but somehow, some way, I knew he would find out about it. I let the breath flow out of my nose in a controlled manner. Without saying more, I moved to the other corner of the tent and sat on the ground, facing the cloth corner. It was uncomfortable, but that's how I felt at the moment. I could hear Keegan's voice scolding me for being so harsh.

  "Don't stand there waiting for me to give you permission to enter the tent. If you want to come in, then get in here." I bit my tongue as a form of self punishment for still acting angrily.

  Sharon remained still for a moment before entering and assuming her position at the pile of blankets. However, she continued on in silence and stillness. Do I make her that scared that she won't act in my presence? Is everyone afraid of me this way?...It's for the best. People that try to get close to me get hurt, even killed...like Vick.

  I turned around and examined Keegan for a moment. I'm going to get him hurt. Will he live through it? All he wanted was freedom, and now that he has it, he runs the risk of death so long as he is around me. But he's smart. He's going to leave before he gets hurt. Look at him. He didn't even tell me he was going to sleep. He just slipped away to another world, one that doesn't have me in it. It must be nicer there...

  I bit my tongue again. This time, I stood and looked over at Sharon, who had been cautiously watching me this whole time.

  "What, do you want me to leave too?"

  I felt Keegan scold me again. Why is everything I do so mean? Why am I in such a bad mood? Why can't I ever act more human?

  Sharon watched me intently with a fear that she tried to keep hidden. I sighed and left the tent. It felt like no one was able to tolerate me. Every time I saw faces, I would switch directions. I felt irritated and depressed. I essentially saved Sharon's life, and now she avoids me in case I take it back from her. She undoubtedly knows about Vick.

  Vick....That's why I feel so bad.

  Dang it, Keegan! You...you're always right! You knew I'd be this way, you told me that I'd never be the same! I tightened my fists until my nails were digging into my hands. Once I recognized that my source of negative emotions was coming from Vick, my depression started sinking in. My defiant side flared up and converted that depression to anger.

  Come on! I was shaped by mental discipline and mind
games, sick mind games that taught me to overcome doubt, fear, and any thought of self. Why can't I break free of THIS? Why am I failing!?

  I punched the remains of a street pole and leaned into it until my head was resting on it. I let a breath out and closed my eyes. I punched the pole again, but this time much weaker. I knew that I could distract myself by conditioning, reciting medical information, or working on my flexibility, but I had no motivation. Those were things that I inadvertently liked to do, but there was a problem in my way, something that kept me from doing the things I liked.

  I hated myself.

  "There you are."

  While still resting against the post, I turned to see Wyatt approaching. "Ready to go yet?" He asked.

  "No..."

  "What? What's wrong?"

  "Keegan's asleep," I sighed, looking back at the ground.

  "So? Go wake him."

  "He can't wake up. It's a condition. I don't know how long he'll be asleep."

  "What? So he's basically in a coma? For how long?" Asked Wyatt.

  "What, no. He sleeps the normal amount of time, it’s just really heavy. Look...can you leave?"

  "...you OK?"

  "No. Go away."

  "What's wrong?"

  This time I bit my tongue BEFORE screaming and expletives left my mouth. "Wyatt...I'm not feeling good. Go away."

  "Is it Vick maybe?"

  I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes. This idiot...even he can see that?

  "I understand that a bit. Ever since he...left, I've been having bad days too."

  "Since when do you bother yourself about it?" I asked softly but still rough.

  "Don't you know? I was sitting next to Vick when we crashed. I had time to set up a shield strong enough to keep me from getting crushed, and yet, I didn't even consider covering Vick. I had the power to save him, I was right there. I just...didn't."

  I tilted my head enough to see his face through my hair that was hanging, but said nothing. He looked serious for once.

  "They told me I have PTSD, but it’s really survival guilt. I imagine you know how to deal with that pretty well...considering all your...you know," Wyatt trailed off.

  "Not really."