‘Thanks again for having Theo tonight, Mum,’ she said, kissing Frances on the cheek.
‘Any time, darling. You know your father and I love having him stay with us.’ Frances gave her a hug. She drew back and smiled at Ben. ‘It’s been really lovely to meet you at last, Ben. I do hope you’ll come again very soon.’
‘Thank you. You’re very kind.’ Ben kissed her mother on both cheeks then turned to her father and held out his hand. ‘And thank you, too, sir. I promise you that I shall do my very best to sort things out.’
‘That’s all I ask.’
A look passed between the two men as they shook hands, which immediately aroused Emily’s curiosity. Obviously something had been said during their walk and she was dying to know what it was. She followed Ben out to the car, curbing her impatience as she waved to her parents. Ben would tell her if he wanted to and there was no point pushing him.
They drove back to the main road, picking up speed once they were clear of the farm. There was quite a lot of traffic about, mainly tourists who were visiting the area. Ben slowed down, tucking in behind an old camper van which was making heavy weather of the hilly coastal road.
‘I’ve not seen one of those vans for years,’ he said, changing down a gear. ‘It’s a miracle that it’s still roadworthy.’
‘Only just from the look of it,’ Emily observed lightly. She grimaced when a cloud of exhaust fumes wafted through the open windows. ‘Oh, yuk, that smells awful! It’s burning oil by the gallon.’
‘I didn’t know your talents encompassed car mechanics,’ Ben teased her as he rolled up the windows.
‘I’m a farmer’s daughter,’ she retorted. ‘I can strip a tractor engine with the best of them!’
‘Really?’ Ben laughed out loud. ‘I know who to come to if my car breaks down then.’
‘My fees are very reasonable,’ she told him, laughing.
Ben smiled back, his eyes very dark as they lingered on her for a second. ‘I shall be happy to pay whatever you charge.’
‘I’m sure we can work something out,’ Emily said softly, feeling her heart race. Maybe they were ostensibly discussing cars but she knew what was really going on.
She bit her lip as Ben overtook the van when they reached a straight section of road. Ben was going to stay the night again. Maybe he hadn’t changed his mind about leaving but he had no more control over his emotions than she did. He loved her; he wanted her. It should have guaranteed that things would work out the way she wanted them to but she knew that it wouldn’t. He was as determined as ever to leave and she had to accept that and not spoil what little time they had left by arguing with him.
It was a sobering thought, one that stayed with her as they drove back to Bride’s Bay. Ben pulled up outside the cottage and switched off the engine. ‘Shall I come in, chérie?’
‘Do you want to?’
‘Oui.’ He leant across the seat and kissed her. Drawing back he looked into her eyes. ‘If it’s what you want too.’
Emily knew that he was giving her a choice. She could invite him in, knowing that nothing had changed, or she could ask him to leave and he would abide by her wishes. It was up to her and although she knew that in the circumstances she should tell him to go she couldn’t bring herself to do so. Opening the car door, she got out, turning the decision back on him. He could follow her if it was what he wanted or he could drive away.
Her heart was hammering so loudly as she walked up the path that she couldn’t hear a thing, neither the sound of his footsteps nor the noise of the engine. It was only when she felt his hands on her shoulders that she knew he had followed her and felt herself melt. Maybe Ben felt he couldn’t stay but there was no doubt at all that he loved her.
She stepped inside the hall then turned to him. He was already reaching for her so that their bodies met with a small jolt. Emily stared into his face, wanting to commit every line to memory. When he left all she would have were these pictures in her head and she needed them to be as clear as possible when they would have to last her a lifetime. Tears welled to her eyes and she heard him utter something under his breath but had no idea what and didn’t care. Words wouldn’t heal her aching heart; nothing would.
He drew her to him, stroking her hair as he pressed her face into the hollow of his shoulder. ‘Je t’aime, Emily. I love you.’
His voice broke and she knew that he was overcome by his emotions too. This was as hard for him as it was for her and the thought was what she needed to get her through the moment of despair. Ben was hurting and she wanted to help him, heal him, love him and care for him even if it couldn’t be for ever.
‘Je t’aime,’ she whispered. ‘I love you, too, Ben. So much.’
Standing on tiptoe, she pressed her mouth to his and kissed him with every tiny scrap of love she felt. His arms tightened around her, drawing her to him, holding her against his heart where she wanted to be. When he deepened the kiss, she gloried in the taste and feel of him. When they were together like this, nothing else mattered. There were no issues to resolve. They were just two people in love, two people who wanted—needed—to show each other how much they cared.
Ben swept her into his arms and carried her into the sitting room. Laying her down on the sofa, he knelt beside her. His hands were trembling as he smoothed her hair back from her face and she understood. This was a moment they would remember for the rest of their lives and he wanted it to be special, as it would be.
She drew him down to her, showering butterfly-soft kisses across his cheeks and brow. His skin was burning hot as though he was running a fever, the faint rasp of beard that was starting to appear making her lips tingle when she reached his jaw, and she shuddered. Having the licence to kiss him how she chose was a heady experience and she intended to make the most of it.
Her mouth slid down his throat, lingering on the pulse that was beating wildly beneath his skin. She could feel it racing, feel its rhythm start to seep into her, and felt suddenly dizzy with power. She had done this to him! She had made his pulse race, his breathing quicken. She had aroused his passion. No matter what happened in the future, at this moment Ben was hers!
They made love right there on the sofa as they had done the night before and, unbelievably, it was even more magical. Emily felt consumed by their passion, enveloped in their love for one another. Ben carried her with him as they scaled the heights together and she carried him with her when they came down to earth again. Even though their lovemaking had been unimaginably wonderful, reality was just as good, she thought as she lay in his arms afterwards. Being with Ben, under any circumstances, was what she wanted, what she needed. With him she felt fully alive; without him, it felt as though some vital part of her was missing. How could she let him go and subject herself to living half a life? Somehow, some way, she had to persuade him to stay!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
BREAKFAST was a rushed affair the next morning. Ben knew that it was his fault they were so pushed for time. Inviting Emily to join him in the shower had, predictably, led to other things, and he, for one, wasn’t sorry. Making love to Emily was like an addiction; the more times it happened, the more he wanted it to. How was he going to survive without her when he returned to Paris?
The thought weighed heavily on him as he drove them to the surgery. Emily was such a vital part of his life now, as essential to him as the air he breathed. He couldn’t imagine being without her but that was what he would have to do if he was to protect her and Theo. His heart felt leaden as he drew up in the car park. There were just two days left of his stay and it wasn’t nearly long enough. He needed more than a few hours, a lifetime, in fact. But how long would his life be? That was the question he couldn’t answer. And while there was this uncertainty hanging over him, he had to do what was right and not what he wanted.
‘Just made it,’ Emily declared, reachin
g for the door handle. She paused when he didn’t answer. ‘Ben? Are you okay?’
‘Yes, I’m fine.’ He summoned a smile, not wanting to get into a discussion about the future at that moment. Every time they spoke about it, Emily ended up in tears and it wasn’t fair to upset her when they were about to go in to work. He got out of the car, waiting for her to join him so they could go into the surgery together. Now that the truth about him being Theo’s father was out, there was no point pretending they weren’t involved. Anyway, it was way past time that people knew how much he loved Emily even if at the end of the day he had to leave her.
He took her hand as they crossed the car park, feeling his heart ache at the thought of how empty his life would be without her and Theo. Opening the surgery door, he ushered her inside, summoning a smile for Lizzie who was tidying the magazines. ‘Bonjour, Lizzie. How are you today?’
‘Very well, thank you.’ Lizzie glanced from him to Emily and grinned. ‘No need to ask how you two are this morning!’
Ben laughed. ‘No need at all.’ He let go of Emily’s hand and smiled at her. ‘I’ll see you later, chérie. Enjoy your morning.’
‘You too.’
Emily smiled at him with a world of love in her eyes and it was all he could do not to sweep her into his arms. He managed to control the urge and made his way to the consulting room instead. Booting up the computer, he checked his morning list, pleased to see that he had wall-to-wall appointments until lunchtime. At least if he was busy, he’d have less time to brood. He knew what he had to do and, painful though it was, he wouldn’t go back on his decision. Come the weekend he would return to Paris and that would be it. Oh, he would keep in touch with Emily, of course, check how Theo was doing and try to persuade her to accept his help financially. However, as for their relationship, it would come to an end.
Ben closed his eyes, trying to envisage what his life would be like but it was impossible. Without Emily at its heart, the future was a blank canvas.
* * *
Emily was kept busy with appointments. There were several fasting blood tests booked in that morning so she did them first and parcelled up the samples ready for the courier to collect. The courier’s van had just left when Simon appeared, looking unusually grave.
‘Is something wrong?’ she asked, following him across reception.
‘Becky just phoned. Apparently the baby has had a febrile convulsion. She’s at the hospital with her now, in fact.’ Simon sighed. ‘This is the last thing she needs on top of everything else that’s happened.’
‘It is,’ Emily agreed sombrely. Simon’s daughter, Becky, had had a rough time recently. She and her husband had been involved in a road traffic accident and sadly, Becky’s husband had been killed. Becky herself had been badly injured so Simon and Ros had flown out to New Zealand to look after her and baby Millie, who fortunately hadn’t been in the car at the time. This latest incident must be yet another blow for her.
‘It must be difficult for her being so far away from you and Ros,’ Emily said sympathetically.
‘Which is why we’re trying to persuade her to come back to England,’ Simon explained. ‘If she moved back here, we’d be able to help if there was a problem.’
‘How does Becky feel about the idea?’ Emily queried.
‘I’m not sure.’ Simon shrugged. ‘She’s become rather...well, withdrawn since the accident. She doesn’t say much about anything to be honest.’
‘It’s understandable. I mean, losing her husband must be a lot for her to deal with,’ Emily said quietly, trying not to see a parallel between what had happened to Becky and what could happen to her. How would she cope if Ben died? How would it affect Theo? Although she had thought about it before, she hadn’t fully considered the implications and she had to admit that it was scary to imagine herself in Becky’s position.
She went back to her room and worked her way through the rest of her list. It was mainly routine stuff—blood pressure checks, a couple who needed jabs before they went on holiday, a cervical smear. Emily did everything by the book, aware that her concentration wasn’t as good as normal. Thoughts kept humming away in her head, unsettling and disturbing: could she cope if she and Ben were together and something happened to him? Would Theo cope if he lost the father he’d grown to love?
She realised that she needed to think about it properly instead of allowing her heart to rule her head. If it were just she who would get hurt then she was willing to take the risk, but was she prepared to risk Theo’s happiness? Although she hated to admit it, it could turn out that Ben was right.
Ben switched off the computer, yawning widely as he stood up. It had been a busy day and he’d not had much sleep the previous night. Heat scorched along his veins as he recalled in graphic detail the reason why he’d spent so much of the night awake. Just remembering how it had felt to hold Emily in his arms, to stroke and caress her, made his body quicken and he groaned. He’d been right to think he was addicted to making love to her when like any addict he couldn’t wait for his next fix!
He went to find her, pausing in the doorway to her room while he drank in the sight that met him. Emily was standing on a stool, reaching into the cupboard over the sink. The view of her rounded bottom snugly encased in those navy cotton trousers made a rush of desire surge through him. With or without clothes, Emily definitely had the power to stir him!
He must have made some sort of sound because she glanced round. ‘Oh, I didn’t know you were there.’
‘I was enjoying the view, chérie,’ he said, smiling at her.
A tide of colour flooded her face as she stepped down from the stool. ‘Did you want something?’
‘Not really,’ Ben replied, somewhat surprised when she changed the subject. Usually, a remark like that would have been met with a pithy reply, but she seemed keen not to be drawn into that kind of conversation and he had to admit that he was puzzled. He went into the room, closing the door to afford them some privacy. ‘Is something wrong, Emily?’
‘Of course not!’ She gave a tinkly laugh that sounded false to his ears. It must have sounded so to her too because she hurried on. ‘I’ll have to run, I’m afraid. I need to collect Theo from the nursery.’
‘I thought he was staying at your parents’ house,’ Ben said levelly.
‘No, Mum’s taken him to nursery as usual. It’s better if we stick to his routine,’ she told him, taking her bag out of a drawer. She found her car keys then gave him a quick smile. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
‘Aren’t you forgetting something?’ Ben asked quietly, wondering what was going on. Emily seemed remarkably keen to get away from him and he had to admit that it stung to know that she didn’t want to spend any time with him.
‘I don’t think so,’ she said with a frown, glancing around.
‘Theo’s seat is still in my car,’ Ben said flatly, suddenly impatient with himself. So Emily wasn’t giving him one hundred percent attention; so what? She had Theo to think about and, quite rightly, his needs came first.
‘Oh! You’re right, I had forgotten.’ She gave a little shrug as she headed for the door. ‘Good job you remembered.’
She swished past him, heading briskly along the corridor. Ben followed more slowly, more convinced than ever that something was going on. Maybe Emily did have other things on her mind, but she’d never been so offhand with him before. He unlocked his car, shaking his head when she went to unfasten the child seat.
‘I’ll do it.’ He carried it over to her car. Emily opened the rear door and he placed it in the back, leaving her to secure it in place. She gave him another of those overly bright smiles when she finished.
‘That’s it then. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
‘Have I done something to offend you?’ Ben asked quickly, unable to bear the thought of them parting like this.
‘
Of course not!’ She went to get into the car but he stopped her.
‘Then why are you being so distant?’ He bent and looked into her eyes. ‘What’s wrong, Emily? Something has upset you and I want to know what it is.’
She started to shake her head then stopped. Her face was grave when she continued. ‘I realised today that I need to think about this situation and how it could affect Theo.’
‘I see.’ Ben felt his stomach sink which was an odd reaction when he had been urging her to do exactly that for the past week.
‘If it were just me, then it would be different.’ She touched his hand. ‘I’d be willing to take the risk of getting hurt if it meant we could be together.’
‘I know.’ He turned his hand over, his fingers closing around hers although he wasn’t sure if he was offering comfort or seeking it. ‘But Theo’s just a child. He needs us to look after him, Emily, and protect him.’
‘Yes.’ She bit her lip. ‘It’s so unfair, isn’t it? We shouldn’t be having to think about things like this. We should be getting on with our lives, getting on with being a real family.’
‘We should, but that isn’t possible, I’m afraid.’ He let her go, afraid that if he didn’t do so he wouldn’t have the strength in a few more minutes. This was what he had wanted, for Emily to accept that it was impossible for them to be together, yet now that the truth had dawned on her, he felt completely gutted.
He opened the car door, waiting while she slid into the seat. She started the engine then looked at him and Ben could see the pain in her eyes. ‘I love you, Ben. Please don’t ever doubt that.’
‘I won’t.’ He bent and kissed her. ‘I love you too, chérie, more than life itself, which is why I can’t bear to think of you getting hurt.’
The Son That Changed His Life Page 12
