‘You look lovely whatever you wear,’ he assured her and meant it.
Emily grinned at him. ‘Hmm, I didn’t know you had a thing for uniforms, Dr Legrange.’
‘I don’t.’ Ben chuckled as he slid his hand around her waist and drew her to him. ‘Not unless they’re being modelled by you, anyway.’
He dropped a kiss on her lips, inwardly sighing because he had broken his own rules. He should be trying to maintain a sensible distance, not kissing her.
He followed her out of the room, waiting in the corridor while she fetched her bag. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say. He had to point out the problems, of course, make her understand how precarious the future was. There was no point thinking it was going to be easy to persuade her to see things his way and he hated to think that he might upset her, but it had to be done. He really couldn’t bear to think that he might ruin her and Theo’s lives at some point.
* * *
Emily carried her glass over to a table and sat down. Ben was at the bar ordering their lunch—hot chicken salad for her and sausage and mash for him. Taking a sip of her lime and soda, she tried to calm herself down but the nerves that had started clamouring for attention on the drive there refused to be quieted. Ben had planned this outing not just because he wanted to spend time with her but because he wanted to talk to her. And she knew exactly what he intended to say too.
‘It shouldn’t be very long.’
He joined her at the table, making himself comfortable on the high-backed settle. Heat roared through her when his thigh brushed hers and she took a hasty swallow of her drink. Ben might be determined to get his own way but she was equally determined to get hers. She wouldn’t allow anything to distract her from that objective either.
‘This is nice.’ He glanced around the bar, taking stock of the old wooden furniture that must have been in use for many years. There were all sorts of interesting knick-knacks dotted about, mainly items with a nautical theme like the glass floats off an old fishing net, and he nodded approvingly. ‘It’s good to find a place that hasn’t been styled to within an inch of its life. Most city bars are clones of each other. Once one designer jumps on a theme, the rest follow.’
‘We’re a bit behind the times in that respect. Most folk round here prefer tradition so the local pubs don’t tend to jump on the band wagon.’
‘I imagine the tourists prefer it too,’ he suggested, taking a sip of his lemonade.
‘They do.’
Emily took a sip of her own drink, feeling suddenly nervous. Would she be able to convince Ben that it would be madness to cut her and Theo out of his life? Maybe he believed it was for the best, but he was wrong. Theo needed him. She needed him. And somehow she had to make him understand that.
‘Look, Ben...’
‘Emily, I...’
They both spoke at once and stopped. Ben shrugged. ‘You first.’
‘All right.’ Emily knew there was no point beating about the bush. ‘I know you brought me here to try and persuade me to see things your way but it’s not going to work. Cutting yourself off from Theo and me for whatever reason is madness.’
‘I disagree. It’s the only thing I can do that makes any sense.’
His tone was flat and she shivered. She’d known it would be hard to convince him, but she had hoped he would at least consider her argument. However, the unequivocal note in his voice made her realise that he had made up his mind.
‘You think it’s sensible to allow your son to grow up without a father?’ she countered, knowing how much it would hurt him. But all was fair in love and war, so she hardened her heart.
‘It’s not what I want, Emily, but I don’t have a choice.’
‘Of course you have a choice!’ She closed her mind to the pain in his voice. She was fighting for them, for their future, and she would do whatever it took. ‘It’s up to you what happens, Ben,’ she said, deliberately goading him. ‘You and nobody else. We can be a family or you can go back to Paris and carry on with your life. Maybe that’s what you really want, to do exactly what you choose without having to consider anyone else.’ She shrugged. ‘I mean, why would you wish to give up your comfortable life to take on the responsibility of bringing up a child?’
He muttered something under his breath and her brows rose. ‘Sorry. I didn’t catch that.’
‘It’s unrepeatable.’ He glared at her but beneath the anger she could sense his pain and her heart ached for what he was going through. It took every scrap of will-power not to weaken.
‘Hmm, most people find it difficult to face the truth.’
‘It isn’t the truth, Emily. You know it isn’t!’ He leant forward, his eyes blazing into hers. ‘I can’t stay with you and Theo because I refuse to hurt you.’
‘But you’ll hurt us by leaving.’ Tears rose to her eyes. ‘You’ll definitely hurt me, Ben, if you go.’
‘Don’t!’ He took her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm. ‘I love you, Emily, and I only want what’s best for you.’
‘You are what’s best for me. You being here for me and Theo,’ she said brokenly.
‘But for how long? A year, two?’
‘You don’t know how long it will be. That’s the whole point. You could have years and years, a whole lifetime, in fact.’ She squeezed his hand, desperate to make him see how stupid this was, how wrong. ‘You’re free from cancer at the moment, Ben, and you could remain that way.’
‘I could,’ he conceded, although she sensed he was merely paying lip service to her argument rather than truly believing it. It was a start, though, and she leapt on it.
‘Then promise me that you’ll think about your decision. Imagine how you’ll feel if you cut yourself off from us and the cancer never returns. It would be such a tragedy, Ben, wouldn’t it?’
‘All right, I’ll think about it.’
Their lunch arrived then so they let the subject drop. However, Emily knew that she still hadn’t convinced him. Ben was determined to do what he deemed was right and she had no idea how to persuade him to change his mind...unless she spent as much time as possible with him, her and Theo that was. Ben would find it that much harder to walk away once he’d had a taste of what he would be missing.
The thought buoyed her up as they ate their lunch. Maybe they were underhand tactics but if they achieved the desired result, she didn’t care. Starting this very minute, she was going to make Ben see what he would be giving up!
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘THANKS, Mum. I know it’s short notice and I really appreciate it.’
Emily finished her call and hung up. She had just secured an invitation for Ben to join her and Theo at her parents’ house for tea. She went to find him, mentally crossing her fingers that the evening would go as well as she hoped. This was the first step in her plan to keep Ben in her life and she wanted it to work. Whilst she knew that she could rely on her mother to make Ben welcome, she wasn’t as certain about her father. Maybe she should have a word with him and explain what she was doing?
Ben was in the office when she tracked him down. He smiled when she went in. ‘It looks as though I’ll be busy this evening. There’s quite a long list.’
‘Mine’s not too bad, fortunately,’ Emily explained as she reached for the notes that Lizzie had left for her. She glanced through them, trying not to make it too apparent how nervous she was. If Ben refused the invitation, it would be a lost opportunity and she couldn’t afford to waste any time. He was due to return to Paris at the end of the week which meant she had just a couple of days to convince him to reconsider his decision.
The thought brought it home to her how urgent the situation was and she hurried on. ‘I’ve just been speaking to my mother and she asked if you’d like to join us for tea tonight?’
‘It’s very kind of her but I wouldn’t
want to be a nuisance,’ he said quietly.
‘You aren’t,’ Emily assured him. ‘Mum is dying to meet you and she might not get another chance before you return to Paris.’
‘In that case, I’d be delighted to accept.’
‘Good.’ She smiled at him. ‘Theo will be thrilled. He’ll be able to show you the chickens. He really adores them.’
Ben laughed. ‘Tea and a visit to the chickens sounds wonderful. Shall we go in my car? There doesn’t seem much point in using both cars.’
‘There doesn’t,’ Emily agreed, thinking how well everything was working out. If they went in Ben’s car, he would have to drive them home afterwards. And once he was there then there was no reason why he couldn’t stay the night.
Her stomach lurched at the thought of them spending another night together and she turned away. Her plan seemed to be working out extremely well so far. The more time she and Ben spent together, the harder he would find it to walk away.
The thought carried her through evening surgery. Not even Maxine Barnes, there to have her blood pressure checked before renewing her prescription for the Pill, could dent her spirits. Maxine had another of her brood with her and the child was obviously suffering from impetigo the same as her older brother. Emily sighed as she checked the poor little mite over once she’d finished doing Maxine’s BP. ‘It’s definitely impetigo, Maxine. Chanelle must have caught it off Josh. Didn’t Dr Legrange explain how contagious it is?’
‘Yes, he did.’ Maxine snorted. ‘But as I told him, I don’t have the time to go boiling towels and bedding!’
‘Then you’ll need to be prepared for the rest of the children to catch it,’ Emily said firmly. As a nurse practitioner she was qualified to prescribe a range of medications so she printed out a script for the child and handed it to Maxine. ‘Make sure you use it as per instructions. If you notice any spots on the other children or yourself and your husband then you’ll need to come back.’
‘You mean I could catch it!’ Maxine exclaimed in horror.
‘Oh, yes. It’s not just something that kids catch. Adults can get it as well.’
Maxine didn’t say anything; however, she looked stunned as she left the room. Emily smiled to herself. Hopefully, the thought of catching impetigo herself would be the incentive Maxine needed to take proper precautions. She saw the rest of her patients then tidied up. Ben was waiting in the foyer for her. Lizzie was tidying the reception desk and she smiled at Emily.
‘Ben tells me he’s going to your mum’s for tea,’ she said, obviously curious about the invitation.
‘That’s right.’ Emily took a deep breath. Maybe it would be wiser not to say anything until she was sure that Ben was going to stick around, but she was tired of dissembling. He was Theo’s father and it was about time everyone knew that. ‘My parents are looking forward to meeting him at long last.’
‘Really?’ Lizzie said, eagerly.
‘Yes.’ Emily smiled, hoping that Ben wouldn’t be annoyed about what she was doing. Maybe it would put more pressure on him but that was a good thing in her view. ‘It’s only to be expected that they want to meet Theo’s father, isn’t it?’
‘I...erm... Yes, of course.’ Lizzie looked taken aback by the revelation. She barely managed to reply when Emily wished her a cheery goodnight.
Emily led the way from the surgery, heading to her car first to collect Theo’s seat. Ben took it off her and carried it over to his car. He placed it in the back then stepped aside.
‘I’ll let you fasten it in. I’ve not had any experience of how these things work.’
There was something in his voice that made Emily wonder if he’d guessed what she was doing and she flushed as she bent to the task. She secured the seat then straightened up. Ben looked at her levelly as she closed the car door.
‘Why did you tell Lizzie that I’m Theo’s father?’
‘Because it’s true—you are.’ She went to walk round to the passenger side but he put his hand on her arm.
‘And that was the only reason? It had nothing to do with the fact that I’ll find it all the more difficult to leave once everyone knows?’
‘Maybe.’ She looked him straight in the eyes. ‘I’ll do whatever it takes to convince you that you’re making a mistake by leaving us, Ben.’
He sighed. ‘You’re just making it harder for yourself, Emily. You know why I can’t stay. I’ve explained it to you.’
‘But it doesn’t mean that I agree with you!’ She captured his hand. ‘I don’t care if we have one year or twenty together. I want you to stay with Theo and me, Ben. We need you.’
‘Even if it means that Theo could get hurt?’ He shook his head when she didn’t answer. ‘No, that isn’t what you want, either, Emily, is it? You don’t want our son to suffer any more than I do. If I leave now then he’ll be disappointed, but he’ll soon get over it.’
‘Maybe he will but I won’t!’
‘Yes, you will.’ He tilted her face up. ‘You’ll meet someone else in time, someone who can offer you a proper future, and you’ll be glad I made this decision. You deserve to be happy, Emily. You don’t deserve to be constantly living on a knife edge, wondering if the cancer will come back.’
Emily could tell how pointless it was to argue with him. She got into the car, her spirits at an all-time low. Nothing would convince Ben he was wrong, it seemed. The next couple of days were all she was going to have and she could either spend them at loggerheads with him or use them to create some memories for the future.
Her heart caught. To only have her memories and not be able to actually touch or speak to him would be unbearably painful.
* * *
The evening went better than Ben had expected. Emily’s mother made him very welcome without going overboard. Her father was more reserved, admittedly, but Ben respected him for that. After all, he had run out on Noel Jackson’s beloved daughter when she’d needed him most of all; in his shoes, Ben would have felt the same. When Noel suggested a tour around the farm after tea, Ben agreed immediately. They needed to clear the air, although he wasn’t sure if that would be possible in the circumstances.
Noel led the way, pointing out the farm shop as they passed it.
‘It was Frances who suggested we should open a shop,’ Noel explained. ‘I wasn’t keen on the idea but she insisted. She was right too because it generates a large percentage of our income, especially since we started making our own cheeses.’
‘Emily told me that you’ve started making your own yoghurt as well,’ Ben said, wondering when Noel would get to the point.
‘That’s right. It’s going very well, too. One of the leading supermarkets is interested in stocking it. If it does well then it’ll mean us having to expand, though, and that’s something we need to think about. We don’t want to get too big.’
‘Finding the right balance must be difficult,’ Ben suggested as they carried on.
‘It is. Frances and I will have to talk about it and make sure we’re singing from the same hymn sheet.’ Noel looked at him. ‘That’s most important in any relationship. Making sure you’re both pulling in the same direction is vital.’
‘It is.’ Ben sighed. ‘Unfortunately, Emily and I seem to be pulling in opposite directions at the moment.’
‘Because you aren’t sure if you want to commit yourself,’ Noel said bluntly.
‘Yes, although it’s not quite as straightforward as it appears. I take it that you know I had lymphoma?’ He carried on when Noel nodded. ‘My biggest fear is that it could come back at some point. I don’t want Emily and Theo to have to go through what my parents did. And if it turns out that it can’t be treated next time...’ He shrugged.
‘I see. So what you’re saying is that you’re trying to protect them.’
‘That’s right, although Emily doesn’t s
ee it that way, I’m afraid.’
‘Of course she doesn’t.’ Noel shook his head. ‘She loves you—that’s obvious.’
‘And I love her too,’ Ben said quietly.
‘Then all I can say is that I hope you can work things out.’ Noel’s tone was gruff as befitted a man more comfortable dealing with practical matters. ‘Frances and I have been married for almost thirty years. We’ve had our ups and downs but we’ve got through the tough times by facing them together.’
‘So you think I’m wrong to take this stance?’ Ben said slowly.
‘I’ve not been in your position so I’m not qualified to say. However, I’d advise you to think long and hard before you make up your mind. It’s not just your life that will be affected but Emily’s and Theo’s as well.’
Noel didn’t say anything more on the subject. Nevertheless, Ben knew that he would take the older man’s advice on board. Was he making a mistake? Should he allow Emily to do what she so obviously wanted to do and be there for him? Should they face whatever the future brought together, like Noel and Frances Jackson had done?
It was tempting, so very, very tempting, and yet he couldn’t quite bring himself to change his mind. He kept remembering his mother and how pale and drawn she’d become as she’d sat with him in the hospital. Then there was his father. Serge Legrange’s heart problems had started shortly after Ben had finished his treatment. Ben had often wondered if the strain of watching his son go through that ordeal had had something to do with it. It was widely accepted that suffering some kind of trauma could have a detrimental effect on a person’s health and there was no doubt that Serge had been devastated when he had found out that Ben had cancer.
He sighed as he followed Noel into the milking parlour. Although he was tempted, he couldn’t put Emily through all that. The last thing he wanted was her becoming ill because of him.
* * *
It was almost nine p.m. before they left the farm. Frances had insisted that Theo should stay the night so Emily had put him to bed in the room she’d had when she was a child. She guessed that her mother was trying to give her and Ben some time on their own and was grateful. Although she’d not had a chance to explain what she was doing, she suspected that Frances had guessed. This was her way of helping and Emily appreciated it.
The Son That Changed His Life Page 11
