Her head swirled with worry before common sense asserted itself. She was doing what all parents did, looking for dangers so they could prevent their child getting hurt. However, you couldn’t wrap children in cotton wool; you had to let them live their lives to the full. And having Ben in his life would give Theo so much.
They finished their meal in record time. Ben placed his cutlery neatly on his plate and patted his stomach. ‘Well, I have to confess that I never imagined fish had such tasty extremities. I shall have to add fish fingers to my menu.’
‘That should please someone we know,’ Emily replied, smiling. She gathered up their plates. ‘Fruit and ice cream for pudding?’
‘Sounds delicious,’ he murmured, smiling back at her.
Emily nearly dropped the plates when she saw the desire simmering in his eyes. Although she had guessed how the evening might end, she hadn’t expected it to advance so quickly! She put the plates on the worktop then hunted the ice cream out of the freezer. There were some late raspberries to go with it so she divided them between three dishes and added a scoop of ice cream.
‘Ta-dah!’ she said, carrying the dishes over to the table. ‘This must be the easiest dessert ever.’
Ben scooped up a spoonful. ‘And the most delicious.’
His tongue flicked out as he licked away a smear of ice cream that had lodged at the corner of his mouth and Emily’s heart went into overdrive. She could feel it hammering away as she spooned up her own ice cream. How could such a seemingly innocent gesture be so erotic? It all depended on who was doing the lip licking, of course, and in this instance Ben had pole position.
Theo finished first, scraping the last smear of raspberry juice out of his dish. ‘Finished, Mummy. Get down, please.’
‘Just let me wipe your sticky mouth.’ Emily swiped a wet wipe over his mouth then dropped a kiss on his lips, trying not to think about how much she longed to do the same to his father. ‘Right, all clean so off you go.’
‘Ben come too?’ Theo demanded.
‘In a moment, mon petit. I shall just finish my ice cream first.’ Ben shook his head when Theo pleaded with him to come now. ‘No. I shall come when I’ve finished, Theo. Okay?’
‘Okay.’
Theo jumped down from the table, obviously realising that there was no point pursuing it, and Emily nodded approvingly.
‘Thank you. Theo is very good but like most children, he does try to get his own way. I always try to be firm with him so he understands that no means no.’
‘It’s the only way he will learn,’ Ben agreed. He popped the last raspberry into his mouth and sighed. ‘That was delicious. Thank you.’
‘Not really cordon bleu cooking, though, was it?’ Emily replied wryly as she stood up to gather up their bowls.
Ben caught her hand and raised it to his lips, pressing an ice-cream-cold kiss to her knuckles. ‘It didn’t need to be. The company is what made it special.’
His voice grated, the heat it held such a contrast to the coolness of his lips that she shivered. Ben smiled as he let her go and stood up. ‘I shall go and play with our son. No doubt he will beat me again. He’s a devil when it comes to racing his toy cars.’
Emily leant against the table after he left the room, her whole body trembling. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind about what was going to happen later. She closed her eyes, picturing her and Ben making love, shocked by how vivid the images were. For three years she’d tried—and succeeded—to block out thoughts like that, unable to bear being reminded of what a fool she’d been. But now she knew that Ben had and did love her, everything had changed. It hadn’t been just sex then and it wouldn’t be just sex tonight either. When they lay in one another’s arms, they would be making love.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
BEN crept out of the bedroom. Pulling the door to, he paused but Theo was finally asleep. When the child had requested that Ben should put him to bed, Emily hadn’t demurred. She had simply shown him where everything was kept and left him to it. For Ben, it had been a real joy to be able to play such a hands-on role and he appreciated the fact that Emily hadn’t made a fuss about it. Another woman might have been wary of letting him bath Theo but she obviously trusted him and that meant a lot. That she was willing to trust him after the way he had behaved was more than he deserved.
Emily was sitting on the sofa, reading, when he went into the sitting room; she looked up and smiled. ‘All quiet on the western front?’
‘Indeed.’ Ben laughed as he flopped down into a chair. ‘Theo is all clean and shiny and he’s had a story.’
‘Just one?’ Her brows rose. ‘You did well if you got away with only one story.’
‘Well, not quite. It did take a couple more before he settled down,’ Ben admitted ruefully, and she laughed.
‘More like ten if I know Theo! The last time he had a sleepover at my parents’ house, Mum admitted that she read to him for over an hour before he dropped off to sleep. He can really hold out when he chooses to.’
‘A very determined little fellow,’ Ben said, grinning at her. ‘Just like his mother.’
‘Just like his father, you mean,’ she countered pointedly, and he sighed.
‘I am not trying to be stubborn, Emily. I just want to do what’s right.’
‘I know you do,’ she said hurriedly, putting her book aside. ‘Anyway, let’s not talk about it now. How about some coffee to revive you after your travails in the bathroom?’
She went to get up but he leant over and caught her hand, pulling her towards him so that she ended up perched on his knees. ‘I can think of something that would revive me far better than coffee,’ he grated.
Dipping his head, he kissed her on the mouth, letting the passion that had been simmering inside him ignite. Maybe Emily had been trying to keep her own feelings damped down too because there was no hesitation about the way she responded.
Ben shuddered when he felt her mouth open under his. The feel and taste of her was doing all sorts of crazy things to his libido. She tasted so delicious, the faint tang of raspberries that lingered on her lips making his heart run wild. He could kiss her like this for ever and never grow tired!
He drew back at last, his breathing coming in laboured spurts that matched hers. They’d both been pushed almost beyond the limit, but he didn’t care. Having her in his arms, feeling and tasting her was life affirming. ‘How do you make me feel this way, chérie?’ he murmured. ‘I only have to touch you and rockets start going off inside my head, my heart starts racing, and as for breathing...’ He shrugged, feeling his breathing worsen when the action made his chest brush against her breasts. Just feeling how her nipples immediately hardened was enough to drive even the sanest man wild and he wouldn’t dream of placing himself in that category when he was with her.
‘I don’t know. If I did then maybe I could do something about the way I respond to you,’ she said, nestling against him and thereby making the situation worse.
Ben could hear himself dragging in air like a sixty a day smoker and groaned. ‘That would be a shame, though. If you worked out how to stop this magic happening, it wouldn’t be the same.’
‘No. It’s much nicer this way, much better to just let it happen...’ She pressed her mouth to his, letting her lips finish the sentence for her. Ben drew her to him, holding her so close that they were crushed together. He could feel every soft curve of her body against the hardness of his and his passion erupted. Standing up, he carried her to the sofa and laid her down then knelt beside her, his eyes tender as they drank in the flush on her cheeks, the brightness of her eyes. Emily loved him and wanted him and that was all he needed to know.
He undid her blouse, slowly, one button at a time, because there was no need to rush. They both knew how this would end and getting to the finish would be all the more delicious if they took their
time. Her skin was warm, lightly tanned where the sun had touched it and pearly white where it had been sheltered from the elements. Ben ran his hands over her breasts after he’d freed them from the serviceable white bra. They too were warm, her skin smooth and soft, her nipples standing proud and erect when he ran his palms over them.
‘You’re so beautiful, chérie. So much of a woman that it makes me feel even more of a man.’
He kissed her nipples, slowly, tenderly, drawing them into his mouth so that he could savour their unique sweetness, and felt her shudder. When she started to unbutton his shirt, he sat quite still, allowing her to take the lead this time. She was quicker than him, more impatient to rid him of his clothes, but he didn’t mind. If it pleased her that was fine by him.
She slid the shirt off his shoulders and stared at him, drinking in the tanned skin that was so much darker than her own. Lifting her hands, she traced the firm flat muscles, her palms grazing over his nipples so that they formed tight little buds. Ben closed his eyes, savouring the moment. Although he’d not been celibate for the past few years, nothing had happened in that time which had affected him the way Emily’s touch was doing. Each light caress of her fingers branded him, marked him as hers, and he realised that it was what he wanted more than anything: for him to be hers and for her to be his. For ever.
The thought was too poignant. He had to make a conscious effort to hold it together otherwise he knew he would break down. That was the last thing he wanted to do, to spoil this and make her worry, to worry too. Maybe he was burying his head in the sand but who could blame him? This night had been a long time coming. He had never expected it would happen, in fact, and he was determined that it was going to be magical for both of them.
He tossed his shirt aside and finished undressing, uncaring that Emily could see from the aroused state of his body how much he wanted her. They weren’t trying to hide anything or have secrets, they were making love. She slipped off her trousers and panties then held out her arms to him.
‘Love me, Ben. Just love me.’
‘I will. I do,’ he murmured, moving over her. She was already wet and ready for him when he gently found the source of her heat so he wasted no more time. It wasn’t necessary when they both needed this so much, needed to feel themselves joined in the most intimate act possible between a man and a woman.
Ben slid inside her, felt her close around him, and shut his eyes, blotting out everything but the sensations that were rippling through him. They were exquisite, raw and yet tender, such a mixture of feelings that it was impossible to describe each and every one. This was what love was all about, he thought, this feeling of flying, of reaching dizzying heights, of warmth and tenderness and caring. This was what made him know he was alive.
* * *
Emily shifted slowly, trying her best not to wake Ben, who was sleeping beside her. They had made love in the sitting room then again upstairs in her bedroom and the memory of what had happened that night would stay with her for the rest of her life. Ben had always been a caring and considerate lover but tonight he had been so much more. Tonight she had been given a rare glimpse of the man he kept hidden, a man who had so much love to give that it brought tears to her eyes to think about it. Ben had been holding back his emotions for so long because of the cancer but tonight they had come spilling out and she was only grateful that she’d been there to witness it.
‘Emily?’
She turned towards him, loving the fact that when she looked into his eyes she could see that he loved her too. He had never allowed her to see his true feelings three years ago. She’d had to guess how he’d felt, assumed that he had cared for her and been devastated when it had appeared that she’d been wrong. Now, however, everything he felt was clear to see and she gloried in the fact that he trusted her enough not to hide behind a barrier any more.
‘I was trying not to wake you,’ she murmured, snuggling against him.
‘Pourquoi? Why?’ He ran a deceptively lazy hand down her body, tracing the swell of her breast, the dip of her waist, the curve of her hip, and she felt her passion ignite all over again. ‘Don’t tell me you are tired of me already, chérie. That would be so disappointing, especially as I have plans to...entertain you.’
Emily wriggled when his voice lingered seductively on the final words. She’d already had a taste of Ben’s ideas on entertaining her and couldn’t wait for it to happen again. She smiled, her lips brushing against the warm, hair-roughened skin on his chest. ‘Oh, I’m not tired of you just yet.’
‘Sure?’ He tilted her chin so that he could look into her eyes and she couldn’t fail to see the searching light in his.
‘Quite sure. I can’t imagine ever growing tired of you, either, Ben. You could find yourself entertaining me for a long time to come.’
‘I wish.’
His tone was wistful although he didn’t expand on the thought. Emily knew what he was thinking, though, and wished she hadn’t said anything but they couldn’t ignore the problems they might face even if they wanted to. Ben might not have a long time or he could have for ever. They just didn’t know which it would be.
They made love again, slowly and with a depth of emotion that made them both cry. Emily knew that she had never experienced anything as profound as she did that night. It felt as though not only their bodies had been united but their souls too. If she’d thought she had loved Ben before then, she knew that she had barely scraped the surface of her feelings for him. He was her heart, her soul, the person she wanted to be with for ever.
The sun was just slanting through the window when they got up. It was almost six a.m. and in another half hour, Theo would be awake. By tacit consent they had both decided it would be better if Theo didn’t find Ben there when he woke in case it confused him. Ben showered first while she made them a cup of tea. He came into the kitchen, his hair still damp, his jaw dark with morning beard, and Emily smiled at him.
‘I should have given you one of my razors so you look less like a pirate.’
‘And what’s wrong with looking like a pirate?’ he demanded, coming over and wrapping his arms around her. He rubbed his chin against her cheek, laughing when she tried to push him away.
‘Stop it! I’ll have whisker burns on my face.’
‘Tut, tut, that will never do.’ He dropped a kiss on the nape of her neck then let her go and picked up his tea. ‘How would you explain that to your patients, I wonder?’
‘Never mind my patients, how would I explain it to Theo? And to my mother?’ She groaned. ‘Theo and I are going to my parents’ house for tea tonight and Mum has eyes like a hawk. If there’s even a trace of a whisker burn, she’ll spot it!’
‘What do you plan to tell them about me?’ Ben asked neutrally.
‘The truth.’ She shrugged when he looked at her. ‘I won’t lie about what’s happened, Ben. They already know that you’re here in Bride’s Bay and I intend to tell them the truth about what’s happened. The problem is that they will want to meet you. Do you think you can handle it?’
‘I would find it strange if they didn’t want to meet me in the circumstances.’ He sighed. ‘They must have a very poor opinion of me.’
‘I explained what happened,’ she assured him. ‘And once they meet you, everything will be fine. They’re nice people, Ben, kind people. They won’t try to make life difficult for you,’ she told him, mentally crossing her fingers that her father would be able to resist giving Ben a piece of his mind.
‘I’m sure they are nice people but I let you down, Emily. I know how I’d feel if anyone did that to my daughter. Then there’s the fact that I may let you down in the future. That will hardly endear me to them.’
‘Don’t say that! They will be fine—honestly.’
She kissed him on the mouth, wanting to convince him, but she could tell she hadn’t succeeded. He drew back an
d checked his watch then put down his mug.
‘I’d better go. I need to get changed for work and Theo will be awake soon. I’ll see you at the surgery. All right?’
‘Of course.’
Emily saw him out although she didn’t linger. She could hear Theo stirring and needed to get a move on. However, as she ran up the stairs, she realised that not even the night they had spent together had rid Ben of his doubts about the future. All she could hope was that it had gone some way towards making him see that they could have a life together if it was what he wanted as much as she did.
* * *
It was lunchtime before Ben had a chance to speak to Emily. In a way, he was relieved because he’d needed breathing space. The previous night had been so wonderful that it would have been all too easy to assume that everything was fine, but he knew it was far from being that. Making love with Emily had merely reinforced his doubts about what they were doing. He loved her so much and she obviously loved him too but no amount of love guaranteed a happy ending. If anything happened to him then she would be hurt beyond belief and he couldn’t bear to imagine her suffering.
She was in the staffroom making coffee when he popped his head round the door. She glanced up and Ben felt his heart lift when he saw the love in her eyes. It took him all his time not to rush across the room and take her in his arms but he had to be strong, had to do the right thing, if he could.
‘How about lunch out somewhere?’ he suggested. It would be easier to talk on neutral ground, he decided. If they went back to her house then they would end up in bed again and whilst his heart raced at the thought, they needed to talk about the issue that was uppermost in both their minds. ‘Lizzie said that you have a couple of hours off this afternoon and I’m not needed so why don’t we play truant? We can drive along the coast and find a pub that serves lunch.’
‘That would be nice.’ She switched off the kettle and headed for the door then paused. ‘I’m afraid I’ll have to wear my uniform, though. I’ve not got anything to change into.’
The Son That Changed His Life Page 10
