The Son That Changed His Life

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘What a wonderful idea!’ Ben exclaimed.

  ‘Isn’t it?’ She laughed. ‘Theo will be thrilled when I tell him. He’s not stopped talking about what a brilliant time he had at the beach yesterday. I think he sees you as his hero, Ben.’

  ‘Does he?’ Ben’s heart swelled and he laughed. ‘In that case, you’ve definitely got to bring him to see me.’

  Emily promised that she would try to arrange some time off work the following week before they reluctantly hung up. Ben took a shower and got into bed but it was a long time before he fell asleep. What Emily had said about feeling lonely applied to him too, he thought wryly. Still, he only had to get through this week and he would see her again.

  He fell asleep on that thought and his dreams were full of what the future held in store. They were going to have a wonderful life, him, Emily and Theo.

  * * *

  Emily waited until the Sunday morning to tell her parents what she and Ben had decided. Although every day on the farm was busy, Sundays tended to be slightly less so. She found her mother in the shop, stocking the refrigerator with a fresh batch of yoghurt.

  ‘Darling, how lovely!’ Frances exclaimed, closing the fridge door. She gave Emily a hug then picked up Theo and kissed him. ‘And how’s my favourite boy? Do you want a yoghurt, sweetheart?’

  ‘Yes, please, Granny,’ Theo said eagerly.

  Frances took a pot of blueberry yoghurt out of the fridge and gave it to him. ‘Why don’t you sit behind the counter and eat it. You can tell me when any customers arrive and want to be served.’

  Theo hurried off, pleased to be given such an important job. Frances turned to Emily and raised her brows. ‘Am I right in thinking this isn’t just a social call?’

  Emily smiled ruefully. ‘How did you guess?’

  ‘Because you look both excited and nervous,’ Frances told her bluntly. ‘Has it something to do with Ben?’

  ‘Yes.’ Emily took a deep breath. It wasn’t going to be easy to tell her mother that she and Theo were moving away. She knew how much Frances loved Theo and she was bound to be upset. ‘I managed to convince him that it was wrong to cut himself off from Theo and me.’

  ‘That’s wonderful news!’ Frances declared, hugging her. ‘You two deserve to be happy after what you’ve been through. And as for Theo, well it can only be a good thing, in my view, to have his father around while he’s growing up.’

  ‘It will. He’s really taken a shine to Ben,’ Emily said eagerly. ‘You should have seen the two of them when we were at the beach on Friday. It was Ben this and Ben that. Talk about hero worship!’

  ‘Good. Having Theo accept Ben must be a huge weight off your mind,’ Frances suggested.

  Emily frowned. ‘Funnily enough, it never occurred to me that Theo wouldn’t accept him. It was the least of my worries, if I’m honest.’

  ‘It’s been hard for you, darling,’ Frances said, patting her hand. ‘I’m only glad that everything has worked out so well.’

  ‘So am I, although I’m not sure how you’ll feel about what else I have to tell you.’

  ‘Go on,’ Frances urged when she paused.

  ‘Ben asked me if I’d consider moving to Paris and I said I would. He’s needed at the clinic at the moment so it isn’t feasible for him to stay in England.’

  ‘I see.’ Frances sighed. ‘Obviously, I’ll miss you and Theo but your place is with Ben, darling. I’d think if very strange if you two didn’t want to live in the same country.’

  ‘It won’t be for ever,’ Emily assured her. ‘And you and Dad can come and visit any time you like.’

  Frances laughed. ‘That sounds like a wonderful idea. Not only will we get to see you and Theo, but I may finally persuade your father to take a holiday!’

  They both laughed. Emily’s heart was much lighter as they left the shop. Theo wanted to see the chickens so they made their way to the coop. A new batch of chicks had hatched that morning, much to Theo’s delight. Emily smiled as she watched him scoop up one of the tiny bundles of fluff. Although Theo would miss all this when they moved to Paris, she was sure he would adapt. So long as he had her and Ben, he would be fine.

  * * *

  It was a busy week. As well as seeing patients, Ben attended several meetings with the clinic’s bankers. His father had arranged the funding before he’d died and there was some concern about Ben’s ability to run it the way Serge Legrange had outlined. Fortunately, he was able to allay their fears but it meant that his days started early and ended late. He spoke to Emily every day, needing to hear her voice even if he couldn’t be with her. He couldn’t wait for the weekend when he would see her and Theo again.

  Friday turned out to be particularly hectic and Ben was kept busy all day. He felt completely drained when he got home and it didn’t help that he seemed to have developed a cough which grew worse as the evening wore on. He went to bed as soon as he’d spoken to Emily and spent a restless night. It was a relief when it was time to get up. He drove to the airport, unable to contain his delight when he saw Emily and Theo walking through Customs. It may only have been a week since he’d seen them but it felt much longer!

  ‘It’s so good to see you both,’ he declared. He kissed Emily then swung Theo up into his arms. ‘Did you enjoy flying on the plane, mon petit?’

  ‘Yes.’ Theo’s face lit up. ‘It made this big noise—whoosh!’

  Ben laughed. ‘That is a big noise.’ He put his arm round Emily and steered her towards the exit. ‘I thought we could drop your bag at the apartment and then take a trip down the river.’

  ‘That would be lovely but don’t you have to work?’ she said, smiling up at him.

  ‘Not today.’ He dropped a kiss on her nose. ‘Today I’m playing truant, and tomorrow too so I can spend some time with you. Promise you won’t tell anyone.’

  ‘Promise!’ She laughed and Ben felt his heart kick into overdrive when he saw the delight on her face. If Theo hadn’t been there, he would have kissed her until they were both breathless. He had to content himself with the thought that there would be plenty of time for that later.

  Theo loved sailing down the River Seine on one of the bateaux mouches, the tourist boats which ferry people up and down the river. He also loved the trip up the Eiffel Tower, squealing with excitement as the lifts carried them higher and higher. They had an early dinner in the Tower’s restaurant, another experience Theo enjoyed. Ben was delighted by his response and said so to Emily.

  ‘I was worried in case Theo might be bored but he seems to have enjoyed himself.’

  ‘He has.’ Emily squeezed his hand. ‘I have too. Thank you for a really lovely day, Ben.’

  ‘It was my pleasure,’ he said truthfully, his voice grating with emotion. His heart swelled as it struck him that there would be other wonderful days like this to come, days they would spend doing things together. As a family.

  The thought stayed with him as he carried a sleepy Theo back to the apartment. Emily put him to bed in the spare room then came back to the sitting room where Ben was waiting. She smiled wistfully as she joined him by the window.

  ‘Today has been so perfect, I don’t want it to end.’

  Ben drew her into his arms. ‘There’ll be other days just as perfect,’ he said softly.

  ‘You’re right.’ She rose on tiptoe and kissed him. ‘We have a lifetime of perfect days to look forward to. And perfect nights, too.’

  Ben’s breath caught when he saw the invitation in her eyes. All of a sudden the passion that he’d kept in check came roaring to the surface. Sweeping her up into his arms, he carried her into his bedroom and laid her on the bed then lay down beside her.

  ‘Je t’aime, Emily.’

  ‘Je t’aime, Ben,’ she whispered back.

  They made love with a passion that overwhelmed them bo
th. Whether it was the week-long absence that had stoked their hunger for each other, Ben wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he wanted her so much that he felt he would die if he didn’t make love to her.

  As they lay in each other’s arms later, Ben knew that he had never felt so complete. He had Emily’s love, he had Theo, he had everything he could want. When that pesky cough started again, he tried to ignore it but it wouldn’t go away. He was also drenched with sweat, he realised, and felt as though he was running a fever.

  ‘Shall I fetch you a drink of water?’ Emily offered, raising herself up on her elbow to look at him.

  ‘No. You stay here. I’ll get it.’

  He ran his finger down her cheek in lieu of a kiss and got out of bed. Going into the kitchen, he poured himself a glass of water, trying to ignore the alarm bells that were ringing in his head: the last time he’d felt like this was shortly before he was diagnosed with lymphoma.

  Emily was half asleep when he went back to bed. ‘All right?’ she murmured sleepily.

  ‘Fine.’ Ben lay down beside her, feeling his heart thumping not with passion this time but dread. Was it possible the cancer had returned? The cough, the tiredness, the fever and the sweats could be indications that something was wrong. Although he hadn’t noticed any swellings in his lymph nodes, he couldn’t take that as proof everything was fine. He needed to speak to his oncologist and find out if he was right to be concerned.

  He closed his eyes, trying to contain the feeling of devastation that filled him. If the cancer had come back, it changed everything. There was no way that he was prepared to let Emily and Theo suffer. It would have been hard enough for them several years down the line but this was just the start of their life together and that would make it so much worse. He would have to end their relationship, although he didn’t dare tell Emily the truth. She would insist that it didn’t make a difference, that she wanted to be there for him no matter what.

  Ben knew he couldn’t trust himself not to weaken, so he would have to take a hard line. At the end of her stay, he would tell Emily that he’d realised he had made a mistake and didn’t love her. His heart ached at the thought. She would be desperately hurt of course, but it was better that it happened now rather than later. If he did need treatment, and it didn’t work, she would suffer even more. He had to be cruel to be kind.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  EMILY was surprised by how distant Ben seemed the following morning. Although he’d told her that he was taking Sunday off, he left for work as soon as they had finished breakfast. Although he kissed her before he left, it was more a perfunctory gesture rather than a true expression of his feelings. She sensed that he was eager to get away from her and it worried her. Had she done something to upset him?

  She chewed it over as she got Theo ready to go to the park. Everything had been perfect yesterday; they’d both agreed on that. It had been perfect last night too when they’d made love. Ben certainly hadn’t been faking how much he’d wanted her! So what had happened to make him act so offhand with her?

  By the time Ben returned that evening, she felt sick from worrying about it. It didn’t help that he was just as aloof as he’d been at breakfast. Although he asked about her day, there was no real interest in his voice. He was merely going through the motions, being polite, and she hated it. He was better with Theo, smiling when the little boy excitedly told him about playing on the swings and eating an ice cream. However, when she added a comment, his face closed up and he became distant once more. Emily’s nerves were at breaking point as she tucked Theo up in bed. Something was going on and she intended to find out what it was.

  Ben was in the kitchen when she went back. He was making coffee in the old-fashioned pot he preferred. He barely glanced at her when she went in and Emily’s taut nerves stretched that bit more.

  ‘What’s going on, Ben? Why are you acting so strangely?’

  ‘I don’t know what you mean.’ He gave one of those Gallic shrugs. ‘I’ve been out all day so I cannot see how you can accuse me of behaving oddly.’

  ‘Yes, you have been out. After you told me that you intended to take the day off, too.’ Emily refused to be deterred if that was what he hoped. ‘What made you decide to go into work?’

  ‘There was something urgent I needed to do. I’d forgotten about it.’

  Quite frankly, Emily didn’t believe him. She glared at him, determined to get to the bottom of the matter. ‘I don’t believe you. You wouldn’t forget something that important.’

  ‘Your faith in me is touching. However, I’m as forgetful as the next person, sadly.’

  The sarcasm in his voice brought the colour to her face. It was all she could do to stand there when she wanted to turn tail and hide until the real Ben returned, the kind and loving Ben she adored.

  ‘Why are you being so horrible?’ she asked, her voice breaking. ‘Does it give you a kick to upset me?’

  ‘Of course not.’ He turned towards the stove, either to hide his feelings or because he couldn’t bear to look at her.

  ‘Then tell me what’s wrong,’ she pleaded, wishing she knew which it was. She crossed the room and stood in front of him so that he was forced to look at her. ‘Something’s going on, Ben, and I want to know what it is.’

  ‘You’re imagining things.’ He reached past her to lift the pot off the hob. Maybe he did it too quickly, Emily wasn’t sure, but she gasped when she felt drops of scalding hot coffee spatter her bare arm.

  ‘Are you all right?’ He put the pot down and took hold of her arm, his eyes filled with concern when he saw the tiny red marks on her skin.

  ‘I’m fine,’ she said shortly, her eyes filling with tears. It wasn’t the coffee that had hurt, but the fact that Ben could behave this way. Had she been wrong, didn’t he love her? Was this his way of showing her that he no longer wanted her in his life?

  A sob welled from her lips before she could stop it. Ben said something harsh as he snatched a towel off the rack and soaked it in cold water. ‘Here.’

  He wrapped her arm in the cold wet fabric and led her into the sitting room, sitting her down on the sofa with a solicitude that made her cry all the harder. How could he be so tender and caring one minute and so aloof the next?

  ‘I’m sorry, chérie. It didn’t mean to shower you with coffee,’ he said, unwrapping the dressing so he could examine her arm. He frowned. ‘I don’t think there’s any permanent damage.’

  ‘It’s fine as I said. I’m not crying about my arm, Ben. I’m upset because I can’t bear it when you treat me so coldly. I thought you loved me but it doesn’t feel as though you do at the moment.’

  She couldn’t go on as another sob overwhelmed her. Ben drew her to him and she could feel the tremor that passed through him as he held her tightly against him.

  ‘I do love you, Emily. I love you with all of my heart and every scrap of my being. You’re everything to me. Everything.’

  Emily knew he was telling her the truth and felt more confused than ever. ‘Then why have you been so distant with me today? What’s going on, Ben. Tell me!’

  He stood up abruptly and went to the window. Emily could sense his indecision and her fears multiplied tenfold. He had to explain, had to tell her what was happening and why he was trying to push her away after everything they’d been through...

  Shock seared through her and she gasped. All of a sudden, she understood why. There was only one reason that Ben would behave this way. Just one.

  ‘Ha-has the cancer come back?’

  The question hung in the air and she saw him flinch. His eyes were hollow when he turned, as though all the light had gone out of him.

  ‘I’m not sure but it may have done.’ He ran his hand over his hair and she could tell that he was trying to get a grip on himself because he didn’t want to scare her. That he should worry about
her at such a moment simply proved how much he loved her.

  ‘What symptoms have you had?’ she asked, realising that she needed to be practical. If she allowed her emotions to get the better of her, she wouldn’t be able to help him. ‘I know you were coughing last night—could that be a sign it’s come back?’

  ‘Yes. I’ve also felt exhausted recently, far more tired than I should be even allowing for the long hours I’ve been working.’

  ‘I see. Anything else?’

  ‘Night sweats and fever,’ he said succinctly. ‘They were what drove me to seek advice before, the sweats and the fever, along with the lumps I found in my groin, of course.’

  ‘Have you found any more lumps?’ she demanded, her heart racing in fear because it sounded very ominous.

  He shook his head. ‘No.’

  ‘That’s a good sign, surely?’

  ‘Possibly.’ He smiled thinly. ‘I spoke to my oncologist today. I have an appointment with her in the morning, although she won’t be able to confirm or deny my suspicions until I’ve had some tests done.’

  ‘What kind of tests?’ Emily demanded anxiously.

  ‘Blood and X-rays, probably a PET scan as well.’

  ‘How long will it take before you get the results?’ Emily wanted to know.

  ‘A couple of weeks, maybe three.’

  ‘That long!’ she exclaimed and he sighed.

  ‘It all takes time, chérie.’

  ‘Then I’ll have to phone Simon and explain that I need to take more time off work,’ she said, finding it easier to stick to practicalities.

  ‘There’s no need to do that,’ Ben protested.

  ‘Of course there is.’ She got up and went to him, putting her arms around him. ‘There is no way that I’m letting you go through this on your own, my darling. I’ll come with you tomorrow, of course. And once we have the dates for your X-rays and scan sorted out then we can decide if it would be better if I took Theo home to stay with my parents. He might get bored if he has to sit around in the hospital for too long.’