by Nicky Shanks
We hold hands as we walk into the small grocery store in town; I smile at the way she giggles and tugs at my hair. We shop and start filling the cart to the brim with junk food and essentials we think we might need. It’s so much happier than our last grocery trip together, for sure. I see a few guys checking her out as we pass them and I get pissed off at their glances. My arm snakes around her; I stake my claim silently.
My Julie.
“Beer?” I hear Julie say to me and smile. “Or wine?”
I raise my eyebrows and shrug. “Both? We should be prepared for anything—can never have too much alcohol.”
She rolls her eyes at me and places the case of beer and a few bottles of wine into the cart. Then she nibbles on her index finger, deep in thought. “Oh! I want to bake cookies for you.” She pulls me down the aisle with baking materials and loads the cart up even more.
“I didn’t know you liked to bake,” I say. I blush because I know damn well that I had a dream about her baking and sucking the batter off her fingers.
Her body is always next to mine as we walk; she makes it a point to be right beside me—never in front or behind me—when we make our way to the cash registers. We start putting items on the revolving belt and the girl behind the cash register locks her eyes on my body, blushing when I catch her. Julie doesn’t notice and that kind of bothers me a bit…I want her to be jealous.
She’s so oblivious to men checking her out that it’s almost comical: the way she flips her hair and teases us and doesn’t even realize. I pay for the groceries and head to the Jeep. I keep hearing a phone ringing somewhere nearby. Julie looks sick to her stomach as she rummages through her bag, looking for something.
“Is that your phone ringing?” I try to see the screen as she pulls it out. “Is something wrong?”
Julie looks at the phone and shakes her head. “No, nothing. It’s just a wrong number that keeps calling. They’ll take a hint eventually.”
I don’t believe her, but I’m not going to press the issue. I let her lie to me as she stows the phone back in her bag. She doesn’t speak as we drive back, but helps me bring the bags inside. She starts fluttering around the kitchen, putting things away with rhythm. Like she’s swaying to a song the same as in my kitchen before. I like that she feels free with me; I like that I make her feel safe and wanted.
Because I really, really want her.
No one else has made me even want to break the rules.
She is the one for me.
She holds up a package of macaroni and cheese. When she shakes the box, her tongue peeks out; it slides across her pouty bottom lip, causing my legs to go weak.
“Mac and cheese for lunch?” She winks at me. Her long eyelashes sway with her seductive wink; I almost fucking lose control. I’m not even sure how the hell I have been able to contain myself since I laid eyes on her. I grumble, “that’s fine,” and race out of the kitchen. I can’t be in here with her right now. I know she knows what the hell she’s doing to me.
I lock myself in the master bathroom to catch my breath. “Jesus, dude, get a grip on yourself,” I whisper to myself. I sit on the edge of the Jacuzzi tub and think about her.
I can’t fucking help it. And I sure as hell can’t stop it.
She knocks on the door and I nearly fall backward into the tub. “Yeah?” I gruff and hold myself up, my muscles coming to my rescue. The door opens slowly and Julie peeks her head inside. I forget that I am supposed to keep my hands to myself; I throw myself at her, pulling her closely into my body. Her honey hair tickles my nose when I bury my face into it; the sweet strawberry scent of her shampoo gives me a head rush. I tuck her into my arms and kiss her pink lips before she can protest.
“Oliver?” I snap out of my daydream. She’s standing in the doorway, looking at me with amusement because of my glassy-eyed gaze. “Are you okay?”
I choke. I can’t answer her even if I wanted to. She walks gracefully over to the mirror. Watching her own eyes in the reflection, she frowns. She doesn’t like what she sees and that bothers me. No, that infuriates me. Fuck the rules. I’ve already thrown the first rule of love—that I created myself—out the window. All I can do now is open my heart to her and not break any more of my own damn rules.
“Mac and cheese is done, but can you help me with the cookies?”
Cookies. In the kitchen. She licks the batter off her finger.
I squirm. “Yeah, I think I can do that.”
She knows something weird is going on with me. I try my best to let it go and act normal. I let her lead me back down the stairs and into the kitchen. She has ingredients lined across the countertops, neatly. And all of my insides nearly drop to the floor when I see what she’s gesturing toward.
The. Bowl.
A silver, stainless-steel mixing bowl in the middle of the counter.
“Hey, don’t just stand there.” She giggles. “Lend me a hand.”
I do what she asks; I’m afraid to disappoint her. I weakly smile down at her as I approach her side. I can’t fucking believe this is happening right now. She giggles again, hands me a wooden spoon and mouths the word, “Stir,” at me.
This is my dream coming true.
I watch her dip her finger in the cookie batter. She puts her finger in her mouth, slowly licking it off, and moans so loud I think my head is going to fucking roll off. “That is so perfect.” She purrs and snuggles her body next to mine. Her curves fit into my side like a puzzle piece.
I slam the bowl down on the counter. “I can’t take this shit anymore.”
Julie frowns. She’s confused, as if she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing to my brain. I’m sure that she knows each time she pulls me into a different direction. “What’s the matter?” she quietly asks me as if I were going to yell at her. Her finger is still sliding across her lips; I start to reach out and replace her finger with mine.
“Nothing,” I grumble. I force myself to stop and pick the bowl back up. I continue to stir the batter like she asks. She prepares the cookie sheet and then takes the bowl from me, putting spoonfuls of the gooey goodness on the sheet in rows like an art piece.
“Are you hungry?” she asks me and breaks the haze in my head. There she is: There’s the sunshine that she fills my entire body with. She reaches into the fridge and grabs two beers. I take one from her and follow her to the table. I let her serve me and we eat in silence. She finally puts her fork down and stares directly at me. “I don’t like this.”
I put my fork down and look into her darkened eyes. “I don’t like it either.”
“Is this what life with Oliver Jackson is going to be like?”
I blink several times. Trying to figure out what the hell she means by that, I clear my throat. I take a long drink of my second beer, swishing it around my mouth to bide me some time. I don’t want to put my foot in my damn mouth. Not this time. “What do you want from me?” I ask her, making sure I watch the tone of voice I give her.
“I don’t know, I guess.” I barely hear her. She crosses her legs. “I thought this would be a fresh start for us. We could really see each other for who we are, you know? And how we wanted to be together.”
“I want to be with you, Julie, you know that.”
She sighs. “Yeah, but why?”
I’m in love with you, dammit.
I scoff. “Do you really need reasons? Or are you scared?” She stays silent. I don’t think that she even knows what she wants. I lean into her and take her hand. “Just let it go, okay? Let go whatever is holding you back. Just let yourself be happy with me. I promise you I have no bad intentions and I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“I never thought that,” she says.
I click my tongue. “Yeah, you have.”
She sits up straight and uncrosses her legs. She glides over the three feet between us and sits in my lap, facing me. I allow myself to place my hands on her back but nowhere else. “I’m sorry I am so confusing.” She buries her face in my neck. I hold
her for a long time; there isn’t anything she can say or do to make me let her go. “I know the hot and cold is getting old for you.”
“Not enough for me to ever leave you,” I say and smile. I gently push her shoulders back so I can see her beautiful face. She is the most beautiful disaster I have ever seen. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?”
She brushes her leg against my dick on purpose. As she holds out her hand for me to take, her sultry laugh completely floors me. “Yes, you are.” Her voice is bubbly and light, reaching into my soul and tickling my intrigue. “Come with me, please.”
“Where are we going?”
She giggles. “To the south end of the property.”
“Julie…” As much as I want to grab her and take off toward the rock pool…“It’s nightfall already and it’s about half a mile down the trail. It’s not safe.” She pouts and stands in front of me. The roundness of her breasts nearly smacks my face. “Fine, let me get some things.”
When I give in, she squeals with delight. She bends down and kisses my cheek. I find a small zipper bag and throw in some flashlights, bottles of water, some beer, and a few snacks just in case she lets me work up an appetite. She had raced upstairs to grab some towels and when she comes back into the room, she’s biting her bottom lip. I can tell she’s trying to get out of it.
“Ready?” I ask her, and don’t wait for an answer before I tug on her hand and pull her out of the house. We walk toward the middle walking trail at the end of the backyard.
I leave her alone with her thoughts, mainly because I am on high alert for any animal larger than me. Even I can’t take down a bear with only my hands. As we walk slowly and carefully in the darkness, nothing is illuminated unless it’s by our flashlights.
It takes the better part of twenty minutes to get to the rock pool. At first I think the lights from the house are ricocheting into the clearing. I’d forgotten that Heather had outdoor lighting installed to make it look like stars in the night sky above us. I click off the flashlight and look at Julie. She’s already begun the low self-esteem binge she’s famous for by hunching so far down into her sweater I can’t see one curve on her body.
I start to take off my boots and socks, hoping she’ll get the hint and join me. The natural bubbles in the rock pool let off light steam. The warm mist tickles the bare skin of my feet as it laps onto the rim of the pool. “Do you want to go back to the house?” I ask her.
She shakes her head. Her pale skin glows with the soft lights. I can tell she’s debating her answer. Her decision weaves in and out of her glassy eyes. “No, go ahead. I’m just taking it all in…did you do all of this?” Her fingers swirl in the air at the lights above us.
Take it, Oliver. Take the credit: Don’t mention Heather.
“Yes,” I lie.
“It’s gorgeous.” There’s a twinkle in her eyes; I can tell she’s happy. Her broad smile grows.
“Yeah, it kind of is.” I agree with her, taking off my shirt. Her eyes glisten as she looks my body up and down. I like when she looks at me like that—I like that she makes me feel like I’m the only person on the planet. Like she only has eyes for me. I sure as hell only have eyes for her. I smirk toward her and laugh, “Like what you see?”
She laughs. “Oh, God, this again?”
She gasps as I step out of my pants. I keep my boxer briefs on, not that it matters. I get into the rock pool slowly and feel the heat, making my whole body relax. “You have to come in here, it’s amazing.” My words link together as I drift backward. I let the water consume me. “But it’s up to you.”
Fear flashes across her face. I am going to leave it all up to her—this was her “make it or break it” moment. She either wants to be with me or she doesn’t.
I’m leaving it up to her.
Don’t let me down, Julie.
Don’t let me down.
Chapter Nineteen
Brandon
My fingers dial her number for like the hundredth time today.
I let it ring six damn times.
Voicemail.
“Hey, this is Julie.”
I listen to her sweet little voice tell me that she promises to call me back. I know deep down that she is lying. “Jules, call me back. I have left dozens of messages over the past few weeks. I want to see you.”
She better not be ignoring my fucking calls to be with that rich pretty boy. Her brother is probably brainwashing her into hating me again, like he tried so many times before. I’m sure he just loved the perfect gentleman that Oliver is toward Julie. He probably has Randy eating out of his hands by now.
I can’t stop thinking about her. I want her back so bad it’s killing me. I need her, because without her in my life I don’t feel like my feet are on the ground. That sparkle she had in high school, the light that attracted me to her, making me obsessed—that’s all gone now. That jerk doesn’t know her like I do. He doesn’t know what she’s capable of doing for you and he never, ever will find out if I can help it.
I dial her number again and it goes straight to voicemail this time. I don’t leave one before slamming my phone down on the table next to me. I found out where she was before, I can do it again. My fingers find the phone and buzz across it, texting anyone I can think of to help me. I come across Nate’s number and hesitate at first but click on it anyway.
Brandon: Need to find Julie, she’s in danger. Can you help me?
Now Nate will think Julie is in trouble and want to help me like a friend should. There isn’t much I can do now except wait around for someone to answer me. I kick off my shoes and relax on the new mattress I bought a few weeks ago. I thought maybe getting a new place to sleep that hadn’t been tainted with my mess would bring her home. Or at least tantalize her enough to step foot in this apartment again.
I want what is mine.
She is mine.
My phone goes off next to me. I snatch it from the bed, hungrily searching for a name.
Rachel: Want to hang out?
I smile into the empty bedroom. I start to feel guilty for finding joy in her persistence. It hadn’t been long since Rachel and I had sex—only a few days or so. Still, I want to be with Julie. I want to touch her, be inside of her, and remind her that she is mine. It isn’t like she is coming home right this moment…I can have one last hurrah with Rachel if I want.
Brandon: Come over.
I didn’t plan on Rachel getting to the house so soon. I had changed the sheets on the bed and felt like I should put another one on top, just to be safe. Plugging my phone into its charger, I jog to the door and open it. Rachel jumps into my arms and plants her wet lips on mine. My hands find the door and slam it shut, then claw at the short dress she wears. I rip it off of her from the back, my hands following her moans like a map. My mind wanders to Julie, naked and waiting for me. We used to take lavender bubble baths together; the memories of her start to flood my brain. Rachel’s moans aren’t doing it for me this time, but thinking of Julie in the bathtub is really turning me on. I think about her soft blonde hair pulled up on her head and her pink, pouty lips smiling at me.
My phone goes off in the bedroom. I push Rachel off of me and go to it, picking it up with hungry eyes. Rachel pads into the bedroom, her bare feet hitting the hardwood floor. Her footsteps sound close enough to sandpaper to make me cringe.
Nate: Word of advice: Just leave her alone.
I smash my fingers on the phone to answer.
Brandon: Not going to happen. She belongs with me, you know that.
It takes Nate a few minutes to text me back. Rachel paws at me from behind, craving my attention because I had rejected her.
Nate: She’s with him again. Let it go.
I throw the phone on the bed and scream my head off. The walls bounce my anger back at me and burn my ears. Rachel covers hers with her hair and frowns. I can hear the fear in her voice when she can finally speak without yelling over my scream. “What is wrong with you?”
Should I stay and
have sex with Rachel or should I try and find Julie?
I turn around and grab her hand. I lift her up so she can wrap her fake-tanned legs around me; she scratches her fake nails down my shoulder blades. I push her against the wall and force myself between her legs, pushing and pressing, no intentions of stopping. When her dress has fallen off completely, I throw her onto the bed and undress myself. I manage to hold her in place as I launch myself into her and don’t look back.
Rachel’s wild strawberry-blonde hair is everywhere on the bed sheet once I finish and let her go. That’s another thing I have to get rid of before Julie comes home. Her narrow eyes look at me from the bed; she knows that I no longer have a need for her to stay.
“Can’t I just stay the night just one time?” she whines. I stand up and pull on my jeans, careful not to look directly at her. “Don’t you want to cuddle or something? I’m not okay with these booty calls anymore.”
“I couldn’t care less if you’re okay,” I scoff and don’t bother looking back at her—I meant what I said. I don’t care about her any more than I would care about my mailman at this moment.
I am okay, I feel good, it feels good to me, and that’s all I give a shit about until I can get Julie back here with me.
I don’t care how bad or good I was, but I snicker because I know the sex was good for her.
I don’t care if I was too rough or it hurt her.
She is nothing to me anymore.
***
“Julie!” I yell for her up the stairs. She must be cleaning the bedroom, something she liked to do when I wasn’t in the house. I know she throws my things away when she thinks I won’t find out. I plan on telling her that she needs to clean this living room; it’s getting filthy around here.
