Dead Reckoning

by Stanalei Fletcher

  She’d asked for this, longed for his touch, and she didn’t want tenderness. She didn’t want to go slow. She wanted total abandonment. Chaos.

  In the only way she knew how, she returned his kiss with her own inquisitive probe. Pressing closer, she coerced and coaxed.

  Egan reciprocated, ravaging her mouth with unbridled thirst, insisting her lips allow him entry.

  The velvety texture of his tongue slid across hers, and white fire knifed through her middle. The slick dance generated wave upon wave of heat, crashing all the way to her center.

  The kiss lengthened, deepened. Their bodies toppled to the mattress. She reveled in his hard maleness. The sensations ignited a burning need beyond her wildest dreams.

  Although his kiss was an all-out assault, the hands that found the hem of her top were tentative. Kellee’s quick breath gave him pause. “Don’t hold back,” she whispered against his mouth.

  With permission granted, he inched up her top and splayed calloused fingers across her exposed stomach. She wriggled beneath the warmth of his palms. When his knuckles swept the underside of her breast, a moan escaped. More. She wanted more.

  “Tell me to stop.” Egan groaned. “Before we go too—”

  She nipped his lip, breaking off his words.

  He captured her mouth, his kiss pulled her under, and immersed her in its spell. There was no going back. Her lips caressed his cheek. “Make love to me, Egan.”

  He leaned back on an elbow, blocking the lamplight and pinning her with an uncompromising stare.

  She didn’t flinch. She didn’t relent. “Make me forget,” she demanded. Her palms smoothed over his chest and fingers danced along his shoulders, enticing him to give her this moment, a reprieve from the hard, hurtful memories.

  There was the slightest hesitation before he bent his head. Capturing her lower lip, he grazed it with his teeth. The kiss deepened with an intensity that hinted of the sensual pleasures only he could offer. And she wanted those pleasures. She wanted him.

  Her questing hands trailed over his shoulders and down his back. She explored each sinew of his powerful physique. What her eyes couldn’t see, her fingers told her. He shuddered under her touch. A groan rumbled through him and vibrated against her lips. He wasn’t immune from the scorching seduction, either.

  Abruptly, Egan pulled away, and in a single, fluid movement removed her top. Then he gathered both her wrists with one hand, and pinned her arms above her head. He drew in a sharp breath as his hungry gaze strayed over her face, caressed her neck, before traveling the length of her. “You’re more beautiful than I could’ve imagined.” He swallowed hard.

  A searing arrow of need ripped through her body. She resisted the urge to squirm out of his hold. Barely breathing, heart thrumming in anticipation, she lay perfectly still for his inspection. Both captive and captor.

  His lips parted, and the muscle in his cheek jumped. She wriggled a hand free and stroked his unshaven jaw—traced the tendons along his neck. “Don’t make me wait.” She gently coaxed his mouth toward hers.

  Egan leaned down and kissed her long and deep. It was so different from that kiss in the parking lot.

  She felt drunk with need. Everything—all the uncertainty, the trials of the past few days—washed away. Blood pounded through her veins in a savage, primal beat. This was Egan in the flesh. Maybe she couldn’t remember everything, but she was certain her wildest dreams couldn’t have imagined anything so wonderful.

  She reached for him, but he captured her hand again and skimmed it along the sheets until it was over her head. Trapped in his hold, under his complete command, Kellee fidgeted with unfulfilled need. Her fingers tangled with his, starved for him to complete her.

  “Slow down, sweet Kellee.” His voice was deep and seductive.

  “I can’t,” she whispered.

  “You can. Just feel.” He brought his finger to her lips, pressing the tip along the seam.

  She kissed it, nibbled at the tip, then drew it inside her mouth.

  His eyes blazed, and his body stilled. Withdrawing his finger, he traced a path between her breasts. Then he offered it once more. She sucked it hard, drawing a feral growl from deep inside him.

  He withdrew again and retraced the path, and then traced around each nipple, before moving on to her navel and lower. The ache between her legs threatened to explode. She arched her back, pressing against his torturous touch, straining for fulfillment.

  She craved more. Not a slender path, but a wide encompassing swath over her fevered skin. “Please, Egan,” she begged. “Oh…” A moan escaped when his palm rested over her mound.

  Lifting her hips, she pushed against the weight of his hand. The fulfillment mere inches away. Tension kept her pressed against his hand.

  “It’s okay,” his lips whispered against hers.

  Releasing a breath, Kellee relaxed, her trust absolute. This was Egan…her warrior, her fantasy come true. She could barely breathe between his kisses. Colliding sensations banished all conscious thought.

  Egan removed his sweatpants, then buried his face in her neck to nibble and kiss. She wanted to pull him over her, but he still held her wrists, so she gripped his fingers like a lifeline.

  “Almost there,” he whispered. The gentle words hardly disguised the tremor of iron-control it must have taken for him to lift his weight off her to dig inside the pocket of his jeans draped on the foot of his bed.

  Kellee marveled at the way the light played over the planes and valleys of his body. The sight of him—the thought of him filling her, became her undoing.

  He held up the foil packet. “A SEAL always carries one,” he said as sheathed himself, then turned off the bedside lamp. Then he pressed her to the bed. His mouth hovered over hers, ready to complete the moment. His gaze, like liquid coal, burned her with its fire.

  It was her moment to stop now or tumble into the forever abyss.

  Egan must have sensed it too. “Be sure, sweet Kellee.”

  Amazed at his restraint, she couldn’t stop now. The world could end tonight and she would not regret this moment. “I’m sure.” Biting her bottom lip, she arched as he slid into her.

  “I’ve waited so long for this—” His voice froze.

  At that same moment, she felt a tinge of pain.

  Oh Lord! She was a virgin? How could she not have known? Especially, the way her body had responded to his lovemaking?

  She swallowed, not wanting the exquisite ride to end. Digging her heels against his thighs, she pushed, burying him completely against her. Pain and pleasure burst from her center. With an unbridled cry of fulfillment, she joined him, flesh to flesh.

  Egan tried to say something, but she silenced him with a greedy kiss.

  “You are one stubborn woman,” he said when she released his mouth. Then he smiled and took all her fear and doubt and confusion away.

  ****

  She’d done it. She’d made love with Egan. No way had her fantasies ever been this good. She’d asked him to help her forget, and he’d delivered on the promise. Snuggled against him, she was completely sated, basking in the warmth of his embrace, as drowsiness settled over her.

  Tenderly, as though not wanting it to end, Egan lifted his weight off her and moved to her side. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His ragged voice quivered against her ear.

  She didn’t pretend to misunderstand his question. “I didn’t remember.” What did it matter anyway? She felt like she’d loved him forever.

  He rolled to an elbow and looked at her. “You were away at college and when you came home…” He paused as though his next words bothered him. “I saw you go out on dates.”

  Kellee brought his mouth to hers. He didn’t resist when she kissed him, but he didn’t fully participate either. As she drew away, she smiled. “Apparently, I waited. For you.”

  He raised his brow in question.

  “I’m glad it was you.”

  A shadow flitted across his face.

  She fel
t him withdraw and was afraid of losing this precious moment. Cold crept into the pit of her stomach.

  “Your first should be someone special.”

  This was her fight to win or lose, and she wasn’t giving in easily. “You are special, Egan. Very special.” The words were barely out of her mouth when she saw his iron-control snap into place.

  “No, I’m not.” His expression became unreadable except for his dark, glittering eyes. “You’re O’Neal’s daughter.” He rolled to the side of the bed and sat up. “What have I done?” he murmured to himself.

  Abandoning the drowsy warmth, she sat up, the blanket falling to her waist. “Why should that matter?”

  “Byron will be pissed if he finds out.”

  Egan? Frightened? She crept closer, her hands sliding up his back as she chuckled. “You can’t possibly be afraid of my father.”

  He turned and glared at her. “I’m not.” Abruptly, he stood and walked into the bathroom.

  Kellee heard the water run. Egan stood at the sink and splashed water on his face.

  “If it’s not my father, then what’s wrong?” The bathroom light offered Kellee the opportunity to admire his tapered hips, muscular legs. He dried his face on a towel and turned to face her, his front was an even better view.

  His body involuntarily reacted to her open admiration. Then his face hardened and shuttered. “Knock it off, Kellee,” he said.

  “What?” she asked.

  “It’s not happening again. Ever. It should have never happened.”

  His words shredded her emotional high, plummeting her to earth. “But you said—”

  “Never mind what I said.”

  No regrets, she told herself. So what if it was her first time—possibly her last? She was an adult. “Why not?” She wasn’t hiding from her desire. “You enjoyed it. Heaven knows, I enjoyed it. We’re good together.” She climbed off the bed and stood in front of him. “You can’t deny it.” The air cooled her skin, but she ignored the inclination to cover herself with her arms. She wanted him. More than that—she wanted him to want her.

  His gaze shifted away. “I’m not denying it.”

  “Then what is your problem?”

  His jaw tightened. “You,” he said. The word seemed to rip from him. “You’re the problem.”

  “Why? Because I’m an O’Neal?” she taunted. What was the big deal? Everyone had to have a first time. This was hers. What right did he have to take that away from her? She stared at him, willing him to say more. Instead, he turned away. But not before she saw his hard expression.

  In that moment, she remembered.

  The memory was as clear as if it had happened yesterday.

  Egan and her father had fought about an assignment. After leaving her father’s office, Egan had collided with Kellee, knocking a stack of files out of her arms, scattering them all over the floor. Her clumsiness embarrassed her. But instead of teasing her, Egan had surprised her with a request to leave with him.

  She could hardly believe, after all the years of carrying her crush, he’d finally asked for a date. When she had turned toward her father’s office to ask for the afternoon off, Egan told her not to. He’d shouted at her to make her own decisions, and stop behaving as phony as her father.

  He’d never shouted at her before, and she shrank away from his brutal tirade in confusion.

  For an instant, Egan had looked stricken at his outburst. Then he’d stormed out of the building. Shattering her trust and girlish crush in one single act.

  Kellee was certain he’d never return.

  Yet, here he was—with that same furious look.

  Chapter Twelve

  Kellee stood in the middle of the motel room, completely naked. At the recollection of that ugly moment in her father’s office, where Egan had stripped her of her girlish crush, all her insecurities were flayed open to relive. She felt her world stop spinning. She didn’t know what kept her legs from folding and sending her body crashing to the floor.

  Egan crossed the room and pulled on his jeans.

  “You bastard,” she whispered.

  His head whipped around. He couldn’t have missed the look on her face.

  The muscle in his cheek hammered and his lips thinned to a tight line. “That’s me. I’m the bastard.”

  She took a step toward him. The finger she pointed at his chest trembled with suppressed anger. “You walked away from me that day. After tossing out your pickup line—raising my hopes.” She stopped short. “I was hur—humiliated.”

  “Humiliated? How about indecisive? You couldn’t make up your mind between me or Daddy. You always needed his permission.” He picked up his sweatpants, which he’d so impatiently discarded, and rolled them into a ball.

  “That’s not true!” She crossed to the side of the bed and stood a couple of feet away from him.

  He rounded on her. “Then what is the truth?”

  Kellee floundered for the answer. Had she been a Daddy’s girl? And how could she admit she’d been in love with Egan? It was obvious he’d never felt the same.

  “You still can’t decide, can you?” He picked up a pillow that had fallen to the floor.

  “How can you say that? I can’t remember everything!”

  He threw the pillow on her bed and faced her. “Because I’m a bastard, remember?”

  A startling realization hit her. “That’s the reason I was afraid of you yesterday.” She spoke quietly to herself. “I thought it was because you were going to hurt me, but it was because of this buried memory.”

  Misery etched across his face. “No,” he said softly. “Please don’t be afraid of me.”

  Her stomach pitched at the ache in his tone.

  Egan had always been strong. As much as she wanted to make him pay for that day, she couldn’t. All the hurt, the heartache that she’d experienced on that long ago afternoon blasted through her brain in a raw, unfiltered memory, then it melded with their recent lovemaking until her head spun.

  The rumpled bed was evidence of the choices she’d made. Now she must live with the consequences.

  “I’m not afraid of you,” she said quietly. “Not now. At the park, I was confused. I didn’t want you to see me. I just didn’t understand why, until now.” She turned away, found her top and panties and pulled them on.

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  She kept her back to him as she straightened the covers. The scent of their lovemaking wafted off the sheets, mocking her attempts to ignore what they’d shared. Her new emotions cut like a sharp knife. Yesterday she’d recalled her crush on him, but hadn’t remembered his callous treatment. Tonight, she felt like she’d been lifted high in a balloon ride only to plummet back to earth when the reality of their relationship hit her.

  “I don’t know what I mean.” She didn’t want to talk about it, but needed to understand what had made him so angry that day. “What happened to you? At the office…why did you say those things to me?”

  “Your father didn’t tell you?”

  “If he did, I don’t remember.” She turned and faced him, wanting to see his face.

  His jaw tightened. “It’s not relevant now. Just know that I’m sorry about that day.”

  “It’s more than relevant, don’t you think?” She gestured at the bed.

  He didn’t answer, only looked more miserable and closed-off.

  “I’d have never taken you for a coward.”

  The glare he threw her direction made her gasp. She’d stepped over the line.

  “You should sleep.” His lips barely moved over clenched teeth.

  She didn’t back down. “I’m not tired.” It was true, she wasn’t tired. Too much had happened. Too many memories had surfaced, throwing her into an emotional whirlwind. She couldn’t find a single, stable thought to hold on to.

  Egan’s lips formed a grim line. He gave her a hard stare. “Okay,” he said. “Get dressed. We’ll finish the trip tonight.”

  That was it, she thought. T
onight was all she’d ever have from him. She’d loved him from the moment he’d entered her life and now, her chance at something more was over. She closed her eyes, refusing to show any hurt at his rejection.

  ****

  Egan grabbed his shirt off the back of the chair and mentally kicked himself. He should’ve resisted Kellee’s advances. He had been hired to take care of her, not take advantage. First class bastard. That’s what he was.

  When he’d trained her, he’d had no qualms about indulging her pesky teasing. She was a soft spot he’d succumbed to too many times. He’d always felt an odd sense of completeness in her presence. That wasn’t an excuse for his actions tonight, though. He was glad she didn’t know, or at least hadn’t remembered, what had happened between him and her father. If she ever found out, any trust she had in him would disappear. He’d definitely screwed up.

  When she had returned from college and began working at Northstar, he’d discovered the boss’s little girl had blossomed into a woman. He’d struggled to keep his professional distance, although it had been hard to turn her down when she asked him to continue her training. Part of him had hoped she had gotten over her crush. The other part hated it when he saw her dating other men. None of those wimpy prep boys had been good enough for her.

  On reflection, he’d been trying to get back at O’Neal when he’d asked Kellee to leave with him that day. Maybe he’d been hoping she was still attracted to him. After his confrontation with O’Neal, he’d looked for something to boost his ego—and had paid for it ever since.

  He grabbed the car keys off the bedside table and shoved them into his pocket.

  As hard as he’d tried, he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind. After tonight, he’d never be able to erase her from his life. Even now, her scent lay on him like oil on water. He’d taken what she’d offered with token resistance. A better man would’ve walked away. If he’d had any idea she was offering her virginity… Hell. He was a jackass. Even more so, for turning her away when she needed assurances. He’d learned the hard way how undependable he was when it came to close personal relationships. He couldn’t offer the love she needed. He didn’t know how to open himself to that kind of pain again.