Dead Reckoning

by Stanalei Fletcher

  Egan sat back in surprise. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve remembered.” The blunt tips of her fingernails bit into her palm at the memories that had come rushing back over the last hour.

  “What?”

  “Everything.” Bitterness coated her tongue. Jumbled images tumbled over one another, mingling with the new revelations she’d learned today. “You never knew what it was like for me, growing up under the Northstar shadow. Mom, Dad, even Riley, constantly checking up on me, never letting me anywhere near the heart of the business.”

  She relaxed her hands and interlaced her fingers to keep them from trembling. The last elusive memories of her past had finally returned while she’d been changing her clothes. Memories of her mother. The pain of her mother’s death felt as fresh as though it had happened this morning. Her emotions had been so overwhelming, she’d nearly dropped to her knees as images crashed into her mind like a rogue wave.

  “Tell me.” Egan’s chair creaked as he leaned forward, his forearms on his knees. Concern gleamed in his eyes, his face sober with interest. It was a less formidable expression and more dangerous to her resolve because of the way her heart responded. She wanted to reach for him—feel his heat, bask in the safety of his arms.

  Instead, she curbed her need and told him what she’d remembered. “Mom didn’t just die in an accident, did she? She was killed.”

  Egan nodded. “While on assignment.”

  She touched the pendant. The day Mom died was as clear as Egan sitting in front of her. She couldn’t stop the memory reeling through her mind, nor could she stop the pain.

  She’d walked home from school, anticipating a quiet house to study for spring finals. Instead, her father and Riley were unexpectedly sitting at the kitchen table, staring blindly at the walls. Neither of them spoke. She’d glanced around. Her mother wasn’t there. In that instant, she knew her life had changed. Neither Riley nor her father could ease the anguish for her or for each other.

  She pushed the memory aside. It wouldn’t help her cause now. “After Mom died, Dad and Riley withdrew from me. They wouldn’t talk to me about her, about what happened. They wouldn’t let me in. They even stopped talking to each other for a while.

  “That’s when I came to you, to the mat, for extra hours of training. It helped…you helped me. When everyone else turned away, you were there.” In the night air, tears cooled on her cheeks. She hadn’t realized she was crying.

  Egan didn’t move to comfort her, but that was for the best. She might not be able to finish what she had to say if she found herself pulled into his embrace. She impatiently brushed the dampness away. To make her case she had to stay strong. “You didn’t know that you’d helped me, did you?”

  He shook his head. She was fascinated by the muscle that twitched in his cheek, a telltale sign of his pent-up emotion.

  “The workouts helped me, too.” His voice was hoarse.

  “You loved her too, didn’t you?” Kellee asked.

  Egan nodded. “She was a good woman. A good friend.”

  “I tried to tell Dad I could fill in for her. Not to take her place, but to help. I took the classes I needed in school. I studied to become an agent. He refused. He wouldn’t even discuss it with me. Riley sided with Dad. Eventually, I wanted peace in the family more than becoming a Northstar agent. I stayed on to do office work, but it was so hard not to be part of the team.”

  “He was right to protect you,” Egan said.

  “I didn’t need protection, I needed—acceptance. To be part of the O’Neal and Northstar legacy. Something that will never happen.” She stood and crossed to his captain’s chair. Planting her hands on either side of the armrests, she forced him to lean back and look in her eyes. “And now you’re protecting me. I don’t need your protection. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  Egan placed his hands on her shoulders and held her away from him. “You’ve proven how tough you are, but this situation is different. You’re stuck with me for the duration, so suck it up and let the matter drop.”

  “No.”

  He raised his eyebrows at her direct disobedience.

  If she didn’t make her point right here, right now, she’d never get another chance. “I’m going to meet with Nikolai. I’m going to learn the facts about who I am and where I came from. I deserve that much, after all the years Dad withheld the truth from me. You can either help me, or stay out of my way.”

  Egan studied her, as though assessing the strength of her resolve.

  She didn’t blink. She didn’t back down. And, as much as she wanted to, she didn’t throw herself into his arms.

  “No,” he said.

  “You won’t help me?” She couldn’t keep the disappointment out of her voice. She had hoped she wouldn’t have to face Nikolai alone.

  “These people are dangerous. You can’t just waltz into Russian Mafia headquarters and ask to see Nikolai Orlov.”

  “You can’t stop me. Oleg will help me.”

  Egan stood, towering over her. He obviously intended to intimidate, but she refused to cower. He wasn’t going to take away her opportunity to learn about her past. No one was going to stop her from gaining closure and moving on with her life.

  She met his stare with one of her own. “You can’t keep me on this boat indefinitely. You won’t always be watching over my shoulder.” She squared her feet and folded her arms. “Once I’m home, Dad can’t stop me from digging into my past. What’s he going to do? Kill Nikolai to keep the secret? Will more people die because of me?” She shook her head. “It’s too late. I already know about the lies. I want to know the truth.”

  Egan turned to look out over the ocean. Kellee watched his reflection off the wheelhouse window for any sign he understood how much she wanted his help.

  Nothing.

  Her throat worked, and she licked her lips. “True victory is victory of one’s self.”

  As her instructor, he’d touted that maxim so she’d understand that strength was more than physical, it came from within. Egan had to face the fact that she’d grown up and had earned the right to battle her personal demons. On her terms. He couldn’t coddle her any longer.

  He took a deep breath and released it through his pursed lips.

  Kellee took a step toward him. “Say something.”

  “If Solonik finds you, he’ll kill you on sight.”

  “I’m willing to take that chance.”

  He clenched his fists. “I’m not.”

  She swallowed her disappointment. Until now, she hadn’t realized how much she’d counted on Egan to be on her side, to help her. She backed away from him. “I will find Nikolai, with or without your help. I’m not running anymore.” She turned and was nearly at the door to the lower cuddy when he spoke.

  “Okay.”

  Okay? Did Egan just agree with her?

  She looked over her shoulder. “You’ll help me?” She breathed the question, afraid she might have misheard him.

  He stood there, staring at her as though he was never going to see her again.

  She rushed to him, gazing into his face, looking for any hint he was teasing.

  He drew closer and cupped a hand around her neck. Warmth tripped the nerves from her spine to her toes.

  “I’ll help you,” he said softly. “God help me, I can’t let you go alone.”

  Trepidation overrode her joy. She was over her first hurdle and all of a sudden she wasn’t sure she wanted in the race. Too late now. The wheels were in motion, and she wasn’t turning back.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. Standing on her toes, she brushed a kiss over his lips.

  Egan pulled away, but kept his hand on her neck. “Are you going to start calling yourself Katya?” he asked.

  “No.” She smiled and leaned toward him. “I like it when you call me sweet Kellee.”

  His gaze dropped to her lips. Unconsciously, she licked the dryness away. When his head lowered, she closed her eyes, feeling his warm breat
h against her mouth. Her entire body came alive with the anticipation of his kiss.

  He groaned and dropped his hand.

  She opened her eyes as he stepped away. She swayed into the void he’d left.

  Egan stared out the porthole. “I assume you have a plan?”

  A raw ache curled into the emptiness in her stomach. She had wanted his kiss more than she realized and it took a moment to answer his question. “We’ll talk to Oleg. He’ll know how to contact Nikolai and set up a meeting.”

  “After you meet him, then what? Solonik is still out there, and he’s not likely to give up trying to use you to take over Nikolai’s business.”

  “We’ll tell Nikolai that his man is a traitor. Once he knows, then I won’t be in the middle of their war. I refuse to be used as a pawn.”

  “I think you’re over-simplifying the problem.” He sighed. “We’ll take it one step at a time. I’ll tell Oleg we want to talk to his boss.” He crossed the short distance to the cabin door.

  Kellee nodded to herself as Egan stepped outside. She wasn’t making a mistake. Meeting Nikolai was her only recourse to clear up her past and remove the danger hanging over her head. Then she’d be free to pursue her future. A future she hoped would include Egan. A moment ago, he’d wanted to kiss her—she knew it. Next time, she wouldn’t let him back away. That thought gave her plenty of motivation to move into her new future.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kellee settled on the bench seat that circled the small table in the boat’s galley. Egan sat next to her. Whether he knew it or not, just his presence gave her the support she needed as she faced Oleg with her request to meet Nikolai. Each gentle roll of the boat over the sea swells seemed to mark the moments while she waited for Oleg’s reply. He was taking too long to answer. What if he wouldn’t agree to help her meet Nikolai? What if she never learned the truth? Would she spend her life wondering who she really was?

  “It would be best if I took you to Nikolai,” Oleg replied.

  Kellee was ready to jump on the offer, but Egan touched her arm, silencing her.

  “No,” Egan said. “We do this our way. Only Nikolai and Kellee meet.”

  Oleg sighed. “Nikolai will be most happy to see you. But he will not like that I am not there.”

  “I’m not doing this for Nikolai Orlov,” Kellee said. “I’m doing this for me. I have questions and, according to you, he’s the one with answers.” She would live with the consequences of tonight’s decision. Anything was better than a future of constantly looking over her shoulder and not knowing if the next person she saw would simply be a stranger or someone sent to kill her. “Where can we meet?”

  Oleg glanced at Egan. “Since you are not allowing me to escort you, you must permit me to use your radio. I will contact him.”

  “No,” Egan said.

  “Then how do I set up the meeting?”

  “Give us a contact number,” Egan answered. “We’ll call him and arrange a meeting place.” Egan glanced over at Kellee. “It seems his associate, Solonik, has been a step ahead of him all along. The best defense is a good offense. I’m not about to tip him off before we arrive.”

  “Very well. Can you take the boat back to shore?” Oleg asked. “We can drive to Miami.”

  “Nikolai’s in Miami?” Egan asked.

  Oleg nodded. “Da.”

  “Then we’ll take the boat. I know a place where I can dock the Suzy G. We’ll rent a car once we get there.”

  “Must we stay on boat?” A hint of green lingered under Oleg’s five o’clock shadow, even though Egan had given him motion-sickness pills after bringing Oleg inside.

  “You’re coming with us. I’m not leaving you on shore to warn Nikolai and give him a chance to send reinforcements. If you were followed by Solonik’s men, there could be others, waiting.” Egan’s tone didn’t invite any argument. “No one can find us out here.”

  Oleg hung his head. “As you wish.”

  Kellee saw the wisdom in Egan’s decision, but that didn’t make her any happier about having Oleg tag along. “How long will it take to reach Miami?” she asked.

  “About nine hours straight through. But we’ll need to make at least one refueling stop. I’ll check the marine weather report. If the wind stays calm, we’ll be there around midmorning tomorrow.”

  Oleg groaned.

  “We’ll be out of contact from Northstar the entire time, won’t we?” The question was rhetorical, she didn’t expect Egan to answer. What if her father was able to secure the situation before they arrived? Would she still need to risk meeting with Nikolai?

  Then she realized it didn’t matter what her father did. If Oleg spoke the truth, then O’Neal wasn’t really her father, was he? Nikolai represented a link to a past she couldn’t ignore. To find the truth and get the answers she wanted, she needed to meet the Russian on her own terms.

  “I’ll bring up the anchor in a few minutes,” Egan said to her. “Would you secure anything loose in the cabin?”

  “Won’t you need some sleep?” Kellee asked. She glanced at the clock attached to the wall to the right of the console. It was ten p.m., and Egan hadn’t slept much the night before. Now he was planning an all-nighter just to help her. “What about your head?”

  Egan touched his bandage. “I’ll be fine. A short trip like this is nothing compared to Hell Week.” He headed on deck to prep the boat for their trip.

  As she cleared the dishes from their meal, she remembered some of the SEAL training stories he’d shared one night after a workout when she’d asked where he’d learned martial arts. He’d described the brutal training designed to force a man to his breaking point and beyond. If she’d had any doubt Egan would keep his commitment, they vanished right then. His code of honor was who he was. His promise was as guaranteed as the sunrise.

  She knew that finding a resolution to her past wasn’t his main reason for helping. He was keeping his promise to her father. His primary motivation didn’t matter. The plan was in motion. Even if she wanted to, there was no stopping it now.

  After checking that things were locked down in the cabin, and then locking Oleg inside the head, Kellee padded outside toward the bow of the boat. The water lapped along the sides with rhythmic slaps. Off in the distance, a ship’s lonely horn blew across the water. The brisk night was cold and refreshing after the stuffy cabin.

  Egan’s back was to her as he stowed the dock bumpers for the long boat ride south. In the muted light from the wheelhouse, she could see his muscles bunch under his T-shirt while he worked. The deft movements of his hands reminded her of how they’d tantalized her the night before. Calloused, yet gentle. Demanding, even while fulfilling her every fantasy.

  They were alone. In the dark. A stolen moment. She longed for his kiss. More caresses leading to future promises…

  A breeze stole over the deck, reminding her that first she had to make her world right. Then she could break down the barrier he’d built to keep her away. “Do you need any help?” she asked.

  “No, thanks.” He checked the lines around the bow. “It’s all done.” Egan straightened and turned, but looked beyond her. “Where’s Oleg?”

  “I locked him in the head.”

  Egan cocked an eyebrow.

  She giggled to hide her shudder of revulsion for the Russian. “He was already in there. I just made sure he couldn’t get out while I came to help you. I assumed you didn’t want him left in the cabin alone.”

  “You’re proving resourceful.”

  “I had a good teacher.” She stepped close enough to feel his warmth.

  He took a step back. “So,” he said, clearing his throat. “Have you figured out a plan?”

  “A plan?” The one where he took her to bed—

  “How you’re going to find the truth about your past?”

  Oh yeah. That plan. “I’ll meet Nikolai Orlov. Listen to what he has to say. Then, I’ll tell him how much his attempt to track me down has cost me and to leave me the hell
alone.”

  “Once Nikolai has you, he’s not going to let you walk away.”

  “Why would he hold me against my will?”

  “Because you pose a threat to him.”

  With hands on her hips, Kellee widened her stance to balance on the swaying boat. “He’s the one threatening me.”

  “That’s true. But this isn’t a stroll down memory lane. It’s serious business. As long as you’re out of his reach, you can be used against him. That weakens his position.”

  “What position?” she asked.

  “As a Russian mob boss, there are going to be others gunning to take his place. If I were him, I wouldn’t let you out of my sight.”

  “Well, he’ll have to face the fact that I’m a grown woman and have my own life.”

  “And acting as stubborn as you are, just might get you killed.”

  Egan turned and walked aft, leaving her to stare at his back as he negotiated the narrow gunwale.

  She winced as the cabin door slammed shut.

  He was scaring her on purpose. A backhanded attempt to convince her that seeking out the Russian was a mistake. Maybe she was making a mistake, but no one, not even Egan, would steer her from the truth.

  ****

  Egan dragged a hand through his hair as he crossed to the wheel. Damn if that woman couldn’t make the most complicated situation sound as though a simple conversation could clear the air. She was going to get herself killed, and probably him, as well. However, he’d promised to help. It wasn’t as if he had a choice. He’d promised O’Neal he’d protect her. He wasn’t letting her go into this alone.

  A loud pounding on the hatch to the head diverted Egan’s attention. What to do with Oleg? The Russian henchman would have to sleep on the bench in the galley where Egan could keep an eye him while he piloted the boat. He sure as hell didn’t want the man anywhere near Kellee. A boat this size didn’t allow for a lot of personal space. The sooner they reached Miami and got the meeting over, the happier he’d be.

  Egan let Oleg out of the head. “Feeling better?”

  The Russian swayed on his feet, looking even more green than he had earlier. “I will feel better when my feet touch dry land again.”