Parrotfish

by Ellen Wittlinger

  Finally he nodded gravely and said, “Don’t worry, Eve, we’ll figure out something. And we won’t say who told us either. Okay. Thanks for calling. Bye.” He handed the phone back to me and I hung it up.

  “So?” I asked.

  “I think you might owe her for this one,” he said.

  “Are you kidding? She’s been rotten to me ever since—”

  “Yeah, but this is pretty big,” he said. I followed him back into my room and he shut the door.

  “Danya has a trick planned. An ingeniously sick plan, as you might imagine.”

  “A trick on me?”

  He nodded. “She figured out that you use Ms. Unger’s office shower after gym class. She has a study hall that hour, which is easy to get out of, so on Monday she’s planning to go there with her cronies and steal your regular clothes and your gym clothes while you’re showering.”

  “What? That . . . that . . .” I was having trouble coming up with a name bad enough for her. What would I do if I came out of the shower and all my clothes were missing?

  “That’s not all of it. She’s going to leave other clothes for you to wear instead, apparently some very sexy, revealing outfit of hers and a pair of high heels. Which she figures you’ll have to wear or go naked.”

  There was a banging in my chest that felt more like a wrecking ball than a heart. “Are you kidding me? What . . . I can’t believe it!” Except, unfortunately, I could. I could totally imagine walking out of the shower room wearing Danya’s slutty clothes, and just how horrible I’d feel, and what people would say, and how they’d look at me. How they’d laugh. And I was perfectly able to imagine the grin on Danya’s face. It nauseated me.

  “Yeah,” Sebastian agreed. “Thank God Eve had the nerve to tell you.”

  “The nerve? She has a nerve all right. She was probably in on the whole thing from the beginning.” I sank down on the bed while Sebastian paced.

  After a minute, he pulled a roll of mints from his pocket and offered me one. “You do realize that Eve is terrified of Danya, don’t you? I mean, this is the kind of thing Danya does to people who get on her bad side. Eve is taking a big chance even telling you about it.”

  I crushed my mint into dust. “Then why is she doing it? Eve has always been afraid of her shadow. What if her telling me is part of the trick? I don’t trust her.”

  “I believe her,” Sebastian said.

  “Why? Did she start crying? That doesn’t mean anything—she cries about everything.”

  “No, I mean, I believe she really still wants to be your friend. I believe she feels terrible about what’s happened. She’s not a bad person, Grady—she just didn’t know enough to steer clear of Danya and she got caught in her trap.”

  Suddenly I felt like crying. Was I going to have to worry about every single thing I did now? Even something as simple as showering after gym class? Why couldn’t people just leave me alone? Who was I hurting, anyway? Why did I have to defend my right to be the person I was? I let my head sink down into my hands—it suddenly felt too heavy for my neck to support on its own.

  Sebastian sat down next to me. “I know, it sucks,” he said.

  I nodded.

  “We’ll get her back,” he said.

  “How?”

  “I don’t know yet, but I’ll think of something.”

  Which was good to know, but not immediately helpful. There were people who wanted to hurt me, to humiliate me, and maybe there always would be. I felt like crawling under a rock and staying there for the next few years.

  “We need to take a walk,” Sebastian said finally. He put a hand on my back. “I know. Let’s go to the pharmacy and visit Wilma.”

  *

  “Hey, there!” Wilma called. “You boys back for more peppermint shampoo?”

  You boys. She said it so naturally.

  Sebastian nodded. “It’s great stuff.”

  “Oh, it really is,” Wilma said. “I got myself a bottle of it on your recommendation, and you were right. It smells good and it tingles. I was hoping you’d come back in so I could tell you.” She grinned widely.

  “My friend, Grady, is getting some today too,” Sebastian said, handing me a bottle from the shelf.

  I was? I stared at him, but I took the shampoo.

  “Oh, you’ll love it!” Wilma said. As she rang up the sales, she continued talking. “You boys go to the high school?” Boys.

  “We do,” Sebastian said.

  “I got a niece goes there—a freshman. She says there’s a big dance coming up. She’s all excited about it. You two going to that?”

  I cleared my throat to risk a few words. “We’re actually going to be filming it for the cable TV channel.” It was hard to gauge how masculine your own voice might sound.

  But Wilma didn’t flinch. “You are? It’ll be on TV?”

  “Not until after the holidays,” I told her. “We’ll have to edit it first.”

  “Well, my goodness. Katy’ll be thrilled about that! If you see a tall girl with brown curly hair wearing a blue dress, you make sure to take lots of pictures of her, okay?”

  “We sure will,” Sebastian assured her as we took our bags and headed for the door.

  “Bye, boys. See you later!”

  Yes, she would. In fact, I might become a Wilma groupie. As long as she kept calling me “boy.” Maybe I should ask Wilma to the Winter Carnival.

  WILMA: Oh, look, there’s my niece. [waves] Hi, Katy!

  GRADY: I must say, Wilma, without your name tag and red smock, you look just like a freshman yourself.

  WILMA: Aren’t you a doll to say so, Grady.

  GRADY: [leading her to the dance floor] Shall we boogie down, Wilma?

  WILMA: [snuggling up] Sure! Ooh, Grady, you reek of peppermint.

  GRADY: [copping a feel] I think that’s you, my dear.

  WILMA: [laughing] I think we’re the stinkiest couple here!

  GRADY: I hope so, Wilma. I hope so.

  “So,” Sebastian said as he walked along, swinging his shampoo, “I think I’ve got a plan.”

  “A plan? Oh, yeah.” I’d almost forgotten about my forthcoming humiliation. Not everybody liked the boy as much as Wilma did.

  “Ms. Unger is on your side, right? She lets you use her shower and bathroom.”

  “Yeah. She’s not exactly my buddy, though.”

  “Maybe not, but I’m betting she doesn’t care much for Danya.”

  “Probably a safe bet.”

  “Right. And that will work to our advantage.” Sebastian said. “Let’s go back to your house and place a call to the girls’ gym teacher.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ms. Unger was crazy about the idea. It helped that she disliked Danya as much as I did. Her exact words were, “I’ve been wanting to trim that girl’s sails since she first walked into my class.”

  So on Monday, after the usual ball-bouncing in the gym, Ms. Unger told us to run three laps and then head for the showers—she had to go down to the principal’s office for a minute. I knew most kids wouldn’t do the whole three laps, but we’d still have enough time. I ran the laps, then slipped into Ms. Unger’s office quietly, as I’d been doing for several weeks. Some of the other girls had obviously heard about Danya’s plot—they giggled nervously as I walked by, but I ignored them. I didn’t close the outer office door all the way, just enough so that no one could watch me going into the bathroom instead of the shower room. As soon as I was inside, I knocked on the wall that separated the two spaces. The shower came on immediately.

  When I’d gotten changed before gym, I’d left my school clothes and a second set of gym clothes outside Ms. Unger’s shower, all in a heap as if I’d just dropped them there. As I put on the other clothes I’d stashed in the bathroom, I listened at the door. Danya was stealthy, but I could hear other girls’ voices, shrill with excitement, so I assumed the theft had been accomplished.

  The shower in the next room went off. The curtain was flung back on its rod. Then
: silence. I could imagine Danya, Melanie, Zoe, and Eve standing outside the door, listening for sounds of distress, waiting to erupt into laughter. Sebastian had called Eve to tell her what was going on so she wouldn’t worry, but I was still skeptical about her role in the whole enterprise.

  Then came another knock on the wall. I opened the bathroom door and walked out of the office. Sure enough, the quartet was waiting, along with a locker room full of other girls. The hall door had been propped open, and several dozen guys hung in the doorway, George Garrison and Ben London among them, pushing to see over each other’s shoulders. Everybody likes a good show. So we gave them one.

  “Hey,” I said. “What’s everybody doing here?”

  Danya gasped. “How . . .?”

  “I think they came to see me,” Ms. Unger said as she lurched out of the shower room in threeinch pink heels, Danya’s short, tight black dress stretched to the ripping point over her hips. She walked out into the locker room so the boys in the doorway could get a good look too. “Thank you, Danya, for lending me such nice clothes. I’m afraid I may have gotten the shoes a little wet though. And this side seam is beginning to open up just a bit.”

  For a moment no one said a word; then the boys began to hoot with laughter. The girls joined in too, and they weren’t laughing at Ms. Unger. The joke was definitely on Danya.

  Who was furious. She turned immediately on Eve. “You did this, didn’t you? You little traitor! I knew I couldn’t trust you!”

  Eve opened her mouth, but no words came out.

  “Hold on there, cowboy,” Ms. Unger said, taking Danya by the arm. “I think you and I need to take that trip to the principal’s office I was talking about. Grady, you’d better come too. The rest of you, go to your next class. The fun’s over.”

  Danya gave Eve a parting look that would turn most mortals to stone, but Eve was looking at me, her woebegone expression begging forgiveness.

  I followed Ms. Unger, who was now barefoot, holding the wrecked shoes in one hand and Danya’s elbow in the other, as we padded down the hall to Dr. No Way’s office. The kids we passed, late to class or clutching a pass of some kind, stared at Ms. Unger’s bizarre outfit, then at her two unlikely companions. I wondered how long it would take before the entire school heard what had happened.

  Ms. Unger swept right by the secretary and straight into the principal’s office. I think he was playing solitaire on his computer, but he turned it off before I could be sure. He made us all sit down while Ms. Unger gave him the short version of what had just occurred and Danya interrupted with stupid excuses about how it was all just a joke and we were taking it way too seriously. I could see that No Way wanted to believe Danya—that would be the easiest solution. But Ms. Unger wasn’t backing down.

  “This was obviously an attempt to humiliate Grady. There were students jammed in the doorway waiting to see him emerge in a dress.”

  No Way turned his attention to me. “I was afraid something like this would happen if you perservered with this idea, Angela. I warned you.”

  “Dr. Ridgeway!” Ms. Unger stamped her bare foot. “I hope you aren’t blaming Grady for this! He’s not the one making trouble—he’s just living his life as best he can. If you don’t understand the problem here, I’ll talk to someone who does. Like the superintendent. Or maybe the newspapers would be interested in this kind of discriminatory incident. Or even the ACLU! This is certainly a civil-liberties issue.”

  Ridgeway’s complexion turned chalky, and his fingers bounced nervously on his desk. If I’d known Ms. Unger was going to turn out to be a saint, I would have made sure to get every speck of dog crap out of the crevices of her sneakers.

  “Oh now, calm down, Ms. Unger,” he said, his voice shaky. “Of course I see the gravity of the situation. It’s just that . . . well, children can’t be expected to understand these things. I mentioned to Angela—um, Grady—that she, or he, might do better to wait until he was older to address these issues. A child like Danya—”

  “I’m not a child!” Danya said. “And anyway, my mother says it’s creepy too. You don’t just decide to change your sex!”

  “Gender,” I corrected her. She glared.

  “It’s the job of schools to educate children, is it not?” Ms. Unger said. “I think Danya—and maybe her mother, too—could use some educating.”

  Danya sat up very straight in her chair. “How dare you say anything about my mother! She’s the vice president of a company! You’re a gym teacher!”

  Ms. Unger looked like she wanted to dropkick Danya the length of a football field, but No Way motioned with his hands for us to settle down. “I do agree with Ms. Unger that some punishment is in order here.” He cleared his throat. “How about this? Danya, you’ll have detention after school for the rest of this week.”

  Danya grumbled.

  “Three days’ suspension,” Ms. Unger said calmly. “And it goes on her permanent record.”

  “It’s not up to you!” Danya said, making an ugly face at her.

  “Three days’ suspension or I go to the newspapers,” Ms. Unger said. “The rest of the students need to understand the importance of this.”

  No Way fidgeted. “Well, I don’t know, Ms. Unger, that seems a bit harsh, don’t you think?”

  Ms. Unger stood patiently waiting.

  “Fine,” he said, sighing deeply. “Three days’ suspension, beginning now. I’ll call your mother.”

  Danya jumped up. “What? No! You can’t call my mother!”

  “Well, your father then.”

  “You can’t call him, either!” And then, something I never thought I’d witness: Tears slid down Danya’s cheeks. “You can’t suspend me! You don’t understand—my parents think I’m—I can’t be suspended.”

  “Well, you are, cowboy,” Ms. Unger said. “Get used to it.”

  No Way turned to Ms. Unger. “You and . . . Grady may leave now. And I would appreciate it if you’d put some shoes on, Ms. Unger. It sets a bad example for the students to see you dressed like that.”

  Ms. Unger swung the pink shoes up and plopped them down on No Way’s desk. “Right. I’d hate to corrupt any of these fine minds. Danya, you can pick up your lovely dress in my office when you return on Friday. I’ll be looking forward to having a little chat with you!”

  For the first time I could remember, the smug, satisfied look that normally coated Danya Seifert’s features was gone. She slumped back down in her chair, her complexion gray, looking like any other scared kid whose parents were about to be told the bad news.

  I didn’t know what to say to Ms. Unger as I followed her back down the hall. You’re my hero seemed a little too gushy, even if it was true. I picked up my book bag in her office and made an attempt.

  “Thank you for doing this, Ms. Unger. I don’t know what I would have done . . .”

  She shook her head. “No big deal, Grady. Thing is, you’re going to need more support than just mine. How are your parents doing with it?”

  “Okay. I mean, they had a hard time at first, but they’re getting better about it. And I have friends here at school, too.” Well, one anyway.

  “That’s great.” She opened her desk drawer, took out a piece of paper with an address on it, and handed it to me. “I’ve been doing a little research for you. There’s a GLBT group for teenagers that meets in Barrington a few times a month. That was the closest group I could locate—you might want to visit it sometime.”

  “Thanks. I might.” I put the paper into a side pocket of my bag. “I’m actually not doing too badly, you know. I mean, most people don’t hate me the way Danya does . . .”

  “That girl hates herself. People that mean are uncomfortable in their own skins. Which doesn’t excuse her behavior in the least.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You need a pass for your next class?”

  “No, I’ve got lunch.”

  “Okay. Be careful, Grady.”

  “You mean because kids will tease me about this?�
��

  “I mean because Danya will want revenge.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Sebastian and I had planned to walk to his house after school. We knew it would be a weird day, and we figured we’d kick back with a movie and some pizza. He’d gotten Ghost World, Living in Oblivion, and a French movie called Ma Vie en Rose for me to choose from. He’d seen them all already and obviously liked the idea that he was educating me. The French movie (“My Life in Pink”) was about a little boy who liked to dress in girls’ clothes. I wanted to see that sometime, but after a day like the one I’d just had, a dark comedy with Steve Buscemi seemed more appealing.

  As we walked out the main entrance of the school, I saw Kita standing alone at the bottom of the stairs. Sebastian saw her too, and the possibility of sneaking by her without a word was lost. Not that I didn’t want to speak to Kita—of course I did—but just seeing the back of her head from ten yards away made my stomach knot up like a bag of pretzels. Hadn’t I had enough stress for one day?

  “Hey, Kita!” Sebastian called out as we came down the stairs.

  She swung around, her hair flying out like a dancer’s dark skirt. “Hi, Sebastian,” she said. “I was waiting to talk to you two—well, mostly to Grady. I heard about what happened today.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I guess everybody’s heard by now.”

  Kita narrowed her eyes and made a fist. “Those stupid girls,” she said. And then, as if she’d summoned them, two skinny girls in jeans that barely hung on their hip bones ran over to me.

  “Excuse me,” the braver of the two said. “Could I ask you a few questions for the school newspaper?”

  I hesitated and Kita jumped in. “What kind of questions?”

  “Um, well, like . . . are you planning to have a sex-change operation?” She stared at my crotch while the other girl made nervous noises in her throat.

  “Well, I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I’ve thought about it, but it’s a big step. Maybe when I’m older—”

  “Wait a minute—why is the school newspaper asking people such personal questions?” Kita wanted to know. “This isn’t school news.”