Parrotfish

by Ellen Wittlinger

  With a backward glance at Betsy, Mom heaved herself out of the chair and headed for the dining room. As she passed me, she hissed, “We’ll discuss this later.”

  Dad pulled out the chair for her, and she flopped into it. Laura, Eve, and I brought the food in from the kitchen. Tiny Sebastian limped to his chair, and I signaled Charlie to keep a tight hold on the dog, which was clearly his preference anyway. We gathered at the table, a somewhat more disheveled group than usual, and Dad began his blessing, which I had rewritten for him only slightly.

  MR. CRATCHIT: To have my family gathered together on Christmas Eve, to have them all together at the close of another year—there is nothing in life that makes me happier. It is a joy that no Scrooge will ever understand.

  He stopped here to decide if he really had to say the next line. Then, looking out the window, he did.

  MR. CRATCHIT: It has been delightful to include all of you in our festivities these many years, but this evening we must bid you a fond farewell, at least as actors in a play.

  There was a groan from outside the window, but it was eclipsed by the slamming of the kitchen door.

  AUNT GAIL: What an ungrateful wench am I to be so late for the holiday gathering! I hope I have not missed the turkey!

  She sped into the dining room in her Victorian outfit, Michael on her shoulder dressed in a gold-and-white striped onesie that made him look like a huge bumblebee.

  The arrival of a new and exciting guest was too much for Betsy. She escaped Charlie’s grasp and scooted under the table, which made Mrs. Cratchit scream and Tiny Tim drop his crutch. Before Mr. Cratchit could stop her, Betsy had jumped up on Aunt Gail’s apron and was trying to pull her bonnet off by the strings. Michael, terrified, began to wail.

  AUNT GAIL: Good God, there’s a dog in here!

  CHARLIE: She’s my dog!

  AUNT GAIL: Get down!

  MR. CRATCHIT: [yanking at Betsy’s collar] We were just giving the blessing, dear sister. Please have a seat and we’ll enjoy our feast!

  Gail managed to get away from Betsy and proceed down the table to the empty chair, giving Mrs. Cratchit a look of bewilderment.

  MR. CRATCHIT: [letting go of Betsy’s collar to raise his glass] Let us drink a toast to all our Christmases past, and all the wonderful ones yet to come. ’Tis a season like no other!

  With all our hands in the air, Betsy saw her chance. Her big front paws flopping on the table, she reached her snout across and grabbed the turkey in her mouth. It occurred to me then that I probably should have fed her while she was waiting out in the garage.

  Mr. Cratchit and Charlie both chased Betsy around the table and then into the living room, where she ran under the Christmas tree, got a strand of lights caught over her head, and almost brought down the entire spruce. Fortunately, Mr. Cratchit broke the tree’s fall, and only a few ornaments were demolished. By the time Charlie caught Betsy, our audience was in hysterics, and he stopped and gave a low bow to his fans.

  MRS. CRATCHIT: [her coat flapping open] Close those damn curtains, Grady! For God’s sake, close those damn curtains!

  GRADY: Wait! There’s one thing we musn’t forget on Christmas Eve.

  I gestured wildly to Sebastian, and he climbed onto his chair, waving his cane to the crowd as though he were on a parade float.

  TINY TIM: God bless us, every one!

  I ran to the curtains and closed them as quickly as possible. Dad switched off the indoor microphones, and we waited in silence for the howls of our neighbors to subside into mere laughter.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  As it turned out, even Betsy couldn’t eat that turkey. The outside was burned, but the inside was cold and pink. Mom made Dad put it in a trash bag and take it right out to the garbage can before anybody got food poisoning from it. Dad made a quick run to a convenience store, too, to pick up some dog food before everyone closed for the holiday. Hey, I’d never had a pet before—you couldn’t expect me to have thought of everything. At least I’d gotten a collar and a leash.

  We sat around the table eating mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, and chocolate pudding while we listened to the neighbors come to their senses and leave. People stood around in groups talking to each other for a ridiculously long time. Even though I’d closed the windows, we could still hear a few shouted-out comments.

  “Best one ever!” a male voice declared.

  “Do it again next year. Please?” asked a child.

  “Thank you for years of enjoyment!” a woman yelled. “You’ve got more nerve than I do!”

  Finally, they were all gone, and we dared to begin to speak to each other.

  “Well, I guess that was the last one,” Dad said sadly.

  “And no one will ever forget it,” Mom said, shaking her head.

  “You went out with a bang!” Sebastian said.

  Dad smiled at him. “You and me are gonna knock ’em dead at those auditions, kiddo!”

  Sebastian squirmed with pleasure.

  “Now, about the dog,” Mom began.

  “Mom, she’s been in the house for an hour already and you aren’t sneezing or anything!” Charlie said. “She’s the perfect dog! Please, can I keep her?”

  Betsy was at least pretending to be the perfect dog, now that all the excitement was over and she’d had some dinner. She lay at Charlie’s feet, turning over on her back to let him scratch her stomach.

  “Charlie, it’s too soon to know if I’m having a reaction to the dog. We’ll have to wait and see. But if we do keep her . . .”

  By which we all knew the chances were very good that we would. Mom laid down a few rules about who was going to do the feeding and the walking (Charlie), and where Betsy was going to sleep (Charlie’s room), and where Betsy was not going to sleep (the couch), but when Betsy put her big snout on Mom’s lap and looked up into her eyes, we all heard the sigh of resignation. That dog wasn’t going anywhere.

  By the next morning Mom was feeling almost normal—the flu was gone and no allergic symptoms had appeared. We opened our “real” presents, but personally I didn’t think any of them were better than the ones I’d come up with the night before. Sebastian would be very glad to hear I’d gotten a cell phone, though.

  One of the first calls I intended to make on it was to the GLBT group Ms. Unger had given me the number for. I wanted to find out when they held their meetings. Even though things seemed pretty good right now, I knew there would be plenty of stuff to deal with down the road. Like, how far would my transition go? Did I want to take hormones? Would I eventually have surgery to make my body fit my soul? When I met new people, should I tell them the truth right away? What about girls I was interested in? It wouldn’t be easy—I knew that. I’d need more help than my family and friends could give me to figure it all out, but at least now I knew they were on my side. And that was a huge gift.

  Mom fulfilled another of Charlie’s wishes by announcing that she intended to look for a teaching job for the fall term next year and so did Susan. They were going to send the boys to public school. She said she was tired of being home all day and a little bit jealous of Gail’s ability to have a life outside of motherhood. Gail got up and gave her a hug for admitting that, and didn’t even rush to wash her hands afterward. I don’t think Charlie actually heard the reason he was going to public school—he was making too much noise doing the happy dance with Betsy.

  By the time we all sat down to dinner—an edible one this time, which Aunt Gail had come early to help prepare—the events of the night before had already solidified into legend. Mom in her nightgown, Michael in his bumblebee outfit, Sebastian banging his head, Betsy grabbing the turkey and knocking over the tree: All of it had, in only twenty-four hours, become hilarious. We repeated the lines that had gotten the biggest laughs and became hysterical ourselves. It was the best Christmas ever.

  Sometimes it’s hard to remember that by tomorrow or next week or at least next year, the stuff that seems so awful today might actually be funny.
That what makes you miserable today will later on in life be a good story to tell your friends.

  Why does that happen? I don’t know. Things change. People change. We spend a long time trying to figure out how to act like ourselves, and then, if we’re lucky, we finally figure out that being ourselves has nothing to do with acting. If you don’t believe it, just look at me, the kid in the middle of the football field, smiling.

  ellen wittlinger is the critically acclaimed author of the teen novels Love & Lies, Blind Faith, Heart on My Sleeve, Zigzag, Sandpiper, Razzle, and Hard Love (an ALA Michael L. Printz Honor Book and a Lambda Literary Award winner), and the middle-grade novels This Means War! and Gracie’s Girl. She has a bachelor’s degree from Millikin University in Decatur, Illinois, and an MFA from the University of Iowa. A former children’s librarian, she lives with her husband in Haydenville, Massachusetts.

  Also by Ellen Wittlinger

  BLIND FAITH

  SANDPIPER

  HEART ON MY SLEEVE

  ZIGZAG

  THE LONG NIGHT OF LEO AND BREE

  RAZZLE

  WHAT’S IN A NAME

  HARD LOVE

  For Younger Readers

  GRACIE’S GIRL

  References

  The following books were of great help to me in the researching of this book.

  Bornstein, Kate. Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us. New York: Vintage Books, 1995.

  Bornstein, Kate. My Gender Workbook. New York: Routledge, 1998.

  Boylan, Jennifer Finney. She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders. New York: Broadway Books, 2003.

  Brown, Mildred L., and Chloe Ann Rounsley. True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1996.

  Feinberg, Leslie. Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman. Boston: Beacon Press, 1997.

  O’Keefe, Tracie, and Katrina Fox, eds. Finding the Real Me, True Tales of Sex and Gender Diversity. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2003.

  Resources and Websites

  Advocates for Youth

  2000 M Street NW, Suite 750

  Washington, DC 20036

  Phone: (202) 419-3420

  Fax: (202) 419-1448

  www.advocatesforyouth.org

  www.youthresource.com

  Advocates for Youth believes its role is to advocate for changes that will improve the delivery of adolescent sexual health information and services. One of the projects of Advocates for Youth is Youth Resource, a website for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning youth. As well as offering information for transgendered youth, it also has message boards where teens can talk with other young people who are facing similar issues.

  Gender Education and Advocacy (GEA)

  www.gender.org

  This website offers free information about gender variance. GEA is committed to providing support and advocacy on behalf of transsexual and transgendered persons as they pursue health in body and mind. GEA’s materials are available to activists, scholars, and educators.

  Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN)

  90 Broad Street, second floor

  New York, NY 10004

  Phone: (212) 727-0135

  Fax: (212) 727-0254

  www.glsen.org (Please visit the website to find a chapter in your region.)

  The mission of GLSEN is to insure that each member of every school community is valued and respected regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity or expression. The organization works to educate teachers, students, and the public at large about the damaging effects of homophobia and heterosexism in schools.

  GLSEN’s Student Organizing project provides support and resources to students as they form Gay-Straight Alliances (GSAs), helping them change their own school environments from the inside out. GSAs help eliminate antigay bias, discrimination, harassment, and violence by educating school communities about homophobia, and supporting lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning (LGBTQ) students and their heterosexual allies.

  Illinois Gender Advocates

  www.genderadvocates.org

  This helpful website compiles information on many useful gender-advocacy groups that have a web presence. Click on Links and then National to find organizations nationwide.

  Intersex Society of North America (ISNA)

  979 Golf Course Drive #282

  Rohnert Park, CA 94928

  Fax: (801) 348-5350

  www.isna.org

  The Intersex Society of North America is a resource for people seeking information and advice about atypical reproductive anatomies and disorders of sex development (DSDs). The society offers policy advice, positive advocacy, and caring support for individuals and families dealing with DSDs. ISNA is devoted to systemic change to end shame, secrecy, and unwanted genital surgeries for people born with an anatomy that some have decided is not standard for male or female.

  National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE)

  1325 Massachusetts Avenue, Suite 700

  Washington, DC 20005

  Phone: (202) 903-0112

  Fax: (202) 393-2241

  www.nctequality.org

  The National Center for Transgender Equality was founded by gender activists who saw the urgent need for a consistent voice in Washington DC for transgendered people. NCTE monitors federal activity and communicates this activity to its members around the country, providing congressional education and establishing a center of expertise on issues of importance to transgendered people.

  NCTE also works to strengthen new and existing organizations, to initiate coalition building, and to empower state and local advocates to mobilize on the federal level. In addition, the center maintains a federal transgendered activists’ network.

  The National Transgender Advocacy Coalition (NTAC)

  P.O. Box 76027

  Washington, DC 20013

  www.ntac.org

  The National Transgender Advocacy Coalition is an activist organization and lobbying group that works for the advancement of understanding and the attainment of full civil rights for all transgendered, intersex, and gendervariant people in every aspect of society. The coalition actively opposes discriminatory acts by all means legally available. Believing that no person is “more equal” than another, NTAC works to achieve equality for all transgendered people.

  Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

  1726 M Street NW, Suite 400

  Washington, DC 20036

  Phone: (202) 467-8180

  Fax: (202) 467-8194

  www.pflag.org (Please visit the website to find a chapter in your region.)

  Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays promotes the health and well-being of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered persons and their families and friends by offering support to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and secure equal civil rights. PFLAG provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, acting to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.

  TransGenderCare

  www.transgendercare.com

  This educational website contains a large archive of health information, both medical and psychological, for transgendered people and their family and friends.

  Youth Guardian Services

  101 East State Street, #299

  Ithaca, NY 14850

  Phone: (877) 270-5152

  Fax: (703) 783-0525

  www.youth-guard.org

  Youth Guardian Services is a youth-run organization that provides support services on the Internet to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, and supportive straight youth. This site also links to subscription e-mail lists that exist to establish an outlet for GLBTQ and straight supportive youth to talk with each other in a safe Internet space.

  Transgender Rights Project

  Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders

>   30 Winter Street, Suite 800

  Boston, MA 02108

  www.glad.org

  GLAD is New England's leading legal rights organization dedicated to ending discrimination based on sexual orientation, HIV status and gender identity and expression.

  SIMON & SCHUSTER BOOKS FOR YOUNG READERS

  An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division

  1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020

  www.SimonandSchuster.com

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2007 by Ellen Wittlinger

  All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

  SIMON & SCHUSTER BOOKS FOR YOUNG READERS is a trademark

  of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

  Book design by Al Cetta

  The text for this book is set in Baskerville

  Wittlinger, Ellen.

  Parrotfish / Ellen Wittlinger. — 1st ed.

  p. cm.

  Summary: Grady, a transgendered high school student, yearns for acceptance by his classmates and family as he struggles to adjust to his new identity as a male.

  ISBN 978-1-4169-1622-2

  ISBN 978-1-4424-6681-4(eBook)

  [1. Transsexuals—Fiction. 2. Identity—Fiction. 3. Family problems—Fiction.]

  I. Title. II. Title: Parrot fish.

  PZ7.W7817Par 2007

  [Fic]—dc22 2006009689