Nobody's Sorry You're Dead: A Hadley Pell Cozy Mystery

by Jeri Green

  “Me?”

  “Yes. I don’t want to celebrate my birthday alone. You must come. You must!”

  “All right,” Hadley said.

  She hated lonely holidays and had faced a few since Harry’s passing.

  “Since you put it that way.”

  Anna left a hand-lettered sign taped to the door.

  “Oh, Hadley,” she said, “slipping her key in the ignition, I feel just like a teenager skipping school!”

  “And I feel like your partner! Man, I hope we don’t get expelled or have to stay late in detention!”

  As they raced to Anna’s house, Hadley couldn’t help but feel a bubble of happiness rise in her. Anna’s excitement was contagious.

  “Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat!” Hadley exclaimed, as Anna pulled up to her house.

  “It’s a Tomahawk! Oh, Stanley, I love you!” Anna exclaimed. “A Tomahawk!”

  “That’s surely no cow, Anna,” Hadley said as they walked up to get a closer look.

  “My very own plane!” Anna said. “I can’t believe it!”

  A gentleman was standing beside the aircraft.

  “You are one lucky lady,” he said. “Do you want me to show you what she can do?”

  “Give me the rundown,” Anna said, and she and the gentleman began to talk.

  “Come on, Hadley. Don’t just stand there like a knot on a log. Climb in. Stanley has been working out here on this pasture for weeks. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together! Hadley, come on!”

  Hadley had never flown in her life. She and Harry always preferred the land route in their rolling boat of an automobile as opposed to exploring the heavens in an airship.

  “It looks kinda flimsy, Anna,” Hadley observed. “Are you sure the wings won’t fall off?”

  “Oh, don’t be silly. This craft is perfectly safe. This gentleman explained to me that Stanley got it for a steal! It’s in perfect working order. Don’t you just love it, Hadley? It’s so cute!”

  “A steal!” Hadley said. “Will the wheels stay inflated?”

  Anna was climbing inside the little plane before Hadley could blink

  “Don’t let looks fool you,” Anna said. “It’s a simple, light, and dependable airplane, Hadley. Oh, I can’t wait to try it out.”

  Hadley looked unconvinced.

  “Come on. Climb in. I want you to feel what it’s like.”

  “Oh, Anna, I don’t know.”

  “But Hadley, somebody has to celebrate with me!”

  “Here, ma’am,” the gentleman said, “here’s a step ladder.”

  The man positioned the stepladder for Hadley to climb up.

  “All right, but Mr. Flyboy here has got to turn his back and promise not to peek. This ain’t gonna be pretty,” said Hadley. “If I don’t split my torso, I may rip my jeans or split my underwear. No peeking, now.”

  The gentleman was smiling, but he turned his back on Hadley. He gave his word he would remain where he was until Hadley said he could turn around. Hadley lumbered up onto the wing.

  “Are you sure we’ll both fit in that thing?” she asked. “Looks kinda small in there.”

  “We’re fine,” Anna said. “Now, get in.”

  “You’re serious,” Hadley said.

  “Absolutely. I want you to see how great it feels to sit in my plane,” said Anna.

  Pale Hadley had a sick look on her face.

  “I want you to know I’m only doing this because we’re friends,” Hadley said.

  Anna laughed.

  Hadley inched her way forward on the wing. Awkwardly, she climbed into the little plane.

  “The view’s good from here,” she said. “But for a moment there, I wasn’t sure whether the inseam in my britches was gonna cut the mustard.”

  “You did great,” Anna said.

  “It’s real nice, Anna. I’ll be sure to tell Stan he did good with this gift,” Hadley said.

  “It’s better than nice. This is the best gift Stanley’s ever given me.”

  “Uh-huh,” and Hadley’s eyeballs popped. “Hey, you moved!”

  Hadley was talking to the gentleman who was now standing away from the plane. The man gave Anna a thumb’s up. Anna smiled and nodded her head.

  The motor caught and the propeller began to spin.

  “Maybe I should get ouuuuuut,” Hadley screamed. “Annnnnaaa, this is definitely not a good idea!”

  Hadley was frantic.

  “I just want you to see what she can do,” Anna yelled above the engine, and the plane started to roll forward.

  Hadley’s jaw fell. The little plane went bobbling down the runway.

  “Anna! Are you crazy! You’ll get us both killed!” Hadley screamed.

  Hadley heard the melodious sound of Anna’s joyous laughter for a split second before the plane took off.

  “Isn’t this wonderful,” Anna said. “Hadley, open your eyes. Don’t be afraid. I am a good pilot. I promise. It’s like riding a bike. Once you learn, you never forget.”

  Hadley’s neck had disappeared into her shoulders. Her eyes were squished shut. Her stomach had landed around her feet the moment the little plane left the ground. She was trying hard to overcome her fear and pray frantically to her Maker at the same time. If she was going to meet Him, and she felt certain she was, she wanted to be on speaking terms.

  But the delight in Anna’s voice made Hadley want to open her eyes. Anna sounded like a little girl at Christmas.

  Hadley managed to crack on one squinting eye.

  It was a dizzying, magical, wonderful sight.

  “Everything looks so small down there,” she managed to say.

  “You’ll get used to it. I love it,” and Anna turned the craft sharply to the right.

  “Anna, can’t you warn a body before you make her heart leap out of her throat!”

  Anna just laughed.

  “Where are we? It’s beautiful.”

  “I know. We live in a beautiful part of the country, Hadley. But the orchards and farms are even more magnificent from above.”

  Anna was right. As Hadley peered out of the little bubble-like windshield, the whole countryside looked like a gorgeous patchwork quilt. Anna flew low, past Hadley’s house, past the court house, and over the outlying farms and orchards. Hadley saw dirt roads crisscrossing the land that she never knew existed.

  There was Croft Orchards with a maze of dirt paths cutting the property, bisecting the orchards, connecting the out buildings, and leading to and away from Rayna’s neat, white frame farm house. There was the Singlepenny place with its own much smaller network of dirt roads and a beaten path between the two. From above, you would never know that the specter of Death had recently visited Eustian’s home. From above, everything looked normal and peaceful and undisturbed.

  And across the road was Xenith Lane’s farm with cows and horses that looked like little specs.

  “The trees look like fluffy green cotton balls,” she remarked.

  By the time the little airplane landed, Hadley’s fears had dissolved.

  “That was something,” she said to Anna. “Really something.”

  The gentleman was standing by a fence post, a goofy smile pasted on his face. Hadley clambered down and walked over to him.

  “I forgive you,” Hadley said as she passed him. “But if I ever see you walking around in town, I’ll be sure to run over you and back up over you at least twice, for good measure. I won’t be going fast enough to kill you, just hurt you, really, really bad. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

  The gentleman laughed heartily.

  “You had a great time, didn’t you,” he said to Hadley.

  “I loved it,” she said, winking and smiling at him.

  “I knew you would.”

  “Oh,” Hadley said, “you knew no such thing. But you can thank your lucky stars I did!”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said, with feigned respect.

  “Hadley,” Anna said, “let’s go in and telephone Stanl
ey. I can’t wait to tell him how much fun we had and how I love the biplane.”

  “You go on in,” Hadley said. “I gotta go meet Rayna. We’ve got a ton of work to do on this year’s bazaar. Happy birthday, Anna. Tell Stanley he’s the best!”

  “Thanks,” Anna said, waving to Hadley as she drove away. “I will.”

  “Now,” Hadley mumbled to herself, “it’s on to cakes and pies and second-hand clothes.”

  Somehow, after the fly-by over Hope Rock County, that all sounded terribly flat and boring.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “You did what!”

  It was Maury. Hadley phoned her after she and Rayna had finished discussing what this year’s theme for the bazaar would be.

  “Hadley! You could have killed yourself,” Maury said. “What were you thinking? What if that thing had stalled in midair? What if you’d ran out of fuel? Oh, dear me. I get weak just thinking about all the things that could go wrong. What if I’d needed you? Oh, Hadley! You’re aging me with worry worse than Bill and Skip!”

  “Mary Maureen, take a breath. Bill is a good husband, and Skippy is a good son. Don’t worry. Stop making mountains out of mole hills. I was perfectly safe in that plane. Anna flew overseas. She’s a really good pilot,” Hadley said.

  “You sound like you liked it,” Maury said. “I would have fainted dead away. Whatever possessed you to climb up in that contraption in the first place? You’re not a child, anymore. You could have broken something.”

  “The only thing I popped was the button on my jeans. I think the back seam split a few inches when I crawled over into the plane, but it’s nothing I can’t fix with a needle and thread.”

  “Hadley! I ought to have Bill come over there and lock you up. For your own safety! I will not sleep one wink thinking of this! You were always too impulsive for your own good.”

  “Maury, stop. You’re making me woozier than the flight. It really was a special feeling flying all over the county like that. It all looks so different from above. I could never have imagined it. You have to experience it, Sis.

  “Everything looked so clean from up there. And you can see for miles. The orchards laid out in neat patches, the dense woods clustered here and there. The toy houses. The dirt roads crisscrossing the landscapes. It such a peaceful feeling soaring high above it all. It was amazing.”

  “Hadley Jane, I am not believing my ears. I cannot be hearing what I think you are saying. You sound like you liked flying!”

  “Well, I think it’s something that can grow on you,” said Hadley, sipping her coffee.

  “Like a wart,” said Maury.

  “Are you going to stop fuming and fussing and let me tell you what we got done on the bazaar,” Hadley said, to change the subject.

  “Did you get a lot done?” Maury asked.

  “We did. Rayna’s a dynamo. But there’s still tons left to do. Maybe you could come over next week and help us out.”

  “Sure, sis,” Maury said. “I’d be glad to.”

  Hadley hung up the phone.

  There was a knock on the door. It was Anna. She’d promised to come by and show Hadley how to hook up her camcorder to her TV.

  “Gee,” Hadley said as Anna finished quickly, “I was expecting weeping and gnashing of teeth. That took you all of a couple of minutes.”

  “Let’s see what you shot,” Anna said.

  The end product was not as good as Hadley hoped. She jostled the camera. Luther looked like a scary monster on video. Hadley had not adjusted for the outside light, and Luther looked like a ghost.

  Oh, well, she thought, that was before she got the instruction manual out.

  “So much for my first adventure in epic picture making,” Hadley said. “Sorry to disappoint you, Anna. It wasn’t very good.”

  “Nonsense,” Anna said. “Don’t worry, Hadley. You’ll get lots better with practice.”

  “Guess I shouldn’t expect any calls from Hollywood, soon. Thanks for your help in showing me how to set that thing up.”

  “Glad to help. Call me anytime. I don’t mind lending a hand. Don’t be intimidated by technology. It may seem daunting at first, but remember, we all start at ground zero and learn from there.”

  “I guess. I’m just so afraid I’ll break something or crash it.”

  “I know. But remember, any time. I’ll be glad to drop by. Call me when you get your new tablet.”

  “You mean one of those pads of paper with pale blue lines, right?”

  “No. Call me if you need me, Hadley,” Anna said.

  “Thanks. I’ll do that,” Hadley said.

  Anna left. Hadley replayed her video again, but it was no better the second time than it had been the first. Onus walked by, hardly looking her way.

  “Maybe,” Hadley said, “Anna’s right. Practice will make perfect. At least the shots from Eustian’s weren’t so shaky. Hey, Onus. Maybe there’s hope for me, after all.”

  Reeeeoow.

  It was not an encouraging sign.

  Hadley decided to put in a few more hours upstairs. If she didn’t, she feared her attic would come to look like Eustian’s house. Scary.

  When she looked outside, it was dark. The time had slipped away.

  “Shoot,” she said, “I still have to eat supper.”

  Didn’t matter, she guessed, if it was seven or midnight or two in the morning. That was one nice think about living alone. No scheduled meal times.

  Hadley stepped outside to the garage to open a can of corn and a can of peas for her supper. If anyone had seen her, she was sure they’d have her committed. Probably, nobody opened cans of food in the garage.

  No one except Hadley, that is. But there was a good reason she kept the can opener out there.

  Onus went berserk whenever he heard it running. To that tabby, the sound of a running can opener was like catnip. Hadley had always fed him from pull-tab cat food cans. She’d never once bought the cans of cat food that needed a can opener to open them. Yet somehow, Onus associated the sound of a can opener with FEED ME. CAN OPENER = MEAL TIME.

  Anyway that’s what Hadley reasoned. Whatever the true cause of her cat’s obsession with the running motor of a can opener, it had forced her out in the garage, in every season, to open any people can of food she might choose for lunch or dinner.

  Hadley was spinning the cylinders under the can opener. Wasn’t going to be gourmet fare tonight. She fixed a quick meal and was just cleaning up when her cell rang.

  “Lou Edna, what on earth are you doing calling me at this hour,” Hadley said.

  “There was a ruckus down at the jail. Gunn Miller’s been arrested!” Lou Edna said, going off down a long rabbit track of a story, hardly taking a breath in between exclamation points.

  “Gunn’s a hot head,” said Hadley. “What’s he done now?”

  “Something that tops the all-time worst of the all-time worst,” said Lou Edna. “They got Gunn for Eustian’s murder!”

  “What!”

  “Gunn threatened to kill Eustian. I can’t blame him. Look at all the trouble he’s caused. But Gunn made the threat in public. Other people overheard! He’s really done it this time. They think Gunn made good on his threat, so he’s locked up, with charges pending. Murder charges! Oh, Hadley. This will absolutely kill Maggie.”

  Hadley rang off with Lou Edna. She looked at the clock. Ten after ten. Maury would still be awake. She dialed her sister’s phone, crossing her fingers that Maury would not be on the line with someone else.

  “Is it true that Gunn’s been arrested?” Hadley asked.

  “Yes,” Maury said. “I’m afraid so. Bill’s not home. Still down at the jail.”

  “What do you know, Maury?” Hadley asked.

  “Not much,” said Maury. “Who told you? Lou Edna?”

  “Yeah,” said Hadley. “You know Lou Edna. She fills up with gossip like a balloon and if she doesn’t let it out, she’ll pop.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Hadley was vacu
uming later on that afternoon. She’d shooed Onus out of the bathroom sink to clean the bathroom. Needless to say, the orange fluff ball was less than happy with her. But when did that differ from the usual indignation her presence seemed to cause him?

  There was a knock at the door.

  “Bill,” she said, “surprised to see you. Come on in.”

  Bill stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

  “Word travels fast,” Hadley said, “I just hung up with Maury not long ago. You two must read each others minds if you know I rode in Anna’s plane this quickly.”

  “Hadley,” Bill said, “I need that key.”

  “What key?”

  “The key to Eustian’s. I just got a call from Bowey Hill. You haven’t started cleaning up the place yet, have you?”

  “Bowey Hill?” Hadley said.

  “Hadley,” Bill said, “tell me you haven’t started cleaning out Eustian’s house.”

  Well, no. We went inside. Checked out the place. But we haven’t started cleaning, yet. Beanie’s been laid up sick. I didn’t want to start without him. You know how he is. I promised him half of what I got to help me.

  If I started without him, he’d feel he wasn’t entitled to a cent. Besides, I’ve been busier than a hive of bees with the bazaar and bake sale. And Brinkley needed his truck back. I got my car from the garage. She runs like a top. Beanie’s feeling better. We planned to have a crack at it, tomorrow. Why?”

  “Okay,” Bill said. “Nothing’s been disturbed”

  “No.”

  “Crap. I never should have given you that key. I’ll have heck to pay for that mistake. How in the world was I supposed to know something like this would happen? You’ve seen his place, a garbage nightmare. You didn’t move anything or pick up a souvenir, did you?”

  “No. Beanie and I went inside, just to get an idea of what kind of job we were facing, but we didn’t touch much of anything. Other than the doorknob and a string trail we set up to find our way back out of that dump,” Hadley said. “Bill what’s going on?”

  “Eustian Singlepenny was murdered,” Bill said.

  “Murdered! How?”

  “Poisoned with cyanide,” Bill said.