Sons of Justice 12: Confident in Love (Siren Publishing LoveXtreme Forever)

by Dixie Lynn Dwyer

  “Have you seen the back yard and the outdoor kitchen the guys have here?” she asked, and then turned sideways, and the hand that was on the railing closest to her lifted and went to her hip. He then slid his arm around her waist and pressed up against her close.

  “I haven’t seen it yet. Kind of got sidetracked.”

  She turned to look at him when Bronco appeared. Woodrow didn’t let her go, instead he turned with her and Bronco closed the space between them. He looked her over, those dark brown eyes, muscular chest and arms in the tight black shirt he wore, had her legs feeling weak.

  “So she was thinking what we were,” Bronco said, insinuating that it was her who made a move to come outside, and for them to join her to converse. How did they do that? Had she subconsciously hoped they would join her? Oh God this was bad and confusing.

  “I actually came out for some fresh air before I go inside and help with preparing the food.” She stuttered her words. Bronco stared at her lips.

  “Frankie said you’re off tomorrow. We need a favor. Maybe you’re free to show us around town? Maybe check out Marie’s Café for lunch, and then Bo’s place, Happy Endings for dessert?” Bronco asked as Woodrow stroked her hip bone with his thumb.

  She quickly moved from between them and stepped aside. She pushed her hair from her shoulder and tried to be rational. They weren’t asking her out on a date, they wanted a tour guide. She felt intimidated to say the least. They were just so large and muscular, and their eyes alone did her in.

  “I’m busy, but it sounds like you already have a grasp of the town since you know about Marie’s Café and Bo’s place Happy Endings.”

  “Not really. Just heard they are both places to go see. So you’ll come with us?” Woodrow asked.

  “Sorry, I’m not available tomorrow, but the town is pretty small so I’m certain men with your capabilities and resourcefulness wouldn’t need me to show you around. Not interested,” she said, and quickly exited the patio to head back inside. She wanted to cry. Why was she so petrified of men, of those men? They seemed nice, but they wanted things. They wanted sex, that was all, and as much as she felt an attraction and would love to feel those arms around her, protecting her, she couldn’t be fooled by their flirtatious ways. It was about sex. About landing a piece of ass. Plus, she didn’t know them. Didn’t know their temperaments, if they were capable of striking her, abusing her, controlling her life and every move. Her throat began to feel like it would close up. She covered it with her hand and then she caught sight of Lauren. Her eyes widened, then squinted.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” she asked.

  She shook her head, looked past Lauren and caught Cole and Spade staring her way, and then their eyes squinted.

  “I can’t,” she said, voice cracking. Lauren seemed to understand her worry and got to her, placed her arm around her shoulder and started laughing, pretending that everything was fine.

  “Come on, I have to show you this,” Lauren said, and walked Avana through the hallway and to another room. They walked inside, it was an office and she leaned against the door and Lauren smiled at her.

  “What happened? Did one of them kiss you or something?” she asked.

  Avana went to speak, opened her mouth and closed it. She banged the back of her head lightly against the door.

  “I don’t understand it. I’m past the pain, the fears, the memories of what Ben did to me. I’ve gotten asked out dozens of times, and have had no problem saying no and feeling nothing. Nothing at all, Lauren. Then those six men come into town, I met them what? Three maybe four times at the hospital, exchange pleasantries and nothing more, and today they come here, and they are touching me, asking me to give them a tour of town. Frankie was all possessive and held me when he first arrived and kissed my neck. Did you see that?” she asked, raising her voice.

  Lauren snickered.

  “Oh honey, I sure did see it, and so did everyone else. So you said yes, right?”

  “No!” she replied, shocked that Lauren would think she would.

  Lauren squinted at her. “Uhm, why not if you like them so much.”

  “Who said I do?”

  “Oh honey, it’s pretty obvious. You’re freaking out,” Lauren smiled and chuckled at the same time.

  “This isn’t funny. I think I’m going to leave.”

  “Avana, you are not leaving. You need to face your fears.”

  “Says the woman who faced hers when Steve, Eddie, Panther, and Mink came along? You freaked, because of their sizes, their capabilities and the way they just looked at you and paid attention.”

  Lauren smiled softly. “I admit, I had a similar reaction. I processed it, and well, the attraction, their tactics in getting me to come around, ultimately broke down my defenses and I don’t regret any of it at all.”

  “That’s wonderful for you, but I’m not at that point of trusting, of letting down my guard and accepting anything like this. Look at me, Lauren. I’m five-feet-two-inches tall. I weight approximately 120 pounds. Those men, the six of them, can toss me around with one hand. One, and that isn’t an exaggeration.”

  “Sounds like a total turn on to me. All those muscles and masculinity, hands on your ass lifting you up as you straddle one of them. Bet you’ll feel really protected in their arms. Oh wait, you’ve already gotten to roll around on the mats with Frankie, how was that?” Lauren teased, raising her eyebrows up and down.

  Avana gulped. She thought about that. About how the six men made her feel and she felt so nervous. Her heart raced worse than anything she ever felt before. She was scared. Plain and simple. Scared to accept what she was feeling. Scared to think of all the possibilities that could come from this. Scared to accept the act of getting close, of trusting, of accepting anyone in her immediate space. As she thought of that, she thought of how she kept people away from that personal space and never let any of the other men who have asked her out to even stand close to her, never mind touch her. She would immediately pull back. She didn’t with Frankie, but maybe she was sort of used to Frankie because of the martial arts class? She didn’t pull back right away with Woodrow or Cole, until she panicked when they asked her out.

  “What are you thinking?” Lauren asked her.

  “I’m not ready for this.”

  “You’ve seen it happen to a bunch of us, to our cousin Thylane, to Talia, too. It hits you out of nowhere. I can’t explain it, but when it happens, when they’re all on board and they set their eyes on you, it’s inevitable, because it’s meant to be. You have a right to decline. It isn’t like you need protection or guardians or anything, so it makes it easier to go slow, even though I’m certain you’ll not want slow when they kiss you, touch you, and use their skills as a team.”

  “Oh brother,” she said, and fanned her face. Lauren giggled.

  “Listen, take your time, but don’t run. You’re stronger than that.”

  “Me?” she asked, pointing at her chest.

  “I’m scared of my own shadow. I still use a nightlight because of the fears I have from Ben.”

  “That’s understandable. He played games with your head. He struck in the dark, stalked you every night for months. But you’re a survivor and survivors are strong.”

  Avana took a deep breath and exhaled.

  “I’m not accepting this. I have rights, too. They can’t demand for me to go out with them and whatever.”

  Lauren chuckled. “No one will demand, but they’ll convince you. Soldiers have a special way of getting what they want, no matter how hard the thing they want plays hard to get.”

  * * * *

  “Well, that didn’t go too well. Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe she isn’t attracted to us. It’s a possibility,” Woodrow said to Cole.

  “She’s intimidated. Talia said she would be and to take our time getting to know her,” Cole said, and shook his head and snickered as he leaned back against the railing on the porch. “Talia knew immediately that our eyes were on Avana,” he added
.

  “And she was thrilled. I know we talked about taking things slow and we’re figuring out if we want to be part of this town and SoJ again, but I’m here five minutes around all these people, some we only just met, and it feels more like home than anyplace else,” Woodrow admitted, and then ran his fingers through his shoulder-length, dirty blond hair.

  “Bro, I know exactly what you mean. We’ve been all over the fucking place for three years. Hunting, tracking, coming up with nothing, and then finally finding that fuck. It’s over. I’m tired. I’m ready to pull back and just fucking live a little. You heard Frankie, he could use the help at his gym. He’s been wanting to maybe rent a place and expand, especially if we can run some training classes.”

  “Well, we did break a lot of rules when we were trying to protect Nathan and Talia. I wouldn’t be surprised if we weren’t totally welcomed back to SoJ. So I guess the training thing is something we can do either way. It isn’t like we’ll be working SoJ fulltime,” Woodrow stated.

  “No, we wouldn’t be,” Bronco said, joining them on the porch. He handed them each a bottle of Bud Lite.

  “What’s up?” Cole asked him.

  “You tell me. I saw a petite, sexy little brunette run from here only a few minutes ago. I thought we were taking our time?” he asked, and took a slug from his beer as he squinted at the two of them.

  “We were taking our time. We asked her to be our personal tour guide through town tomorrow,” Cole told him.

  Bronco chuckled. “Shit, well that’s where you went wrong.” Bronco took another slug.

  “What do you mean?” Woodrow asked.

  “I was out there with Nathan, Frankie, Spade, Mink, Rossi, and Tat. And Tat and Mink said Avana’s been asked out several times, and there have been inquiries with Cesar about guardianship.”

  Cole got serious. “Don’t tell us she’s seeing someone.”

  “No, she isn’t. Turns them all down flat. Seems when men talk to her they focus on a certain asset, if you know what I mean,” Bronco said.

  “Well she’s big up top, and yet tiny everywhere else, of course those stand out, but she’s a gorgeous woman with those big brown eyes, thick eyelashes, full lips, and well you heard Frankie. The urge to just pick her up and kiss her is becoming impossible to ignore.”

  “Tat said she’s shy and a bit timid. I think if we talk to Talia a little bit more, we’ll find out why she’s so timid. If we even want to,” Bronco said to them.

  “We all started talking about her, and it was pretty apparent that we all are attracted to her, but we just got here, we don’t even know what’s going to come in the next days and weeks. Let’s focus on SoJ and talking to the commanders here. They’re here, so let’s make nice,” Cole said, and they agreed, then headed around the porch to the poolside and outdoor barbecue.

  * * * *

  “I can’t believe you held this back and didn’t tell me. How long have you known that you and the team were going to move here?” Talia asked her brother, Nathan.

  “Not long. Just a matter of days actually. Once we talked our way out of the trouble we were in for using our military connections to keep you undetected and hunt down Barishna, and of course Tat and his team’s help with the commanders, it was kind of the only option. Well, that or jail time.”

  “What? Are you serious? Barishna and his men were a major catch for the government, never mind the other people that were caught,” she replied, and placed her hand to her temple. She closed her eyes and Nathan wrapped his arm around her waist. “Damn, you’re still getting those headaches even though the doctor said everything is fine?” he asked.

  She leaned into him. “It will pass in a second. Just don’t let Spadaro or the others see. They’ll send me to bed,” she said, and gave a soft smile, but Nathan’s eyes were narrowed with concern.

  “They love you so much. Why were you hiding things from them?” he asked her, and she looked up at him.

  “You mean the pain? They told you about it?” she asked, and he nodded as he reached up and pressed loose hair from her cheek.

  “That and about the difficulty you’ve been having getting over the trauma of it all.”

  “I’m fine just frustrated,” she said, and then looked toward the living room and empty couch. “Let’s sit down a minute.”

  “Of course,” he said, and they walked to the couch and she took a seat. She leaned her head back and held his hand.

  “So frustrated how?” he asked.

  “I don’t know, really,” she said, and closed her eyes a moment. When she blinked them open he was staring at her with concern and emotion.

  “I just feel like I should be stronger, not weak. I trained with Frankie so much over the years, anticipating the moment when Barishna would come, not if he would. I was on guard, untrusting, capable. When he captured me, had me back in his possession, under his control, and I nearly died, things changed inside of me, Nathan.”

  “What do you mean changed?”

  “I thought I was going to die. That he would be successful in raping me, killing me, and I fought as hard as I could then, and the three years since you had rescued me the first time. I’m tired, Nathan.” Tears filled her eyes and began to fall. “I’m just so tired of fighting or being strong. I’m not giving up or something. It’s just that I need to regroup, rebuild myself again, and when I think of all the things to be done and accomplished, and whether I can handle it right now when I’m just so tired and emotionally, physically drained I feel like a failure. I feel like I’m maybe not the woman they fell in love with,” she said on a whisper, and then started to sob. Nathan pulled her into his arms and held her tight. He caressed her, and she felt blessed to have her brother in her life, and thankful for him moving heaven and earth to protect her. She knew her men were a major influence in keeping Nathan and the team out of prison, and Spartan and his men did their part, too.

  “It’s okay to feel vulnerable after having to be so strong, and determined to live and not let Barishna win. Your men love you so much. In fact, Spadaro is heading this way and that man is pretty intense to say the least.

  She quickly wiped her eyes, and then Spadaro sat down on her other side and placed his hand on her thigh.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked her.

  She turned to look up at him, reached up and cupped his cheek. “I love you, Spadaro. My brother was just helping me work through some things.”

  He squinted. “Like what?”

  “Now isn’t the time, so what’s the plan for living arrangements?” she asked Nathan.

  “Got a place outside of the campground, so not far at all. It’s on Clover Street.”

  “Oh my God, that’s down the block from Tiana and Avana’s condo.” Just then Avana walked into the room.

  “Avana, come sit with us,” she said, and saw Avana’s eyes go right to Nathan. He stood up and offered her his seat next to Talia, but Avana declined.

  “No, don’t be silly. Your sister has been looking forward to your visit here all week. I was going to see if Basile and Vacarro needed help with the food,” she said to them.

  “Oh, I can help, too,” Nathan said, and stood up, towering over Avana. It was so hard trying to hide her excitement about the potential relationship. She knew her brother well, and the rest of the team. Pretty crazy, intense six men, but good men who were close and caring, and who shared a strong bond like her men had with one another.

  “Oh, okay, let’s see what they need,” Avana said, and Nathan turned and gave Talia a wink. She smiled as they walked away, and Nathan placed a hand on Avana’s hip. Poor woman didn’t know what was coming.

  “So, what did your brother help you figure out?” Spadaro asked, stroking her jaw and staring down into her eyes.

  She smiled at him. “Well, to be honest, Spadaro, I know I haven’t exactly been pleasant to live with lately, and I’m certain that frustrates you.”

  “You need recovery time, and your emotions are raw right now. It�
�s common to react this way after such a traumatic experience.”

  “Well, that’s just it, Spadaro. It wasn’t just one traumatic experience. It’s several. It’s my life up until Repose and meeting my friends and you and the team.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “I mean that all my life, and specifically, the last three years, I’ve trained with Frankie, conditioned myself to be on guard constantly, to fight, to defend myself to not trust, to be strong and fierce and well, I’m tired of it. I’m tired of fighting for now, anyway. I just want to breathe and not feel like I have to make decisions and changes and whatever.”

  “That’s understandable. I hope we haven’t been putting pressure on you and adding to this.”

  “No, you haven’t, and I guess subconsciously I took advantage of your love, your kindness and understanding, and have been being snappy and miserable. I get the headaches when I start to worry, and overthink things. Like wonder what I’m going to do next, or…

  “Or what, baby?” he asked, and brought her hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles.

  “Not being strong enough for you guys. To not be the woman you deserve, and the one you fell in love with.”

  “Awe, sweetie. This is what has been bothering you? I know I’m not exactly the mushy type, and one to get down and have a deep discussion like this, but I’ll be damned if you think that myself or any of the others would love you less because you are tired of being strong. We want you to lean on us and need us, even if it’s just an embrace, some words of encouragement, or an ass spanking,” he said, and winked.

  She chuckled and then hugged him. He lifted her up onto his lap and she kissed him. When she released his lips, she stared at him and cupped his cheeks.

  “You are lucky there’s a party going on, or you would be over my shoulder and we would be on our way to bed.”

  “Later, Spadaro. I get the feeling that Tat, Basile, and Vacarro are going to have similar reactions like you, and I’ll get punished for holding back.”