Kiss and Tell

by Leo McNeir

  “Not as such. Actually, we had a chat. He’s got a very good telephone voice, hasn’t he?”

  Marnie heard his voice in her mind, Very good everything, I’d say. She said, “I suppose so. What did you chat about?”

  “This and that, everything, really. I told him about Mr Leyton-Brown leaving hospital, the police coming here, you hiding the grey boat, that sort of thing. He wanted to know about our life, the building works. I even told him about how we use Sally Ann and Thyrsis, and how we get supplies delivered by Andrew and his working boats.”

  “My, my, you seem to have had quite a cosy chat.”

  Anne looked concerned. “You don’t mind, do you, Marnie? I mean, I wasn’t indiscreet about, well, you and Ralph or anything personal like that.”

  “Of course not. It’s fine. So he didn’t leave a message.”

  “Well, not a serious message. He just said we should tie Anthony to the mast on Andrew’s boat and send him off to the furthest point on the waterways.”

  “What mast?”

  “That’s what he said.”

  Marnie laughed. “And hope for a hurricane on the way. Good idea.”

  *

  The three of them had baked trout for supper on Sally Ann’s stern deck, enjoying the mild spring evening. Ralph brought along a crisp white sauvignon from the Périgord, and for the first time that day Marnie felt content. In the galley, Dolly was enjoying a share of the fish in her bowl, and Marnie felt like purring in unison as she walked through to the deck with a dish of steaming Jersey royales and a crock of Cornish butter. She sat at the table, sipped the chilled wine and sighed.

  Anne chuckled. “I could almost taste that with you, Marnie.”

  Ralph smiled. “What a wonderful idea.”

  “I’m way beyond having ideas,” said Marnie. “Let’s just eat.”

  A narrowboat slipped past as they began the meal, and the steerer called out an envious greeting. Three glasses were raised in reply. The silence was broken after a while by Anne asking about the visit to Frank, and Marnie outlined their conversation and the subsequent detour to see where he had been robbed.

  “Did you see anything there?” Anne asked.

  “Not a sausage.”

  “Must be funny muggers,” said Anne. “Who’d think of lying in wait in a place like that? Doesn’t make much sense.”

  “Marnie was trying to see what wasn’t there,” said Ralph and quickly added, “If you see what I mean.”

  “Oh yes,” said Anne. “I know just what you mean.”

  Ralph looked suspicious. “You do? Then can someone please explain it to me?”

  “Do you want to try, Anne?” said Marnie.

  “Well, if it’s an odd place for robbers to wait for victims, then maybe that isn’t what it’s about. Right?”

  Marnie nodded. Ralph said, “Go on.”

  “So maybe what you’re looking for isn’t what you’d expect to find, and he was mugged for some other reason that isn’t obvious, that you can’t see. Perhaps he wasn’t mugged at all.”

  “That’s what I was wondering,” said Marnie. “And that’s what wasn’t there, the reason for the attack.”

  “What was it, if not a mugging?” Ralph asked. “After all, he was hit on the head and robbed.”

  “It could be he was attacked to camouflage something else that was going on.”

  “And that’s where sex comes into it?” said Ralph.

  “Sex?” Anne looked thoughtful. “Oh, I see, yes. You mean some people might’ve been having ... you know. Are there bushes and things round there?”

  “Yes. I looked for traces of rolling around on the grass and any less savoury clues, but there was nothing to see.”

  Ralph said, “So you think he might’ve been attacked to stop him seeing people involved in an illicit relationship?”

  “That’s what I was wondering,” said Marnie.

  “But why attack him? Why not just let him get on with his walk?”

  “The dogs,” said Anne.

  “That’s right.” Marnie continued. “They would’ve hit him because at any minute the dogs might come running back and pick up the scent, literally in this case. The last thing they’d want was two large canines bouncing all over the place, drawing attention to them.”

  Anne laughed. “Probably sticking their noses in where they’re not wanted!”

  Marnie gave her a school-ma’am look, but ruined its impact by laughing herself.

  Ralph smiled. “And you worked all that out from looking at a clump of trees and bushes? Amazing.”

  “And completely wrong,” Marnie said.

  “Why wrong?”

  “Because there was no evidence of any kind, not a single sign. Without that, it’s just an idea, a theory with no proof ... useless.”

  “Not necessarily, Marnie. You might just’ve been looking in the wrong place, and –”

  Before he could finish, Anne burst out laughing. “You might’ve been barking up the wrong tree!”

  *

  They had stayed out until the light faded and the evening cooled. Anne had excused herself, and Marnie had walked back with her to the office barn while Ralph took his shower.

  When Marnie’s turn came to shower, she was thinking about Ralph. After drying herself, she slipped along to their cabin and through the gap in the door saw Ralph sitting up in bed, reading as usual. What was unusual was that he was wearing a T-shirt. She turned back and went to the second sleeping cabin, pulled on a T-shirt from the wardrobe and went back to join him.

  Sliding in under the duvet, she said quietly, “Your performance this afternoon was brilliant.”

  “Mm?”

  “When Bartlett and Marriner came to see you.”

  “Good.”

  “You really looked as if you had a lot on your mind and couldn’t quite get your thoughts back to Anthony. It was a great performance. The police were totally convinced.”

  “It wasn’t difficult, in the circumstances. And I had my orders.”

  “Ralph, I’m sorry if I was a bit dogmatic or ... you know.”

  “You weren’t. It was fine. You and Simon are much better at that sort of thing than I am, Marnie.”

  “Simon?”

  “Yes. He’s very much like you, acts decisively, takes the initiative.”

  Marnie lifted herself up onto one elbow. “Simon ... decisive?”

  “I saw the two of you working together, the way you dealt with Anthony.”

  “Ralph, I took my cue from you. You were calling for medical help. I just tried to back you up, to see if first aid might work. Simon lifted Anthony because he’s stronger than I am. Also, he had a better car. That’s all it was.”

  “I thought Simon was rather impressive.”

  “We all did what we could, Ralph.”

  Ralph smiled. ”Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to, trying not to make me feel inadequate.”

  “Of course you’re not inadequate. And I can prove it.”

  “My new role, character actor, playing the dotty professor?”

  Marnie sat up and began pulling the T-shirt over her head. “That isn’t what I had in mind. Can’t we just get on with being the two of us? There isn’t any room for Anthony or Simon in our lives. Things are complicated enough as it is. Why are you wearing that T-shirt?”

  13

  “Amazingly, things aren’t looking too bad,” said Marnie.

  Tuesday morning, and it was staff conference time at Walker and Co. They had missed the regular Monday session because of the hospital visit. Now, with Anthony away, Marnie was getting the firm back on track.

  Anne looked concerned. “Why amazingly? Things are all right, aren’t they?”

  “I mean, despite all the upheaval with Anthony.”

  Anne ran her eyes down the list of projects, most of them for Willards Brewery. Everything was on target, all the designs completed, and briefing on the next phase programmed for the coming month. Work on the cottages wa
s more or less on time, though they were still waiting for the joiner, delayed on another job, to finish work in cottage number three. The timing was not critical, and Marnie was not worried.

  Anne, always anxious to keep the operations of the firm running smoothly, knew they were susceptible to peaks and troughs in the work pattern and it no longer worried her. She accepted that they could do nothing to even out the timing and knew they were approaching a period of reduced pressure. When that came they could concentrate on completing the cottages for letting. Marnie assured her they would not starve.

  The phone rang. Anne transferred Simon to Marnie.

  “Hi! what’s new?” He sounded cheerful.

  “No change since yesterday. Anthony’s safely ensconced up the canal.”

  “Good. How did you get on with the police?”

  “Fine. Ralph handled them brilliantly. The perfect impression of the absent-minded professor. They don’t have any problems with him.”

  “Good. Look, I’m on the road just now. Could I call by in about hour, just for a short time? Is that okay?”

  “That’s okay.”

  *

  Marnie spent half an hour on the building site with Bob the foreman going over the jobs list. When she returned to the office barn, Anne had several messages waiting for her. The final one was from Andrew arranging to call in for payment.

  “Did he say where he was?” Marnie asked.

  “North of the Blisworth tunnel.”

  Marnie stood for some moments looking out of the window across the yard towards the cottages. Suddenly, she went to her desk, flicked open the address section of the filofax and picked up the phone. When Andrew answered, in the background was the steady beat of the engine.

  “Andrew, it’s Marnie. Where are you right now?”

  “Just leaving Blisworth. I’ve got some more customers to see, be with you some time this afternoon. That all right?”

  “We’ll be here. Any chance of you picking up a cargo for me?”

  “A cargo? Sure. What kind of cargo? Where from?”

  “Queen Eleanor boatyard. Can you collect Anthony and bring him with you?”

  “Anthony? Okay. I’ll be there in about a quarter of an hour.”

  Anne looked across at Marnie who was pressing the buttons for her next call. When Marnie noticed her, Anne raised an eyebrow. It rang several times before Anthony answered.

  “It’s Marnie. Listen, have you got some jeans and a sweatshirt? You’ve got to be ready to leave in the next few minutes.”

  *

  Anthony sat on the first step down from the steerer’s counter inside the grey boat, waiting. He did not have long to wait. When the working pair eased alongside, he jumped out beside Andrew and immediately dived below into the cabin. He spent the journey to Knightly St John out of sight.

  *

  Marnie and Simon sat on the stern deck of Sally Ann. Simon came straight to the point.

  “I’ve been worrying, Marnie, thinking about you having this Leyton-Brown guy here. It could bring you no end of problems, the longer he stays. You really can’t afford to get associated with him. It could do you a lot of harm. You’ve got to get rid of him.”

  “You’ve got contacts in Chicago or Palermo?”

  “I mean it. It’s not a joke. His reputation could stick to you. Whether he’s guilty or not, he could damage everything you’re working for.”

  “I know,” said Marnie. “It’s on my mind all the time. But I keep thinking, what if I sent him away and he killed himself?”

  Simon shook his head. “I don’t think he’d do that. I really don’t. That failed suicide attempt will’ve made him see things differently. He’ll be looking for a new way forward now.”

  “Maybe. But if he did try again and succeed, how would I feel about it?”

  “Marnie, there’s nothing you can do to help him out of this mess. Have you thought you could even make it worse?”

  “Worse?”

  “You’re making it easy for him. If he didn’t have you, he’d have to work things out.”

  “I know. That’s why I’ve decided to follow your advice.”

  Simon blinked. “My advice? Can you remind me what it was?”

  “I’m packing him off with Andrew, lashed to the mast.”

  “Marnie, I was only chatting with Anne. That was meant to be a joke.”

  “Many a true word,” said Marnie.

  *

  When they walked back to the office barn, Anne was ready with more messages.

  “Beth rang. Could you ring her back. And Mr Jeffries from Willards. Also the builders’ merchants in Buckingham. Oh, and there was a message for Ralph from a Dr Greenman in Nottingham. He said he’d ring back later. I think it’s about ... you know.”

  Simon said, “Well, I can see you’ve got a lot on. I’d better be going.”

  “I’ll walk out with you,” said Marnie.

  In the yard, Simon smiled at the MG standing in its barn. “Isn’t it about time you got a more normal car?” He touched her arm. “Sorry, you’ve had enough of my opinions for one day, I expect.”

  “No, I appreciate your coming, Simon, and what you said. You were right. That’s why I’m taking action.”

  “I’ll be careful about making jokes in future. I know it’s none of my business, but, well ...” He pressed a button on his car key, and the boot of the Mercedes sprang open.

  “I don’t have to do that with the MG,” said Marnie light-heartedly. “No boot to open.”

  Simon began fiddling with something out of sight in the boot.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Loading the auto-changer. It’s built-in. Then I can select any of the CDs from inside the car.”

  “Another thing less to worry about in the MG,” said Marnie triumphantly. “If I want in-car entertainment, I just sing my old favourite songs.” She eyed the Mercedes while Simon rummaged. “That is a seriously smart car. And understated. I like that.”

  “You’d love the technical bits too, Marnie.” He closed the boot lid, and Marnie heard faint sounds as electromagnetic catches fastened themselves. “Did you know they can adjust the running of the engine through its computer by satellite from a control centre near London?”

  “You’re kidding!” She peered inside through tinted glass. “I expect you’ve got satellite navigation, too. Or is that old-fashioned these days? Do you just tell the car where to go?”

  “No. You still have to turn the steering wheel from time to time, but it does have satnav, and it’s part of the security system. They can pinpoint almost exactly where the car is at any given time.”

  “How does that work?”

  “The satellite can spot it anywhere it goes, so if thieves can beat the security systems – crane it onto a lorry, for instance – Mercedes can tell where it is. No hiding place.”

  Marnie shook her head. “Are you serious, or did you just make that up?”

  “It’s the truth, Marnie.”

  “And that bit about adjusting the engine by satellite? What about that?”

  “It’s all true, really. Here.” He opened the door and reached across to the glovebox, pulling out the driver’s manual. “You can borrow this if you want, bedtime reading. You’ll enjoy it. You always did like fancy cars.”

  Marnie took the book and glanced down at the three-pointed star emblem on the cover. “Great, though I expect it’ll turn me green. Can I try the driving position?”

  “Sure. Help yourself.”

  Marnie slipped into the driver’s seat and pulled the door shut, letting the cockpit wrap itself around her. The interior had cream upholstery and shiny walnut trim; it smelled of new leather. The instrument panel had been borrowed from Concorde. A cradle stood ready for the mobile. It was an executive express with all the trimmings. Her gaze fell on a notepad attached to the fascia beside the wheel. A few words were written on it and, without thinking, she read them. Haiku.

  That face in repose

&nbs
p; Serene beyond all measure

  A haunting beauty

  The door opened, taking her by surprise. There must have been something in her expression; Simon glanced down at the pad. Marnie slid out from behind the wheel.

  “Lovely car,” she said.

  *

  The Volvo ended its stately progress down the dual carriageway and prepared to take the turning to Knightly St John. As Ralph changed down for the corner, a silver Mercedes reached the junction approaching from the village. The driver quickly assessed the traffic situation and pulled decisively out ahead of him, accelerating rapidly away.

  *

  “Hi, Ralph! It’s great to have you back.” Anne beamed at him as he came through the office door.

  “That,” said Ralph, “is what I call a welcome.”

  “You deserve it. I’ve missed you.” She looked across to where the large black cat was sitting single-mindedly beside the fridge. “So has Dolly.”

  “Am I missing something here? Has some disaster happened while I’ve been out?”

  “Of course not. Simon’s been here – not that he’s a disaster – well, not really.”

  Ralph smiled. “I thought you liked him. You said, as I recall, that he was ... what was the term ... dishy?”

  “He’s not like you.”

  “Thank you for that.”

  “I mean, he’s not special like you”

  “Stop there, while I’m ahead. Where’s Marnie?”

  “She’s gone to make lunch. She rang Beth and then announced she was going to do something exceptional. She raided the freezer and put a bottle of wine in the fridge to chill.”

  *

  The spinney echoed to the sound of Vivaldi, appropriately the Primavera movement of the Four Seasons. Marnie had all the windows open on Sally Ann, and Ralph could hear the sound of pans clanking in the galley.

  He went down into the cabin, and Marnie caught sight of him. She put down the grill pan and hugged him tightly, finishing off with a kiss that registered six-point-nine on the Richter scale. Ralph blinked in astonishment.