The Camera Lies

by AB Morgan

  ‘I’ve just dropped in to see Barney and he’s bringing the car back for you in a few minutes with the paperwork. You might have to get a replacement registration document. We signed the current one, but luckily Barney hasn’t sent it off.’

  ‘Can’t you do that for me?’ Delia asked, testily.

  ‘I thought you wanted the car as part of the divorce settlement, dear. If you do, then as the current registered keeper and owner of the vehicle, I’ll have to sign it over to you. The least you can do is organise the paperwork. Oh, and don’t forget to tax it.’ Konrad picked up Eliza’s bags and boxes, and loaded them into the back of the Discovery.

  That’ll piss her off. She never deals with basic everyday life, like taxing vehicles, organising plumbers, having the central heating boiler serviced or clearing out the gutters. It’s almost a shame I’ll miss the entertainment when this dawns on her.

  ‘Eliza, are you ready?’ he shouted up the stairs as Delia found her voice.

  ‘You may be enjoying this at the moment, Kon, but my solicitor will be in touch very shortly. I shall be citing unreasonable behaviour as grounds.’

  Getting pissed up and piddling in her vase was worth it after all. Excellent.

  ‘As you like, dear.’

  ‘Please stop calling me “dear”,’ Delia hissed, just before Eliza appeared to kiss her on the cheek and spring into the car, full of enthusiasm for life.

  ‘Okay, let’s get The Green Mean Machine going! Yeeha!’ She laughed and waved goodbye to her mother who stood stiffly at the door for a matter of seconds before trotting back inside. ‘She didn’t hang around long. I guess she’s off to the golf club to swoon over Rolf, the new golf professional.’

  ‘Rolf teaches golf?’ Konrad teased. ‘Does he look like a wolf?’

  Eliza was amused by her father’s cheerful banter and joined in. ‘Yes, Rolf the wolf teaches golf and likes the odd milf.’

  ‘What’s a milf?’

  ‘Dad, where have you been? It’s an acronym. M.I.L.F. “Mothers I’d Like to F…” You know.’

  ‘No, I don’t know. Lately I’m finding out a variety of things I didn’t know and I think I’m not as worldly wise as I pretend to be.’

  Eliza gave him the sort of pitying look that most adult children give their parents at one time or another. A look of despair. ‘For a man with your reputation you are dangerously out of touch with the milieu.’

  ‘Christ, “milieu” is it now? I’m glad the money your university fees are costing me is being put to good use. Now then, prove yourself worthy and tell me what you really make of Freddie’s girlfriend.’

  Eliza raised one eyebrow and turned her head away towards the window. ‘You’re not too impressed with her, I gather from that expression. She’s Freddie’s type, but not my idea of a potential friend.’

  ‘Because…?’

  Eliza sighed. Her father was in interview mode. ‘Because she’s a bit false: Fake eyelashes, not a hair out of place, sweetness and light, with a “hee, hee, hee,” and an “oh, please forgive me for being so forward, I’m not usually like this”, bollocks.’

  That sounds like a description of Delia when she’s had a few, and flirts with the movers and shakers of the television world. Awful.

  Konrad drove as fast as he dared until they reached the M6 and Birmingham, when they slowed dramatically to chug slowly with the flow of the traffic.

  By the time they had picked up speed again, he was somewhat wiser about Chloe.

  ‘I thought she was quite bright and career minded.’

  Eliza shook her head. ‘I’m not too sure about that either. She was tight lipped on the specifics, but she works as an event organiser for career conventions and shows. I thought we might have something in common, but we don’t. Mum seemed to take to her though.’

  ‘That’s a bad sign.’

  ‘Yeah, I might be wrong but I think Chloe is toying with our Freddie. There are no facts, as such, but I think she may have a more permanent boyfriend in the background somewhere. Just a hunch.’

  ‘Poor old Freddie. He’s going to get burnt playing with fire. Anyway, enough about him, how’s your love life these days? You don’t seem to have a significant other, at the moment, if that’s the right expression. No one good enough for my Eliza?’

  ‘I work at a slower pace than my brother, that’s all. I am seeing someone but I have this underlying fear of being labelled a slut. It’s always different for boys; they’re Casanovas, playboys, seducers or wolves. Terms which seem to have acceptable connotations. If I behaved like Freddie, I’d be a slapper, loose, a trollop or a tart, and I don’t want to be seen in that way. Besides which, the media keep an eye on Freddie and me from a distance and we can’t afford any scandal.’

  ‘You wait till tomorrow,’ Konrad warned with a wicked grin appearing. ‘The press were at my offices today, within hours of the social media announcement and I’ve been a very naughty boy.’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘I took Gorgeous George to lunch as a deliberate set up, and the press fell for it. Photos as well. I can’t wait for tomorrow when they wrongly accuse me of being a closet gay.’

  ‘I understand the intention, Dad, but did you have to?’

  He acknowledged his daughter’s disapproval of his use of underhand tactics. He tried to reason with her.

  ‘It’ll help to settle them down quicker about the divorce, especially if they make assumptions and get it wrong. It was fun, George enjoyed himself, and no harm was done.’ Konrad chuckled at the memory of George’s performance, then he and Eliza settled into an easy conversation, with comfortable silences. He savoured his daughter’s welcome company.

  ‘I’ll give Freddie a ring, while I think of it. I hope he’s not entertaining Chloe at the flat, I’ll be furious. We’ve got so much to sort out and he has a dreadful habit of disappearing when there’s work to be done. I’m glad you’re around to help me put up shelves and stuff. He’s a dead loss.’

  ‘I never could work that one out. You would always be the child in the garage with me, asking which tool did what, and helping to paint, while your brother was daydreaming elsewhere or playing with his mates on a computer.’

  ‘Some things don’t change. Oh, hello, Freddie… We’re about an hour away, probably more. Are you around for when we get there? I’ve got some stuff from home to cart up to the flat… Right… Oh dear. See you later tomorrow, maybe, or maybe not. Do what you like, you usually do.’

  Konrad could tell by the irritation on Eliza’s face and in her voice that her brother was being true to form.

  ‘As I said, some things don’t change. He’s out and probably won’t be coming back to the flat tonight. Great, so I’m on my own for the evening.’

  ‘I’ll have dinner with you and keep you company. Don’t worry, at least you can have the place to yourself, whereas I will no doubt have to suffer the indignity of seeing my son at breakfast in the hotel, eating his new girlfriend. It’s not that pleasant.’ He tried to physically shake the image from his head, making Eliza laugh at him.

  ‘You won’t have to put up with it after that. Freddie’s in a foul mood. Apparently little miss perfect has been ordered to cover an event in Hertfordshire and must go home tomorrow. What a shame.’

  Konrad pulled off the A55 into some services for a short comfort break.

  ‘Just say you need a pee, Dad. I’ll grab a pint of milk, it’s the one thing I forgot to pack.’

  He made sure he raced back to the car, giving him enough time to call Lorna, while Eliza shopped for a few more essentials. ‘I’m spending the rest of the evening with Eliza at the flat, but we’ll meet tomorrow, at the Warren, the usual car park down by the beach, you remember. If the weather is foul we could hightail it up to South Stack. Sounds good. See you after lunch then. Yes, I’ll wear one of my most attractive hats and an all-encompassing waterproof jacket. See you then. Bye, Lorna,’ he said, ending the conversation a little awkwardly. He wanted to call her darling, or at lea
st another term of endearment, but he felt that she wouldn’t take it well until he had finished his probationary period of trust building.

  Barney must have been reading his mind.

  “Are you there yet and have you got your hand down Lorna’s bra?”

  Bloody idiot.

  “No to both. Now bugger off. I’ll see you in The Valiant on Wednesday for a pint.”

  Eliza was climbing back into the passenger seat, as Konrad was finishing his reply to Barney. ‘New girlfriend already?’ she asked cheekily.

  ‘Barney’s not really my type, besides he takes up too much room in the bed.’

  ‘You slept with him?’ Eliza wrinkled up her nose.

  ‘We’ve shared a bed many a time, me and Barney. Nothing wrong with two drunken bums in a bed when the need arises. Or when your mother locked me out. Where do you think I slept when I wasn’t at home?’ Konrad was grinning at the memories of the inebriated exploits he and Barney had engaged in over the years.

  Eliza managed to unhinge his smile. ‘I always thought you were at your girlfriend’s house. You did have one, didn’t you?’

  God, why did you create such a bloody bright girl with the inquisitive mind of a detective?

  His face answered her question.

  ‘I thought as much,’ she said. ‘You’ve been so down the last few months. I assume mother found out and you had to do as you were told.’

  Konrad was lost for words. He had wanted to tell Eliza and Freddie about Lorna, but not yet. Not until he was certain that she would have him back in her life permanently.

  ‘Look, Dad, we’re adults. You and Mum have been at each other’s throats for years and, quite frankly, it’s a relief that you’re getting divorced. At least you stand a chance of being happy. Get a girlfriend, live a little, and do it soon. I don’t suppose the old one will have you back?’

  ‘I’m working on it.’

  Eliza looked across at her father. ‘God, you are, aren’t you? That’s a serious expression on your face. I’d like to meet the woman who has that impact on my dad. When you’re ready of course.’

  ‘How old are you again? I must have been stuck in a time warp because all of a sudden my daughter has become a mature, confident, assured and capable lady.’

  ‘Thanks, and yes you must have been in a time warp to use the expression “comfort break” instead of pee, and not to know what a milf is.’

  21

  Oh, no. Here they come.

  ‘Good morning, Freddie, and good morning, Chloe. It seems we’re destined to see each other at breakfast whenever I’m staying here.’ Konrad tried to be polite, but he wasn’t feeling it. He had deliberately found a table for two where he could be alone in the restaurant, and had spread the Daily Albion out, propping the top-half on the crockery and condiments. Much to his irritation, Freddie and Chloe deliberately sat at the adjacent table and engaged him in conversation.

  ‘I might be along later this morning, Dad, or maybe this afternoon.’

  ‘Don’t tell me, talk to your sister. I’m putting up a few shelves in your flat this morning and that’s about it. I’m not around this afternoon, so you’ll have to apologise to Eliza for leaving her to do the work, Freddie. She’s sorted out the kitchen, bathroom, the lounge, and is not impressed with your contribution.’ He gave his son the disapproving Dad look.

  ‘There’s nothing much left for me to do then, by the sounds of it.’ Freddie laughed.

  This dismissive response from his son irritated Konrad who scowled. ‘Really?’

  ‘I’ll help her as soon as I can. You see, Chloe has to leave tonight, so I was hoping to spend time with her today.’

  ‘Perhaps we could help at the flat for an hour or two, Freddie,’ Chloe offered sweetly.

  I see what Eliza means. That’s all a bit false nicey nicey… and so is she.

  He took a furtive closer look at Chloe, noting the heavy make-up accentuating her brown eyes and her long wavy auburn hair, neatly tied with a hairband at the nape of her neck. She had sculpted eyebrows that seemed to be the fashion, but she didn’t have any great long talons for fingernails. Instead, Chloe had neatly manicured hands, shiny nails but not painted. No wedding ring. Freddie seemed to hang on her every word, which for some reason that morning Konrad found sickening.

  ‘Do you have any particular plans for this afternoon, Mr Neale?’ Chloe asked, smiling broadly.

  She sounds like a bloody hairdresser. “Going anywhere nice on holiday this year?”

  ‘I’m meeting a friend, and we’re going to Anglesey to revisit some old haunts. I’m looking forward to it.’ Konrad made it clear that his plans were not for changing.

  ‘So we may see you before I have to leave then.’

  ‘Perhaps. I’m not sure what my timetable is. Probably dinner in my room. I have a business meeting on Monday and possibly Tuesday and I’ll be keeping my face away from public places over the weekend.’

  ‘Dad doesn’t usually wear a baseball cap to breakfast,’ Freddie explained unnecessarily.

  ‘It’s been nice meeting you. I hope we bump into each other again sometime.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He looked down at the newspaper in front of him, trying to ignore Freddie and Chloe. Their very presence was annoying him and it took a few moments to work out why. When it came to him, it was simple; Freddie had become a male version of Delia. He wanted to look good, swan around with beautiful people, take advantage of what he could, and not want to get his hands dirty. Eliza, on the other hand was a female version of himself, only braver. Konrad loved them both, but he wanted to shake Freddie and then give him a swift kick up the arse.

  ‘On the subject of money, Freddie, have you secured a job for the summer? Because I’m letting you know now, that with an expensive divorce pending, my income isn’t going to stretch to supporting you kids at uni, as well as paying for your mother’s lavish lifestyle. I’ll pay for the fees and the rent on your flat but the rest is down to you.’

  ‘Actually, Dad, I wanted to speak to you about that. Chloe is based not too far from London, so I was wondering if there were any jobs going at Channel 7 for a few weeks or so.’

  He looked his son square in the eye and after a short meaningful pause said, ‘I think it’s time you found your own work, Freddie. As your mother is about to strip me bare, there will be no coat tails for you to hang on to. Step up now, sunshine. Perhaps Chloe could help.’ Konrad looked across at the girl and caught a glimpse of a furious expression, before hammering his point home. ‘I’m sorry if you were expecting me to invent a job for you. It doesn’t work like that anymore, but Eliza seemed to think she could offer bar work for the summer…’

  Come on, Freddie, I’ve had enough of your mother taking me for a ride with nothing in return, and I’m not doing the same for you. Time to grow up, my boy.

  ‘I don’t want to do bloody bar work,’ an indignant Freddie protested.

  Having heard enough, Konrad stood up, folded the newspaper and tucked it under his arm. ‘I’m sure you’ll find something. Good morning.’ With that, he left the dining room.

  He turned to look back when he reached the exit and saw his son with hands held in the air as if unable to explain where he had gone wrong. Chloe’s mouth was a thin slit.

  Well, Freddie, she doesn’t look too impressed with you now.

  The rain had held off during the morning of DIY, and after a bite to eat, courtesy of Eliza, it was time to head over to Anglesey and to the beach car park to meet up with Lorna. She had already arrived, so Konrad parked The Green Machine next to her car.

  Lorna had her walking boots on ready to go by the time Konrad had retrieved his from the back of his car, and she chatted as he did up his laces. ‘It’s a bit chilly for nearly summer, never mind, we’ve hit the tide times right, it’s still going out, so we can have a good wander around the island.’

  ‘I’m nearly ready. Hat on, phone off,’ he said as he went to press the button to switch off his mobile. However, he thought
better of it when he saw notification of three messages. ‘Shall we look at these first? I’m dying to know what the fall-out is from my early lunch with George yesterday. There was only a hint in the Daily Albion that I may have been “out with a gay friend trying to cope with the agony of my pending divorce”, and all that crap, but the photos were funny.’

  ‘Yes, let’s have a look, then we can ignore the phone after that for a few hours.’

  ‘Right. The first message is from Annette. Usual piss-take. Sends her love. Then the next one is from Barney.’

  “I’ll never sleep with you again. You got me into your bed under false pretences you bastard. See you for a pint on Wednesday.”

  Konrad and Lorna laughed while looking at each other in appreciation of Barney’s sense of humour. ‘Looks like some of the papers have fallen for it. That’s good news. Delia will be sending the “slap on the wrist” to the editors and the job will be done.’

  He moved on to the third message.

  “You say one thing and do another. I warned you I would be watching. You must cancel your meeting, back off and stop trying to find me. I gave you a chance. I deserve to live my life without fear, and so do you, but now we will both have to deal with it.”

  ‘What the hell does that mean exactly, do you think?’ Konrad looked at Lorna for her help with an answer.

  ‘How does your stalker know about your meeting with Josh Hawley?’

  Lorna and Konrad were facing each other, worried expressions on their faces. ‘I’m not sure. It’ll be on my movements’ calendar at the office, Annette and the boys in editing know, possibly reception. The Management Centre has a small meeting room booked for us for Monday and Tuesday, and Josh is booked in for two nights. I’m in the same room as last time, and Tessa seemed to know where that was. Is she getting information from the hotel?’