Take My Dress Off

by S. Gilmour

  “C’mon.” He pulled me up. “It’s not like you’re going to ruin the seats in my car,” he smiled.

  We cruised through town, hung out at Rocket’s for a while, then stopped by the ranch so I could check on my horse. I was getting anxious about getting home. I had a million things to do before school started tomorrow but Chaz wasn’t ready to go back. We sped onto Highway 29 and flew passed rows and rows of avocado groves, Don’t You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds blasting from the radio.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “Nowhere. Everywhere.”

  The wind tore through our hair and I sat silently next to him, glancing over occasionally. Ray Bans guarded his eyes so I couldn’t read him. He stared straight ahead, the muscles in his forearms stretched as he gripped the steering wheel. His mind was definitely somewhere else. I was hoping all of this driving would improve his mood but he was slipping further away into whatever was trying to get a hold of him. I was battling with something I couldn’t see and I was desperately losing. I tried to make conversation with him but his answers were short and curt, like he was annoyed that I was talking. We turned down a dirt road and were greeted by a sign that said Burn Lake, three miles ahead.”

  “Burn Lake!” I cried out. “I haven’t been here since I was a kid,” I beamed. “My dad used to haul the horses here and we would ride around the lake and fish.”

  “My dad brought me here to fish too.”

  I placed my hand over Chaz’s on the gear stick and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

  Chaz guided the car into the parking lot. He asked, “Do you think that yellow bear statue is still on the playground?”

  “I have pictures of me as a child on that bear.”

  “Me too.”

  We hopped out of the car and Chaz held my hand as we walked the path to the lake. There were a couple of people fishing from the bank and a few floating around on inner tubes.

  “I haven’t been here in forever,” I said.

  “Me neither.” Chaz drew me close to his side. I looked up at him as he gazed out at the lake, a lost look on his face.

  “I was hoping being here would make me feel close to my dad. But it makes it worse. I miss him even more.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Chaz backed away from me. “Quit saying you’re sorry.”

  “I don’t know what else to say,” I pleaded. “What do you want me to say?”

  “Don’t fucking say anything! You don’t know what I’m dealing with!” He started to walk away.

  “You’re right, I don’t,” I called after him. “Tell me what you need from me because I don’t know!”

  Chaz stopped and turned toward me, looking through me like I was transparent. He closed his eyes, momentarily struggling with control, and raked his hands through his golden hair. “Say anything but you’re sorry. I’m so sick of people saying that to me. That’s all I hear, everyone saying they’re sorry.” He backed away and started walking up the path.

  Why was he taking this out on me? How was I supposed to know what to say? I had never dealt with death before (except for my cat, Smokey, when I was twelve). I never knew my real mother so I hadn’t felt the loss from her death. I cut my day with Danielle short for him and now he was treating me like this?

  I turned and ran the other way. I sprinted along the bank of the lake and ended up in front of the statue of the yellow bear. It wasn’t as big as I remembered and the paint was peeling from its back. I gathered my sundress and climbed up. The paint flaked and stuck to my palms as I settled myself on top of its shoulders. The hot metal burned under my thighs but I didn’t care. I thought about my dad and remembered sitting up here for a picture. I had hated being up so high. It had been hard to smile playfully when I was terrified of slipping off the bear. I was so relieved when his strong arms had swept me down to the safety of the ground.

  I didn’t see my dad very often but I still had a dad.

  Chaz didn’t.

  And I didn’t know what to do to comfort him.

  The sun began to set and I watched the sky turn orange, turquoise, and purple. The wind picked up and I slid the elastic down my ponytail. My hair tossed around in the wind and I reached my hands up to the sky. I wished the wind would carry me away. Away from Chaz’s anger, away from the impending demands of senior year…

  “You look good up there,” called Chaz. “Kind of sexy.” He stood before me, his hair blowing wildly.

  “Where were you?” I asked.

  “Walking. Thinking.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and kicked at the dirt.

  I looked around trying to figure out how to get down. Getting up was easy, getting down? Not so easy.

  “Help me get off this thing.”

  “Nope.”

  “Excuse me?”

  A devilish smile teased at his lips. “You got yourself up there. Figure it out.” He turned and sprinted off to the car.

  “Chaz?” I cried. I turned onto my stomach and slowly slid down the old bear, my toes searching for level ground. I could hear the roar of the Mustang’s engine up ahead.

  Was he really leaving?

  The Mustang backed out of the parking space and turned.

  I started running toward the car but the Mustang was speeding away down the dirt road, a cloud of dust chasing the red tail lights. I stopped running and put my hands on my hips. I couldn’t believe it! Maybe there was a pay phone. Shit! My purse was in the back seat!

  Great.

  I turned and started walking back toward the lake. Maybe I could get change from someone. Danielle would never let me live this one down, that’s for sure.

  I heard the Mustang again. I turned around to see the warm glow of headlights coming back down the road. I stopped and watched as Chaz guided the car back into the parking space. He stepped out of the car and began walking toward me, grinning.

  “Go to hell!” I said as he approached me. I crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Oh c’mon. It was funny. You should have seen your face.”

  “It’s not funny at all. It was cruel and mean. What’s wrong with you?”

  “C’mon, let’s go. Get in the car.”

  “NO!” I walked away from him.

  “Paige, get in the car,” he growled.

  I continued to walk.

  “Paige, get in the fucking car!”

  I broke into a jog. I didn’t know where I was going but I wasn’t getting in the car with him. He had frightened me and I was sick of his passive aggressive bullshit. He sprinted up behind me and grabbed me around the waist.

  “I’m sorry,” he said into my neck. “I was just fooling around. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  I twisted out of his embrace and ran away but he was quickly on my heels. I paused at the playground and leaned against the bear statue, like a safe home base. Short shallow breaths crushed my lungs.

  “You didn’t really think I was going to leave you here, did you?”

  “Chaz, right now I don’t know what to think. I’m trying so hard to be here for you. But you expect me to…” I shook my head. “I don’t know what you expect. I can’t take it anymore!” My eyes were welling up with tears... again. I think I’d cried more this summer than any other time in my life. My chest hurt, like there was a belt tightening around my ribs. Maybe this was it for us. “Chaz, you’re scaring me!”

  Darkness had fallen over both of us but I saw the pain tear through him. He wrapped himself around me and began to shake. I supported his weight and he collapsed against me. I held on to him as he cried, afraid that if I loosened my grip he would blow off into the wind that swirled around us. Suddenly, he grasped my chin with one hand and the other gripped the back of my neck. His mouth claimed mine, his urgent tongue desperately pulling strength from me. He reached underneath my thighs and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around him, not thinking just reacting. He pressed me against the bear and I forgot where I was. My anger slipped away and I melted into his
touch. He released my mouth with as much force as he claimed it, drawing in quick breaths as he turned into my shoulder.

  “Come with me, back to the house.”

  It wasn’t a question and he didn’t wait for an answer. He lifted his body from mine and set me gently on the ground. He gripped my hand and we quickly walked back to the car. We rode in silence, the only sound coming from the Mustang fighting against the wind, each of us afraid to speak and stop whatever force was driving us. He held my hand tightly against his thigh, only releasing it to change gears. When we were parked in the driveway the porch light lit up the front entry but the rest of the house was cloaked in darkness. I wanted to ask him if anyone was home but knew better.

  He tugged me behind him through the wet grass to the guest house. The door wasn’t locked and he held it open for me. We walked quickly through the small living room and into his bedroom. There was a faint glow coming from the bathroom that washed over the darkened room, giving light to the unmade bed covered in piles of folded laundry. As I stood stiffly in the middle of the room I could see him shifting gears as he set his keys on the dresser and picked up the stereo remote. The Smith’s filled the room. I remained silent, afraid to speak and pull him out of whatever he was going through.

  Finally, I knew for certain what he needed from me.

  I slipped out of my dress, only my bikini underneath. I pressed my body against his, soaking in the heat from his back. I fingered the hem of his golf shirt, coaxing it over his head and tossing it to the floor. I reached through his arms and spread my fingers against his hard chest, exploring the sharp cuts of his abs, dipping down lower under the waistband of his khakis. He turned and curled his fingers into mine, his eyes gliding over me from head to toe, evaluating, a battle raging inside him. I stood displayed before him, bared in confidence, my chest rising and falling as I fought to breathe, a crushing, smothering heat rising up my neck. He ran his hands down my arms, pinning them against my body as he looked down into my eyes, his penetrating gaze making me burn hotter.

  “Paige, I love you so much it hurts,” he whispered through clenched teeth. “Sometimes it makes me crazy.” His words set me on fire. He’d said it before but never with this intensity. All my doubts about his feelings for me evaporated. I pressed myself against him.

  “I love you, Chaz,” I whispered back and meant it. I had never said those three words to any other man besides my father.

  “I want you so bad.” He twisted his hands through my hair.

  “Me too.”

  He pressed his tongue into mine, softly at first but then with increasing demand, searching, twisting, tasting.

  “Let me love you, Paige.”

  We fell onto his bed between the piles of laundry, his hard body crushing me beneath him. Chaz settled between my legs and I reached for his belt, tugging to release the buckle. My pulse quickened as I pulled down the zipper, my hand grazing over his hardness as he quickly slipped out of his pants. He rolled his groin against mine and I wrapped my legs around his waist, my heels digging into his back and pulling him closer, delighting in the feel of him. He reached up behind my neck and loosened the straps of my bikini top, discarding it quickly to the side of the bed. His hands sought my aching breasts, kneading and caressing as his lips soothed the hard points. I sat up on my elbows and watched as he fluttered achingly slow kisses down my stomach, swirling his tongue into my navel. Chaz hesitated as he hovered between my legs, his emerald eyes locking with mine as my chest rose and fell in shallow breaths. He raised his hands to the sides of my hips, twisting his fingers into the strings of the bikini bottoms, never releasing his eyes from mine. He began to slide them down then paused, waiting for my permission.

  I nodded.

  He inched them down slowly, gliding them over my thighs and down my calves as I wriggled beneath him. I lay before him stripped, exposed, my eyes pleading with his. He brought my ankle to his shoulder and kissed softly up my leg as I tried to slow my breathing. When his lips reached my inner thigh, my muscles clenched and I bolted upright, surprisingly anxious. I had never been this intimate with someone before. His reassuring gaze settled me back down into the pillows. Electricity and warmth pulsed through me as he stroked his tongue gently through the delicate folds of my desire. I reached down for him, aching to have him inside me. Chaz crawled back up my body and stilled as my hand swept over his groin. I closed my hand around him, delighting in how smooth he felt as I moved my hand up and down over the hard ridges. He grabbed my hand and stopped my assault.

  “Hold on.” He reached up over me and slid open the drawer to the nightstand, searching with one hand, his other hand cradling my waist. His hardness glided back and forth over my thigh as he moved.

  “You don’t have to,” I whispered up to him.

  “Yes, I do.” He found what he was looking for and put the packet between his teeth, tearing it open.

  “I trust you.”

  “You shouldn’t trust anybody,” Chaz growled and sheathed himself. I forced myself not to think about his last statement. I didn’t want to think about either of us being with anyone else, ever. He settled back between my legs and pushed between my thighs as his tongue licked in and out of my mouth. I burned beneath him, wild to have him enter me. He slowly rocked into me and I brought my hips up to meet his. He claimed me with measured control and I bucked against him, wanting it faster. My body was on fire, delicious heat spreading and tightening through my core. When I began to moan he silenced my cries with his mouth as I writhed underneath him, overcome by how fast I reached my release.

  He stopped and pulled out.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Roll over.”

  I did what he asked and he covered my body with his. He entered me again, nudging my legs apart with his thighs and pinning my wrists with one hand over my head, his other wrapped around my waist, fingers splayed over my belly. Having him take control like this, being confined beneath him, brought me back to the edge again. He began thrusting quickly, his teeth teasing at my neck. I cried out as he unfolded on top of me, gasping into my hair as perspiration dripped down my back. We lay motionless for so long that as our breathing slowed I drifted off beneath him, content and deliciously satisfied. He rose up on his elbows and withdrew from me, my thighs clenching from his sudden absence. He disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door and I drifted off again…

  I felt the mattress dip next to me. I untangled myself from the sheets and snuggled up to him, fresh tears slipping down my cheeks. This was what I had been waiting for, it was perfect.

  Chaz gazed down at me, his dark brows knotted together. He lifted my chin, his eyes narrowing. “You aren’t regretting this are you?”

  “No, no.” I smiled though my tears. “I don’t know why I’m crying, I’m so happy.”

  “This is a first,” He trailed his hand across my wet cheek. “Was it that bad?”

  I punched his arm and he rolled on top of me, coaxing me into a kiss. He pressed his forehead against mine. “I gotta get you home,” he whispered. “It is a school night after all.”

  “Ugh, school.” I rolled away from him, taking the sheets with me, suddenly feeling modest.

  Chaz gathered my clothes and I quickly dressed in the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and pulled my tousled hair back into a ponytail. I was glowing. Danielle was right, it wasn’t a myth.

  When I came out of the bathroom Chaz was gone. I grabbed my purse and walked outside. I could hear the Mustang idling in the distance. I made my way through the grass and paused at the pool, admiring the soft glow. I thought about the last time I was here, when Donny was walking around the perimeter of the pool. That horrible night that we were at Piper’s party and Chaz’s father had died. It wasn’t that long ago but it seemed like it was.

  “C’mon, you,” called Chaz walking through the grass toward me, his hands shoved in the pockets of his leather jacket. “I’ve got the car warmed up.”

  I followed him o
ut the gate. The top was up on the Mustang and he held the driver’s side door open. I scooted across to the passenger seat noticing the faint smell of weed. I hadn’t thought about Chaz smoking since the night at the drive-in. But I was thinking about it now.

  I didn’t like it.

  Chaz guided the car down the driveway and onto the road.

  “Chaz?”

  “Paige?”

  “Were you smoking just now?”

  “I took a hit, I had a little left. Do you want some?”

  “No. I don’t do drugs.”

  “Weed isn’t a drug, it’s an herb.” He merged the car onto the highway then turned to me. “I just needed a hit. Is this a problem for you?”

  “Is it a problem for you?” I tried to sound casual. I didn’t want to start anything after the great night we’d just had.

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Where did you get it?”

  “Donny.”

  “Where does he get it?”

  “Some guy in Oceanside.”

  He turned on the radio and we rode quietly the rest of the way. When we pulled into the driveway, neither of us moved. We sat and stared at the garage door.

  “I wish I didn’t have to go to school tomorrow,” I said.

  “At least it’s your senior year. I’m starting all over. A freshman again. Lame,” he sang.

  “True.”

  He opened the door and I slid over. He helped me out of the car then pushed me back against it, slowly lowering his head, his lips gently brushing over mine. My body went from zero to horny in three seconds and I was gasping for him, my hands stealing into his hair.

  He stepped back. “Oh no, you don’t. I just got myself calmed down. You’re not getting me worked up again.”

  I pouted but he grabbed my hand and led me to the door. It was after midnight and I knew I was going to be confronted by a very angry Maddie on the other side of the door.

  “Do you want me to come in with you? Help soften the blow?” he asked.

  “No…I can handle Maddie.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow after you get home from school.” He gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “We’ll compare notes.”