“Um, should I change?” I ask, gesturing between her outfit and mine.
“Don't be ridiculous. You look great.” She says, grabbing her purse from the kitchen counter and heading towards the door. I shove my cell phone and credit card in my back pocket and follow her out of the apartment and down the stairs.
After three hours of following Emma around the city, I am more than a little relieved when she suggests that we grab a bite to eat. Settling at a patio table at Robyn's Cafe, I am flipping through the menu when I hear Em take a deep inhale.
Glancing up, I notice immediately that something is off and quickly follow her line of sight. It isn't until I spot a man and a woman walking down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street that I realize why she is so bothered.
I know without even being able to make out his face that it's Zayne. There is no mistaking his body, the way he walks, the way he carries himself with such confidence. He's dressed casually in jeans and a white t-shirt and has his arm linked with a tall blonde that looks like she just stepped out of a Victoria Secret catalog.
Her long hair bounces behind her as she walks, a knee length casual dress accenting her perfect curves. I watch her face light up when Zayne speaks to her and I don't miss the smile turning up the corners of his mouth as he turns towards her, giving me a perfect view of his face.
He leans down and whispers something in her ear and I can see her shoulders rise and fall with laughter. Trying to fight the venom rising in my throat, I swallow hard and try to force myself to look away.
“What a jackass.” I hear Emma say, but I still can't tear my eyes away from the moment unfolding in front of me.
Zayne says something else to the woman and then smiles widely at her before relinking their arms and leading her a little further down the sidewalk and then around a corner, where they both disappear from view.
Turning back towards Em, I find her staring at me intently, a look of disgust plastered across her pretty face. I don't have a chance to comment as the waiter appears to take our order and I can tell that Emma is dying to say her piece by the time he walks away.
“Just say it.” I sigh out, fidgeting with the wrapper to my straw. “I am an absolute idiot for ever getting involved with him.... Yeah, tell me something I don't already know.” I fight back the angry tears welling behind my eyes and finally look at my friend.
“Actually I was going to say that he is an idiot for ever letting you go.” She says, reaching across the table to pat my hand.
“You are the most amazing and caring person that I know. Don't let someone like him make you doubt your own worth.” She says, giving me an encouraging smile.
“Thanks Em. I appreciate that, I really do. But can we please talk about something else?” I ask, wanting desperately to just erase the last five minutes.
It would figure that once again, in a city this large, that the one person I would see is the only person that I don't want to. I just don't understand how this keeps happening to me. Again, I must have seriously pissed someone off upstairs or something.
“What do you want to talk about?” She asks, plastering on a bright smile like nothing out of the ordinary just happened.
“Wicked. Tell me all about it. How does it feel to perform on a stage in New York? Are there any hot guys?” This is all it takes and within seconds Emma is filling me in on every little thing about her new job.
Apparently cute guys are in not in short supply in the theater world. It would figure too. Seems like some people get it all. Looks, talent, confidence. While others, like me, seem to have gotten the short end of the stick.
Emma drags me around to a few more shops before we finally call it a day. While I tried desperately to not let Zayne's appearance with another mystery woman ruin my day with Em, I can't deny that it did put quite a damper on our outing.
I couldn't keep my mind from wondering about who the woman was, what she was to Zayne, or what exactly they had been doing since they disappeared around that corner all those hours ago.
Now, sitting on the edge of my bed, cell phone in hand, it takes everything I have not to call him and give him a piece of my mind. Problem is, I have no right to. I walked away from him, what did I expect?
I know that ending things with him was necessary. I am not foolish enough to believe that what we had could actually mean something real to him or even last for that matter. I mean, how successful can a relationship be when it's forced to be kept secret? And what kind of future could that be for the parties involved?
A part of me really wants to come clean to Alec. To go to him and just confess that I am in love with his best friend and that I don't know what to do about it but everyday without him leaves me feeling more lost and alone than I have the strength to get through.
Then the excuses would be gone. Zayne wouldn't have Alec as a crutch anymore. He would be free to decide if he truly wants to be with me or if me walking away was exactly the right move.
But then where would that leave his relationship with Alec? And would it be worth the irreversible damage it would do to their friendship when the the likelihood is that it would never work between us?
Even if Zayne came for me or confessed everything to Alec, would I be able to open myself up enough to let him in? Or would I simply shut him out the way I already have?
“Grace.” I hear Carver's voice through the door and a light knock sound against the wood.
“Come in.” My voice comes out broken and I try to compose myself as to not let Carv see that I am upset.
The door creaks open and Carver steps inside. His tall, lean torso covered in athletic shorts and a black t-shirt. He crosses the distance of the room in three long strides and plops down on the bed next to me.
“I wanted to see if you wanted to order pizza.” He says, pausing to look at me. “Everything okay?” He asks, nudging my shoulder with his.
I don't know why but that one question partnered with the way he spoke it, so kind and gentle, breaks the thin line holding my emotions together.
Without a word, a sob rips from my throat and tears begin to fall rapidly down my face. “Grace.... What.... Are you okay?” Carver stumbles out, clearly shocked by my unexpected breakdown.
Carver has never seen me get emotional like this and even through my sobs, I can tell that he is unsure as to what he should do.
“I hate him.” I sob out, for the first time not trying to hold my emotions in. I don't care that Carver is witnessing my breakdown or that Em is in the next room over and could walk in at any moment and find me a heaping mess of tears.
I don't care about anything right now except the overwhelming feeling of loss and the absence of Zayne in my life. I don't care that I have only myself to blame or that this pain is one hundred percent self inflicted.
None of that matters, nor does it change a thing. Regardless of how I ended up here, the point is that I'm here. That no matter how much I tell myself that I am okay, the truth remains that I am not. I am not okay because I am too afraid to let myself be.
“I can't lose him Carver. I can't lose him.” I say, leaning forward and dropping my face into my hands. Within seconds I feel his arms close around me, pulling me into his chest.
“Gracie what are you talking about?” He asks, squeezing me tightly as my sobs shake through my entire body. “You're scaring me Grace. Talk to me.” Carver pleads, pulling back to look at my face.
He wipes away my tears with his thumbs and then lifts my face upwards to meet his. “It's him isn't it? The guy from that day out front. Zayne?” He questions, wiping away another tear that escapes my eye.
I nod, taking a couple of deep breathes trying to calm myself. Suddenly the reality of the situation kicks in and I feel myself closing down. Pushing away from Carver, I wipe my face on the bottom of my tank and quickly stand.
“No. It's nothing. I'm sorry Carv. I've just been really stressed out here recently and I guess I just had a mental breakdown for a moment there.” I sa
y, turning to give him an apologetic smile.
“Grace don't.” Carver says, grabbing my hand when I attempt to walk away. “Don't shut me out.” He pleads, standing and pulling me to him.
“I love you Grace. You are my best friend and I love you. Let me be here for you.” He says into my hair, wrapping tightly around my shoulders and engulfing me in his arms. “It's okay to not be okay sometimes. We all have our breaking points.”
His words only cause more tears to come. Mainly because he is right but also because I have realized my fatal mistake. It doesn't matter how much I push people away or shut them out. At the end of the day it doesn't change how much I love them or how much it would hurt to lose them.
I spend the remainder of the night in Carver's arms. He doesn't judge me or give me a hard time about Zayne. Instead he just listens. He listens to every detail of what brought me and Zayne to this point and just when I feel like he could think no less of me, he offers me the comfort and the reassurance that only a true friend could.
He doesn't tell me that I am an idiot or that everything will work out in the end. Instead he asks me one question and in that one question he's asking so much more.
“Is he worth it?”
Honestly I don't know at first. Is Zayne worth the risk? Would it be better to love and then lose when you're loving a person like him? Can I overcome my past enough to allow myself to truly love and be loved in return? Can I take the risk of letting Zayne in only to realize that I am not strong enough and end up pushing him away again?
In the end, the answer doesn't change. I know with one hundred percent certainty that a life like this is no life at all. I want to laugh and love, hurt and heal, experience the good moments along with the bad. And even cry myself to sleep in the arms of my best friend when the pain feels too great to bare.
I want to live.
“Yes.” I whisper into the darkness. “He is worth it.”
And he is. He is worth all of it and so much more. But this doesn't have to do with just Zayne. It has to do with Emma and Carver, Becca and Jake, my mom and Ian and Alec. It has to do with everyone in this world that I care about. But most importantly it has to do with me.....
Chapter Three
“I just don't understand how you can eat that.” I turn my nose up at the Sushi that Alec seems to be thoroughly enjoying.
“You picked this place.” He reminds me, taking another bite of the raw fish and rolling his eyes at my disgusted expression.
I look around the small Japanese restaurant that resides just two blocks from Alec's office. I have never been to a place like this before. Long white tables with low sitting chairs, nothing but blacks and whites decorating the space.
“I did, but in my defense, I had no idea that raw fish was the featured course.” I remind him, taking a bite of my salad.
He smiles at me from across our small two person table and shakes his head. “I forget how little you actually know about New York.”
“You mean how little I actually know about anything.” I reply dryly.
“I didn't say that.” He argues, wiping his mouth with his napkin and laying it back into his lap. “Besides, experiencing New York for the first time is always the best. Each day you find new things to discover. I remember when me and Zayne first got here. I felt like I was living in some alternate universe for a good year.”
My heart rate quickens at the mention of Zayne's name and I have to mentally force myself not to show any reaction.
“Yeah, I'm there.” I agree. “I don't think I could do it without Em though.”
“Having someone with you that you know you can trust and depend on is always a good thing. If not for Zayne, who knows where I would be today.” He says, brushing a lock of hair across his forehead.
“You two seem very close.” I comment casually. Trying not to be obvious that I am purposely fishing for information, I can't help but seize the opportunity to push the conversation further.
“You seem confused by that.” He says on a small laugh.
“Well I was at first. I mean, he seems so closed off and serious all the time. But after I really thought about it, it makes sense. You are kind of that way too. I just don't think I ever really thought much of it because you're my brother and I've known you my whole life.” I say on a shrug.
He nods. “I know he may not seem like it, but Zayne is a very caring person. He has shown me on many different occasions the sacrifices he will make for the people he loves. He's been through a lot though and he doesn't let people in easily.”
The direction of the conversation has me literally sitting on the edge of my seat. I want so badly to bombard Alec with questions about Zayne, but knowing that I can't, I approach it like I am just simply curious and not dying to know everything there is to know about the man.
“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to keep the question as casual as possible.
“It's not my story to tell baby girl.” He replies with his signature line.
While the answer frustrates me, I can't help but appreciate Alec's ability to stay away from talking about other people's business. It's a quality I wished I possessed myself. Problem is, I am way too nosy.
“Well what about you then?” I ask, cocking my head to the side. He raises his eyebrows, clearly not understanding my question.
“You said you wouldn't know where you would be today without him. What did you mean by that?” I ask, hoping that I can continue the conversation without being overly obvious.
“I'm not getting into that with you Gracie.”
“Why? Because I am too innocent? Because you think I don't know anything about anything?” I lean back in my chair and lock my gaze on my oldest brother.
For all the things I love about Alec, there are just as many things about him that drive me absolutely insane. Treating me like I never made it past the fifth grade is at the top of that list.
“I appreciate you always trying to protect me but damn it Alec, I am not a child. Stop trying to shelter me from everything.” I say, holding firm.
“Fair enough.” He says, resting his elbows on the table in front of him and letting out a long sigh. “When we first arrived in New York, I got a little swept up in the night life. I ended up getting caught up in the wrong crowd and before I knew it, I was being tied to some pretty hefty criminal charges.”
“No, I'm not giving you any details.” He says, acknowledging the shocked look on my face. “I didn't do anything wrong but I quickly learned that sometimes you are just simply guilty by association. Anyways.....” He says, straightening in his chair.
“Zayne found a way to clear my name and at no small expense of his own. Ultimately he had to turn to his dad for help. You don't know anything about his family but I'll just tell you that turning to his dad for help definitely did not bode well for him with his mother. In fact, they have been somewhat on the outs ever since then.”
This news strikes me as odd considering Zayne never mentioned that he and his mother were having issues. I mean, I know all about the rift between his parents, I just didn't realize that the rift extended to him as well.
“So let's just say that when push came to shove, Zayne showed me that I truly can count on him no matter what the situation.” He says, signaling the waiter for the check.
“You're really not going to tell me what actually happened?” I ask, staring at him in disbelief.
“You know enough to get the jist.” He says, handing the waiter his credit card when he approaches our table, not even bothering to look at the bill.
“You're impossible you know that?” I laugh, shaking my head at him.
“Last time I checked, you take after your oldest brother more than you realize.” He jokes back.
“I guess you're right. Not that I'm complaining though. If I have to be like someone, I guess I should be glad it's you.” I say sarcastically, a large smile across my face.
After the waiter returns with Alec's credit card, he grabs his sui
t jacket from the back of his chair and leads me out onto the busy sidewalk. We make small talk as we walk back towards Fredrick Tower, having parked my car in their parking garage.
As much as I want to steer the conversation back towards Zayne, I refrain, knowing that it will raise some major red flags for Alec if I do.
Pulling his suit jacket back on and straightening his tie, Alec turns to me just as we reach the entrance of his building.
“Thank you for joining me for lunch.” He says, pulling me into a tight hug before releasing me.
“I think it should be me thanking you.” I say on a laugh. “But you are welcome all the same.”
“Same time next week?” He asks.
“It's a date. Only this time, I think I'll let you choose the restaurant.” I say, holding my hand over my forehead to block the sun so that I can see his face.
“You got it.” He replies, nodding at me before heading up the stairs and disappearing inside of Fredrick Tower.
I reach my car in the side lot in the matter of minutes but realize immediately that I don't have my keys, having given them to Alec to hold for me on the walk over to the restaurant.
Pulling out my cell, I pull up Alec's number on my phone but then a voice coming from behind me halts my actions.
“Grace?” His voice comes out soft and questioning.
I turn to see Zayne standing just feet from me. His body draped in the sexiest suit I think I have ever seen. I can't stop my eyes from trailing the length of him, not missing how every inch of fabric seems to form to his body perfectly.
“What are you doing here?” He asks, seeming almost hopeful.
“I... I was having lunch with Alec.” I stutter out, still shaken up by his surprise appearance. I hadn't prepared myself to see him, though I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He does work here after all.
“I see.” He says, shoving his hands in the pockets of his suit pants. “How are you?” He asks, his eyes meeting mine for the first time.
Embrace (Two Hearts Book 2) Page 2
