“Can we not do this Zayne?” I ask, shifting my weight from foot to foot.
“Do what?” He asks, his words coming out clipped.
“There's no need to stand here and have an awkward, forced conversation. You don't have to talk to me.” I say, glancing down to my phone and then back up to Zayne.
“I know I don't have to Grace. I want to. Why would you think I wouldn't?” He asks, taking a step towards me.
“Oh I don't know. The fact that you have shown up at Vitos on several occasions and haven't even looked at me, let alone spoken to me.” I say, not able to contain the hurt in my voice.
He shifts uncomfortably and then meets my eyes again. “I miss you Grace.” He says softly, his words barely audible.
I take a sharp inhale, not prepared for the onslaught of emotions that hit me full force at his words. Just as I open my mouth to respond, I catch sight of Alec quickly approaching.
“Hey.” I say to him, trying to casually warn Zayne of Alec's arrival.
“Zayne. Grace.” He says, nodding towards Zayne when he finally reaches us. “What's going on?” He asks.
“I was just saying hello.” Zayne responds first, his voice coming out even and casual.
“I was just about to call you.” I chime in. “I forgot to get my keys back from you.”
“Yeah I realized that when I got to my desk. Here you go.” He says, holding the keys out to me.
I step forward and retrieve them from him before turning my attention to Zayne. “It was good to see you again Zayne.” I say, nodding to him before turning back to Alec.
“Thanks again for lunch. I'll call you later.” I say, turning towards my car.
“Sounds good baby girl. Be careful.” I hear Alec say as I climb into the front seat.
I make it a point not to look back at Zayne but as I pull away and watch the two men disappear from my rear view mirror, I can't help but feel extremely disappointed that our conversation got interrupted when it did.
I can't be sure but it seemed like Zayne really wanted to talk and while I know that I should just let things be, I also know that doing so is much easier said then done.
Chapter Four
The weekend drags on and on and I am more than a little relieved when Sunday evening finally rolls around. While I kept myself busy with cleaning and laundry and even managed to lay down a couple of original songs on my days off, nothing quite occupies me the way that work does.
Though I am fully aware that my anxiousness for the weekend to be over has everything to do with the thought of seeing Zayne tonight. After our conversation got interrupted two days ago, the silence between us resumed and has made me even more impatient for tonight to arrive in the hopes that he will show up again. So needless to say that by my third set my nerves are completely shot and I feel like I am sitting on pins and needles.
I begin the set with “Raining in Baltimore” by The Counting Crows. It seems fitting for how I'm feeling. I didn't know how much I had come to depend on Zayne's appearance every night and now, well now that he hasn't showed, I realize that seeing him night after night was pretty much the only thing keeping me going.
I play song after song stopping briefly between each number to scan the bar and table areas before starting again. By the end of the set an uneasiness settles into the pit of my stomach.
As if sensing my internal breakdown, Becca has a double shot of Tequila waiting for me when I approach the bar for my break.
“Still no sign of him?” I ask, retrieving the glass from in front of me and waiting until she shakes her head no before pouring the contents down my throat. The burn is mild and I immediately ask for another.
“Rough night?” An accented voice comes from behind me just as Becca walks away to get me another drink. I turn slightly to see Thad, the lead singer of Saving Solice, pulling out the bar stool next to me and taking a seat. Like the first time I met him, he's dressed casually in tattered jeans and a t-shirt and is absolutely drool worthy.
“You could say that.” I mumble, nodding a 'thank you' to Becca when she sits another shot in front of me and a beer in front of Thad.
“It can't be all bad love.” He croons next to me, turning inward to give me a lopsided grin. “I mean, I'm here after all.” He says, smiling wider when an involuntary laugh bursts from my throat.
Something about this rock star from Ireland just makes me feel better, even if it's only the smallest of fractions. Of course, it could be how unbelievably adorable he is or the fact that his voice literally makes me weak in knees. My heart may already belong to another man but that does not mean that I am blind, deaf, or dead for that matter.
“Why is that so funny?” He laughs beside me.
“You're very sure of yourself.” I say, swiveling my stool inward to face him.
“Ahhh.” He says, taking a sip of beer. “Is that so?”
“Isn't it?” I ask, not able to contain the smile stretching across my face.
While tonight has been a pretty low point for me, in walks Thad and suddenly everything feels a little easier to face. Not that Zayne isn't still occupying every thought running through my head but it somehow seems just a little less consuming.
Thad doesn't answer my question but instead takes another drink of his beer before pinning his wide smile back on me.
“What are you doing here anyways?” I ask, circling my finger along the rim of my still full glass.
“I came to see you Grace Morgan.” He announces proudly.
“Me?” I question, completely taken aback. “Why would you come to see me?”
“Oh I don't know.... Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have not been able to stop thinking about you since that night we sang together. You kind of disappeared after wards and left me with a Cinderella story of my very own.”
I laugh at his comparison and proceed to shake my head. “Pretty sure I didn't leave any glass slippers laying around.” I joke.
“True. But you did run off and leave me with no way of finding you. Well except for here that is.”
“And clearly you found me.” I say dryly but can't fight my smile when he fakes offense.
“I like you Grace Morgan.”
“You said that the last time you saw me.” I remind him.
“And it's still true.” He replies, his smile crooked and goofy.
Having no idea how to respond to that, I fall silent, pretending to watch the sports scores on the small television hanging behind the bar.
“You gonna drink that?” He asks, pulling my attention back to him and gesturing to the shot glass still sitting full in front of me.
Without a word, I raise the glass in a silent toast and then empty the contents. Sitting the now empty glass back on the bar before turning back to face him.
“Happy?” I ask, smiling.
He only smiles back but doesn't respond. I find it nearly impossible to break away from the handsome face staring back at me. He really is very attractive. His shaggy blonde hair seems longer than the last time I saw him, his bangs long enough that he pushes them aside to keep them out of his eyes, which weirdly enough, only makes him more attractive.
My eyes fall to his one sleeved arm of tattoos, not missing the variety of images scattered across his flesh. There are a couple of tribals, a few words, a heart with barbed wire wrapped around it and several other images. Each one somehow blends into the next making it look like a scene rather than individual images.
Breaking my eyes away from his arm, I look back up to find him studying me intently.
“What?” I ask, suddenly feeling embarrassed.
“How much longer do you have until you're off for the night?” He gives me another lopsided grin before signaling Becca for another beer.
“I have one more set. I usually finish around one thirty depending on the crowd.” I say, glancing to the clock behind the bar that reads a little past midnight, just as Becca arrives to give Thad another beer.
“Fa
ncy a ride home?” He asks, his smile still firmly in place.
“I walk actually. I don't live far from here.” I say.
“Okay. Fancy a walk home then?” He asks on a laugh.
“Um, sure.” I stutter out. Immediately regretting my decision, I begin backtracking. “Well, I mean, I will probably stay late and help Becca out since Jake is off tonight so it will probably be a lot later than that. I'm sure you don't want to just wait around.”
“If I didn't know any better I would say that you are you trying to blow me off.” He says, a light laugh escaping his lips.
“No, it's not that. I... I.....”
“Relax Grace. I'm just giving you a hard time. Besides, I don't have anywhere else to be.” He says, resting his hand on my knee that is practically touching his.
The contact immediately causes me to tense but not because I don't like it. More because I kind of do like it and liking it makes me feel extremely guilty. But then the guilt makes me angry.
I have no reason to feel guilty. Zayne and I are not together and I don't belong to anyone, and yet even I know that's not the truth. No matter what our current standing, Zayne has my heart, and while we may never get our chance, it feels too soon to just give up all together.
“I should get back up there.” I say, quickly turning outward and jumping down from my stool. I throw Thad a quick smile and then head back to the stage.
I manage to get through a handful of songs without looking in Thad's direction. By one o'clock the only people remaining besides me and Becca is Thad and three other college looking students grouped at the end of the bar.
Usually when we get down this low I open my set up to requests. Because my song base is limited, it's the only time I feel comfortable doing it.
“Anything you want to hear Bec?” I call out through the mic. She pops her head up to look my way and then smiles widely at me.
“I think I'm feeling some Justin.” She shouts from the bar.
Knowing who she's referring to, I simply nod and begin the opening chords to “My Never” by Blue October. It's one of Becca's favorites and she almost always requests it when given the opportunity.
I glide easily through the song, having played it several times before, glancing occasionally in Becca's direction to watch her sing along with me. Each time I look towards the bar I purposely try to avoid looking at Thad, but somehow each time I end up meeting his gaze first.
As soon as I finish the song, I hear Thad call out from the bar. “Do you know “This is Gonna Hurt” by Sixx Am?” He asks, smiling at me from his stool.
“Actually, I do.” I answer into the microphone, weirdly excited that he requested that specific song. I immediately begin to play it. It's one of my favorites and I have spent hours listening to the acoustic version on repeat on more than one occasion.
By the time I finish, the last remaining customers have exited the bar and Thad is the only one still here. I know without a doubt that he is going to wait for me so I don't bother stalling and immediately start packing up my things. Through the week I generally leave my guitar here because it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to lug it back and forth.
Thad finishes his beer and then begins helping Becca stack bar stools. I can't help but smile at him as he sweeps through the bar stacking chairs and clearing tables like he works here and it's just another night.
Thirty minutes later I find myself exiting the bar with Thad. While I know his intentions are probably good, something about allowing him walk me home seems like an invitation that I don't want to extend.
Don't get me wrong, I am definitely attracted to Thad. More than I really want to admit. But even still, he's not who I want. The last thing I want to do is lead him on, not that that's his intention, but given his very flirty nature, not to mention the impromptu kiss the first night we met, I would say that I am not too far off base where he's concerned.
“I gotta say, I'm impressed.” He says as we slowly make our way down the sidewalk. “You really are as talented as Jake said.”
“Thank you.” I say, feeling my cheeks heat from the compliment. I don't know why but for whatever reason I immediately feel embarrassed when someone comments on my playing. It's ridiculous really and obviously I know I am decent, otherwise it wouldn't be how I am currently making a living.
“You never have to thank me for telling you the truth. For example, have I told you how unbelievably beautiful you are?” He asks, his hand grazing the back of mine.
“Aren't you full of compliments tonight....” I force a laugh, trying to play the moment off as a joke. He only smiles fondly at me and then turns his attention forward again.
About a half a block away from my building he finally closes the gap between our hands and entwines his fingers with mine. Not really sure what else to do, I let him. It's not like holding hands means I am pledging some kind of commitment to him. I have held Carver's hand on several occasions and he is nothing more than one of my very best friends.
We walk the remainder of the way in silence. Even though I try to justify the reason I let him hold my hand, there is an uneasiness that settles over me and stays there until we reach my front steps and I casually pull my hand away.
“Thank you for walking me home.” I say, turning towards the steps with every intention of making a quick get away.
Before I can even get to the first step, his hand shoots out and catches me by the arm, halting my movements. “Grace.....” His voice comes out hesitant and I turn to find that for the first time since meeting this hot Irish rocker, he seems genuinely nervous.
“I was just wondering if you would would like to hang out sometime?” He asks, his confidence sliding back into place.
“Oh... I'm not sure... It's just, well things are kind of in a weird place for me right now.......” I break off.
“Relax Grace Morgan. I'm not asking you to be my wife.” He says, his sweet lopsided smile falling into place.
“I wasn't trying to imply..... I just meant....” He cuts me off again.
“There's someone else......” He says, a statement not a question.
“There is.” I confirm. “But we aren't together and it's extremely complicated.” I say, apologetic.
“I can't say I'm not disappointed. But I get it.” He says.
“I should probably get inside.” I say, gesturing towards the door.
“Yeah, it's late. Maybe we could grab a cup of coffee or something sometime.” He says, his smile once again lighting up his face.
“But.....” I start to interject, prepared to repeat my previous statement that I am not interested right now.
“I can still be your friend Grace. You aren't interested in more right now, I can respect that. So coffee?” He drags out, his lower lip pouting out in the most adorable way.
I can't contain the laugh that escapes my throat. “Yes, coffee sounds great sometime. You know where to find me.” I say, turning towards the steps.
“Goodnight Grace Morgan.” Thad calls from behind me.
“Goodnight.” My words get a little lost in the air as I reach the door to my building.
I turn, watching Thad walk away and disappear around the corner before finally pushing my way inside. I would be lying if I said that I felt nothing for Thad. The truth is, if it wasn't for Zayne and my obvious issues with being in a relationship, I very well could see myself dating him.
He's extremely talented, funny, sweet, and very attractive. Not to mention he has the sexiest accent I have ever heard.
But at the end of the day it all boils down to one thing. He's not Zayne.
Chapter Five
“So how was last night?” Becca asks as she makes her way around the bar stacking chairs while I wipe down tables.
“He walked me home. It wasn't a big deal.” I say, brushing off her attempt to make something out of nothing.
“Uh huh.” She laughs, making her way behind the bar to grab the broom.
“Don't 'uh huh' me. You k
now my current situation. It doesn't matter how attractive or charming he is....”
“He's not who you want.” She interrupts, finishing my sentence for me, a sour look plastered across her pretty pierced face.
“Believe me, if I could change it, I would. It's not like I can just flip a switch and then magically forget about Zayne. I wish I could.” I say, clearing off the last table and making my way behind the bar to throw away a couple of empty beer bottles.
“I know. It just sucks. Here you have this amazingly hot musician who is pining after you and yet you're completely in love with a ridiculously hot asshole who clearly can't decide what the fuck he wants and has no problem dragging you through the mud in the process.” She says, stopping a couple of feet in front of me, her hands planting firmly on her hips.
“It's not like he's purposely hurting me. I walked away from him remember?” I remind her.
“Yeah after he fucked some woman in China.” Her voice goes up an octave. While Becca would never say it, I know deep down she has a serious issue with Zayne.
“We've already been through this Bec. We weren't together. He had every right to sleep with her.” I say, tossing my towel on the counter.
“Keep telling yourself that Grace. Either way, it doesn't change the fact that he is the one who screwed this up, not you. I think you pushed him away because deep down you know that he is only going to break you and that the whole China thing is just one of many indiscretions that would likely happen in the future if you were to keep the relationship going.”
“I don't think so. Zayne could never hurt me like that.” I say, not sure if I am trying to convince her or myself. Besides, hasn't that been my reservation all along? That I would lose him one way or another? That he would end up hurting me beyond repair, even if that was never his intention?
“Are you kidding me? He's already hurt you like that. Look at yourself Grace. You mope around, sing the saddest songs on the planet, and don't think I haven't noticed the way you have watched the door for the last two nights just hoping that he decides to show. It shouldn't be like that and you know it.”
Embrace (Two Hearts Book 2) Page 3
