The D-Man: Redtails Hockey 6

by Stephanie Julian

  It took an effort but she managed not to flinch away as Tony walked by her and out the door.

  She stood there for several long seconds, trying not to think about what he’d said about Justin getting her the job.

  So what if he’d said something to Jess about hiring her. It was the strength of her work that’d gotten her job, not her connection to Justin.

  Right?

  In the back of her head, that little voice began to pipe up again.

  This time, she wasn’t able to shut it off.

  *****

  By Friday night, Justin realized something had changed between him and Vivi.

  The team didn’t have a game until tomorrow night so they had a rare Friday night off. He’d hoped to spend it with Vivi at her place for at least part of the night. He’d planned to come back to his apartment to sleep and be ready for the optional skate tomorrow morning.

  But when she’d answered the door and waved him in, he’d noticed her smile didn’t reach her eyes. And her eyes barely met his.

  She’d changed since he’d seen her at the arena today. This afternoon she’d been wearing a sleek gray skirt, heels, and a black sweater that made her look like the hottest teacher he’d ever seen.

  Tonight, she’d gone back to basics. Ripped jeans that fit her like a second skin, a form-fitting black t-shirt with the name of a band he’d never heard on the front. The shirt made it perfectly clear she wasn’t wearing a bra.

  She looked like she was ready for a night at the Bomb Shelter.

  “Hey.” He stopped just inside the door as she closed it behind him then headed down the hall to the kitchen. “How was your day?”

  “Good.” She kept walking. “Got the promo videos finished. They start tomorrow.”

  “That’s great, Viv.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  She didn’t stop until she reached the kitchen then she turned on him, and he could tell by the look on her face that something was bothering her. Something that had to do with him. And work.

  His stomach clenched into a hard ball.

  “Did you lie to me about saying something to Jess?”

  Shit.

  His silence was all the answer she needed apparently.

  She took a deep breath and shook her head, her expression resigned.

  “So the only reason I got the job was because of you.”

  “No. Wait. That’s not true. You got the job because of your work, not because I happened to mention to Jess that you were an amazing photographer.”

  “But you lied to me when I asked if you’d said something to Jess.”

  Damn it. “Yeah. I lied. But—”

  “But nothing. Why did you lie? Why didn’t you just tell me you’d told her?”

  “Because you told me you didn’t want me to say anything. But, Viv, I knew—”

  “Knew what? That I’d never get the job on my own?”

  “No! Absolutely not. Your work speaks for itself and I knew—”

  He closed his mouth before he said what he’d been thinking. But apparently Vivi could read his mind.

  “You knew what? That I wouldn’t ask about the job? That I wouldn’t pursue it on my own?”

  His slow-burning fuse that rarely ever lit was close to sparking. But the ache in his gut was worse because he knew she’d been hurt before by a guy who’d wanted her to be someone different than she was. And that wasn’t why Justin had told Jess about Vivi’s work.

  “Would you have?”

  “Would I what?”

  “Would you have asked about the job?”

  She didn’t answer and her mouth remained a flat line.

  “I just wanted something better for you. Something you enjoy. Something you’re good at. I just want you.”

  She waved a hand down at herself. “This is me.”

  “Yeah, I know that. I know who you are.”

  “No, you don’t. Or you wouldn’t have lied.”

  His jaw clenched because he knew he was at fault but he also knew he was right.

  “You are damn good at what you do, Viv. And I’m not sorry I told Jess about your work.”

  “So you didn’t trust me to approach Jess on my own.”

  “No—”

  “Bullshit.”

  She spoke with very little heat but so much conviction he didn’t know how to answer her right away. Because she was right. He hadn’t trusted her to ask Jess about the job on her own.

  “I think you should go.”

  Again, no heat in her words but he heard the hurt.

  “Viv, wait—”

  “No. I’m not waiting for more lies. I don’t want to hear anything else you have to say right now. I just want you to leave. I don’t want to deal with another man who wants me to be something other than what I am.”

  His feet felt like they had five-hundred-pound ice blocks attached to them. He couldn’t get them to move. He didn’t want them to move but he’d been brought up to listen to a woman when she told him what she wanted.

  Vivi wanted him to leave.

  “I’ll go. But this conversation isn’t over, Viv.”

  “It is for now.”

  He heard the words she didn’t say just as clearly.

  And probably for good.

  Finally he got his feet pointed toward the front door, but he looked over his shoulder one more time before he walked away.

  “We’re not done, Viv. I can be just as stubborn as you.”

  Her mouth flattened even more until her lips almost disappeared. He couldn’t tell if she was trying not to cry or scream at him.

  He only knew that she wanted him to go and it wasn’t in him to refuse her anything.

  Amazingly, he walked out the door without tripping over his feet once, wondering how the hell the rug had been ripped out from under him in the space of two minutes.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Hey, sweetheart. How are you?”

  “Hey, Mom. I’m good. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing much. Just the usual.”

  “The usual” meant something was up with Bryan.

  “Okay.” He drew the words out to a couple different syllables. “Now you want to tell me what’s really going on?”

  His mom huffed out a quiet laugh. “Actually, everything’s pretty good here. We’re thinking about coming down for the games next weekend. If that’s okay with you.”

  The tension that’d been strangling him seconds ago left him in a long exhale. “That’d be great. I’d love to see you guys.”

  “Bryan’s been missing you pretty hard these past few weeks so we wanted to make the trip. If you’re sure we’re not going to get in the way.”

  Since he hadn’t said anything to his parents about Vivi, he was pretty sure his mom just wanted to make sure they weren’t coming at an awkward time during the season.

  “Of course you wouldn’t get in the way. And I guess you know we’re playing Ottawa so that’s why you picked this weekend.

  His mom laughed. “You know your dad. Old habits are hard to break.”

  His dad was a die-hard Ottawa fan, always would be. He’d hoped Justin would play for them one day but so far, that hadn’t happened. And he was happy here. At least, he had been until Vivi had told him to leave.

  “He knows I expect him to wear his Reading sweater to the games, right?”

  “You know he wouldn’t wear anything else. Oh, hey, your brother just walked in. You want to say hi?”

  “Of course.”

  A few seconds passed silently as his mom gave the phone to his brother.

  “Hey, Jussy, how’s it going?”

  There was only one person in the world Justin allowed to call him by that nickname, but it didn’t mean he let his little brother off the hook completely.

  “Hello, Baby-Bry. What’s new?”

  “Not much. Hanging in.”

  Only a few words but Justin could hear the strain in his brother’s voic
e. And he realized that this trip was more about Bryan than Justin.

  Since that’s just how life had always been, Justin didn’t let it get to him.

  Growing up, if Bryan was having a bad day, everyone had a bad day. If he had a good day, everyone smiled.

  Their parents had tried not to let Bryan’s issues affect Justin’s pursuit of hockey, but those issues had overshadowed everything in their lives, including hockey.

  Bryan didn’t play but he loved watching Justin play. And since it’d been a couple months since he’d seen Bryan, Justin wanted to see for himself how his brother was doing. He was pretty sure his parents would’ve told him if Bryan had slipped back into his drug habit. And if Justin had to pretend everything was okay with him for a weekend so his family didn’t worry, that’s what he’d do.

  Even though he missed Vivi like he’d carved out part of his chest with a dull spoon.

  “Got any new designs for me to look at?”

  “Actually yeah, I do.”

  Now his brother sounded more like his stable self, the guy who didn’t do drugs or drink to dig himself out of a depression so deep that he dragged everyone in his family down into the pit with him.

  As Bryan talked about the most recent sleeve he’d designed for one of his regulars, some of the aching loss weighing on Justin’s chest lifted.

  “And I’ve got some ideas I want to run by you for a back piece. I’ve got this amazing idea for another 3-D piece across your shoulders.”

  “Sounds great. Can’t wait to hear more.”

  “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  Justin throttled back a sigh. “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit. I know you. What happened?”

  Knowing his mom was probably hanging about within hearing distance, he said, “Easier if we talk about it this weekend.”

  “Hey, Mom, can you give us a few minutes?”

  A second later his mom came back on the line. “Love you, sweetheart. We’ll see you this weekend. I’ll text you the details.”

  “Love you, too, Mom. See you then.”

  A few seconds passed.

  “Okay,” Bryan said. “What’s up?”

  It took him a few seconds but finally he said, “I met a girl but I screwed it up and now she doesn’t want to talk to me.”

  “Whoa. That’s not what I was expecting. I didn’t think you’d ever get over Ashley. Kinda thought you might actually cave and kiss up to her to take you back. Glad you sacked up and moved on. How’d you screw up?”

  “I lied to her.”

  “Who doesn’t lie? I mean seriously? What’d you lie about?”

  Trust Bryan to see things like that. “Helping her get a job with the team. But I don’t think it’s about the job. It’s more about the way her ex treated her.”

  “So he was an asshole and you’re getting painted with the same brush?”

  “Yeah.”

  He heard his brother’s snort through the phone. “Then she doesn’t know you at all.”

  He shrugged that off, although Bryan may have hit a little too close to home with that one.

  “I thought… I don’t know what I thought. Anyway, I don’t know what to do to fix it.”

  “Doesn’t sound like this is something you have to fix. Sounds like it’s her problem, not yours.”

  True. “Yeah, maybe.”

  “If you really want her, you’re gonna need to get in her face and show her you’re not going away. Otherwise, she’ll just figure you’re saying fuck it and giving up.”

  Oh hell. He hadn’t thought of it like that.

  “When did you get smarter than me?”

  Bryan laughed. “When I was born. Nah, I’m not smarter than you, dude. I’m just not as…nice.”

  “You make that sound like a curse.”

  “You’re not cursed. You’re a decent guy, Jussy. There aren’t many of you around. She just doesn’t know how to respond, especially if her last boyfriend was a real asshole. So show her how much you like her.”

  “I think that might make it worse. And I don’t know that I want to be chasing another woman who doesn’t trust me.”

  “Then I got nothing for you, dude. Maybe you’re better off without her.”

  *****

  “So you think I fucked up?”

  “I didn’t say that.” Aly held up her hands in front of her. “And I’m not saying he was right to lie to you. I’m just saying, maybe you overreacted. Just a tad.”

  “Ugh. I know I did.” Vivi covered her eyes with her hands as she shook her head. “But I can’t help thinking that if he lied about this and I didn’t pick up on it, what happens the next time? And the time after that?”

  “If you’re already expecting there to be a next time, maybe you’re just not ready for this relationship. Or maybe you’re just not ready for a relationship with this guy. I mean, if you can’t trust him…”

  Vivi immediately wanted to come to Justin’s defense but she stopped herself just before she did. It was something she’d done for Jamie, too. She’d apologized when Jamie had said or done something insensitive, apologized when he didn’t show up for a party or a dinner, covered for his lies.

  She’d told herself when he left that she wouldn’t ever put herself in that position again of making excuses for a man.

  But Justin isn’t Jamie.

  Vivi sighed, picking up her coffee mug and taking a healthy gulp. “I don’t know what to think.”

  Aly’s commiserating smile made Vivi feel even worse. “Then maybe it’s good for you two to take a break. You got hot and heavy really fast.” Aly looked down at her phone. “Besides, he wasn’t really your type anyway. Okay, gotta go. Have an early morning meeting. Have a great day. And don’t let this stuff get to you. I mean, it wasn’t like you were in love with the guy, right? See ya.”

  Aly hustled out of the kitchen with a little wave over her shoulder, leaving Vivi staring at her with her mouth hanging open and a stew of disappointment, confusion, and anger churning in her stomach.

  Not her type?

  Those three little words continued to churn inside her head as she walked into the arena around nine a.m. It was almost eerily quiet in the offices as she got to work on a whatever Jess sent her way. She still wasn’t working full-time, but Jess said it was just a matter of getting the ownership to sign the paperwork and that should happen this week sometime.

  Around ten-thirty, she heard the distinctive sounds of skates on ice and the guys’ voices echoing through the halls.

  This week, she worked Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. The team had a three-game homestand and Jess needed her help with the groups on Saturday. There were more than usual and Jess usually ran herself ragged trying to touch base with all of them on a regular night.

  Vivi was still working for Sophie’s dad but she’d told him if this full-time position came through, she’d have to cut back her hours. She didn’t want to give up the job completely, mainly because she couldn’t quite imagine being able to live on only one job. Or how she’d fill her time if she wasn’t working.

  And maybe you use work to fill the holes in your social life.

  “Oh, shut up, you bitch,” she grumpily told herself.

  Maybe a little break would help her clear her head.

  Luckily, there was no one in the halls to hear her as she headed for the closest entrance to the arena from her office. She’d done this same thing on Monday and Wednesday. Snuck over to see the guys on the ice.

  Well, it wasn’t exactly sneaking because she was on her lunch break, but she didn’t want Justin to know she was there.

  Didn’t want him to think she was pining away for him.

  Even if you are.

  “Hello, Vivian. How are you enjoying the new position?”

  Straightening away from the wall where she’d been leaning, searching the ice for Justin’s familiar figure, she turned with a smile for the general manager.

  She’d only met Mark Ahrens once and only then in passi
ng. Jess had introduced her the second day on the job but he’d been on his way to a meeting and had promised to check in with her again.

  “I’m enjoying it very much, Mr. Ahrens.” She took his outstretched hand and shook, hating the nervous little flutter in her stomach. “Jess is great to work for and I love what I’m doing.”

  The handsome older man gave a surprisingly genuine laugh as he smiled at her. “Ah, another convert. Always good to hear. I stopped by the office to talk to you but Jess said you’d wandered this way. I just wanted to tell you that I want to make your position permanent and hope you’ll be signing the contract I left on your desk.”

  Giddiness bubbled through her, a joy she’d never experienced before. She hadn’t realized how much she’d wanted this job until he’d told her she had it.

  She knew it was the right move for her and her grin actually hurt, it was so wide.

  “Thank you so much. I’m really anxious to start full-time. I really have come to love the game.”

  “There’s a lot to love about it. And we’ve got a great group of guys this year. Well, I’ve got to get to another meeting. Welcome to the Redtails. We’re happy to have you.”

  Still grinning as he walked away, she turned back to the ice and immediately found Justin.

  He was skating backward, doing drills with the other defensemen.

  God, the way he skated. It was like ballet on ice. She could watch him for hours. If she wasn’t careful, she’d lose all track of time and stay here until he left.

  You’re an idiot.

  Yes, she was. She’d let her insecurities get the better of her and had pushed away the nicest, most decent, most amazingly hot guy she’d ever dated.

  But he’d lied to her. And she couldn’t figure out how to get past that.

  Sure, she could grovel and beg him to take her back. But she’d still have the same insecurities. Like…would he lie to her again?

  That grinding ache in her belly was back and she searched the ice for him again, finding him leaning against the boards with the goalies. Staring up at her.

  Their gazes met and held for several long seconds, long enough to make her heart stutter and her lungs tighten.

  Then Coach blew the whistle and she expected him to skate away. But he didn’t. He held her gaze for another few seconds before he took off up the ice.