Slave To Love

by Bridget Midway

  “Not by me.” Eagan shook his head. “I didn’t know about the show until we returned to town. She wanted to surprise me with it. She’d gotten some shots of the show sent to her. When we watched it together, we saw the scene with you and Taren at dinner. I knew it was you.”

  “I swear to you. I wasn’t supposed to be a part of the show.”

  Eagan held up his hand. “I believe you. Ananda took it harder than I thought she would.”

  “Why?”

  Eagan remained quiet for a while before he spoke. “Ananda and I have been trying to have a baby.”

  Jace beamed. “Are you serious?” He started to hug Eagan when he pulled away from him. Jace started to feel like he used to when Eagan cut himself off from the family.

  “She’s had five miscarriages in the last three years.” Eagan kept his stare down to the gravel road under his feet. “She’s been checked by doctors. They all say she’s fine.”

  “And you? What have they said about you?”

  Eagan paused before he finally answered. “I haven’t been checked.”

  “Eagan, if this is important to both to you, then you need to do your part.”

  “You don’t think I know that?” Eagan snapped back to Jace. “I want to give her the world because she has given me everything. Her love, her devotion, her trust. I feel like I’m getting punished for my lifestyle choices. If I wasn’t such a fucking deviant, this wouldn’t be happening.” He glanced at Jace. “I asked her why she did this show. She thought if she did this show and proved to me that she loves our lifestyle and me and loves the way we got together, I would feel better.”

  “Great. So you two can’t get pregnant and I fuck up the show.” Jace kicked his foot against some loose rocks. “I’m sorry. I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you and Ananda.” He put his hand on Eagan’s shoulder. “That includes going with you to the doctor’s to find out what’s going on with your swimmers.”

  Eagan paced in front of the truck. “I tried not touching her. I figured if we didn’t have sex, I wouldn’t be putting her through this torture. I know it tears her down inside each time she loses a baby. I can’t keep it together. Then she gives me the look. She touches me, lets me know she’s okay. I can’t stay away from her. I love her. I would do anything to make sure she doesn’t have an unhappy moment in her life, and that includes walking away from BDSM.”

  Jace blinked. He’d done the same thing for less of a reason. “You can’t do that.”

  “I can do whatever I want. I can’t whip her and try to get her pregnant.”

  “But you love her.”

  Eagan gave Jace a quizzical look. “Of course.”

  “She fell in love with you as a Dominant.” Jace tried gaining some eye contact with his brother. When Eagan didn’t answer, he continued. “She loves playing with you. That’s why she created the show.”

  Eagan exhaled. “I’m not conceited to think that the fault can’t be with me. I’m kind of hoping that a doctor finds out that I do have bad sperm. My biggest fear is that I’m fine, too. There’s nothing wrong with my swimmers, as you call them. Then what? I’ll have to face the fact that my chosen lifestyle is hurting our chances of making a family.”

  “You know that’s ridiculous. You have to stop shouldering the burdens of the world. You didn’t force Mom to drink. Dad didn’t get cancer because of you, and he didn’t die because you weren’t there. I didn’t start using because of you.”

  “But you did try to destroy Ananda’s show because of how you felt about me.”

  Jace cocked his head. “That was more about me than you. As for you and Ananda, you two use safe words. She’s not pushing her body beyond her breaking point. You can’t dress her up like a doll and put her on a shelf.” As soon as he said the words, he remembered Taren telling him the same thing about her parents trying to do that with her. They didn’t think she could be strong enough. Now he understood. He put his hands on Eagan’s shoulders. “Get tested. Play with your wife.”

  Eagan smiled. “When did you get so wise?”

  Jace chuckled. “In between meetings.” He held up his hand to show off his sobriety ring. “Still clean and sober.”

  “Why didn’t you tell Taren that we’re brothers?”

  The smile dripped from Jace’s face. “Before taping, she begged me to watch a show with her. It was Love My Way. She loved it. If she was going to want me, I wanted her to want me for me, not because I happen to be related to you.”

  Eagan nodded. “Understandable. At some point during the show, you didn’t feel like telling her would have been okay?”

  “I did. It had been too long since everything happened, I didn’t know how to share that. I was hoping to win and be able to reveal everything then.” Jace shoved his hands in his pockets. “I feel the same way about Taren. I look at her and I want to hold her. She’s so open and receptive to discipline. She got me to love it again.” He looked at his brother. “I had gotten out of BDSM for a stupid reason, too.”

  Eagan draped his arm around Jace’s shoulders. “We can be stubborn assholes, can’t we?”

  Jace smiled. “I think you more than me.”

  Eagan laughed. “I’ll let you have that one.” He looked out over the property. “I may have an idea for this property if you have no other plans for it.”

  “I would love to hear it. Some guy has been bugging Aaron about getting it.”

  “Probably a good reason for it. I think I can help you turn a hefty profit on this.” Eagan faced Jace. “That is if you want my help.”

  Jace nodded. “I do. But I think I have bigger fish to fry.”

  “You’re right.” Eagan smiled. “Come on. Get me back home.” He pointed to Jace. “You need to apologize to my wife. And then we need to figure out how to get your girl back.”

  “Woman.”

  Eagan laughed. “That’s my brother.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Roth. I can’t accept the job.” Taren didn’t bother going to the funeral home to quit in person for fear Jace would be there waiting for her.

  “I’m sorry, too, Ms. Kerrigan. However, Mr. Morton contacted me and told me you would be doing this.” A lightness filled the funeral director’s voice that sounded strange, like he knew things about her that she didn’t know. “When things get settled and you’re able to make alternate choices, the position will still be here for you. Don’t let a bad circumstance chase you from your dream.”

  Taren’s breath caught. She didn’t know what to say or even if she could talk at the moment. She disconnected the call without another word.

  A month had passed since that horrible taping, and Jace still looked out for her. No. She couldn’t fall for his trap again. He did this as a means to control her. She didn’t want to be controlled.

  Her doorbell chimed, which got her out of her head about Jace and the whole situation. She could ignore her body’s aching need to feel him inside her again. She could forget that hole in her heart left when she walked away from him.

  She snatched the door open, careless of who stood on the other side. “Hey, Dori.” Taren pivoted and sulked back to the living room.

  “Wow. You come back from the show and this is how you are?” Dori closed the door. “The show’s been playing on Cine-tastic and that streaming service. I haven’t watched any of it. I’m surprised your phone isn’t ringing off the hook. Why aren’t you with your final Dom or Domme?”

  Taren sat on a barstool and glared at Dori.

  “Oh.” Dori’s eyes widened. “I was right.”

  “I knew it wouldn’t take you long to go there.” Taren got up and went to the kitchen. “Fine. You were right. The experience fucked with my head.”

  “And you hated every minute of it, right?” Dori placed her purse on the bar area. “Right?”

  Taren retrieved a bottle of wine from the fridge and got two glasses from the cabinet. “I can’t say that. I liked a lot of it, actually. Even watching it.
” She poured the two glasses.

  “So what’s the problem?”

  She handed a glass to Dori. If Taren needed liquid courage to get through this story, she knew Dori would. “I got it down to two amazing guys. Found out one guy is actually Eagan’s brother.”

  Dori spit her wine across the bar. “Are you shitting me? Eagan has a brother, and his brother is into BDSM? You didn’t know who he was before the show? That’s pretty amazing.”

  “Not amazing.” Taren drank her glass then poured another right away. She would have drunk directly from the bottle if she didn’t think Dori would judge her. “We, um, connected before the show started.”

  “Connected? How?” Dori stared at Taren for a moment before her eyes widened again. “You fucked him?”

  “That’s a form of connecting.” She rubbed her hand across the back of her neck. “He never told me who he was related to. Hell, he hadn’t even told me his full name, just Christian Jace.”

  “Christian? Like the character in that—”

  Taren cut her off. “Yes! God, he hates that comparison.”

  Dori blinked. “Are you defending him?”

  “No.” Taren took a drink.

  “If you ever start feeling soft for this guy, remember that he kept things from you. Basically, he lied. My situation with Eagan was rough, but at least he never lied.” Dori saluted Taren with her glass. “So what happens with the show?”

  At that moment, Taren’s phone rang. She looked at the screen. “Why would Ananda be calling me?”

  “Don’t answer it. Nothing good can come from it.” Dori shook her head.

  “I’m not running away from her or anyone else.” Taren answered the call. “Hi, Ananda.”

  “Taren, good. I’m glad you answered. I’m sure after what’s happened, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want anything to do with me or Eagan.” Ananda’s voice had a soothing tone, almost like between every word she’d said, “I’m sorry.”

  “You need something?” Taren wouldn’t make this easy.

  “Yes. Since the final episode is sort of a bust, Eagan proposed a great idea that I’m hoping you’ll want to do.”

  “What makes you think I want to have anything to do with this show ever again?” Taren didn’t know if it came from drinking the wine, but she felt hot all over.

  “Because you need closure.”

  “I got that when I told off Jace.” Taren had nothing else left to prove.

  “We would like for you to come to the reunion show. You can answer fan questions. Ask the Dominants some questions.”

  “Will Jace be there?” Taren didn’t mean to ask the question so quickly. Her body pushed it out before she could stop it.

  “Come to the taping and find out,” Ananda said. “For what it’s worth, he’s apologized to me and Eagan. I’ve accepted his explanation. You don’t have to be with him to accept his apology.”

  No, Taren didn’t. She couldn’t guarantee that she could be strong enough to resist him. She’d done it before. She could do it again.

  “I’ll be there. And if Jace is there, I’ll be able to tell him off again.”

  “That’s my girl!” Dori saluted her glass to Taren.

  Now Taren would have to follow through her promise to not buckle. Jace wouldn’t be the master over her.

  ****

  “Are you ready, Taren?” Kitty asked from inside a spare bedroom in Eagan and Ananda’s house that became a dressing room for her.

  Taren figured Jace wouldn’t allow cameras back in his house again. She didn’t blame him. One intrusion had to be enough.

  She stood and smoothed her hands down her white sequined gown. “Ready.”

  Now wardrobe made her the white, sparkly virgin. Either way, this would be her last foray into reality TV, BDSM, and Jace’s life. She would be ready to file a restraining order if she needed.

  Kitty walked Taren out to the living room area and sat her in a large chair. Another chair sat next to it. She figured Madame Macabre would be in that one. Then rows of chairs lined up next to her. Before shooting starting, she began to count to see if they put out twenty-four—sixteen for the original Dominants and eight for the house slaves—or would there only be twenty-three?

  “Okay, Mackie. Get to your chair.” Kitty pointed to the chair next to Taren.

  Taren continued counting.

  “Are you excited?” Macabre asked while a microphone got hooked up to her black-and-red leather dress.

  “Uh, yeah, sure.”

  Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen…

  “Okay, we’re rolling. Action!”

  Damn!

  “Welcome, friends.” Macabre raised her hands like a minister. “Welcome to the reunion show for Slave to Love. To my left is the submissive all the Dominants were after, Taren.” She kissed Taren on her cheek. “How have you been since the show?”

  “Confused, disappointed. The experience wasn’t what I thought it would be.” Taren would do this honestly. No holding back.

  “I understand. That last episode was pretty intense.” Macabre nodded. “Let’s bring out the eliminated Dominants first and get their take.”

  Seven of the original eight Dominants marched out to the living room area. Taren scanned the group and realized Master Rock didn’t accompany them. Either he wanted no part of this reunion show or they planned on bringing him out with the top eight. He had come back and made it to the top two.

  She did find it interesting to see these people now without their masks. She found them to be all attractive in their own way. Some looked older than she imagined. Others looked so stern that Taren wished they had worn masks.

  Dominina Destruction came out first. Remembering their one and only encounter, Taren shifted in her seat. She uncrossed her legs just in case she would have to run for cover.

  The Dominants stood in front of the first row of chairs and all took their seats in unison.

  “Welcome.” Macabre kept her same cordial smile. “The last time we saw you eight was in the first episode and Taren chose someone else over you all. I’m sure viewers are dying to know what you all are up to now.” She directed her attention to Destruction first. “Dominina, why don’t you go first? What have you been up to since your fiery exit?”

  Dominina Destruction said nothing as she glared at Taren. She looked like she started to stand. The guards standing in the back of the room started to approach the filming area, but stopped when she settled down and crossed her legs. She looked controlled. Maybe she’d gotten on some good medication since leaving.

  “Thank you, Madame Macabre. Since Taren ousted me, I’ve been rather busy.” She flipped her long hair off her shoulder. “Turns out, men and women like a rough bitch. I’m able to play with different people every night. It’s wonderful.” This time when she looked at Taren, she smiled. “I suppose I should thank you for kicking me off the show first.”

  Taren and Macabre waited to hear Dominina’s apology. It never came.

  “Right. Let’s move on to Master Lock.”

  The dark-skinned man leaned back in his chair. “Yes, let’s discuss why Taren here got rid of me and had two white men as the final two.”

  No longer feeling overwhelmed by the situation, Taren spoke up for herself. “When I chose another contestant over you, it had nothing to do with race. I had a feeling we wouldn’t mesh. Listening to you now, it looks like I was right.”

  Lock snickered. “Were you?” He looked around the area. “I don’t see you with a Dom or Domme. Guess your picking skills let you down.” He shrugged. “Should have went with a sure thing.”

  “Silence.” God held up his hand. “You should have addressed me first. Since you didn’t, let me correct your mistake now.”

  Taren felt her eyes rolling in her head. No pun intended, thank God she didn’t choose him.

  God pointed at Taren. “You made a huge mistake not selecting me.”

  “Why?” Taren asked. “Is is because people got to see the real you
and now no one wants to play with you?”

  God sat back in his chair and said nothing.

  “This was a whole new experience for me, too.” Taren addressed the group.

  Some gave her their attention. Others, like God and Master Lock, kept their stares directed down to the floor.

  “During this process, I remember turning to Madame Macabre and telling her I couldn’t do this. She kept reminding me to go with my gut.” Taren put her hand to her stomach.

  “How did that work out for you?” A man wearing a Mr. Punisher nametag asked her.

  “Very good. Through this process, I learned what I like and what I don’t like very quickly. I also learned to speak up for myself. I’m not a victim. I choose what happens to me.” The more Taren talked, the more relaxed she felt. She directed her attention to Sadistic Bastard. “How has life been for you since the show?”

  He glared at her. “Hard. People call me Bastard in the streets like they know me. I can’t get any bitches to play with me.”

  Taren’s back straightened with his crass remark.

  “Mackie used to play with me. You loved it, didn’t you?” He pointed at her.

  Macabre maintained her cool demeanor. “That was a long time ago. I’m a Domme now. Good luck finding someone else willing to put up with you.”

  Sadistic Bastard shook his head. “This is bullshit. I’m not a racist.”

  Pleasure Principal, a Hispanic man, and Master Flame, who looked like he came from India, sat on either sides of Bastard.

  Principal put his arm around Bastard. “Good thing. I hate fucking racist pig bastards.”

  Flame put his arm around Bastard at the same time. “Yeah. Folks like that really burn me. Or they get burned.”

  Security started to approach the three of them.

  “Okay, we get it.” Macabre tried to keep the men peaceful. “Let’s relax and let him go. Remember that all play is overall consensual, right?”