Time Travel 02 Nothing but Time

by Angeline Fortin

  As for Harrowby, the concept itself was startling. In the entirety of his life, he’d never known a female he considered to be a friend. Certainly, there had never been an employee of his he thought of in such a fashion, even Timson who had been at his side through the most personal moments of his life for the past decade. Kate was both a female and an employee and completely unlike any of his mates from school or university. She undoubtedly attempted to pry deeper into his personal life than any other.

  “One cannot be friends with an employee,” he opted for saying, as he had no intention of explaining what he was doing to Kate or anyone else. It was his secret, his private joy.

  “I told you before, I just can’t see you as my boss, Brand, even if you do sign the check,” Kate told him, wandering over and around the desk next to him before she propped her bottom against the edge of the desk and crossed her arms over her chest. Tilting her head to the side, she considered him thoughtfully. “But I guess you might not see it the same way. Is that all it is then? You’re the boss and I’m just one of hundreds of employees to you?”

  “Not at all.” Harrowby didn’t need to give it a second thought. Kate Kallastad was unlike anyone he’d ever employed, unlike anyone he’d ever known. He’d never met a person who he knew, even after a few mere hours of acquaintance, would deal with him as honestly and straightforwardly as she. There was no complicity or artifice about her. It was part of what he liked about her. So, if he liked her, Harrowby supposed that it might be the beginning of a friendship with her… as odd as it sounded.

  Naturally, it might be a great deal easier to picture her firmly in a role of friendship if he did not also continually picture her in his bed.

  And he did imagine her so. The two brief kisses they had shared whet his appetite for more. The honest, mutual attraction between them – an attraction that had nothing to do with reward or benefit – was as compelling as her honest approach to the world.

  What Kate did not understand was that there had been very little honesty in his world for many a year. London’s ton was filled to the brim with deception and chicanery. Its elite would do or say anything to maintain their position while the newcomers would step on anyone to make their way up the social ladder. Taken as a whole, that mendacity was part of the reason Harrowby had not yet wed. He could read the calculation and speculation in the eyes of every woman he’d met in the past decade. It made him weary, so weary that he’d given up on Society as a whole, reduced to going through the motions lest the back-stabbers turn on him.

  He hated the world he lived in, hated the rules that left him without trustworthy companions, left him alone even when surrounded by hundreds. Alone even in the company of his own mother who cared more about how Society viewed her and her behavior than how her own children saw her.

  Harrowby didn’t want to live his life that way and certainly did not want to marry a woman who thrived in such an environment. Even his mother’s constant nagging over the subject for nearly a decade hadn’t been able to coerce him into such folly. He didn’t want his children to grow up as he had, as if he were more an acquaintance to his parents than a blood relative.

  He wanted warmth and affection, though he had no idea how those things truly felt. He wanted hugs such as Kate delivered so freely and as he vaguely remembered receiving from his childhood nanny.

  With a sigh, Harrowby reached out and took Kate’s hand, lightly stroking his thumb across the back of it. He wasn’t certain what he intended to say but the words that emerged unbidden surprised him as much as they surprised her. “You express such astonishment regarding my relationship with my mother, so I must ask, what is your mother like, Kate?”

  A long moment of silence followed as Kate studied him with a frown. “Do you really think a comparison will make you feel better about things?” she asked. She had seen the emotions flitting across his face, generally knew where they were headed. It didn’t take a genius to realize that Brand was a loner, that he had few, if any, close relationships. However, there was a whole lot of love bottled up in Brand. She’d seen it in the way he smiled at Nate and ruffled his hair, in the way he’d fallen into their hug as if he were a man starving for affection.

  And Kate wanted to give it to him.

  Not because she felt sorry for him. No, pity wasn’t enough to spur on the kind of emotions Harrowby stirred in her. Kate didn’t want to soothe and comfort, she wanted to see just one smile of true happiness on Brand’s face. She didn’t think there would be a greater gift than seeing this man who worked, basically, in a job he hated because it was the right thing to do, find simple happiness.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Don’t call it a comparison then,” Harrowby went on. “Call it an analytical curiosity regarding how a normal family might function.”

  “You think life is simpler on the other side?”

  “Perhaps, yes, when one has fewer expectations regarding their behaviors,” he agreed.

  “You think I had no expectations placed on me when I was growing up?” Kate asked with raised brows. “Just so you know, there was no option for failure in my family.”

  Harrowby shook his head. “I would wager that those expectations were tempered in some way by acceptance of your character but, please, you are avoiding the subject.”

  She was but Kate squeezed his hand with a rueful shake of her head. “I think you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment but, okay, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you about my family if you tell me what you were doing when I came in.”

  “I hardly think…”

  “It’s the give and take of friendship, Brand,” Kate told him. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

  Harrowby thought about that for a moment, thinking that Kate’s concept of friendship was much more involved than those he had been privy to in his lifetime. Sharing. Honesty. What would it hurt to try? “Very well. You first.”

  “’Kay then.” Kate drew a deep breath. “First off, you’re absolutely right in thinking that my family is very different than your own. While this might be due to anything from culture to class…” to time period, she mentally added, “my family is closer, certainly more openly affectionate. My mom is a blast. She’s fun, cool but a tough businesswoman, and very ambitious. She expects great things from her kids. I always worked hard to live up to her expectations, not out of duty but because I wanted to make her happy, make myself happy. Like you, I have just one sister, Anne. She is a couple of years older than me and actually has a son named Nate who is just about the same age as your nephew.”

  Harrowby smiled. “You’re making sport of me.”

  “Nuh-uh,” Kate denied with a shake of her head. “I thought it an amazing coincidence myself when I met him the other day. Anyway, if you really want to get an idea of what kind of parents I have, I can sum it all up with just one story about my sister. You see, Anne got pregnant right at the end of her senior year of high school.”

  There was that phrase again. “High school, as I know it, is a largely Scottish institution that I doubt would equate to any American standardization.” Harrowby frowned. “How old would she have been?”

  “Eighteen.”

  Harrowby just shrugged. Pregnancy at eighteen wasn’t unusual at all. Many brides bore a child in the first year of their marriages. Susan had, though that baby had died in infancy.

  Seeing his confusion, Kate added, “She was eighteen and unmarried.”

  “Ahh!” Now Harrowby understood what she was saying. The shame in bearing a child without the benefit of marriage had sent many a young lady over the years into banishment far from London or into a hasty marriage. “Did you parents force her to wed then?”

  “No, not at all.” Kate thought back on that time. Kate had been sixteen when it had happened. She’d always looked up to her sister with a bit of envy combined with that admiration. Anne was a cheerleader and very popular while Kate was more athletic and a bit nerdy. Anne had told her before going to thei
r parents. Of course, it had been harder to hide it from Kate because Anne was crying all the time. Anne hadn’t wanted to disappoint their parents any more than Kate ever did. She’d been just miserable and Kate had been certain her parents would kill her where she stood when they found out. “Instead – after the shock abated, of course – they helped Anne through it every step of the way. Mom went to her doctor appointments with her and Dad even did some natural childbirth classes with Anne, though when it came right down to it, he fled the delivery room the first time Anne screamed. Said he couldn’t take that.

  “They helped her with daycare so that Anne could start at the U - that is, the University of Minnesota – in the spring semester and still go to college. They stood by her side, supported her through the whole thing, and loved Nathan more than I think any grandchild could be loved. We spent our whole lives knowing our parents expected the best from us, but even at our worst, they love us even more.”

  Eyebrows raised, Harrowby considered Kate’s story in comparison – even though he had told her he would not do so – to how his own parents would have reacted in a similar situation. With a cynical smile, he knew that they wouldn’t have hesitated in sending Susan off to some distant country village for the duration, fostered the child out to some low class family and would never have spoken to their daughter again. They probably wouldn’t have spared a second thought to the child who was their own flesh.

  Yes, Kate had been right, Harrowby probably did not need the comparison, did not need to know how deprived his own life truly was. On the other hand, it gave him a picture of how he wanted his own future to be, about the kind of father he wanted to be someday. Affectionate, caring. Involved.

  “Did your parents raise you themselves?”

  “I wasn’t farmed out to the community, if that’s what you mean.”

  “No, I mean, did they take care of you directly? Or did you have a nanny?”

  “Brand,” Kate said with a sigh, stroking his cheek. “Why are you doing this to yourself? I was born in a different world, a really different world. I doubt there is a child in the whole of England today raised the way I was. It’s just not a fair comparison.”

  “Perhaps I just want to know that there is another way besides the way I was reared,” he replied, covering her hand with his own. “Tell me.”

  “You just make my heart break, did you know that?” Kate patted his rough cheek lightly before turning and easing down on to his lap. She did so hesitantly as if she was sure he would push her off at any moment, but a part of her wanted to show him affection as much as tell him about it. Harrowby stiffened as she sat, but when Kate wrapped one arm around his shoulders and leaned into him, his arms came up as if under their own will to encircle her. “Did you hear me tell Nate about my Dad when we were down at the pond?”

  She felt his nod against the top of her head and continued, “That was my life. My parents made a point to do things with us all the time, which is hard in any family where both parents work outside of the home. I mean most of the time after we started school, it was Milena, our housekeeper, who took care of us in the afternoons, but my parents were the best. We went places together, did things together. They showed up at school for every concert or awards ceremony. Every game Anne cheered at or basketball game I played in, they were there… if they were in town, of course. They both had stressful, high-pressure jobs, just as you do, Brand. They made sure that we were close to our grandparents too, dragging us off to visit one set or the other every summer or holiday. Family is a big thing where I come from but I think, in general, people just need to make a conscious choice to make the time for what really matters.”

  Harrowby sat there for a long moment with Kate in his arms, accepting the embrace though he knew what she was trying to do in ‘giving’ him another hug. She was sensing his isolation, his regrets over his own childhood and she was offering comfort. While he would consider himself man enough to be able to do without her comfort, there was a part of him that enjoyed that bodily warmth, that connection too much to push it away. Instead, he returned her embrace and tried to envision such a life as she’d had.

  He wasn’t surprised that the picture wouldn’t clearly form in his mind. He was envious to some extent of Kate’s childhood but more than that, it only helped solidify the vision of the future he wanted. If only he were able to share it with a woman like Kate who would certainly want to be such a mother as her own children one day. With a rueful sigh, Harrowby pushed that picture away. Kate was not at all what would be required in his spouse. He would be expected to wed a woman of good breeding, fortune and social standing like the dozens of women his mother had paraded before him over the years. The lack of control over just another aspect of his life was frustrating.

  “I thank you for sharing your life with me, Kate.”

  “Just keep in mind that my childhood is not the norm today, Brand,” she hastened to add. “There has been a kind of mini-revolution where I am from about quality of life and family. Even twenty years ago, it wasn’t as it has been for me. That’s part of how my generation has gotten it into their heads that we are the most important people on earth. That’s what happens when the focus is put on child-rearing.”

  “I shall keep your warning in mind. As I said, it is curiosity. Nothing more.” Harrowby straightened a bit, loosening his hold on her. “I would like to discuss with you at some point about your mother being a ‘business woman’,” he added to deflate the cocoon of intimacy surrounding them. “That is a greater curiosity than your family as a whole but it is getting late. You should be off to bed as I know Nathan to be an early riser.”

  “You’re not getting off that easy, Brand,” Kate’s arms tightened around his shoulders. “You promised to tell me what you were up to.”

  “I don’t believe such a vow fell from my lips,” he insisted though his face was flushed with embarrassment as he gave her a little push. “Up now.”

  “No!”

  “Come, Kate.” Harrowby stood lifting her into his arms as he went, drawing a squeal of surprise from Kate.

  “Careful!” Kate cried clinging tightly to him now, all her arguments forgotten.

  Harrowby looked down at Kate’s furrowed brow in surprise. “You fear I might drop you, Kate?” He tossed her up a bit before clutching her tightly to him and wringing another squeal from Kate. The sound prompted a bubble of laughter to build up within Harrowby and he swallowed it back in surprise. “Truly, you think such thoughts? I am easily twice your size, capable of carrying a much heavier burden than you represent.”

  “I don’t think I’ve been picked up like this since I was five,” Kate retorted. “You threw me off balance with that move… But still, don’t drop me, okay?”

  Giving into a chuckle, Harrowby loosened his hold letting Kate drop for a split second before tightening his arms once more, enjoying her squeal as she clung to him.

  “Brand!”

  Meeting Kate’s bright green gaze, so close to his, feeling her warm, lithe body pressed so close to his, Harrowby felt that enthralling tug of attraction once more. The humor faded from the situation as his desire for this unique woman blossomed once more and Harrowby could see in her eyes that Kate felt it as well. There was a battle brewing within himself that Harrowby knew he should wholeheartedly fight. His principles were at stake in that moment. Everything his father taught him about responsibility might be washed away if he gave into this.

  Kate knew it, too. She stared into his bright blue eyes as Brand held her against him. Heat flared in them, she could feel the muscles tense in his arms as he held her firmly. She could see the struggle between body and mind. “Give in, Brand, just for a moment.”

  “You are forever asking me to kiss you, Kate. Have you no pride?”

  Though Kate knew she should be offended, she knew that was what Brand was looking for in tossing out those words. He wanted her angry enough to be the one to leave. Perhaps finally, he was tired of fighting the attraction between t
hem, tired of being the sane one. The one with enough will power to walk away. Brand wanted her to be the one to do it.

  Instead, Kate leaned into his embrace and nuzzled the side of Brand’s neck, relishing his surprised intake of air. “I’ve spent my entire life with too much pride, I think,” she whispered. “I never made the first move, never asked a man to kiss me, never begged him to. I’d beg you, Brand.”

  A shudder ran down his length but instead of taking her up on her promising words, Brand released her legs and dropped her to the ground. Kate heaved a disappointed sigh. “And the uptight earl returns. Really, Brand, I think you might be a whole lot happier with your life if you just let yourself actually live it every once in a while.”

  “I live my life fully,” he said tightly, taking a step away from her.

  “Do you? Do you really?” Kate taunted him. Though Brand didn’t answer, Kate continued. “I realize I haven’t seen much of your life, Brand, but if this is what you call living, then you’re missing out. I’m just saying.”

  “Simply because I don’t avail myself of your brazen offering?”

  “What can I say? You’re a good kisser, Brand. Don’t read any more into than that.” Kate said briskly to mask the disappointment and hurt that his words left her awash with. It might have been a no-win scenario to gain Brand’s affection. After all, he had shot her down time and again but, even though Kate wasn’t comfortable in the role of the aggressor, she realized she wasn’t about to give up on Brand. There was something special between them, something unique and well worth exploring. If that meant she had to put aside her pride and be the one to take the steps that would bring them together, Kate supposed she’d just have to live with that.