“Yeah, fine. Good, I mean. Well, maybe I’m not good. I mean, I’m good; I’m having a great time with you tonight. I’m just at this moment…”
“Okay,” he cut me off mid ramble, “You’re obviously nervous about something because you’re doing that adorable speed talking thing you do. So what is it?”
“I’m scared of heights. Petrified.” I just stared up at him wringing my now sweaty palms together.
His face softened and he pulled me into him placing his forehead against mine. His gentle eyes searched for mine to connect and when they did he started to talk, “We don’t have to go on this, Kensie. It’s not a big deal, but if you do want to give it a shot, I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. You will be just fine.”
Not only does he remind me that I have the option here to not ride this ride, that it’s my choice, but he also encourages me to try it out without making me feel forced. Rationally I know nothing is going to happen to me, and I’ve grown to trust August enough to know that he wouldn’t willingly let anything happen to me. That’s the thing with true fear though, rational doesn’t matter; the fear completely takes over. Somehow wrapped in August’s arms, I found the courage to face my fear.
I took a deep shuddering breath as the line moved forward again. ”Okay, I’m owning this ride.”
August let out a low chuckle and kissed my forehead before pulling away, “That’s my brave girl. We got this.” He held up his fist in front of him and I obliged by pounding it with my own.
A few minutes later it was our turn to climb into the tiny cart. At that point, I was already so withdrawn inside myself from fear that my movements were on autopilot. I didn’t pay close attention to anyone or anything, just to my inner chant; I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. Sensing I wasn’t mentally present, August helped buckle me in and pulled me closer tucking me under his arm. “I’ve got you,” he whispered in my ear while I focused on a spot of old tarnished gum on the metal floorboard.
The ride jolted us as it began its ascent and my eyes jumped to his in pure fear. “I can’t do this,” I whispered, pleaded to him.
“You already are doing this.” He spoke calmly to me. As we rose higher into the air my pulse began to pick up and my fear started to engulf me completely. The world closed in on me sitting in the tiny cart next to August. My instinct was to run, jump, and get out now. The need to flee became overpowering, but I was trapped. We rose higher still and my vision turned spotty. That’s when August peppered my temple and cheek with soft delicate kisses. His lips made their way to my neck and nuzzled into the crook nipping and pulling at the sensitive skin. Caught up momentarily with the feel of the cool air fanning across the freshly kissed spots, I leaned my head into him. August must have taken this as his sign and pulled away to kiss my hair. I sighed in protest and he chuckled at me.
“Want to hear a story?”
“A story?” I whipped my head around. “Now?” I looked up and realized we were now at the top of the Ferris wheel. I became paralyzed when my breath caught in my lungs and squeezed onto the metal bar across my lap.
“Once upon a time,” he began. This was absurd. I was miles in the sky about to fall to my death and he wanted to tell me a story?
“There was a beautiful dandelion swaying in the breeze on a lonely hill. One day, the wind came to the dandelion and told her he was going to carry her away from her lonely hill. The dandelion was scared at first, but the wind told her that he would take care of her and that she could trust him, that he would show her things she never thought possible.” What the hell kind of story was this. Where was the princess or the little elves that come to your house and bake you cookies? I took my hands off the bar and folded them across my chest as he continued.
“Not wanting to be alone any longer and curious as to what she would see, the dandelion gave her trust to the wind. When the dandelion let go the wind blew she fell apart piece by and was carried away with him.”
“Wait, why did she let go? She didn’t even know the wind.” I asked him.
He laughed and pulled me in closer. “She trusted him. Even though she hadn’t known him long, she knew she could, and she was brave enough to let herself.”
I scrunched up my face and looked at him disbelievingly. “Oh okay, that’s realistic.” He shook his head smiling and continued.
“First, the wind carried her past a little girl playing hide and go seek with her mom in the field. Then, the wind carried her by two young boys fishing together in the pond. Next, the wind brought her over a young couple kissing wildly in the back of a pick-up truck, followed by the front of a house with a middle aged couple rocking in their chairs on the front porch. Finally, he floated her slowly over an elderly man placing a bouquet of daisies in front of a headstone.”
I placed my hand over my heart, “Oh my gosh. That’s so sweet.”
“Isn’t it?” August grinned down at me.
“The wind brought the dandelion to rest on the top of a new hill that overlooked a new valley. When the wind began to leave the dandelion begged him not to go for she had seen more with him than she ever knew existed. The wind told the dandelion that he was only a breeze away and to remember all the love he showed her on their journey. If she would hold onto that then she would never be lonely again and would be able to experience the new view from this new hilltop.”
I stared at August with my jaw slack and now both my hands held each other gripped over my heart. “That’s a beautiful story. The wind showed her what it was to live a life full of love.” I paused a moment. “I want wind.”
August smiled down at me and I saw the stars reflect in his beautiful wise eyes. “I’ll be your wind.”
With that, I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him down crashing his lips to mine. But once I felt him against me, the kiss that began quickly turned slow and intentional. I wanted to feel every part of August in the kiss, but more importantly I wanted him to feel me through this kiss.
My stomach rolled with each leisure and deliberate motion between us. August held my cheek in his hand while his velvet lips tenderly brushed mine. I placed my hands on either side of his face and held him to me while I drank in this heartwarming moment.
I gave every bit of me in that kiss. I wanted him to feel my gratitude for getting me through my fear, for not forcing me, but for encouraging me. He stayed in the moment with me and guided me through it with nothing but compassion and care. I was completely overwhelmed by this feeling. I had searched for it, I had craved it for so long an in this solitary moment August managed to give me a pillar to lean against.
He held me in his arms and told me a tale of love while bestowing on me an act of love I thought I’d never come across again. As we broke apart, a tiny tear tickled its way out of my eye. August dabbed it away with his knuckle.
“What is the tear for?” He asked softly.
“You.”
Chapter 11
August and I called it a night after our adventure on the Ferris wheel. We headed for the gates with our little lime green pup that I had named Sir William in tow. When he questioned my choice, I explained to him that he needed a regal name to make up for his lack of confidence in his looks. He poked fun at me for that, but August’s teasing and laughter came to a halt as well as his steps when we walked by the picnic tables on our way out. I looked up at him in confusion and saw him fixated on something to the right of us with his jaw clenched.
My gaze followed his and was met by two teenagers making out on one of the benches. Actually, making out might have been an understatement. They were hot and heavy, the girl straddling the boy and a mess of tangles limbs right there in the middle of a carnival. I thought I understood August’s irritation based on that alone, but it took me a second to recognize the couple. Gabby and Jordan were the compromised couple. I was one second too late in my recognition because August had already descended on the couple. A cloud of dust kicked up behind him.
It took me a second to recov
er from the gag reflex that happened when Jordan’s scraggly arms reached up and tugged at Gabby’s wiry hair, but when I did I scurried after August. I had never seen that look on his face before. The look of anger, disgust, and disappointment all swirled together to create a beast of a man that made me nervous for the two teens.
August reached the couple before I did and I watched in anxious suspense as he grabbed Jordan’s shirt collar and pulled him out from under Gabby. Gabby shrieked and fell away from Jordan who was in a fit of curses before he realized who had separated the two.
As I approached them I caught the anger August spat at Jordan. “Don’t you ever let me catch you mauling a girl like that in public again?” His authoritative and fierce demeanor sent Gabby back a few steps. “Not only is it disrespectful to her,” he pointed back at Gabby without removing his treacherous stare from Jordan, “ it’s disrespectful to all the families that are here and don’t want their children watching soft core porn next to the slushy booth.”
“Dude, relax,” Jordan cut in. Not wise Jordan, not wise.
“Relax?” August’s stern voice lowered an octave. “I can’t relax Jordan when I see you two kids, because that’s what you are kids; when I see you over hear engaging in something that will easily go further than you expect it to, Jordan. So easily, and I don’t want to see you, a smart kid with a bright future, ending up a dad before you’ve even had a chance to grow up. You can’t take something like that back, Jordan.” August took a deep distressed breath and ran his fingers through his hair.
I somehow managed to will my stunned feet to move and went toward a very pissed, and yet ashamed Gabby. “Gabby, I don’t even know what to say,” I told her, and I didn’t. I was shocked, stunned that we had just caught two of our kids in such a compromising position. I was equally stunned at the way August was reacting. He had always been so calm and collected, establishing an air of confidence and responsibility around him. This August was a frazzled mess of fury, irritation, and something else I couldn’t figure out.
I noticed August had visibly calmed and pulled Gabby aside so he and Jordan could have a minute alone. I could tell there was more he wanted to say to him, but not in front of Gabby.
“Gabby, you really have to be careful.” This was new for me. I’d never given advice in this situation before. Although, I’d never received it either when I should have.
“I’m not some slut, Ms. Kensie. I know that’s what you think.” Tears began to well up in her eyes.
“That’s not what I think at all, Gabby. At all. Look at me.” I wanted her to see the genuine concern on my face and know that it was coming from a place of love, not disgust. When she looked up from where she was running the toe of her shoe in the dirt I continued, “What I think is that you are a person who got caught up in the moment with someone you care about. I think you are a beautiful, smart, and funny girl. Obviously Jordan has caught on to that too, because he likes spending time with you. I think you guys do, however, need to start setting some boundaries in your relationship. You two are clearly attracted to each other and Mr. Hunter is right, that can turn a harmless make out session into something much more very quickly.”
“I’m not stupid. I wouldn’t let it get that far.” She looked irritated at me now.
“I don’t think you’re stupid at all, but I do know I was your age a very short time ago.” I wasn’t sure how much of my personal life I wanted to divulge in that moment, but I felt like this was an opportunity for me to really connect with Gabby. I took a hesitant breath and pressed on, “I know first-hand how quickly a situation like what I just saw can become more.” Silently, I hoped I wouldn’t regret divulging that little piece of me.
“You do?” Gabby looked at me in disbelief now that made me laugh a little bit.
“Yes, I do. I can tell you from experience that going that far should not be done hastily or in the heat of the moment. It should be saved for someone truly special and you guys should be well prepared for it. You should want that to be meaningful for yourself and to not regret it when it’s over because you can never take it back,” I stopped myself a minute, “and I would prefer you wait until you are much older because it is really difficult when you are young to trust the people who you think care about you.”
I chanced a glance over at August and Jordan who were now sitting together and in deep conversation on the bench. He looked up briefly to me, and our eyes met. I still saw that same look before that I couldn’t name, although now it resembled something like anguish. I wondered what had gotten my sweet steady guy so worked up. He smiled a small forced smile and nodded his head at me, letting me know he was wrapping up his talk with Jordan. I looked back at Gabby whose eyes were anywhere but on me.
“Look, Gabby, I know that must have been embarrassing. I’m sorry things happened like that. Mr. Hunter and I both care about you guys and want to see you have the promising futures you deserve, with as few detours as possible.”
“Yeah, okay.” Was the only response I got from her. I could only hope she took some time to herself to think about the event that just played out and gain some understanding from it.
* * *
The walk back to August’s truck was uncomfortably quiet. Neither of us said a word once we left Gabby and Jordan at the scene of the manhandling. August was especially somber, and I wanted to do something to help break him from his mood. I suggested the only thing I could think of that had worked for me countless nights when I contemplated how to overcome the abandonment I felt from my father. I suggested we head to the cliffs for some fresh sea air and a stroll to help work out whatever was going on in his mind. I knew I wouldn’t be able to erase it, but I wanted to try anything to help him work his way out of it.
When we arrived at Sunset Cliffs only the cars that belonged to the impressive waterfront homes were left parked on the street. Not many people lingered around too long after the actual sunset. August turned off the car and looked over at me. “So, your secret place is one of the most popular tourist attractions, huh?”
I swatted at his arm. “Just because it’s popular, doesn’t mean it can’t be a secret. Only I know what is in my head when I’m here, no one else. And I usually come on cloudy days when not many people show up. No one likes to watch a sunset when you can’t see the sun.”
“I suppose not. And they obviously don’t hang around for the after party with the moon either.” He waved his hand and gestured to empty parking lot.
“They don’t know what they’re missing.” For me, an empty beach that was lit by nothing but the hazy moon was the most breathtaking moment to be on the sand. There was no better place to release the culprits of our personal downfalls. I always felt that what pollutes a person from the inside out was easily washed clean by the encompassing sound of the crashing waves.
They roared louder at night for some reason. As if the waves knew they had to put in an extra effort while people slept to wipe away their doubts and fears. I was hopeful that August would find the same sort of purification here that I did.
August went ahead of me and held my hand down the steps that led to the sand. We both kicked off our shoes and left them near the last step. Heading down to the water’s edge, I inhaled the heavy scent of the ocean. I felt August’s intake at the same time. I looked up and smiled at his closed eyes as he breathed in the same air. He opened his eyes and peered down at me. “See something you like?”
I laughed and shoved into him as we walked. “Yeah, actually.” I smiled up at him and thought that I more than liked him. I’m not sure what people call the middle ground between like and love. Hope maybe? I’m in hope with August. He wrapped his arm around me pulling me close.
“You cold? I think I have an extra sweater in the truck. I can run back real quick and get it?” He asked me.
“Nope, I’m perfect.” I answered snuggling myself in closer to his side.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence I spoke up. “So what happened tonight with Jordan
?”
He winced at my question and bent down to pick up a seashell before tossing it into it low crashing waves. “I’m sorry, Kensie.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I’m bound to see you upset at some point. Everyone gets angry for one reason or another. I’m just surprised at how quickly you snapped.”
“I overreacted,” he huffed out a distressed grunt, “with Jordan. God, I’m an asshole.”
I thought for a minute about reassuring him, “You aren’t an asshole, far from one actually. You did have a moment of assholery though.” I looked at him warily when a huge grin broke out across his face.
“Assholery?” he chuckled, “Well my moment of assholery was uncalled for. I apologized to him when I calmed down, I just hope I wasn’t too hard on him.”
“Sometimes kids need someone they respect to be hard on them. I think it’s okay as long as it comes from a place of love and you do it with intentions of strengthening them and not breaking them.” I tried my best to reassure him.
August smirked me. “You’re really wise. Owl status.”
“Owl status?” I scrunched my nose up at him.
“You’re my wise little owl.” He said and leaned over to kiss me softly on the lips.
“Hoot?” I shrugged up at him kicking up cool sand with the tips of my toes.
A loud chuckle burst from his chest mixing with the sound of the waves. “And she makes me laugh.”
I beamed at him as I watched him look at me with awe in his twinkling brown eyes. He looked at me with such admiration and warmth. I basked in it, and soaked up all I could. I hoped he saw the same in me when I looked at him, because I wanted to make him feel as cherished and valued as he made me feel.
“What did you two end up talking about anyway?” I asked him as we stopped to admire the moon hover over the ocean.
“Girls.” He grinned at me. “Wanna sit down for a while?”
Truth In Wildflowers Page 12
