“Sure.” I answered and sat down in the cool sand with August sitting behind me. He pulled me between his legs and wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling his nose into my neck. He placed a kiss there before resting his chin on my shoulder and looking back towards the water with me.
“He told me he wasn’t sorry for being all over his girl, but that he regrets doing it that ‘hardcore’ in front of all the kids. He said that he loves her. I told him that there is nothing wrong with loving on your girl in public, but that I want him to make sure he’s responsible for the physical part of their relationship. In short, I told him not to knock her up.”
“Do you believe him?” I asked.
“Believe what? That he will be careful? Yeah, I think I put more fear into him than an episode of Teen Mom.” I could hear the grin in his voice.
“That’s something.” I laughed. “ No, I mean about being in love with Gabby. He’s only fourteen.”
“Completely.”
“Really? You think a fourteen year old understands love?” I asked disbelievingly. I guess I didn’t necessarily agree.
“As much as a fourteen year old can love, I believe they do. I don’t think love is a static word. I think it’s more of a dynamic feeling that morphs and changes throughout life.” He kissed me above my ear sending chills down my neck before continuing. “I think love at fourteen is different than love at twenty three, and love at twenty three is different than love at seventy three. It has to be with all the lessons the movement of life brings on, but just because they are different levels of love doesn’t mean it isn’t love.”
I let his response soak in. If I had allowed myself a chance at love when I was Jordan’s age would it have been different than if I fell in love with August? I couldn’t even imagine being in love with anyone. At one time in my life, I thought I’d loved Nolan. For some reason it didn’t matter now.
“Hoot?” August broke me from my thoughts and I let out a giggle.
“Yes, hoot. Who’s the owl now, oh wise one?” My thinking had brought on a question I wanted to ask August, but wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer to. I wanted to know everything about him though, so I banished away my worry and asked anyway. “Have you ever been in love?”
“Yeah.” He didn’t even hesitate. Well hell, I take that back. I didn’t need to know everything about him. My heart twisted at the thought of him in love with someone else.
“Don’t worry.” He whispered in my ear, taking turning my jealous tension into lust filled anticipation. “It was a fourteen year old kind of love.”
“Was she a high school girlfriend?” Inconsequential love or not, I still didn’t like it.
“Yeah she was, but we don’t have to talk about it. I want you to know, though, that what I felt for her at the highest point of our relationship doesn’t even compare to how I feel about you now.”
My breath caught in my chest with that admission. How he felt about me now? Was he feeling just as strongly as I was for him? I hoped so. God I really hoped so. I didn’t know how to use words to express how glad I was to hear that to him, so instead I turned my head and brushed my lips against his. As I pulled away a little, he leaned in and pressed into my lips more firmly. I kissed him soft and slowly trying to show him the sincerity of my feelings for him. When we pulled away I leaned my forehead back against his cheek.
“Tell me about it.”
He took a steady breath before beginning. “Bree and I started dating freshman year. We were a pretty reckless couple in the beginning. I guess that’s why I was so hard on Jordan, because I had made the wrong choices at his age. We partied a lot together, skipped school most days to go back to her place while her parents were at work. We decided we were in love fairly early on. Looking back on it, my love for her was based more on a physical connection than anything else. I don’t think that means I didn’t love her though. We experienced a lot of firsts together, and a lot of heartbreaks together, and through it all I know I loved her in a way only my teenager heart could love.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have encouraged him. Jealousy gnawed at my heart causing me to rethink this discussion. His description of how he was in his relationship reminded me a lot of my careless self, except for one notable difference. He was in a monogamous relationship, and I was not.
“Look, Kensie, I think I should…”
“No, August.” I cut him off, I didn’t want to hear any more. Maybe I was being immature, but I didn’t want to hear anymore about his life before me with another girl. I wanted to drop the topic altogether and revert to the moment where it was just the two of us.
“Kensie, let me explain this part. It’s important.” He huffed out a frustrated breath behind me.
“No really, I just want right now to be about me and you, nothing else.” I felt him tense. “Please. Enjoy this moment with me, before I make you go for a moonlight swim in the ocean.” I smiled at the last part and was relieved when I felt him relax and started to laugh.
“You would too.”
“I so would.” I laughed along with him glad that we could so easily shift back to this effortless banter.
“Are clothes involved? ‘Cause if you tell me we leave our clothes here on the beach, I’d probably…no I’d definitely be up for it.”
I turned and shoved his arm. I’d be up for it, too.
Chapter 12
“You have a special visitor.” August’s voice reverberated through my classroom and into the storage closet I was putting the broom back in. Even after all the time we had spent together, the low tone of his voice got to me. We’d been inseparable since our first official date at the carnival, spending nearly all of our free time together. Three years ago, I’d have intentionally put some space between us so he wouldn’t get tired of me. Now, I was taking any and all of August I could get.
“Does this visitor want some special attention in the storage closet again?” I hollered and laughed to myself thinking about that first time he kissed me. I wiped the hair from my eyes and stepped out in a huff. I looked up and saw my mother standing in the classroom with August smiling behind her.
“Mom?” I questioned enthusiastically. “What are you doing here?” Seriously. It was a school day, and I just propositioned a guy in front of her.
“Today was a teacher work day so we could put grades in. I got out early, so I thought I’d surprise you and take you to lunch. If you have plans with this handsome young man in that closet you just came out of, I can wait up front.” She smiled a cheesy mom grin at me. One of those ones mom’s do when they are trying to have some sort of awkward adult friendship with their kids, no thanks.
“No, Mom,” I rolled my eyes and walked up to her for a hug. “Thanks for coming. It’s a nice surprise.” I stuck my tongue out at August over her shoulder eliciting a suggestive eyebrow waggle from him. “I see you met August.” I stepped away and gestured towards him as he leaned against the doorway in his tight white undershirt, pulling at his lean muscles in just the right places. Playing basketball everyday with the kids was working out nicely for him, and me. The way he had his arms folded across his chest made the veins in his forearms pulse with his heartbeat and I was suddenly wishing it wouldn’t be terribly awkward to have my mom wait up front.
“I did meet him. He greeted me when I came in, and when I told him who I was he was kind enough to invite me to sit with him until your class was over. We had a nice chat didn’t we, August?” She looked over at him conspiratorially.
“Yes we did, June.”
“Oh, you’re on a first name basis already?” I cocked my eyebrow in question at him. I pretended to be irritated by it, but I was really relieved to hear that they have already hit it off so well. One awkward parent meeting done and one more to go; the latter one I would postpone as long as humanly possible.
“We are.” He pushed off the doorjamb and strolled toward us in the middle of the room. “I was even invited to lunch with you guys, but John has to leave early today so
I said I’d close for him.”
“Did he say why?” I asked a little worried. John never left early. I’m sure he was here more than he was home.
“He said something about Bear being sick all night and taking him into the vet today.”
“Oh no, I hope the old guy is okay.” Bear was John’s golden retriever. He had spent many days with John here at the center snoozing away in his office. Bear was all John had since his wife had passed away from breast cancer three years earlier. They had never had kids, so Bear was their dog child.
“I’m sure he will be. The old guy is pretty stubborn. The last time John rushed him into the vet because he got stuck in the dog door and John thought he was having a stroke. Turns out, he just had a thorn in his back paw and didn’t want to put any pressure on it.”
I laughed at that. For some reason, I could picture John coddling his dog to the point that the old guy yipped like a puppy just for attention. August kissed me before saying goodbye to my mom and I. “Call me tonight, pretty girl?” He turned and asked before he headed out the door.
“Of course.” I smiled and turned towards my mom whose grin was of shit eating proportions.
“Come on Mom, I’ll introduce you to John on our way out and then you can tell me exactly what you and August talked about.”
I tapped quietly on John’s door. It was rarely closed. I worried he was having a rough day worrying about Bear. “Yeah,” his voice vibrated from behind the door. I poked my head in first, but didn’t see him in his usual spot at the desk.
“John?” I called hesitantly.
“Right here, Kensie.” I screamed and jumped back colliding with my mom sending us both back against the hallway wall. I scrambled trying to stay upright, but lost my footing further smashing into mom and sending her sliding down the wall to the ground.
“Crap.” John bounded from behind the door to catch my arms just before I fell on top of my poor mom. “Sorry, didn’t mean to spook ya. You two okay?” He reached down toward my mom and helped her up. “I was looking for one of the kids’ files back here. Shoulda’ warned ya.”
I helped my mom brush herself off and straighten out her clothes. “You okay, Mom?” I couldn’t keep down a little laugh while I took a dust ball out of her perfectly hair sprayed bob. I didn’t even know how the thing managed to attach itself to that sprayed coat of armor on her head.
I stopped laughing when my mom failed to answer. “Mom?” I asked her afraid maybe she really did get hurt in the tumble. She absentmindedly brushed her hands down her grey sweater staring at John. Her mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. She looked like a stunned goldfish. “Mom.” I elbowed her.
“Oh!” She jumped. “Yeah, I’m fine, sweetie.” I looked back and forth between the two of them. John was grinning at my mom like a fool. They were seriously attracted to each other. I guess after years of encouraging my mom to date again I never considered what her type would be. With his warm cornflower blue eyes, tall thick build, and that smile that lit up his face, my mom clearly liked what she saw in John.
“Mom, this is my boss John.” John reached out for my mom’s hand and brought it to his lips kissing her knuckles with a slight bow. When did he get a regal on me?
“A pleasure to meet you. I had no idea Kensie’s beautiful mother was paying us a visit today.”
I rolled my eyes. My mom was June Brennan, age 50, schoolteacher, and master scrabble player, not the Queen. Men do one of three things when they are attracted to a woman. They turn up their testosterone dial and become cave man alpha males, they charm the pants of her with kind words and undivided attention, or they bring out their inner Rico Suave. John was going for number three. Thankfully for me, August went with number two, but my pants were still intact.
“Well, she sure didn’t tell me her boss was such a fox…” My eyes widened as my mom proceeded to ramble, “...Oh, I mean so good looking, and so strong…. or such a gentleman rather, but you’re strong too. I’m sure you’re strong, I mean I felt it in your hands. You must work out your hands.”
“Mom!” I had to stop her embarrassing rant. God, I wondered if that was what I sounded like when August made me nervous. I hoped I’d never tell him he had strong hands. Or call him a fox. How is that even a compliment? A fox is small and hairy, and scurries through the forest. I don’t want a small hairy scurrying man.
“Oh sorry, sorry. It’s nice to meet you, John.” My mom finally responded with an appropriate introduction. John chuckled in amusement at my mom and it was hard to miss the way his face lit up as he watched her gain her composure. I had never seen that look on John’s face before. I had some match making to do, although, it seemed the hard work was already done.
* * *
Mom and I settled into our booth at the little deli down the street from work. I talked John up the whole way over, not that he needed it. John was one of the good ones, like August. August mentioned John was training him to take over the director position as soon as he completed his degree this spring. I couldn’t imagine a better man to take over the position that a great man was leaving behind.
“So, August seems nice,” my mom said as she stirred sugar into her iced tea. I knew it wouldn’t take long for him to come up. I was close to bringing him up myself because I was dying to know what they had talked about before my class had ended.
“He is.” I smiled at her knowing my short and detail free answer was torture for her. My mom wasn’t the kind of mom who dug for information. She typically checked in on me with vague questions leaving me room to fill in the blanks. I could see now that I worked with the kids at the youth center, that it was her way of giving me the responsibility to express as much or as little as I wanted. It was her way of gaining my trust without pushing me. In the end it didn’t matter how much or how little I divulged. Like some type of clairvoyant, she always knew everything anyway.
I remember the day in high school when she took me to my doctor to get on birth control. She just sat me down and said, “I know you are having sex now or at least thinking about it. I want to make sure you are safe and smart about it.” I had been a little embarrassed by the whole conversation, but more than that, I was ashamed. She assumed I had found one boy that I developed a relationship with. She had no idea that I had slept with that one boy and four of his friends within a month. So maybe she didn’t know everything after all.
“From what I gathered during my brief chat with August, he’s smitten.” I grinned while she paused to take a bite of her BLT, “and I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were dating someone.” She mumbled around her food.
“We literally just started dating Mom.” I picked the onions off my sandwich before taking a bite.
“Well, you must have spent some time with him, enough for him to start falling for you.” She said before taking a sip of her tea. I froze mid bite and lowered by sandwich back down to my plate.
“He’s not falling for me, Mom. It hasn’t been long enough for that.”
My mom shook her head and tsked me, “Love is an emotion, not a thought. Whether he knows it yet or not, that boy loves you.”
“What did he say to you anyway, that has you thinking he’s in love with me?” Now I was really curious.
“He told me how much he’s enjoying spending time together, and how grateful he is to have met you. It’s not what he said though, sweetie, but the look in his eyes when he said it. When he talks about you his eyes glow as if his soul has just woken up.” I’d seen that look in August’s eyes, and I’d taken notice because it resembled the light I’d felt in my heart. If I could find the courage within me to trust it, then our hearts would be a reflection of one another.
My mom said I woke up his soul. There was no question a part of me had awoken the day I met him. Suddenly, all the pieces of myself I was trying to orchestrate into a meaningful composition all these years were starting to find their place. They had been there all along, but August affected a place deep within me that m
ade me feel like grabbing hold and finally making sense of it all. It was like he gave me a reason to move again. To go forward in what I had always wanted for myself, including what I had only dreamed of for myself, with him.
Chapter 13
Thursdays had become our own version of a Saturday night. Wes worked late on the weekends at the shop, and August and I were usually at the youth center all weekend too.
Tonight, Tommy’s was hosting an open mic night for local talent. Lennon mentioned something about her friend Milo playing tonight, and that she wanted us all to go with her to check it out. She was always scoping out up and coming musicians, and while the whole band scene was more her style than mine, these open mic nights were always a lot of fun.
August invited the group over to BBQ at his house before going to Tommy’s. We’d spent nearly all of our free time together over the last few weeks. If we weren’t together at work, he’d come hang out with me on campus or at my dorm. We spent casual nights together at the movies or grabbing a bite at the pizzeria down the street. Though it seemed mundane, those were the moments when our relationship really took shape. I could spend hours doing everything, or simply nothing at all with him and genuinely enjoyed every minute. I missed him when we were apart, and felt whole when we were together.
It was one night earlier this week when we were walking through the mall hand in hand that we ran into a friend of his from high school and he introduced me as his girlfriend for the first time. He squeezed my hand at the introduction silently asking if it was okay, and I squeezed back letting him know it was perfect.
August picked me up from my dorm early and we went to the store together to pick up all the food before setting up at his place. He parked his truck in the driveway of his tiny bungalow. I was shocked when he told me he owned his own home. What twenty six year old college student has a house? He explained to me that after high school he didn’t go straight to college, but got a job at the local grocery store full time. He had worked a lot and saved all his money to put a down payment on the tiny two bedroom, one bathroom house. When he and Capri’s grandfather passed away three years ago, August used the inheritance his grandfather left him to pay off the mortgage.
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