“No, you’re not.” I said looking over my shoulder at him now.
“Yes, I am. If you’re sleeping on the couch, I’m sleeping on the couch.” He pulled me down and settled me into the front of him.
“We are not both sleeping on this couch. Go back to your bed.” I whispered to him behind me.
“Only if you come with me.”
“Not a chance.” I said more determined than when he had first woken me up.
“Then neither am I. Now stop talking to me so I can sleep.” The smile in his voice should have irked me, but it didn’t. I smiled a little to myself. “You’re so stubborn.” He said wrapping his arms around me and pulling me tighter against him.
I was very stubborn, and he let me be. I sighed and settled into him on the tiny couch. If I was going to wake up and put on my mad face again I needed to get some sleep. Just as I started to doze off wrapped up in his arms, I felt August place a kiss on the side of my head just next to my ear. “I love you.” He whispered, and I was wide-awake again.
Chapter 17
The smoky scent of bacon and my stomach’s grumbling reminder that I hadn’t eaten much the day before. I stretched with the added space on the couch now that August was no longer on it. We slept curled up together all night, and I slept soundly until now.
I lumbered off the couch and shuffled into the kitchen. August stood at the stove shirtless wearing nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. I watched his back flex and ripple with the simple movements he made cooking up breakfast. I smiled at the grease spot he left smeared on his hip when he reached over to scratch himself mid pancake flip.
I pulled out a chair to sit down, and August turned when it screeched against the tile floors. “Good morning.” He smiled and my heart fluttered. God I missed him yesterday. One day apart and I missed him.
I smiled back. “Good morning.”
“You hungry?” He asked me scooping the last bit of eggs onto a plate.
“I’m starving actually. This all smells really good.”
“You still upset from yesterday?” He asked me and I saw a bit of brokenness in his eyes.
I nodded. “Yeah, but let’s talk after we eat.” I patted the chair next to me inviting him to come sit. Relief loosened his face before he turned around to pick up our plates and place them on the table.
We sat at the table in silence except for the noises our utensils made against the plates. I know he’d woken up and did this for me. Our first morning here together wasn’t as he had imagined, but he was trying.
Placing my hand on his thigh I rubbed circles with my thumb. It was a simple gesture, but I wanted him to know he was already forgiven. Without even explaining what happened I already forgave him, even if he didn’t want my forgiveness. I trusted him that much.
He put down his fork and looked down at my hand with a sad smile. He picked it up in his own and brought it to his lips before kissing my knuckles. “You’re too good for me.” He whispered painfully before putting our hands down and picking his fork back up. I couldn’t take my eyes of the disappointment he shrouded himself in. I zoned in on the wall behind him questioning the source. The one that nagged at me, was the fear that he may think I became too dependent on him. I feared he would see my reaction to his absence yesterday as something to run from.
I helped August clear the table and wash up the dishes when we’d finished breakfast. I couldn’t handle the silence between us anymore, so I made small talk telling him about my night with Wes. He smiled and laughed with me, especially when I told him about my skills and turning harmless tattoos into porn.
Once the kitchen was cleaned up, we sat down on the couch in the living room. August sat at one end, and I saw the hurt on his face when I sat down at the opposite end. All I wanted was to curl up next to him, but I needed my physical distance from him to say what I needed and to protect myself if I didn’t like what he had to say.
“Okay, “I said more to myself than him and turned to face him down at his end. “I don’t know why I didn’t hear from you yesterday. I thought a lot last night about how maybe it wasn’t my place to know. Maybe demanding you tell me where you are, or that you check in when you are gone so long is too clingy.” I cringed at the term Nolan once used to describe me, “But then I decided no. No, I have a right to know. I’m your girlfriend. I don’t deserve the brush off. If for some reason you have decided that you don’t want to be with me with me anymore, then you need to tell me.”
“Kensie, no,” he cut me off, “Don’t jump to that conclusion just from one day of not hearing from me. Of course I want to be with you.”
“No,” I said firmly,” I get to jump to that conclusion. What else am I supposed to think? You didn’t even call me, and you only texted me after I wrote you because I was worried about you. I was sitting here in your house, where you asked me to come wait for you, and you never showed up.” He leaned forward onto his knees and dropped his head into his hands.
“You’re right.” I heard him mumble.
“I have been walked out on one too many times August. Too many times, I have trusted people to only have them leave me. I don’t want that from you. It would hurt the most from you.” I was crying now. “ I want you to be the one to stay.” My voice cracked when I realized it wasn’t August being gone all day that had me so upset. It was the realization that he had the ability to leave me, and that it would hurt more than any other abandonment I had faced.
I had begun to cry so hard that I didn’t see through my blurred vision when he had crawled across the couch and pulled me onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and I wrapped mine around his neck holding him to me. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, but that was all. He held me while I cried.
When I calmed down, I lifted my face from August’s shirt. “I made your shirt all wet.” I said and wiped at his shoulder. He took my hand and kissed it before putting it down to my side. He stared at the coffee table biting on his lip. It took a few minutes before he finally spoke.
“I’m an asshole,” He said shaking his head. “I can’t believe I did that. I can’t believe I made you feel that way. I thought I was…I was trying to…I thought…” He stopped and looked at me suddenly with such desperation in his eyes it broke me. “I fucked up, but its not going to happen again.” He grabbed my hands again and held them tightly. “I promise you this won’t happen again.” He nodded his head and looked back towards the table. “Not again.” He said resolutely, but I had a feeling it was more for his reassurance than my own. Something inside me told me there was much more he needed to say, and more questions I needed to ask. But of course, I ignored it.
“Hey,” I whispered to him and ran my fingers through his hair while he sat fixated on the table in front of him. I didn’t want him to worry about where we stood. I believed him when he said it wouldn’t happen again. He leaned his head into my hand while I continued to run my fingers through his hair and lightly scratch at his scalp. His body sagged and he sighed contentedly.
“Damn woman. You have magic hands.” He said and his smile was back. I loved that smile. I loved a lot about him. “Can you massage my shoulders?” He asked sitting up straighter and I obliged. “A little lower,” he said and I moved my hands down his back. “Lower.” I massaged down to his lower back, “‘Kay a little lower now and towards the front,” he said and I stopped.
“Excuse me?” I asked and he snickered to himself. I swatted at his arm but he caught my hand before I made contact. He pinned it down on the couch next to us, laying me back as he crouched over me. “This is exactly why women steer clear of massages. You men are always turning them into something dirty.”
He smirked and shrugged his shoulders above me. “Can’t blame a guy for tryin’.” Then he leaned down to kiss me. As our lips met, I laid all the way back onto the couch and brought him down on me. He adjusted himself so that he was between my legs and continued to kiss me senseless. We laid like that until we became a tangled web of ‘ca
n’t get enough’ when August abruptly sat up.
I brushed my hair out of my face. “What?” I asked trying to catch my breath. That’s when I heard the doorknob jiggle and the sound of keys. “Who is that?” I hissed and shoved him all the way off of me trying to regulate on my frizzed out hair. Capri floated in carrying a tray of coffee cups. She kicked the door shut with her foot at looked up at us.
“Oh!” She said eyes wide and teeth in a clenched grin, “Um…” She shrugged her shoulders sheepishly, “I brought coffee.” I jumped off the couch and ran towards her snatching a cup out of her hands as she waltzed into the kitchen.
“Cock blocker.” August coughed as he got up from the couch too and halted Capri’s steps. She turned slowly and squinted her eyes at him. “What did you just say to me?” She asked slowly dragging out her words. He lifted one shoulder. “I called you a cock blocker.” He said casually and walked up to her grabbing his coffee off the tray.
“I hate that word.” Capri said gritting out each word slowly and I swear time slowed down. There should have been old western music playing in the background. Capri turned toward the table and set down her coffee while August sipped and looked around the room deliberately casual. “I hate that word,” she said again, “and you know it.”
She walked up to him and before I could register what was happening Capri dove towards his legs. August caught her before she grabbed him and locked her under his arm. Capri screamed while he rubbed his fist on the top of her head sending her blonde hair flying. She made a good effort at swatting at his legs, but she wasn’t getting much accomplished.
“Ummm,” I said holding my coffee to my lips, but afraid to take a sip like life was normal. Was this normal? As an only child, I wasn’t too sure. They let go of each other panting and laughing when I asked, “What just happened?”
“She hates that word.” August walked by me and placed a kiss on my lips.
“I guess so.” I said following him into the kitchen. He stopped and leaned up against the kitchen cabinets smirking at Capri when she walked in and took a seat at the table. “Especially when Wes says it. She really hates it then.” He said and Capri’s face glowed crimson. I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped me, but quickly shut up when she snapped her head my way and glared at me.
“I hate that word cause it’s crude, and you,” she pointed at August, “have a bedroom. If you don’t want to be interrupted then go in there.” She sat back into the chair, all traces of her embarrassment leaving her face when August replied back.
“What fun is that?” He grinned crookedly at me, “I own the house. Why use the bedroom when Kensie and I can use the couch,” Capri scrunched up her face, “and the doorway,” he continued and Capri covered her ears, “and the shower,” she plopped her head down on the table and groaned, “and that table.” He said and Capri sat straight up looking at the table in horror.
“You’re disgusting.” She said standing up and heading the sink and wash her hands, and her forehead.
I, on the other hand, was left with visions of August and I in all the places he had just listed. I didn’t even realize I was fanning myself when he pushed up of the counter and sauntered towards me. He grabbed my hand in his and leaned down to whisper in my ear, “And the counter too.” I shivered before he kissed me on my neck and went to throw his coffee cup away. I like the counter. The counter and I got along real well last time.
The rest of the afternoon was spent hanging around the house with August and Capri. She said Tanner was out working all day, and didn’t seem to care too much about it either. They were an odd couple. The girls and I had plans that night to head to Tommy’s for a girls only happy hour. It had been a while since the three of us got together, and I was in need of a little fun with them.
Capri and I rode together to Tommy’s to meet up with Lennon. I almost didn’t make it out of the house when August found me in the hallway all dolled up and pinned me against his bedroom wall begging me to stay. I’m sure his reaction wouldn’t have been the same had he known I was wearing one of Capri’s dresses. She’d brought one over for me since I didn’t make it back to my dorm that day.
As tempting as August was, and he was very tempting, I couldn’t ditch out on girls night. I had a lot to get out of my head that I wanted their take on. I chastely kissed him on the mouth and blew him a kiss when I walked out the door.
* * *
“Wow, what a shit-tastic day,” Lennon said taking a sip of her beer.
“I know, thank God it’s over.” I agreed and sipped from my iced tea. “Is it weird that I was bothered by Chelsea and Nolan being together?” I asked the girls. It’s something I worried about. I tried not to care about finding out my ex and former best friend not only got together behind my back, but were also still happily together. For some reason, I couldn’t get it off my mind. “I mean if I’m this happy with August, it shouldn’t bother me right?”
“Not necessarily.” Capri said taking a drink from her Cosmopolitan.
“Yeah, I’d be pissed.” Lennon interjected, “No matter how long ago it was, they still screwed you over.” Maybe that’s what was bothering me so much about it. Not that they were happy. I wasn’t jealous of them, not at all. I was irritated that they hid it from me. I felt a little naive and foolish, and that’s what I didn’t like.
“When you give your heart to someone,” Capri cut into my thoughts, “friendship or more, they always have the ability to hurt you.”
“Huh.” Lennon and I said at the same time.
“It doesn’t mean you have feelings for him now,” Capri continued, “it just means that you made yourself vulnerable to him back then. There isn’t anything weird about that. It means you’re human.” Capri finished and went back to sipping on her drink like she didn’t just say something profound.
The three of us sat there drinking in silence digesting her words. I didn’t like being vulnerable to guys like Nolan still, but I think she was right. Loving him had made me vulnerable to him. Even now, though not in love with him, I still feel a tinge of pain when I think about what he did to me back then. “What did August say when he finally came home?” Capri asked me.
“He promised it wouldn’t ever happen again.” I told her squeezing more of my lemon into my tea.
“Ever? Like never ever again?” She said leaning forward suddenly very interested.
“Yes, I assumed that’s what he meant. Why, you don’t think he means it?” She was a little too eager in fact. It made me nervous.
“Oh no,” she set back into her seat, “no, I believe him. I’m just really happy to hear that. He needs to make sure you know how serious he is about you. So that’s good. I’m glad he said it, and meant it.” She was rambling a bit too much. Lennon must have caught on to the unease it put me in because she quickly found a way to steer the conversation in a new direction.
“So, how’s Tanner?” Lennon asked Capri causing her head to whip over in Lennon’s direction.
“Good.” Capri said and shrugged a shoulder. I wasn’t interested in how Tanner was. After seeing her get uber embarrassed over the mention of Wes earlier, I couldn’t keep my curiosity to myself anymore.
“How’s Wes?” I asked Capri casually and she froze with her martini glass in the air half way to her mouth. Lennon let out a whooping laugh next to me and shoved my shoulder. Capri took a deep breath and set her glass back down on the table without ever taking a sip. “Why would I know how Wes is?” She said as calmly as possible, but the blush that covered her face gave her away.
“Oh don’t play coy with us,” Lennon said. “We know you have a thing for him.” Capri shook her head and looked down at the glass she was twirling in her fingers.
“It’s okay Capri. He’s actually kinda sweet.” I said remembering how he sat with me all night.
“And hot.” Lennon said making Capri flinch.
“You can admit it.” I said trying to give her nudge since she was still fixated on her glass. She nod
ded her head slightly.
“Okay, yeah.” She said without looking at us. “I’ve had a crush on Wes since I was a kid, but that’s it. Just a harmless crush.” She looked up at us then. “He’s not my type at all, but yeah, he’s hot.” She agreed and smiled leading me to smile too. She and August had the same infectious grin. I wondered what he was up too at that moment. I suggested that he and Wes have a guys’ night, but he informed me guys don’t do that. They don’t make plans for a guys’ night out. They either hang out or they don’t, and its always spur of the moment. Noted.
“What about you?” I asked Lennon, “How’s Milo doing?” I was still curious to know what was going on between those two. Lennon avoided talking about it like the plague, but I figured since we dove into topics of Nolan and Wes, it was only fair that I grill her a bit.
Lennon took a long drink of her beer that turned into a few gulps. “He left on tour last week.” She said and set her empty bottle down on the table.
“What?” Capri and I asked together. I had no idea he was that serious of a musician, or that he was leaving.
“Yeah, he’s touring right now, getting his name out there. We talk, but we are living two different lives now.” She propped her elbow up on the table and rested her head on her hand. She actually looked a little sad. I patted her knee under the table. The supportive gesture must have snapped her out of her self-pity because she sat upright and added. “And he’s just a good friend. We had a lot of fun with music.”
She didn’t fool me though. She liked him, I could tell. I could see how it would be hard to have a relationship with someone who is living his kind of life now though. Lennon was larger than life herself, but deep down she was a big homebody. All that travel never would have suited her.
“What about you though Kensie,” Lennon deterred the conversation back to me, “Capri said she walked in on you two boning.” I scrunched my nose at her word choice.
Truth In Wildflowers Page 19
