My mom continued, “I don’t know what the story behind August and his own daughter is, but I do know that I don’t want my own daughter to fear falling in love and trusting a man because of where her own father placed her in his life. Over the last few weeks I have watched you go from a guarded young woman who was afraid of what she deserved, to one who has finally allowed herself to truly be happy. Love and trust aren’t things we come by naturally; they are gifts we give ourselves. For some reason you needed August to make you feel worthy of those gifts, but make no mistake of the fact that you gave them to yourself. Only you can take them away. Don’t be afraid of them because of your father’s mistakes, and don’t hold August responsible for his mistakes either. He is his own man, and one who has proven to love you very much regardless of what you discovered today.”
I let go of one of my mom’s hands and wiped the few tears that had fallen from her words. “I love him so much mom, I don’t know what to do.” I whispered somehow unable to speak above the ache in my heart.
“You keep loving him sweetie,” she squeezed my hand, “and after you talk to him you decide if that is enough to get you through this and move forward with him.” I nodded.
Of course I would keep loving him. I didn’t know how not to. Even if I couldn’t stay with him, I knew I’d continue to love him. That’s the thing with love that I had learned. In my carefully orchestrated plan to get my life on track, love taught me that there are some things you can’t plan or coordinate. They show up in your life like a torrential downpour and have the power to either wipe out all you had, or bring new life to it. Up until this afternoon, loving August had been the latter.
My mom’s cell phone rang from the kitchen counter. She looked at me, and I nodded letting her know I was okay. She got up and patted my shoulder on her way to pick it up. “Hi, John.” She answered and my head whipped around. My mom smiled sheepishly at me. “Yeah, she’s here.” I threw my hands up in the air in question at her and she just shrugged her shoulder at me. John? My mom was talking to my boss? This day couldn’t get any more complicated. She talked a few more minutes before hanging up and just looked at me.
“John, Mom? Really?”
“We’ve only been talking on the phone honey, hardly anything to claim yet.” Yet? So my mom wanted to claim John. I shuddered at the thought and shook my head to get the damaging visions out of my mind. “He is wonderful though, Kensie,” she started and I waved my hands in front of me to stop her. I knew where this was going and I wasn’t prepared for it, but she kept on rambling, “He is so attentive and charming. And sometimes he calls in the middle of the night just cause he can’t get me off his mind,” she blushed, but couldn’t stop herself, “I mean, we don’t you know, not in the middle of the night, or not on the phone, not completely anyway, but in person…” My mind, my poor defenseless mind.
“Mom! Stop!” I yelled above her rambling, “Oh my god, seriously?” I asked her and she shook her head covering her face with her hands. “I’m happy for you, Mom, and John is a great guy, but the last thing I need to hear is anything about your late night phone calls.”
“Sorry.” My mom said sheepishly before we both burst out in a laugh. She had successfully taken my mind off the dramatic shift my life had just had, but where she lead it wasn’t a welcome direction. At least she had made me laugh. There was that.
* * *
I had managed to calm my nerves enough to eat some pizza with my mom. Okay, that’s a lie. My nerves were still a chaotic mess, but I never can turn down a pizza. My mom snuck off to wash my sheets for me. I told her it wasn’t necessary, but she insisted a fresh pair of sheets would help me sleep better that night. I think as much as she encouraged me to take care of myself, she was still finding anyway she could to take care of me, clean sheets being one of them.
A knock at the door came not long after she went back to my bedroom. “ Pizza’s here Mom, I got it!” I yelled down the hall. It was the least I could do for the woman who was always there for me.
I opened the door counting the cash out of my wallet, “Thirty five?” I asked pulling out the money.
“If I charged, you can bet it would be more than that.” Her sweet voice surprised me.
“Capri?” I didn’t expect to see her here. In fact, I don’t think I’d ever brought her home before. Which means only one thing, Lennon told her where to find me.
“Hey,” she said flashing me her sweet smile. “Can I come in?” She asked and I stepped aside to let her through the door. I was still upset with her, but I couldn’t help the smirk that crept across my face when I took in her appearance.
“You’re in the same outfit you had on last night.” I said recognizing the tiny coral colored sweater dress she wore to August’s last night, except, it was a bit more stretched out than I remembered. A blush crept across Capri’s face and she lowered her head to the take in her outfit.
“Yeah, yeah it is.” She was definitely nervous and I couldn’t hold in the laugh that escaped.
“Have a good night with Tanner?” I asked her still laughing.
“No, I broke up with him last night.” She said defensively. That was surprising. Not that she broke up with Tanner, he was tool, but that she broke up with him and still came over looking like she had a good time with someone.
“So, he’s not the one who had such a hard time getting that dress off that he stretched it eight ways from Sunday and even managed to put a tear in the back,” I pointed behind her to the rip along the seam and she whipped her head around too look at the tear she clearly didn’t know was there. Her face was completely blushed over now, but she maintained her stern face.
“I’m not here to talk about my dress, Kensie.” She pointed her manicured finger at me, “I came to check on you.”
Of course she did, I knew that. I also knew August most likely sent her, but what I didn’t know was why he didn’t just come himself. It was very unlike him to stay away and let someone else do the talking for him. As if reading my thoughts, Capri spoke up helping herself to a seat on my mom’s sofa. “August wanted to come, in fact he was half way here this afternoon without even knowing where he was going, but I told him to let me see you first.” I felt a pang of guilt picturing how worried he must have been, but then I thought of the box of photos I found and my guilt conveniently went away.
I sat down next to Capri tucking my legs underneath me. “I don’t really care to see anyone at the moment,” I told her feeling a bit mean for how I was talking to her, but she had betrayed our friendship. “I get it, Kensie,” she began, but I quickly cut her off.
“You get it? You get that my boyfriend lied to me about having a daughter and an ex that is well acquainted with the house I was staying at. You get that I was made to look like an idiot by my friend who knew all along and never said a word to me? You get that just after twenty-four hours of telling him I love him, he ripped my heart out? You get it?” My voice had become so loud that my mom peeked her head in to make sure I was okay. I waved at her to let her know I was fine and she nodded to Capri.
Capri looked so defeated sitting there in her tore up dress and ratty bed head. How did I not notice her hair? It was always flawless and now it looked like hell in a hurricane all piled up on top of her head. Dang, she really had a good night. I bit back my smile to maintain my anger.
“Kensie, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say other than I feel awful for keeping it from you. August promised me he was going to tell you and I never intervened because I assumed he would. When it became clear you still didn’t know, I wasn’t sure what to do. I was stuck between my best friend and my brother. It’s August’s story to tell, and still is, but yesterday I told him if he didn’t tell you soon, I would tell you this weekend.” I hadn’t thought about the position Capri was in. She was August’s sister, and one of my best friends. I would never ask her to choose, but in my anger that is exactly what I expected from her.
“I’m sorry, I should have thought
about the position we put you in when we got together.” She shook her head to stop me but I continued, “It wasn’t your responsibility to tell me it was his.”
“I don’t know what I could have done differently, but I’m sure I could have figured something out to save you from getting hurt. I’m still sorry, Kensie.” I appreciated her apology even though it was unwarranted, and now that we had talked I was glad she came. She made it clear she wasn’t going to tell me about August’s daughter, but maybe she could clue me in a little on Bree.
“It still hurts that I found out from that girl Bree, but thank you for apologizing,” I told her and watched her relax back into the sofa.
“I hate her.” She said quietly surprising me. I didn’t think it was possible for Capri to hate anybody.
“What’s up with her?” I asked, not sure if she’d tell me or not.
She sat back up and shrugged her shoulders. “I can’t say too much because I think you need to hear the whole story from August, but I can tell you they haven’t been in a relationship since high school. August lost his respect for her a long time ago, but she just won’t go away.” I imagined not, since she was his daughter’s mother. She would always be there, but I was relieved to hear that what he told me about their relationship ending years ago was true.
Capri and I talked a little bit more before she got up to leave. I tried to get the name of the guy she spent the night with, but she was tight lipped and insisted it wasn’t what I was thinking. She encouraged me to talk to August and hear him out, which I had fully intended on doing anyway, just not tonight.
Chapter 26
August
I’m such a creeper. If I got out the second I saw her emerge onto the patio I wouldn’t be as big of a creeper, but I was still one considering how long I had been sitting in my truck outside her mom’s house. I promised Capri I would wait until morning to see her, and that was what I planned on doing. As soon as the sun peaked up over the roof I was going to be knocking on the front door.
I watched her sitting on the bench with her head tilted back resting on the side of the house. She was even more beautiful than I remembered from just that morning. I think the fear of losing her got to me, and suddenly everything about Kensie was more.
She was certainly more than I deserved, but I always knew that. I had planned on sitting in the truck and watching her until she went back into the house, see…creeper, but I couldn’t physically watch her just yards away and not be near her. She startled when I shut the door to my truck and jumped up to her feet. I walked around it and leaned against my headlight watching her look around to find the source of the loud noise.
I knew the moment she recognized my truck because her whole body went stiff. That wasn’t a reaction I particularly liked, but it was a well-deserved one. It was the reaction she had when she saw me in front of it, that gave me hope.
There was no hesitation from her when she walked out toward me. Her arms reached me, but she quickly reigned them back in as she got closer. “August?” She spoke the words so softly, but I could hear the heartbreak in her voice. I ran my hand through my hair and gritted my teeth. I was such an asshole. I tried so hard to protect her from the worst of my past that I threw her right into the line of it without ever realizing. I had to make this right.
“Kensie,” her name came out rough and gritty so I cleared my throat. “We need to talk.” She jerked back at that, and I cursed myself for already screwing this up.
“Of course we need to talk,” she said, “about something that we should have talked about weeks ago.” The words came out stiff and clipped, which I was thankful for. Angry Kensie I could handle, sad Kensie would break me in two.
“Can we go somewhere?” I pleaded with her.
She shrugged her shoulders, “There’s not much around here,” she waved her hand through the air gesturing to the rest of the neighborhood, “and I’m not getting into your truck with you.”
I sighed, so maybe this wasn’t going to go as well as I thought. “Then we’ll talk right here, cause I’m not leaving your side until you’ve heard the whole story, and after that I’m hoping you’ll let me stay by your side forever.” Her rigid stance softened and she nodded her head towards the street. “There’s an old playground over there we can walk to,” Then she turned in that direction without saying another word.
The silence on our short walk to the park was much too loud. The only sound was the crunching our shoes made on the old gravel. There were no dogs barking, no crickets chirping, I imagined everything around has had come to a standstill to watch this all play out. Is that western music I hear? Great, Kensie was wearing off on me. I smiled and chanced a glance at her a few feet in front of me where she insisted on walking. She was a stubborn one all right.
I watched her hair bounce on top of her head where she had it wrapped up in some knot thing. A few loose strands trailed down her neck. In a natural progression, my eyes darted straight down to her ass that was bouncing left and right with each step she took. I watched it move back and forth like a spectator at a Ping-Pong match before I realized the word Pink was written in gigantic letters across it. In pink no less. The images of everything pink on Kensie that I’d seen last night flashed through my mind like a strobe light, and suddenly I was coughing, no choking, I was choking on my own saliva.
Kensie didn’t stop walking, but looked over her shoulder and scrunched her face up at me. I just waved her off letting her know I was okay. There was no way I was admitting to choking on my spit while gawking at her ass on our way to determine the fate of our relationship. That would not go over well.
I followed her into a small clearing at the end of the block, and by clearing I mean overgrown horror movie playground. “Does your mom live in Chernobyl?” I asked taking in the old rusted playground surrounded by tall grass and weeds. Kensie laughed and my pussy heart grew wings.
“Most the people in this neighborhood are over fifty-five, so the playground doesn’t get much action.” She still hadn’t looked at me, but walked over and sat down on one of the swings. I couldn’t decide if I should sit down on the one next to her or stand by in case I had to save her from being crushed by the swing set. I chose to sit next to her; I think I’d always choose to sit next to her.
We swayed back and forth on the swings together, but where I was going side to side she was going in a tiny circular motion. After the brief distraction on our stroll to the park, I was struck with the reality of why we were sitting there. My inability to let go of the past had left Kensie in a position of confusion and doubt. If I wanted to have any chance at removing it, I needed to start talking. That was easier said than done, because I’d never told anyone what had happened since that day.
“So,” Kensie started us off and I put my feet on the ground to stop my swaying and look directly at her. I needed her to hear this first.
“Before I tell you, Kensie, I need you to know that nothing about how I fell in love with you, and nothing about being head over damn heels in love with you now is untrue because I kept something from you. In fact, the way I feel about you is the truest thing I’ve felt in years. Everything about us is still real.” I watched her lift her hand to her cheek and fake an itch, but I had already seen the tear fall.
“Kensie.” In a risky move, I grabbed her hand and was relieved when she let me, “You didn’t think I was honest about my feelings for you, did you?” I had put so much doubt in her. All I ever wanted was to be someone she could always count on, and I had shown her the exact opposite.
She nodded her head, then shook it, “I don’t know, I don’t,” she was stumbling on her words, “I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know anything.” I shook my head at her and climbed off the swing to kneel in front of her. I reached up and held her face in my hands. “Know that I love you.”
She laughed and sniffed, “You make it sound so simple.” I wiped away another tear that had fallen with my thumb.
“It is simple, pretty girl
.” I stood up and sat back down on the swing next to her. It was time to start talking.
“The winter before I graduated high school, Bree and I found out she was pregnant. I was shocked, but I shouldn’t have been. We were never careful, but I didn’t think something like that would ever happen to me. Ella was born seven months later and changed my world. I had never thought about being a dad at that age, but I think I fell into the role pretty quickly. That little girl had me wrapped around her finger.”
I smiled thinking about how tiny she was all bundled up in her pink blanket and blinking her eyes up at me. In that moment, my priorities had flipped upside down. Goofing off with Wes and sneaking around with Bree, took a back seat to spending every available second I had making that little girl smile.
“I did the best I could to take care of Bree and Ella, choosing to take a job at the grocery store for the benefits and steady income, instead of going to college here like I had planned. Between becoming new parents, and having a baby so young, my relationship with Bree suffered. We ended it when Ella was just a few months old, but vowed to keep things between us friendly for her sake.
With Bree and Ella moving out, I found myself working longer hours more often to make sure I had enough money to take care of Ella at both houses. That’s where I was the night of the accident. I was at work on a night when I was supposed to have Ella with me. I took an extra shift and asked Bree to keep her that night instead.”
Truth In Wildflowers Page 26
