Throttle MC: A Stepbrother Romance

by Loveling, Daphne

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Ryker

  Lon had been acting damn strange around me for the past week or so. I couldn’t quite figure it out. At first, I thought it was because of me punching Jimmy, but that didn’t make any sense. Generally, any disputes between club members were handled between them -- often with fists -- and Lon didn’t get in the middle of that shit unless absolutely necessary. I knew he was upset about Hadley leaving, but I didn’t see how that had anything to do with me. Lon had no idea about what had happened between us, and both Hadley and I wanted to keep it that way, so I was sure she hadn’t told him anything.

  Besides, even if he had any suspicions about something between us, he wouldn’t have been able to tell anything by looking at us. No one would. I had steered completely clear of Hadley since I’d heard she was leaving. Now that I wasn’t living at Lon and Randi’s anymore, I hadn’t even laid eyes on her in weeks. It was torture, but if that’s what she wanted, I sure as hell wasn’t going to get in her way.

  The day before Hadley was planning to head out of town, I rode out by myself to the bluff to think. As I sat and stared out onto the valley below, I remembered taking her there to talk. I remembered how much I had wanted her that day, and how much it had torn me apart to drive back into town and drop her off. Hadley had changed everything for me. Everything felt different since she had crashed into my life.

  I watched the sun as it made its slow way across the sky. I thought about my life, about how the club had become my family and made me into a man. I thought about how one decision led you to another, and then another, and sometimes you got so weighed down by them that it felt like you couldn’t fight yourself out of it all anymore. I thought about my past, and my future, like one long, winding highway in front of me.

  I thought about how none of what was to come would matter much anymore, if Hadley couldn’t be part of it.

  If Hadley was going to leave... maybe I should go with her.

  The thought hit me like a lightning bolt. I could leave Cheyenne. I could pick up stakes and make a new life. With her. I could go find work somewhere else. Maybe find a new MC, even. Start over. With her by my side.

  I couldn’t believe I was thinking it. Hell, before her, there was no way in hell I ever would have considered giving up everything for love of a woman. Cheyenne was just about all I’d ever known, and The Throttle was all that had ever meant anything to me. Would I be able to walk away from everything I had built with the club? Could I walk away from my mother, my brothers, everything I knew?

  I could. I knew I could. If I had Hadley, nothing else would matter much. It wouldn’t be easy, but shit. If she’d have me, it would be worth it.

  But Hadley would want me to stay.

  Wouldn’t she? Hadley would want me to keep working on the club. She would want me to keep working on changing its direction and getting us away from the meth. She was leaving because she felt helpless – because she didn’t want to watch Cheyenne turn to shit and not be able to do anything to stop it. She didn’t have the power to change anything, but she thought I did. I wasn’t sure she was right, but I owed it to her to try.

  The sun began its descent toward the horizon, and still I sat there, thinking. I didn’t want to go back and face Hadley’s leaving. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I remembered back to when I was a little kid. When I didn’t want something to happen, I’d hide in my closet, or up in the tree in our back yard. It was like I thought that if no one could find me, time wouldn’t pass, and that dentist’s appointment, or that math test, would never come.

  I wished that I could do that now, so Hadley wouldn’t fucking leave.

  A soft buzz in my pocket interrupted my thoughts, and I took my phone out to see who was calling. Lon. “Yeah,” I said. I leaned back and stretched my aching neck and shoulders.

  “Where you been, brother? Ain’t seen you around all day.”

  “Just out,” I replied. “Anything up?”

  “Nothin’ bad, but I need to talk to you. Come swing by the clubhouse when you got a minute.”

  “Be there in fifteen,” I said. I hung up and stood, taking one last look at the setting sun.

  The trip back felt good, the very first hints of the evening air cooling my skin and the bike rumbling underneath me. Too soon, I was back at the clubhouse, where it looked like things were heating up to be a wild night. Loud music blasted out of the bar area and spilled out into the parking lot. Some of the brothers stood around drinking beer and whiskey and shooting the shit, busty blondes and brunettes hanging off of them. I remembered a time when this had looked like paradise to me.

  Lon was over by himself at the other end of the parking lot. He was leaning against his bike and having a smoke. I pulled my bike up to next to his and cut the engine. He nodded a greeting and took a puff of his cigarette.

  “What’s up?” I asked as I swung my leg over the bike.

  “Needed to talk to you about something.”

  “Sure. What’s on your mind?”

  Lon took another drag from his smoke and threw it down on the ground, crushing it out with his foot. “I been thinkin’ we need to take the club in a new direction. Away from the meth.”

  I glanced over at him in surprise. This was pretty out of the blue. “You serious?” I asked.

  “Yeah.”

  Never one for many words, was Lon. “So what changed your mind?”

  Lon leaned back against the bike and crossed his arms. “I been doin’ some thinkin’. About what you said.” He sighed. “About Hadley’s mom. About Cheyenne. About Hadley, too. I lost her mother to drugs, and I’m about to lose Hadley to them, too. Just in a different way. She told me I had no conscience.” He chuckled. “It never even occurred to me that anyone would think I did have a conscience. But it didn’t feel good to hear my baby girl say that to me. Especially when I knew she was right.”

  “We can make money other ways, Lon,” I said. “Meth’s easy, but it ain’t the only way.”

  “I know it,” he agreed. “And it’s time we start lookin’ at those other ways. You were right, too. We’re shooting ourselves in the foot if we destroy the harmony we have with the town. Cheyenne’s been good to us. There ain’t no reason to fuck that up.”

  “Not everyone’s gonna be happy about this,” I warned him.

  “They don’t have to be,” he said. “But they’ll come around. ‘Specially when we tell them we’re gonna be turnin’ to booze and pussy instead,” he said. He raised his eyebrows at me.

  I laughed. “That might not make Cheyenne too happy, either.”

  “That might not make the women of Cheyenne happy,” he grinned. “I think the men will come along just fine.” Lon took another smoke from his pack and lit it. “You and me will move the meth out of Cheyenne together. As a united front. And we’ll keep the Warriors from moving in.”

  We sat in silence, looking at our brothers laughing and shoving each other around. It made me happy, seeing them like that. My family.

  “There was somethin’ else I wanted to talk to you about,” Lon continued.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “It’s about you and Hadley.”

  Holy fucking shit. “What about me and Hadley?” Jesus, even hearing him say our names out loud in the same sentence triggered something inside me. I waited half-paralyzed for what was coming next. I wondered if Lon was gonna punch me.

  Lon coughed once and cleared his throat. “I uh... just wanted to say... if there’s somethin’ between the two of you, it’s all right with me.”

  “Something... between us?” I repeated dumbly. I couldn’t move. I could barely breathe. This was seriously dangerous fucking territory.

  “Yeah.” He took a puff and blew out a plume of smoke. “See, Randi took me aside a few days ago. Told me she’d been thinkin’ there was something up. Said when she talked to the two of you separately, it was as obvious as hell you were crazy about each other, but you were both too scared to admit it.” He
turned to me slowly. “That true?”

  What could I say? There was no use denying it. And as I stood there with him looking at me, I realized I didn’t want to deny it. Fuck it, I loved Hadley. If Lon was calling my bluff so he could beat the shit out of me, get my colors taken away, well, so be it. I nodded. “Yeah. It’s true.”

  He looked away and grunted. “Randi, she’s a smart woman. She saw it a long time ago. I don’t mind tellin’ you, Ryker, I was pretty hot when she told me. That’s my little girl. My only daughter. I want what’s best for her. I’ve always tried to do what’s best for her.”

  “I know, Lon.”

  He took a long drag and tossed the butt away. “You think that’s part of why Hadley’s leavin’? That she feels like this thing between you two... like it can’t work?”

  I nodded. “I think so.”

  “Well, then,” he rumbled, “You better go find her, tell her what’s what. Tell her she ain’t got no reason to leave town anymore.” He looked at me. “You’ll do that?”

  God damn it if I didn’t trust my voice right then. I cleared my throat. “Yes sir, I will.”

  He clapped me on the back. “All right, then.” Lon stood up, stretched his back, and took a step toward the clubhouse. Stopping for a moment, he turned back to look at me. “Ryker.”

  “Yeah, Lon?”

  “You got a fuckin’ conscience,” he smiled wryly. “That’s why I’m trusting you with her.”

  I grinned. “Understood.”

  He walked back toward the clubhouse to rejoin my brothers. I watched him go. For a second, I thought about joining them.

  But I had somewhere else I needed to be.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Hadley

  My last day at the clinic had turned out to be more emotional for me than I thought it would be. I had done as Barbara had asked and waited before giving her my final decision, but I had never wavered from what I knew I had to do. When the week was over, I went back to her office and stood in the doorway. She motioned me in without a word.

  “Have you changed your mind?” she asked me without preamble.

  I shook my head.

  “Are you sure this is the right decision, Hadley? I hate to see you leave us.”

  “No,” I admitted. “I’m not. But it’s the one I have to make.”

  Nothing had changed in a week. Nothing would change in two weeks, or three weeks, or a year. The Throttle was still involved with meth, and nothing I could do would fix that. And the way I felt about Ryker hadn’t changed. If anything, my feelings for him had grown stronger the more I kept my distance from him. Even though Randi had tried to talk me out of leaving, even though she told me it would be okay – that somehow, Lon could be brought around to the idea of me and Ryker together – I knew it wasn’t true. I loved Randi for believing it, and for not hating me for falling in love with her son, but I just couldn’t stay here and spend my life pining for someone I could never have. I just had to hope that by leaving town, his memory would eventually fade, and I’d learn to live my life without the constant ache of knowing I would never be his.

  At the end of the day, I quietly packed up my small box of things. I had asked Barbara not to tell anyone else I was leaving. I didn’t want any sort of a goodbye party or anything like that; I hadn’t been there long enough to deserve one. I simply went back to Barbara’s office, told her goodbye, and nodded when she asked me to call her if I ever wanted to come back to Cheyenne. Then I slipped out the front door as others were shutting down their computers and getting ready to leave for the weekend.

  When I walked out into the late afternoon sunshine, Ryker was sitting on his bike, which was parked next to my car. My stupid, formerly oil-burning car, which had brought us together on that stupid road just a few months ago. I closed my eyes as someone with an invisible knife stabbed me in the gut.

  “Ryker,” I murmured, trying to keep the pain out of my voice. I hadn’t seen him in so long. I had hoped – somehow – that I would manage to get out of town without having to see him again before I had gone. And now, here he was, right in front of me. The idea of having to walk away from him was almost more than I could take.

  “Heard this was your last day,” he replied. He glanced down at the small box I was carrying. “Put that in your trunk and come with me.”

  “But...”

  “Don’t ask questions. Just do it.”

  I was so dumbfounded at seeing him here, after both of us doing everything we could to avoid one another, that I didn’t have the wherewithal left to do resist. Mutely, I opened up my trunk, threw in the box, and slammed it shut, all the while staring at him in confusion.

  “Come on. Here.” He handed me his helmet. I strapped it on and got on the bike behind him. He started the engine, and with a flick of the throttle we were off. I was at a loss as to where we could be going. Then it occurred to me that maybe his plan was to take me to the bluff, to say goodbye. I didn’t think I could bear it. I opened my mouth to tell him to turn around, to take me back to my car, but instead of turning right, in the direction of the bluff, he turned left.

  We drove along highway through town for a bit, and then he turned left again onto a smaller street that I didn’t recognize. Eventually, he turned into the driveway of a small, white house with dark red trim. He parked the bike and cut the engine.

  “Ryker...” I began, and then I realized where we must be. This was where he lived now.

  “Come on, get off the bike,” he replied easily. “Hurry up. I don’t have all day.”

  A thin ribbon of exasperation threaded through the storm of emotions coursing through me. In spite of everything, Ryker Stone sure did have the ability to irritate me when he wanted to. I got off the bike.

  “What are we doing here?” I complained as I pulled off my helmet. “I’m not really in the mood for you to give me a tour of your house, Ryker.”

  “Ah, you’ve figured that much out, anyway,” he grinned. “So, yeah, welcome to my castle,” he announced, sweeping his arms wide to showcase it. Then he strode toward the front door, motioning for me to follow. “Come on! What are you waiting for?”

  “Dammit, seriously?” I shot back. Were we really going to do this right now? What did he think, that we were going to crack open a beer on the back porch and drink a toast to the good times? In spite of myself, though, the irritation surging through me felt good. It was a damn sight better than the agony I felt when I had first seen him standing next to my car. More cleansing. Good, let’s go with anger, then.

  “Ryker, you need to take me back to my car right now!” I fumed, refusing to move from the spot.

  He turned and looked at me, then slowly crossed his arms and shook his head with a teasing grin. “Nope.”

  I couldn’t stand it anymore. His eyes, that grin that I loved so much, that melted me every time I saw it... I couldn’t be here. I just couldn’t. My eyes filled. “Fine, fuck it, then,” I said angrily, swiping at the tears that threatened to stream down my cheeks. “I’ll just walk.” I hooked the helmet over his handlebar. “Goodbye, Ryker.”

  Turning on my heel, I started down the driveway, willing myself not to start sobbing until I was far away from him. I hadn’t gotten more than a few steps when I felt his hand on my arm, pulling me around. I started to yank it away, but he held me firm. Furious now, I looked up at him, ready to spit out the first hateful thing I could think of, but when my eyes met his, the expression on his face stopped me in my tracks.

  “Hadley,” he said, looking stricken. “God, Hadley. I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have played you like that. Please,” he continued. He took me by both shoulders, and his touch was suddenly so gentle I wanted to weep. “Come on inside. I need to talk to you. I promise, you want to hear this.”

  Ryker put his arm around my shoulder and led me toward the front stoop. His touch, the smell of him were so familiar, so much what my whole body craved, that I wondered how I was going to survive the next minute
s without completely losing all my resolve.

  He opened the front door with a key he had pulled out of his back pocket, and led me through the entryway into the living room. I looked around at the still-bare walls and the half-empty boxes as he led me to a low leather couch facing the front window. He pulled me down and sat next to me. “Hadley,” he said, his voice low and urgent now. “Why are you leaving?”

  “You know,” I said stubbornly, shaking my head.

  “Tell me. Why?”

  Why would he make me say it? “Because, Ryker!” I cried. “I can’t stand to see what the club is going to do to Cheyenne. I don’t want to be here, watching it happen and feeling guilty.”

  “Hadley, your dad had me come talk to him a bit ago. He wants to move The Throttle away from meth. You convinced him, Hadley. He doesn’t want you to leave, and he thought about it and realized you’re right.”

  I looked at him dumbly. “What?” I whispered. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah,” he grinned back at me. “He wants him and me to steer the club toward other businesses. Together. I tried to get him to do it, too, before. But you’re the one that ended up changing his mind.”

  I couldn’t believe it. My father had actually listened to me. And he didn’t want me to leave. It was so much to take in. I sat looking at Ryker, and for a moment, I was so, so happy.

  And then I remembered the main reason I was leaving Cheyenne.

  “I’m... God, I’m so... I mean, that’s so great. Thank you, Ryker,” I said sincerely. I looked up at him, my eyes shining. “You have no idea how much this means to me.” I looked away, out the window. “But I still have to go. You know that.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  I stared back at him. “What do you mean, why?”

  “Tell me why,” he pressed. His eyes were glinting with a strange light.

  “Why are you making me say this, Ryker?!” I cried. “Because of you, okay? Because I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s too hard!”