The Tea Machine

by Gill McKnight

  “Hallowed Hades, woman.” She threw her useless pistol to the ground in disgust and clutched at her knee. Fresh blood welled from her wound. “Look. I’ve no idea who you are or where you came from, but you look human and you speak scientific, so I’m taking you to Kappa sector whether you like it or not. I’ve got my orders, and it’s to get the tech crews out. We’re done here. This deck’s a goner. Your laboratory’s a goner. You have to go and now!”

  “I’m not resisting you. I wish to vacate the immediate vicinity as eagerly as you do, but you have a leg wound, your weapon looks the worse for wear, and to be frank, I am so terrified I can barely stand, nevermind run.” She pushed a strand of hair from her face. Her neat chignon was unravelling almost as quickly as her mind. She fumbled for the lace handkerchief tucked up her sleeve and dabbed at her stinging eyes. It allowed her a moment to think.

  “Lady, we gotta run. That thing is coming for us. It knows we’re here, and it will never give up until this ship and every living thing on it is mush.”

  They were on a ship? Of course they were. Why had it not occurred to her they might be at sea? How else could a monstrous Kracken-like cephalopod attack?

  “If I may say,” she sniffed away the last of her anguish and settled her mind on the business of escaping, “that poor soldier we just saw killed by that…that thing.” It was really far too large to be a cephalopod. Unless it was a sort of prehistoric, cryptid cousin, and wouldn’t that be exciting! If only it weren’t killing everything before it. “That soldier was running in precisely the direction you want us to go. It’s obvious the creature is guarding that exit.”

  “Of course it’s guarding the bloody exit! That’s why we’re trapped! We have to make a run for it.” She gathered into an awkward crouch and looked ready to dash off at any moment. Millicent placed a hand on her arm to stall her.

  “No,” she said, in a calm, level voice. This warrior woman’s logic was as stunted as her vocabulary. “We have to go in the opposite direction. If it’s of the cephalopod species, and I have every reason the presume so, then it will have a lens eye similar to vertebrates. And judging from the size of the beast, I’m hoping it’s a Colossal squid and not the Giant type.” This was the exciting bit, and Millicent became duly animated. “The Colossal has stereoscopic vision whereas the Giant is capable of seeing a full 360 degrees.”

  “Look, lady.” The soldier was unimpressed with the importance of this information, which disappointed Millicent greatly. She was obviously not very well-informed regarding molluscan physiology, despite being in mortal peril from them. Before the soldier could pooh-pooh her plan, she changed tack to a more straightforward explanation.

  “These walls are riveted in horizontal panels about six feet apart. See?” She pointed to the scorched, blood splattered walls that soared to almost fifty feet above them. “The riveted edges provide small ledges we could move along. That would keep us off the floor and away from that…that inky stuff that seems to…melt people. And also we will be creeping along on its blindside, so to speak.”

  “Blindside?” The soldier squinted at the wall, a deep frown darkening her smoke-smudged features. Millicent hoped she was seriously considering her proposal.

  “As I said, if it’s a Colossal squid, it will only have forward-looking vision which is currently focused on the left hand exit, yes?”

  The soldier shrugged. “You’re the one studying them.”

  Millicent frowned at this. It was true she was a cryptologist and was particularly fascinated with the Ogopogo, but that was hardly a mollusc, most probably some sort of Basilosaurus anomaly—and anyway, how could this grubby soldier possibly know what it was she studied?

  The soldier shrugged again. This seemed to pass for conversation. When Millicent didn’t respond she said, “So, you tell me what its eyes do.”

  “But I have told you,” Millicent answered, losing patience. “We should climb the wall ledges to a safe height and make our way along the ridges behind the creature’s back. I assume there is an exit to the rear of this room? We can escape that way.”

  “There is, but it leads back to the labs and we need to get to the escape pods in Kappa. We’re taking the long way round if we go that way.”

  “Does that matter?”

  “Yes, because the ship is rigged to self-detonate at meridies.”

  “Oh, I see. Meridies as in noon.” This was unwelcome news. “How soon is that?”

  “Too soon.”

  “Well, we better get on with it.” Millicent began to crawl out from their shelter towards the nearest wall. The soldier clumsily caught up and shouldered her to the side.

  “I’m guarding you. It’s my job to get you techies off this stinking rat hole. You keep behind me unless I say different. If that thing grabs me; promise me you’ll run like hell.”

  Millicent sighed. The H word again. Between Hs and Bs, she really was foul mouthed. It must be a military thing. “If that thing grabs you, I promise I’ll run, but like a lady.”

  CHAPTER 7

  “This wall is sticky.” Millicent squinted at the ooze squeezing through her fingers.

  “The metal is corroding. Squid stink rots everything. A perfectly good ship starts to mold like an old sock once one of these buggers gets on it.”

  Oh dear, another B word. How many are there? “I’m not sure squid stink is the correct terminology. But it is less corrosive than the gore those poor people are lying in.” She nodded at the human waste of war almost twenty feet below, though her vertigo did not allow her to look. The soldier glanced back at the dissolving cadavers.

  “That’s squid blood. It’s like acid. You better be dead when you hit it. This stuff,” she flicked the tackiness from her fingers, “it corrodes the fabric of the ship, metals, alloys, and all sorts of wiring. Weapons, too,” she said. “The squid somehow adapt the atmosphere to suit them and wreck anything manmade. But the stink alone doesn’t melt flesh, just metal. Keep moving.” She gave a sharp cough. Millicent could feel the corrosive air tickling at her own lungs. There was a sour, metallic taste in her mouth. She felt contaminated. This enemy invaded on every level.

  Her plan was working. They were edging along the wall high enough up to keep out of the line of squid vision and any haphazard weapon fire from the deck below.

  “It is a Mesonychoteuthis, and so it has binocular vision!” She was pleased to discover her guess had been correct. This greatly increased their chances, especially as the creature was currently focused on a series of loud explosions on the other side of the hangar.

  “Thought you were the expert.” The soldier was setting up a brisk pace, forcing her to hurry when she really wanted to pause and observe. The beast was fascinating this close up.

  “Hardly an expert.” She watched the drift of colour fusing across its bulbous mantle. The subtle texture of the skin, with its map work of dark, pulsating blood vessels crisscrossing under the epidermis, mesmerized her. “It’s so beautiful.”

  The soldier snorted. “Only a scientist would find these buggers beautiful. What do you do with them in the lab? Are you working on that infant we caught off Scorpius Major?”

  “When you say laboratory, do you—Oomph.” Her foot slipped, and she nearly toppled. The soldier grabbed for her, pushing her back up onto the bulkhead.

  “Thank you,” Millicent muttered into the metal. She was flustered; the soldier’s hand rested on her waist in a most inappropriate manner. The heat from her palm seeped through Millicent’s clothing, and her face flushed in what she knew was a most unbecoming manner. She quickly regained her grip and waited for the soldier to relinquish her hold, but she was slow to do so.

  “Careful. Can’t go losing the brains of the outfit. I’m here to round you up and herd you home. The senate hates losing its clever clogs,” she said. They were coming up to a badly corroded section. She kicked at the crumbling metal edge an
d frowned.

  “This stretch is bad.” Her grip on Millicent’s waist tightened. She seemed totally unaware of any discomfort. Millicent wiggled a little to try and dislodge her hand when, much to her mortification, the soldier swung behind her, cupping her entire body with her larger one. The woman was exceptionally tall, and her long limbs easily encased Millicent on either side. Heat flew to her face, and she could feel the tips of her ears scorch. No one had ever pressed against her that way. The soldier smelled strongly of sweat and a sharp nitrous odour she put down to some sort of gunfire residue. Her uniform with its elaborate straps and buckles was torn and scorched and smelled coppery with blood. She’d noted the limp earlier, and now Millicent wondered how many other wounds the soldier had.

  “We’ll go slow, okay.” Her voice rumbled just above Millicent’s head. “I don’t want you to fall.” Then she felt the press of the soldier’s chest against her back. Millicent gripped the vibrating metal with white-knuckled fingers. Her toes curled in her light house shoes for extra purchase. Falling was not the immediate problem. She could feel the stir of the soldier’s breath against her scalp, and heat radiated off her into Millicent’s spine and hips. She puffed a strand of loose hair out of her eyes, hoping to cool her burning cheeks. What on earth was this soldier thinking, squashing a lady like this? It was very improper, even if she was trying to save her from the morass below.

  “This is a complete overreaction,” she said. “I can manage perfectly well.”

  “No, you can’t. Not over this next bit. Let’s go.” There was no more discussion, the soldier began an awkward crablike shuffle, edging them slowly past the Colossal’s mantle. A tentacle flailed by, too close for comfort. The soldier flattened her body against Millicent, knocking her against the bulwark so hard it took her breath away. The air around them roiled, then whooshed. Millicent closed her eyes, certain they’d be swept to their doom but the huge barbed club sailed on leaving them to exhale softly with relief.

  “Hold still,” the soldier whispered directly into her ear.

  “Of course I’ll hold still. I can barely move. You’re squashing me.” She was indignant. It was the only way to cope with her fear and the annoying fluster the woman soldier threw her into.

  “Sorry.” She eased back a bit, but not much. “Nearly there.”

  “We’re at the exit?” Millicent peeped out from under her arm. Up ahead she could see what she hoped was the exit. A green glow flashed erratically over huge metal doors that shuddered open and slammed shut in manic malfunction. The wall they clung to vibrated with each slam of the doors and made her fingers ache. She desperately hoped they’d soon be free of the hangar. Her body was weakening, and the enforced proximity to this strange woman wasn’t helping her concentration any. With a grunt, the soldier started up their crablike creep again.

  It was a relief when they finally reached the exit light. The descent to the floor was tricky, though. The climb up had been easy compared to this. For one thing, they were closer to the creature, and she was very aware of a stagnant dampness that oozed from its moist, semi-translucent skin. It lost some of its beauty now she was alongside it. The chill stink of death and decay saturated her throat and sinuses, and she could almost taste its vile ink. The air was so cold and clammy it clung to her skin and made her shiver with discomfort. She was afraid. It was the old, primordial fight-or-flight fear, and she was glad the woman beside her was making the decisions for her.

  The soldier went first and guided her down the bulwark step by step. She was grateful for it, as the fullness of her skirts did not permit her to see where she was putting her feet. The noise was incredible; with each step she was descending into a nightmare. The floor trembled violently under her when she finally reached it. It was like stepping onto an earthquake. Her vision blurred, and her head ached with the endless cacophony of screams and weapon fire. The ceaseless hammer of squid arms breaking the hangar to bits was driving her close to madness. Millicent felt nauseous and disorientated and was nearing the point of exhaustion, both mentally and physically.

  The soldier grabbed her hand and hauled her unceremoniously through the slamming exit doors and into a murky, ill-lit corridor. The air here was a little more breathable, and she sucked it in with great gulps.

  “I…I didn’t realize how dizzy I was getting back there.”

  “Squid stink rots your head. If you’re in it too long you get confused and make mistakes. We have face masks for it, but they fall apart in no time.”

  “Do you mean a sort of gaseous hallucinogenic? Or maybe a phosphorus based poisoning of the nervous system?” How interesting. These squid had a gruesome arsenal.

  “I mean it makes you stupid. Now come on,” she said. Millicent remembered the soldier’s wild-eyed stare when she’d materialized beside her, and now doubted that she was the primary reason for it. The soldier could easily have been in the thrall of “squid stink,” as she so succinctly put it. Her gaze was much more focused now that they were in cleaner air. Her eyes were gunmetal grey, hard and flinty, and for the moment, squinting cautiously into the gloom ahead. Once again she grabbed Millicent by the hand and drew her along behind, keeping to the shadows.

  Despite her earlier misgivings, Millicent clung to her hand. The corridor was wide with a low ceiling and sweeping bends, and the slam and slide of broken doors clanged along the length of it. Smoke hung in lazy pockets, pierced by tiny red and green lights blinking randomly from melted electrical panels. Overhead, the lighting strips flickered weakly, distressing the walls with long, eerie shadows. It became clearer to her by the second that Hubert’s machine had deposited her not only in the middle of a weird, interspecies war, but also considerably into the future. If she ever got home again, he was so going to hear about this.

  She watched how carefully the soldier moved, her body tense and on full alert.

  “Are there more?” she whispered nervously.

  “Yup, there’s always more. We beat them off, but they always sneak back in.”

  “Oh dear.” She glanced about anxiously.

  “We should be okay here for a while. We cleared the Beta deck when we got your lot out.”

  “My lot?” She frowned and took a deep breath. This was going to be a difficult question. “Why do you think I belong to this ship?”

  But the soldier wasn’t listening. Instead she raised a finger to her lips for silence. Millicent strained to hear what had caught her attention. From around a corner came a sharp click, then another, and another, and then someone said in disgusted exasperation, “Ah, fuckamo, fuckamas, fuckamant.”

  The soldier let go of her hand and stepped forward around the corner. “Gallo?” she said. “That you?”

  “Well, blow my war horn, Sangfroid, is that you?” came the answer.

  Intrigued, Millicent followed. She saw another soldier crouched over an abandoned pile of weaponry.

  “Sangfroid! Hey, you made it!” This was followed by a happy guffaw. The soldiers collided in a rough, shoulder-slapping embrace.

  Sangfroid? So that was the name of her rescuer. Millicent watched the comradery from a polite distance, all the time glancing over her shoulder for sneaking squid.

  “Well, I managed to make it back to where we started,” Sangfroid said ruefully, and stepped back. “Maybe not the smartest move. What about you? Why are you grubbing around out here?”

  It was only when the soldiers separated that Millicent realized Gallo was a woman, too. Another giantess! Wherever this place was, her gender had come a long way.

  Gallo held up two handguns from the pile of discards at her feet. At least Millicent assumed they were handguns. They were very complex weaponry but similar to the one she had seen Sangfroid throw away in disgust.

  “These fuckers are still juiced.” Gallo grinned.

  Millicent pinched the bridge of her nose. Oh, dear. I think I may have an F word to add t
o the list. Perhaps I should start a lexicon?

  “Excellent.” Sangfroid grabbed one from her.

  “Hey. Where’d ya get the frock?” Gallo nodded at Millicent, who bristled at the impolite tone. She had similarly noted Gallo’s strange attire but had thought it not polite to pass comment. Gallo was almost as tall as Sangfroid. She had mannish short, dark hair and a swarthy Mediterranean type complexion. She was dressed in a similar, equally grubby uniform. It underscored her leanness of hip and rather unfeminine shape. Millicent recoiled from her catty thoughts with a stab of shame. She should be above such demeaning judgment of another woman’s figure. Even if the woman was rude.

  “She’s a scientist.” Sangfroid jerked a thumb at Millicent. “We need to get her to the Kappa pods.” Her casualness annoyed Millicent immensely, almost as much as Gallo’s rudeness. She felt like a parcel that had to be delivered rather than another human trying to survive the same living nightmare.

  “She looks weird, even for a scientist.” Gallo frowned at Millicent’s dress. “Teeny wee thing, too.”

  “Excuse me.” Millicent straightened her back. “I happen to be the average height for an English woman, and furthermore I—”

  “Don’t get her talking.” Sangfroid turned her back on them both and looked along the darkened corridor. “Any idea what’s up there, Gallo?”

  “Well, really.” Millicent had never seen such ill-mannered behaviour.

  “Bastards are creeping back,” Gallo said. They both ignored her.

  That did it! Millicent reached for her reticule and drew out a small notebook with attached pencil. She was going to keep a record of this insolence and report it to their commanding officer—if she ever had a chance to meet him! She jotted down Gallo’s latest obscenity. Between them they had the manners of the gutter, and it would be addressed later.

  “They’re really determined to crack this deck. Rest of the ship is still intact last I heard.” Gallo said.