Steel Rain: A Military Romance Collection

by A. Gorman

  “Not get bogged down in the bad?” I clarified, a hint of amusement winding its way into my tone at the Classic Maggie response.

  “We have had this conversation before, you know that, right? Whatever,” she dismissed her question with a wave, “honestly, I think it’s easier for me. I had great examples of how to face adversity and come out the other side smiling. My parents taught me resilience, but they did so with kindness and love. They let me see the bad in the world, but only to show me how to find the good hidden within the bad, even in the darkest times. You never had that. You were taught to endure pain, that suffering was just the way of it. Adding to it, you’ve seen the very worst of humanity up close and personal. So it makes sense that it’s harder for you, but it isn’t impossible.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  “Definitely not easy. Being this awesome takes loads of work.” Maggie deadpanned, her perfectly timed humor pulling me from my stupor. “Get some sleep. We’ll head over to the meeting in the morning.”

  “Goodnight, Maggie.”

  “Goodnight, John.” Not Cormick. John. Her use of my first name meant more to me than she would ever understand. Though somehow, I think she did know. Underneath it all, I wondered if we weren’t both harboring the same secrets. The same insecurities.

  FIVE

  The overcast morning accentuated the dread of facing my demons with Maggie as a witness. As I feigned sleep and listened to Maggie moving around the apartment, I hoped to God I didn’t lose my shit again, but any illusions of maintaining control melted away last night as I opened up about my childhood in the diner. Control didn’t exist around Maggie. Her life was a whirlwind of chaos, and I was just along for the ride, for as long as she’d let me.

  Hearing her stop at the edge of the couch, I reluctantly opened my eyes to a mass of red curls wildly framing a sleep-lined face wearing a bemused expression. The normalcy of the moment sent me reeling as I was transported to a world where this was the start to a typical day for us, and I half expected her to chide me for falling asleep on the couch, instead of coming to bed, again. I blinked hard, mentally slapping myself back to reality. When I opened my eyes again, her unruly hair shielded any expression from my view as she glanced awkwardly around the room.

  “Ready? Well, I guess you have to be ready, I sort of kidnapped you last night. You don’t exactly have clothes to wear, do you? I think I have some of my dad’s old shirts in there if you want to wear one. Or would that be weird? A bit too much probably. There are extra toothbrushes under the sink, unused of course.”

  “Maggie, you’re babbling,” I mumbled as I scrubbed my hands over my face.

  “Well, normally I’m the one out of place at your apartment, and you never offer a toothbrush. I’m just trying to be a good hostess.”

  I dropped my hands and shifted my feet to the floor. “Normally, you have your own toothbrush so I never thought to offer. Next time, I’ll be sure to have a spare lying around.” The bedding slid back to the couch as I stood and exposed my scarred torso. Her eyes traced the lines across my skin, sending a nervous ripple down my spine. “Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked, already regretting agreeing to her offer to come with me.

  “Do what? What are we doing?” Panic raised her voice an octave, while her breathing quickened as I finally met her wide-eyed gaze and realized I stood well within her bubble.

  I was drawn to her like a magnet and oftentimes found myself uncomfortably close to her without realizing I’d done it. My chest tightened as I stood my ground. Maybe she was with Deacon, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t tell her he wasn’t the only option. Or at least hint.

  “Going to the meeting.” I slid my arm up between us and lifted her chin, her hair falling back as her wary eyes met mine. Fear stared back at me, but from what? Anticipation? Or because I’d rejected her, when she didn’t know the secret I carried? “Maggie….”.

  “Yes, I’m sure,” Maggie interrupted, quickly side-stepping around me and cutting off whatever might’ve come next. “But if you don’t get a move on we’ll be late. I’m going to grab some coffee and donuts and I’ll be back. Second drawer down is where I keep my dad’s shirts if you want one. If not, the towels are under the sink next to the unused toothbrushes. There should be some travel toiletries in there as well if you need anything, though I don’t keep men’s products. Whatever, you can figure it out. Coffee.” She mumbled before practically running out of the apartment.

  I wondered how long it would take her to realize she was still in her pajamas. I waited for a good five minutes to see if she would come back and change, and when she didn’t, I went in and cleaned myself up, avoiding her father’s shirts altogether.

  Twenty minutes later, I exited to the bathroom just as Maggie returned with donuts and coffee. “Nice outfit,” I teased, unable to resist.

  She looked down at her pajamas and back at me. “Not another word. We’ll never speak of this again.” She deposited the food on the counter and disappeared down the hall.

  Ten minutes later, she reappeared fully dressed with her wild hair tamed into a messy bun, and remarkably, the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. She padded barefoot into the kitchen, taking me back to her time in my apartment. By the end of the weekend she’d made herself pretty much at home. Living with her was easy, our lives melded seamlessly. Well, until one of us spoke; then it all went to hell. Aside from those minor setbacks, having her in my house made it feel like a home.

  Maybe that stupid saying was right, home is where the heart is. My heart was quite obviously with Maggie, so wherever she was would always feel like home. Ugh, I sound like an old woman.

  “We’ve got to get a move on,” Maggie mumbled around a mouthful of donut, our gazes simultaneously following the jelly filling as it oozed from the end and down the front of her shirt. “As soon as I change my shirt.”

  Murphy was up to his old tricks again. At least this wasn’t a physical injury, thank God. Everyone had thought I was responsible for the last one. Those looks were a whole different sort of hell. I wouldn’t harm her in a million years. Well, I had punched her in the eye, but that wasn’t my fault. She hadn’t been paying attention in the boxing ring.

  “We go!” Maggie shouted, shoving her arms through a sweater while trying to juggle her keys and coffee simultaneously.

  “Shoes, Moore.”

  Maggie paused to look down at her feet in disbelief.

  “We’re going to blame this whole morning on the lack of caffeine, okay?” Flustered, she pulled on a pair of boots and walked out of the door, not stopping to see if she’d forgotten anything else.

  “You have everything?” I raised a brow as I stepped out of the apartment behind her, holding her coffee in my hand.

  “Now I do.” She stroked the cup obscenely as she walked down the stairs toward the parking lot. “You okay?”

  “Not really, but better than last night.”

  Comfortable silence filled her car as we returned to the parking lot I’d lost my mind in the night before. Somehow, it wasn’t quite so scary with her at my side. She made me brave, made me want to fight for a future I never imagined I could have, let alone want. Walking in to face the firing squad with the one person that had every right to blame me for my actions by my side, made other people’s opinions less significant. I wasn’t here for absolution, from them, or anyone. The only forgiveness I needed, I already had, and nothing they said, or did, could diminish that.

  Maggie saved me in a lot of ways, but more than anything she made me want to save myself. I might’ve started getting help to prove something to her, but now I wanted to be better. I wanted a future where every second of my life didn’t revolve around guilt and regret.

  Maggie showed me it was possible; helped me find the courage to make it happen, to truly believe I could heal, just by being her. Without even realizing it, she’d been my life raft when I was drowning. Now that I was starting to swim on my own, it was time to repay the debt,
even it if was impossible – I had to try.

  “Ready?” Maggie asked, turning to face me as we reached the bottom of the stairs, unaware of the depth of her question.

  I looked into the room that terrified me last night, past the refreshment point-of-no-return table to the circle of chairs and nodded. No, my demons wouldn’t magically disappear overnight, but maybe – just maybe – if I faced my demons head on they’d lose some of their power, and though the guilt would never really leave me, I could find a way to forgive myself. I met her expectant gaze and nodded again more confidently. “Yes, I am.”

  About the Author

  Michelle Graves

  Don’t miss out on The Misadventures of Maggie Moore, as Maggie jumps feet first into the world of obscure sports. Get caught up in Maggie’s story to find out where it all began and what led John to finally face his demons.

  Now available in The Misadventures of Maggie Moore:

  The Fear of Falling Flat

  (This Book Contains: 1- Novella, 1-Short Story, and 1-Full-length novel!)

  The Battle of the Brains

  Also Available from Michelle Graves:

  The Chronicles of Izzy: The Complete Series

  Friendships, love, and sacrifice will all play out transforming Izzy into the Seer of prophecy. Find out what happens in The Chronicles of Izzy.

  Books in The Chronicles of Izzy:

  See How She Runs (Free)

  See How She Fights

  See How She Falls

  Seeing is Believing

  See How She Awakens

  The Chronicles of Izzy: The Complete Series

  (Entire series, including short stories, all in one place)

  PROLOGUE

  Gerald

  Three years earlier.

  “Honey, are you sure you really want to do this? I mean, be a sniper in the military?”

  “Shell, I’ve wanted to be in the military as a kid, and being a sniper is one of the best jobs there is. I didn’t go through all of this intensive training just to back out now.”

  Shelly was my fiancée and we’d been together for a year. You could say it was love at first sight and at first when I told her I was joining the army, she was on board. Now that I was facing deployment she’d been acting strangely.

  Her five-foot frame, long brown hair, and blue eyes held the key to my heart. She was a gymnast in college and that made for some fun times in the sack. But looking at her right now, I felt something was wrong. I felt like there was something she wasn’t telling me, and I was actually afraid to find out what.

  “Gerry, I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

  “Do what, baby?”

  She looked at the ring on her finger, and my stomach dropped. “This,” she said, sliding the diamond off of it.

  “Wait, what’s going on?”

  “I’m not cut out for this military wife life. I look at Anita and feel so sorry for her. Tom is always gone and she’s so lonely. She’s always on Pinterest looking for crafty shit to keep her busy, and I can’t do that. I’m only twenty-two. I have so much life to live.”

  “But we were planning a life together. You don’t want that anymore?”

  “I did. But you and I both know that things went way too fast between us. We were definitely in the honeymoon phase of the relationship and now that the smoke has cleared, I can’t do this.”

  “We can make this work. I’ll call you, and I’ll remain faithful.”

  “But…” She swallowed, a stray tear escaping her eye. “I haven’t.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve been sleeping with Chris, and I felt you needed to know now. We’re going to be together, so I can’t pretend to be your wife if I’m not going to be happy. There’s nothing for me to gain.”

  This was not the woman I fell in love with. Regardless of what phase we were in, she told me yes and was devoting her life to me and I to her. But to hear she’d been sleeping with my best fucking friend made me see red.

  “So, you’ve been fucking my best friend for how long?”

  “Six months.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “He’s the one, Gerry. I’m sorry.”

  “He’s the one? He is the fucking one?”

  She blinked away her tears, and I told her to get the fuck out of my apartment. The lease was up in a few days and I wanted to get rid of it and the memory of her for good. I was heading to Afghanistan the next day and asked my mom to handle things for me before I left. I wanted to get as far away from Boston as I could and never look back. I was going to start my life anew and focus on my career. I would never ask another broad to marry me unless I knew for sure we were on the same wavelength, but after going through this, I didn’t think I’d ever find the one for me, unless she were thrown right in front of my face.

  ***

  Sara

  “Aiden, are you in here?”

  I walked through the apartment door and it was partially empty. The only things left were my own. “Aiden?”

  I walked through the tiny one-bedroom place and a sickness washed over me. It wasn’t like him not to be home, let alone take his stuff. I picked up my cell phone and tried to call him, but my calls weren’t going through, which was strange because I’d just talked to him that morning. I was going to tell him the good news that I was going to be a triage nurse in the military to help wounded soldiers. He’d told me I should go for it, so I expected to go out and celebrate.

  As I walked into my bedroom, I placed my shoes in the rack behind the door and sat on my bed. Looking up at the ceiling, I was still trying to ponder where the man I loved was. My phone chirped and a red battery symbol flashed across my screen. I went to grab the plug behind the nightstand and there was a note on top with my name on it. I tucked my short hair behind my ear and took a seat on the plush comforter.

  Sara,

  I didn’t want to tell you like this, but it’s over. Brandy and I are back together, and I proposed to her. She said yes and she’s pregnant with our first child. I know you were going for that job overseas and I wanted you to take it because it would be easier to get rid of you. I did love you, but I love her more. No hard feelings. Good luck with life.

  -Aiden

  P.S. I took the liberty of getting rid of my own shit so you couldn’t break or damage it.

  You have got to be fucking kidding me right now! What was supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life was overshadowed by a dark storm cloud that this asshole created.

  ***

  I decided that I was going to go out and celebrate even if it was by myself. Being in that apartment that we shared made me fucking sick and I had to get the thought of that scumbag out of my head. He and Brandy were made for each other. He told me that most of their relationship she didn’t know what she wanted and constantly dragged him along, so good luck with that.

  I walked to the nearest pub and ordered the strongest whiskey they had. Sitting across from me was a guy. He was sitting alone and the liquid courage made me walk over to him. “Is this seat taken?”

  “No.”

  “May I join you?”

  “Sure, not like I have anyone to go running home to.”

  “Me neither. I was just dumped by my asshole boyfriend for his home-wrecking fiancée. Who used to be his ex. He’d apparently been cheating on me this entire time and I was so stupid.” Whoa, Sara. Word vomit much?

  “What are the fucking chances?” He pulled out a beautiful engagement ring, with a gold band and a huge princess cut diamond on the top. “I got dumped too. I deploy soon and I’ll never have to come back to this hell hole of a state again.”

  “I’m so sorry. Bartender, keep ‘em coming!”

  He gave me a nod and slid two whiskeys in front of us.

  “To assholes!”

  “To assholes!” he replied, clinking his cup with mine.

  ***

  The entire time I was at the bar with this man, I never learned hi
s name. I didn’t feel like I needed to. There was no pressure. He was leaving soon and I didn’t have to worry about seeing him ever again. So I was feeling reckless. Or maybe I just needed a rebound. We clicked, which was weird. It was like the pain of heartbreak made us more compatible. Or maybe it was just the constant flow of whiskey coursing through my veins.

  “Hey, I’m staying in a room next door, care to join me?” he asked.

  “Sure.” Never in my life had I just walked out of a bar with a stranger. But this stranger made me feel safe. And if all we did was have wild sex tonight, I’d forget it all by the morning anyway.

  ***

  That night with the stranger would be a night I would never forget. We had sex, but the electricity, the pull, the emotion he evoked from me, made it feel like we were meant to be. I’d never clicked with someone like that in my life and it was too bad we’d never see each other again. I couldn’t remember much else about him, except for the fact that he had these amazing gray eyes, with some sort of brown color mixed in. And that he was being deployed, but I never bothered to ask where, even though I was getting ready to go to Germany myself. That brown-haired stranger would be one I’d never forget, but I had to focus on the future, not on a relationship. Especially not after what that asshole, Aiden, just did to me.

  When I awoke that morning, the mystery man was gone, and I was left pulling myself together enough to go home, pack, and move on with my life.

  Germany, here I come. Goodbye, Boston.

  ***

  Gerald

  I felt awful bailing on her like that, but I was catching feelings and had to leave before I wanted to know more about her. It was nice to get drunk and let loose with someone, but for some reason I was drawn to her. I wanted to make love to her. I didn’t want to just have a one-night stand, I wanted to make it count.