by Karen Booth
He saw the worried look cross Jenna’s face but all he could focus on was trying to make out what Jane was saying.
“I’ve been cramping all morning and now I’m bleeding. Arthur’s away and Mum’s on her cruise with Aunt Margaret. I’ve called for an ambulance.” He could hear the terror in her voice.
“Okay, sweets, stay calm. They’ll be there soon. Where’s Melinda?”
“Can’t reach her, she’s at trial all day.” Jane groaned in what Tim assumed was pain. His stomach knotted at the sound.
“Let me call Gavin, I just spoke with him.”
“No, just stay on the line with me ’til they get here. Tim, I’m so scared. I think I’m losing the baby.” She cried out again.
Tim’s mind raced. He wrote down Gavin’s phone number and motioned for Jenna to call him using her phone. She quickly dialed, shaking her head after a minute. “Voicemail.”
He covered the phone. “Leave a message, have him call you as soon as he gets it.”
Jane was sobbing, no longer forming words. Tim felt utterly helpless. He heard the sound of the siren growing louder in the background. Thank God. His only hope was that they could do something. “Jane, they’ll take excellent care of you. Call me the minute you know anything. I love you.” He hung up feeling bereft.
Jenna was staring at him, her eyes huge and dark. “What happened?”
“I dunno. This is how it started the other times, pain and bleeding. She’s so much further along, I thought she’d be okay.” He raked his hand through his hair. “She’s all alone.”
Jenna sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around him, her soothing hands stroking his neck. “Maybe it’ll be okay.”
“Maybe it won’t. I should be there.” He checked his phone, making sure he had a signal.
“There’s nothing you could do. I’m sure the doctors will do whatever they can.”
“You don’t understand. The other times this happened she went into…a state. She holed up in her bedroom for days. Wouldn’t eat. Wouldn’t talk to anyone. I was the one who finally got her up and moving. Now it’s even worse. Her husband’s away. And she’s got Lucy.” He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to figure out what to do.
“Let me make you some tea.” Jenna kissed him on the forehead. “Hopefully someone will call soon, with good news.”
The next two hours seemed eternal. When Tim finally saw Gavin’s number on caller ID, he picked up immediately. “Have you heard from Jane?”
“Yes.” Gavin’s voice was low and steady and Tim braced himself. “I’m at the hospital. I’m afraid it’s bad news. She’s lost the baby.”
“Christ.” Tim sat down with a thud, his thumb and fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. His stomach churned imagining what Jane must be going through.
“Look, I can’t chat now. I promised I’d go get Lucy from the sitter’s. She’ll stay at our place tonight. The hospital’s keeping Jane overnight and your mum should be home in a few days. No word on Arthur yet. Seems he’s unreachable for at least another day. Can’t imagine someone telling him this news over the phone.”
“I know.”
“Oh, sorry, mate.”
“Thanks for looking after Lucy.”
Tim hung up the phone, unable to clear the lump that had formed in his throat. Jenna stood in front of him, inserting herself into the space between his knees. Her eyes were brimming with tears, not making it at all easier for Tim to keep his emotions in check. She reached out and stroked his hair, her fingers gentle and comforting, but as much as he wanted to rest his head against them, he pulled away. Jane was the one in need of comfort, not him. He stood and reached for his laptop, startling even himself when he announced, “I have to go home.”
Chapter Eight
Jenna did her best to remain calm. This can’t be happening. Her stomach sank as his words rang in her head. “I have to go home.” She watched as Tim brought his laptop to the kitchen table and his fingers began to fly over the keys. Her head felt like a washing machine—turning and sloshing in an endless churn. She took a deep breath. It will all be fine. He won’t really have to leave.
Tim groaned and his shoulders dropped. “I’m going to have to phone the airline. Explain what’s happened.” He reached for his phone. “Why is it so bloody impossible to find the phone number on the website?” He jabbed at the keyboard some more.
“Take a deep breath. I think you need to give yourself a minute to digest this.” She reached for his arm.
His forehead crinkled. “I don’t have a minute. Janey needs me. She’s an ocean away and just lost a child.” He covered his eyes and mumbled, “She must be gutted. I can’t believe it happened again.”
“I know you want to help, but can’t Gavin and Melinda step in?”
He shook his head. “You don’t understand. We’re always there for each other. Always. Nothing is more important. And this is really bad. It’s going to take more than Gav and Mel to put this back together. It’s all hands on deck.”
Her lips wobbled as she began to realize just how determined he was, just how much she wasn’t the center of his world like he was hers. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to go.”
“Jenna, please. Do you think I want to leave? Do you think I wanted this to happen?”
“Of course not.” She felt small and insignificant, a familiar feeling but all the more painful since she’d opened her heart to him. “I just—” she started, but Tim was back to clicking on his laptop.
“Finally. The number.” He held up his finger. “I need to make this call.”
Jenna picked up her messenger bag, having the urge to do what her family always did in a crisis—run in the opposite direction. “I have to go get ready for work. Can I come over after my shift?”
“Yeah, of course,” he said, distracted. He stood and pecked her on the temple. “Uh, yes, hello. I need to book a flight. I have a family emergency.”
Jenna lurched for the door. She couldn’t listen to another word.
She trudged down the street in a nearly catatonic state. Everything happens for a reason. Bad things happen when I get close to someone. It was hard to think any differently. Aside from Natalie, she didn’t have a stable, caring relationship with any person on the planet other than Tim. There had to be a reason for it. Maybe my dad isn’t the poison. Maybe I’m the poison.
She arrived at her apartment, relieved that one thing had gone right—Rachel wasn’t there. She flopped down on her bed, dreading what felt like her only option, the thing Tim had told her not to do. It was the only thing that made sense. She had to do something. If I can land him some phenomenal job, at least he’ll want to come back. She wasn’t sure she was enough of a reason for him to ever return.
She sat up on the bed and picked up her phone. Her father’s number wasn’t on speed dial, but she had it committed to memory. He’d had the same office in L.A. for most of her life. She pressed the numbers, her stomach filling with a sour, empty feeling.
A woman with a nasal voice answered. “AB Records. How can I direct your call?”
Jenna tried to swallow but the muscles of her throat locked up. “Uh, yes, can I speak with Al?”
“Who’s calling?” she asked with the skeptical voice of a gatekeeper.
“It’s his daughter. Jenna.”
“I’ll see if he’s available.”
Jenna fidgeted as she was subjected to the horrible hold music, likely one of her father’s latest discoveries. It occurred to her that there was a very good chance he wouldn’t take her call.
The woman got back on the line. “He can speak to you in five minutes. Please hold.” The music came back, just as awful the second time.
She dug through her dresser for clothes to wear to work, fighting the sting in her eyes. She could already hear her dad’s voice in her head—the stern, cold tone of a man accustomed to getting whatever he wanted, exactly the way he wanted it. The fact that his children had deviated from his fucked-up ideas of the
perfect family had been easily remedied. He’d cut Ethan and her out of his life, completely.
The music faded to a new and somehow worse song and her heart began to pound in her ears. The screeching voice of the singer had her wincing until her father picked up. That made her recoil and drop to the edge of the bed.
“Jenna.” His voice was flat. She could envision him sitting at his massive oak desk, the gold and platinum records covering his office walls. She could imagine him looking down his nose at her.
“Dad. Hi.” She clutched a handful of her quilt.
“Let me guess. You’re calling for one of three reasons. You’re broke, you’re pregnant, or your brother’s dead.”
Hang up. Just hang up. He can’t hurt you anymore. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Just talk. Do this for Tim. “No, sorry. Ethan is fine and I’m not broke or pregnant. I’m calling to ask a favor.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m listening.”
That was exactly what he used to say to her when she was a little girl and she got in trouble. He never told her why he was angry. He would just give her plenty of rope to hang herself. “I have a friend who’s here from England and he’s a really talented musician, piano and guitar.” She took a long, silent breath, hoping her voice wouldn’t betray her. “He was hired to do some studio sessions that fell through. I was hoping you could make some calls, maybe hook him up with an audition or two.”
“I take it you’re sleeping with this guy. I thought I told you to stay away from musicians.”
Fuck. “We’re dating, but that’s not the reason I’m calling. I would call even if he were only a friend. He’s incredibly gifted. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t know he could get the jobs on his own. He just needs a good word somewhere.”
“And why should I do this for you?”
Her lip shook and her eyes were so watery that the room was nothing more than a blur. “Because I’m your daughter.”
“So you’re my daughter when it’s convenient for you.”
Just like you’re my father when it’s convenient for you, which is never. “No, Dad, I’m always your daughter. But we can’t have a real relationship until you find a way to accept Ethan.” She bit her lower lip, hard, praying she hadn’t just sunk her own cause by mentioning the elephant in the room. “Can you just do this one thing for me? Please?”
There was silence on the other end. It made her wonder if the call had dropped.
“I’ll make some phone calls. I’m not promising anything. My assistant will call you with the details if there are any. Now I need you to do something for me.”
“Yes, of course. What?”
“Tell your brother to call your mother or send her a note so she knows he hasn’t died from AIDS or isn’t in a gutter somewhere.”
Gee, Dad. The warmth. It’s overwhelming. It’s like a Norman Rockwell painting. “I’ll call him today.”
Jenna walked double time to work, hoping she wouldn’t be late again. Every nerve ending in her body felt as if it had been rubbed raw and her brain was working overtime. Her phone rang from the depths of her bag and she fumbled to retrieve it. She couldn’t imagine her dad would get back to her with news already, but he could make magic when he wanted to. Her chest pounded when she saw Tim’s name on the caller ID.
“Hey. Any news?” she asked, wondering if this was how it felt to hyperventilate.
“Flight’s booked. Nine a.m. tomorrow morning. Just need to speak to Gavin to ask him to pick me up.”
Jenna stopped dead in her tracks. The blood drained from her face. She felt as if she was going to be sick all over the sidewalk. “Tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
* * * * *
Tim’s head was pounding. He’d managed to book a flight, but that had made everything suddenly more real. I’m leaving. He hadn’t realized how settled he’d become in his Manhattan life until he needed to dismantle it in less than twenty-four hours.
The manager at One If By Land had been thoughtful and gracious, wishing Jane well and telling Tim if he found himself in town again to be sure to ring. The studio had been somewhat more annoyed, but had still extended an offer to return. Tim couldn’t think that far ahead. All he could focus on was Jane. He had yet to speak with her. Melinda and Gavin tried, but she wasn’t willing to take a call. He dreaded the condition he might find her in by the time he got home.
Jenna was another matter. The look on her face when Tim announced he was leaving had been enough to break his heart. Hurting her was the last thing he wanted, but she needed to understand. He had no choice, he had to go.
Tim was gathering things out of the bathroom when he heard the door open. Jenna still had his key. His gut twisted at the thought that soon he’d no longer live there. She wouldn’t be keying into his place or stopping by work. He literally might never see her again. His chest tightened as he walked toward her.
“Hey,” Jenna said, her voice faltering. Her red-rimmed eyes told him she’d been crying.
He wrapped his arms around her waist. She felt so warm and soft he wanted to scoop her up and carry her straight to bed, to forget everything else and just be with her, but he had too many other things he needed to do. He kissed her lightly, aching to feel her skin against his but forcing himself to release her. “I’m clearing out the fridge. Don’t think there’s much edible in here. Have you had supper? We could get takeaway.”
“Sure, whatever you want.” Jenna looked edgy, her hands shoved into her back pockets. “We have to talk first.”
Tim stopped with his hand on the refrigerator door. “What’s up?”
“I know you told me not to, but with things changing so fast I just wanted to see if there were even any options.” She looked down, biting her lip. “I called my father.”
Tim let go of the door and it swung open with a rush of cold air. “Why?”
“I wanted to know if he could find you a job, so you can come back. I mean, if you want to.”
Tim ran his hand through his hair. “I told you I’d work things out. I can’t believe you did this.”
“I had to try. It wasn’t that helpful but he did say he’d make some calls. He was pretty rude about it, but maybe he’ll find something.”
“You shouldn’t have rung him.” He started shoving half-empty cartons of food into a plastic bag. I said I’d handle this. “Tell him not to waste his time. I can find my own way back. And God knows when that will be depending on what’s going on at home.” His stomach tensed and he busied himself tying the bag shut. He pushed past Jenna to cart it to the rubbish chute in the hall.
They ate Chinese food sitting on the floor of the lounge and Tim couldn’t help but remember the first time they’d done that. The feeling of excitement, the newness, the breathlessness of their first kiss. How did it all end so fast?
Jenna picked at her food and the conversation between them lagged. Gavin called to confirm the flight time, serving as a reminder that he was going home. Tim packed the food containers back into the takeaway bag and took them straight to the chute. He returned to find Jenna perched on his kitchen counter, looking sad but lovely. Her hair hung loose, shadowing her solemn eyes.
He stroked the sides of her head and she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer. Her lips were firm and supple, a determination behind them that he’d never sensed before. He ran his hands down to her waist, wanting to go slow, to savor their last time together, but Jenna had other ideas.
Her hands flew through the buttons of his shirt, tugging it off his shoulders. Her lips were everywhere, nipping at him, fingers digging into his back. “Make love to me,” she rasped against his ear.
He carried her to the bed, her legs coiled around him. Instead of sad and tearful, Jenna had an increased vigor to her every move. Her body seemed to be trying to devour his, bucking against him, clutching at him with incredible intensity.
Tim slowed their movements, rocking gently inside her, caressing her face with his thumbs, wanting to memorize every nua
nce. Jenna thrust against him with such force he couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the pull of her body. She let out a shattering cry as she shook beneath him and he pulsated inside her. Not until he collapsed alongside her did he realize tears had started to stream down her face.
“Don’t cry.” He wiped his finger beneath her eyes, struggling to keep his own tears under control.
“Don’t go.” Her voice cracked and she buried her face in his neck, hot tears running freely down his chest.
“I’m so sorry, Jenna. I love you, but I have to.”
He held her until she finally fell asleep. He remained awake, stroking her hair, listening to the rhythmic sound of her breaths, engraving every detail of her on his mind. His arm went numb, his chest cramped, but he didn’t move, not wanting to break the momentarily peaceful spell. All too soon the sun came up, casting a sallow glow on the room. The sound of the alarm confirmed the inevitable. It was time for him to go.
Jenna’s feet dragged with every step away from Tim. Tears brewed as she cast her eyes away from the strangers on the street. I love him and I’ll never see him again. Everything felt heavy—her shoulders, her heart—as if an oppressive dose of gravity pressed down on her. It took everything she had to keep moving, back to her apartment.
Jenna nearly walked in front of a moving cab and a man grabbed her arm, jerking her back to the curb. “Are you all right?” he asked, his eyes full of concern.
She blinked, not knowing how to react. “I’m fine. Thanks.” She continued, not worried at all about what might happen to her. It felt as if her soul were evaporating, every hope she’d had for a future with Tim now seemingly gone.
She opened the door to her building, deciding she didn’t care about what may or may not be in the mail. Footsteps and laughter boomed through the stairwell from the floors above. She started up the stairs and Rachel and her friend rounded the corner, both loaded down with cardboard boxes.
