by Karen Booth
“Jenna, hey,” Rachel said, avoiding eye contact and snickering with her friend. “I was going to leave you a note. Missy’s roommate moved out and she needed somebody to take her place.”
“Oh,” Jenna said, shell-shocked.
Rachel and Missy continued farther down the steps, passing Jenna.
“So that’s it?” Jenna asked. “You’re gone and I’m stuck with the extra rent?”
“You can keep my half of the security deposit.”
Rachel and Missy turned and continued down the stairs.
What a fucking bitch. “Hey, Missy,” Jenna yelled down the stairs. “Congratulations. You now have the world’s worst roommate.”
Jenna stomped up the stairs and found the apartment in shambles, half of the furniture gone. Fine. Fuck her. At least I know I’m the only one who’ll be using my toothbrush.
Jenna closed the door to her room, wanting to avoid the sight of Rachel as she’d surely be back for the boxes that sat stacked in the living room. She curled into a ball on her bed. Her only thoughts were of Tim. It hurt just to think about him, her joints felt achy and tired, she didn’t have the strength to do more than cry.
Her phone rang and her heart leapt. He’s changed his mind. He’s in a cab back from the airport. She frantically dug in her bag, sniffling, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. Another wave of disappointment hit her when she saw that it was the owner of Loop Boutique. Perfect timing.
“Hello. This is Jenna.”
“Jenna, hi, it’s Carrie from Loop. Do you have a minute?”
“Of course. Is everything okay?” I really can’t handle any more bad news. Jenna scooted back in bed, slumping against the headboard.
“Actually, everything’s great. The response to your new pieces has been phenomenal. Yesterday one of our best customers bought a bracelet and today she came back to buy five more as gifts.”
“Seriously?” Jenna collected herself when she realized she’d just sounded amateurish. “Wonderful. I’m glad to know they’re selling.”
“We’d like to do an exclusive license of the whole line and put it into all eight stores. The initial order would be around one hundred pieces for each location, possibly more for the New York and Miami stores. We’d like to be able to roll it out in January, before Valentine’s Day. Would you be able to handle that?”
“Absolutely.” I was just thinking that sleep is highly overrated.
“Fabulous. I’ll have our lawyer contact you about the licensing agreement.”
Lawyer. Licensing agreement. “Perfect. I’ll look forward to hearing from them.”
She hung up, shaking her head. She felt sick to her stomach from the nonstop rollercoaster day she’d had. This news should have been thrilling. It was everything she’d worked so hard for, and yet she couldn’t even bring herself to smile. Her only impulse was to pick up the phone and call Tim, ask him if they could go out and celebrate, make love for hours on end, waking up in a lovely tangle in the morning.
The tears started again and this time there was a deluge. Alone, with nothing to stop her, she finally let go. Her shoulders shook and she sobbed, feeling more alone than she’d ever felt, which was saying a lot. She’d had so many solitary moments and none more profound than this one.
She allowed herself to sink to the lowest places in her heart, where disappointment, bad relationships and broken promises lived. She thought of Tim and his smile, the way he could make her laugh without effort, his stunning gray-blue eyes. Of one thing she was certain—he would never again hold her, kiss her, run his hands through her hair. She knew with every fiber of her body that he wasn’t coming back and the sooner she grasped that, the better.
She wiped the tears from her cheeks and they were quickly replaced with new ones. Noises came from the hall and she held her breath, not wanting Rachel to hear her cry. Footsteps grew louder and then faded before the door slammed.
I finally have the apartment to myself and he’s gone.
Tim shifted his backpack on his shoulder as he turned to scan the airport crowd. His flight was due to take off in less than half an hour. He couldn’t help but take one last look around. He knew it was ridiculous, but a part of him hoped to see Jenna running through the hoard of travelers like something out of a movie.
Plenty of people were rushing about, but none of them were her. It’s for the best. He placed his bag on the scanning belt. Had she shown up, he wasn’t certain he’d have been able to let her go and the one thing he knew for sure was that he needed to get on that plane.
The flight landed at Heathrow ahead of schedule. Tim was just getting the last of his luggage when he saw Gavin striding toward him.
Gavin didn’t hesitate to pull him into a hug. “Good to see you. You look like hell.”
“Thanks. Missed you too.”
“Sorry, mate. You’ve just sounded so happy the past two months, I expected you’d be glowing.”
“Nothing to glow about now.”
“Don’t worry, Janey will be all right.
“I know. I’ll make sure of it.”
They headed toward the parking garage. “You staying at Jane’s? That bloke’s still at your flat, right?”
“Yes. Two more weeks.”
“Then what? Jenna coming for a visit? Or are you heading back to the States?”
“Neither.” Tim walked a bit faster so Gavin couldn’t see his face. He wasn’t in the mood to analyze his feelings.
“What do you mean neither?” Gavin caught up to him, trying to make eye contact.
“I mean she lives there and I live here. Things never would have worked out.”
Gavin clicked the key fob, causing the taillights to flash as his doors unlocked. “I was under the impression you were in love with this girl. That goes a long way toward working things out, no?”
“Apparently not.” Tim swung his suitcase and backpack into the boot of the car and slammed it shut.
“But—”
“Look, I don’t want to talk about this. Can we just get to Janey?”
Gavin gave a quick nod and got into the car. Tim knew this wasn’t going to be the last time he’d bring up the topic but he was glad he’d at least bought himself some time.
Traffic was light and they made it to Jane’s in little time. Tim was tugging his duffel out of the car when he heard the front door open, followed by Lucy’s excited voice. “Uncle Tim!” She scampered down the front steps and raced toward him. He scooped her into a hug and she held him tight. Her wispy, strawberry-scented hair blew against his face. She pulled back and looked at him, her blue eyes crystal clear. “I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too.” He kissed her nose, noticing the wash of freckles across her cheeks. “You’ve been in the sun today.” His stomach tugged as he couldn’t help but think of Jenna. Our children would have these freckles. The thought hit him hard. That’s never going to happen.
“Aunt Melinda took me to the park while Mummy had a rest.”
Melinda appeared at the front door as they made their way up the front steps. Lucy squirmed out of Tim’s arms and seated herself in front of the telly. “I’m glad you came home.” Melinda hugged him. “I’m no good with her when she’s like this.”
“Where is she?”
“In bed. Won’t come down. She wants to see you.”
Tim nodded and headed for the stairwell. Janey’s door was closed, so he rapped quietly, half hoping she was asleep.
“Come in.” Her voice was thick, her nose stuffed.
Tim found her propped up in bed, a box of tissues by her side. The moment she saw him, she let out a huge hiccupping sob. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into his arms. She collapsed against him, her body racked with tears. He rocked back and forth, stroking her hair.
Jane had always been fragile. She took everything to heart. He remembered back in their school days, perched on her bed the same way while she cried over arguments with friends or breakups with boyfriends. None of that compare
d to this. The first two miscarriages had been tragic, but he knew this one was worse. She’d made it further, she’d had hope. And, according to Melinda, the doctors had advised her against trying again.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled into his shoulder.
He could feel the wet patch on his chest. “No worries. I have lots of shirts.”
“Not the shirt. I can’t believe you came all the way back from America. I hope I didn’t fuck up your plans too royally.” She hiccupped again.
Tim handed her a tissue. “You’re more important than my plans.”
She wiped at her eyes but the tears were still rolling. “I just want another child. Is that so wrong?” Her lip quivered and she looked just like Lucy.
He swiped a finger across her cheek. “Not at all. Look, I know it doesn’t seem so now, but it will all work out. Perhaps you can adopt. If they’re giving someone as daft as Gavin a baby they’d probably give you at least five.”
That yielded a giggle and Tim felt a small measure of relief. “Come, let’s say we go downstairs. Have some tea? Maybe something a bit stronger? I’ve brought home some American chocolates.”
Janey leaned on his arm as they made their way into the lounge. Melinda threw him a nod, saying well done.
“Who wants to see what I brought them?” Tim asked.
Lucy jumped up and down. “I do. I do.”
“Let’s have a look.” Tim unzipped his suitcase, withdrawing a drugstore bag. “These are my favorite new snack. I must have eaten about a million of them. Pretzel M&M’s.” His mind flashed to the first night Jenna had popped one into his mouth, but he quickly shoved the image away.
They passed the bag around the room, everyone munching. Tim didn’t even want one. His stomach felt tight and empty. “This is for you.” He handed Lucy the stuffed rabbit he’d picked up for her at the South Street Seaport the day Jenna had taken him on the Staten Island ferry. “And this is for you.” He tossed Gavin an “I love NY” t-shirt with the gay pride rainbow in place of the heart. He rooted through his bag until he came to the small jewelry boxes. “These are for my favorite girls. My friend Jenna designs jewelry. She made these. Melinda, this one’s yours and Janey, she made a mother-daughter pair for you and Lucy.”
They opened the boxes, exclaiming when then saw the sparkling silver contents. Melinda’s was more conservative, a thicker band of metal with symmetrically placed stones. “It’s lovely, Tim. You’ll have to get me her address so I can thank her.”
“Will do,” he said, watching as Janey opened the small black box. The two matching bracelets twinkled against the satin interior. The same delicate style that Jenna always wore.
“Pretty,” Lucy said.
“They’re gorgeous.” Janey ran her fingers over them. “Here, Lucy, would you like to wear yours?”
She nodded, holding her wrist out as Janey fastened it for her.
Tim held out his hand. “Here, I’ll get yours.” The silver felt cool against his fingers. His throat tightened. He secured the bracelet on Janey’s arm, suddenly overwhelmed with an urge to talk to Jenna. “Anyone need anything from the kitchen?”
Tim reached for a water glass, but before he made his way to the fridge he set it down and withdrew his phone. He checked the time. Jenna should be off work by now. He dialed and listened as the phone rang four times then went to voicemail. “Hey, it’s me. I wanted to see how you’re doing. I’m at Jane’s. They all adore your bracelets. And I think they may have already eaten all the Pretzel M&M’s. Anyway, I was hoping I’d catch you. I wanted to hear your voice. I miss you.” He paused, realizing he was babbling. “Right. Well, you’re not there. So. Ring me.” He hung up before he said something foolish. He abandoned the idea of water and grabbed a beer instead. Gavin walked in as he was twisting off the cap.
“You all right?” Gavin eyed Tim’s phone, which was still on the counter. He’d left it out in hopes Jenna would call right back.
“Fine.” He took a deep swallow. Bloody fantastic.
Chapter Nine
Jenna awoke with what felt like the worst hangover ever and she hadn’t had a drop to drink. She shuffled into the bathroom and was horrified by the sight of herself in the mirror—puffy eyes from hours of crying, her skin drained of all color, making the freckles on her nose even more obvious. Tim had been the first guy ever to notice them and like them. He called them lovely. That made her want to go back to bed and hide under the covers.
She showered for work and didn’t bother with makeup despite the circles under her eyes. It seemed like a lost cause. She went to collect her things and realized that her phone had gone dead. She glanced at her watch—she could squeeze in five minutes of a charge before she headed out the door.
The voicemail notification flashed across the screen as soon as she plugged her phone into the outlet. Her pulse raced as if she’d just mainlined a double shot of espresso. It’s him. She listened, her heart crumbling with every word—Tim’s velvety voice, his dreamy accent. She could have listened to him talk for hours. When he mentioned the bracelets and the M&M’s, she fought a smile. When he said he missed her, she wanted to die. He’s killing me.
She buried her head in her hands. You need to get your act together. The painful breakup was a familiar routine and she knew what to do. The first hurdle was fighting the urge to call him back. Don’t torture yourself or him. Make a clean break.
Her resolve lasted exactly one block. Every step closer to the coffee shop brought a flood of memories, including the first time she’d seen him, spoken to him. She ached to hear his voice; she longed to talk to the person who had become her best friend.
She pressed the speed dial and it took a moment for the phone to ring. It felt like an omen. This is a bad idea. This is only going to make it worse.
“I’m so glad you called.” He sounded so happy it made her queasy.
A rush of emotion swept through her, making her lightheaded. She stopped at the corner and took a breath before crossing the street. You can do this. “Hey. I only have a minute. I’m on my way to work.” Good. Give yourself an out.
“Oh. Okay. How are you?”
“Good,” she lied. “How was your flight?”
“Long. Lonely.”
Tell me about it. “How’s Janey?”
“She’s in rough shape, but she seemed happy to see me. I convinced her to eat a little something this morning and she came out of her room. That’s a big step.”
“Good. I’m so glad.”
There was an awkward silence and Jenna was about to say goodbye, thinking it was best for both of them.
“Any excitement with you?” he asked.
She couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the question, even though the last twenty-four hours had been anything but comical. “Well, let’s see. Rachel moved out and I got a huge order from Loop. I have a ton of jewelry to make. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping any time soon.”
“Wow, Jenna. That’s bloody fantastic. I’m happy you got the order. You’re so talented. You deserve it.”
His genuine excitement over her announcement made the pit in her stomach blaze. “Thanks. I’m stuck with extra rent, but at least I don’t need to guard my toothbrush with my life.”
He laughed, making her feel as if she’d been punched in the gut. “No more daily runs to Duane Reade then?”
She turned the corner in front of the coffee shop and memories of Tim hung over her like a black cloud. She wished there was a way to go back to the beginning and undo everything. If I hadn’t let him walk me home that night, I wouldn’t be so miserable right now. “I just got to work and my phone’s about to die.”
“Oh. Sure.” He cleared his throat. “Can I ring you later? Catch up some more?”
Her chest ached, the tears welled in her eyes. “I know you’re busy with your family. I’ll probably be out tonight. I have to start shopping for supplies to fill that order.”
“All right then.” There was a little girl’s voice in
the background, saying his name over and over again. “Guess I’ll speak to you soon. Take care.”
“Yep. You too.”
Jenna opened the door to the coffee shop, the gentle tinkle of the bell grating on her. Natalie came out from the kitchen, a spot of flour on her cheek. She grinned the instant she saw Jenna and went to her, arms held wide.
“How’s the hottest jewelry designer in Manhattan?”
“Just kill me now.”
Natalie gripped Jenna’s shoulders and studied her face. “Wow. This is all you’ve wanted for five years and you’re miserable. You must really love him.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“It’s okay, sweetie.” She pulled Jenna into a tight embrace. “I bet you he’ll be back some day.”
Jenna pushed back and furrowed her brow. “What? No.” She shook her head. “He’s not coming back. His family is too important. I just talked to him. He’s happy. It’s like it isn’t even affecting him.” Now she felt anger bubbling in her.
Natalie took Jenna’s hand and led her to one of the tables. “Honey, he had to go. He didn’t have a choice.”
“And now he’s gone and that’s the end of that.” She sat back and crossed her arms across her chest.
Natalie closed her eyes and shook her head. “I should fly to L.A. and fucking punch your parents in the face,” she muttered. “I can’t believe how messed up they made you.” She leaned forward, her gaze intently focused on Jenna. “This is what families do. They help each other. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.”
Jenna sighed. “I may be messed up, but I’m not stupid. I know when a guy is done with me and he’s done.” She stood up from the table, the corners of her mouth drawing down. “We only have twenty minutes until we open. I need to get to work.”
The voicemail message waiting on Jenna’s phone at the end of her shift was like the final nail in the coffin. Her dad’s secretary, in her pinched-nose voice, “Mr. Bradford asked me to call and let you know that he was unable to find any job opportunities for your friend. He wishes you the best of luck in the future.”
