by Karen Booth
Mr. Bradford. Best of luck in the future. Fuck him. She pressed “delete” and dropped her phone into her bag.
“Everything okay?” Natalie asked as Jenna put on her coat.
“Nothing I wasn’t already expecting.” She slung her messenger bag over her shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Natalie called after her. “Hang in there, Jen. It’ll get better. Trust me.”
Tim was having trouble sleeping. Between still being on New York time and having his mind torn between Jenna and Jane, he was finding it difficult to unwind at night. He lay in bed atop Jane’s puffy guestroom quilt, trying to read.
He felt like he should be thankful. Things were going better than he’d expected with Jane. She’d showered and gotten dressed and had even run to the market with him in the afternoon. Gavin had sent over her favorite chicken dish and she’d managed a small portion for dinner. He knew from experience that it could be much worse.
Every time he thought of Jenna he felt miserable. He ached to hold her, to feel her snuggled alongside him. The last time they’d spoken, it had felt as though she’d misunderstood every word he’d said. Cold and distant were two words he’d never have thought to use describing her, yet that’s what her tone conveyed. He knew he’d hurt her when he’d left so abruptly, but now it was as if she couldn’t care less if he ever rang again. His stomach knotted just thinking about it.
There was a gentle rap at his door as the hinge creaked. Lucy’s little blonde head popped into view. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” He scooted over as she scrambled up onto the high mattress.
“I can’t sleep,” she said, flopping down on the pillow beside him with dramatic flair.
“Me neither.” Tim turned toward her, studying her dainty profile.
She held her arm up high over her head and fiddled with her new bracelet.
“That looks lovely on you,” Tim said, watching the smile spread across her face.
“Thank you. Who made it for me?”
“My friend Jenna.” It hurt just to say her name.
“Is she your girlfriend?” Lucy looked at him, her eyes round and innocent.
His gut twisted. “She was. But she lives very far away.”
“Oh. Well she should move here. She could stay in my room.”
She looked so serious, Tim couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re very sweet.”
Lucy yawned and curled against him. “Can I sleep here?”
“Yes,” he said.
Within moments, he could hear her breathing slow, she was already asleep. He lay awake wishing Lucy’s solution was a possibility.
He awoke the next morning to the sound of his cell phone. For a moment he forgot where he was. He squinted at the number on the screen. “Hi, Gav.”
“Good morning, Florence Nightingale. Get dressed, I’m taking you to brunch.”
Tim was going to argue, but his stomach rumbled in protest. “Give me twenty minutes.”
“You have ten, I’m already in the car.”
Tim took a quick shower and was heading downstairs when Gavin arrived. Gavin brought a plate of scones into the kitchen and set them on the counter. “Miss Lucy’s favorite, chocolate chip, just out of the oven.”
“Thanks, Gavin.” Lucy grinned from ear to ear.
Tim was glad to see Jane curled on the window seat reading to Lucy. “We won’t be long. Do you need anything from the shops while we’re out?”
Jane shook her head. “We’re fine. Thanks.” She smoothed her hand over Lucy’s hair and went back to reading.
Tim climbed into Gavin’s car.
“Jane seems to be doing well.”
Tim puffed into his hands to warm them. “She is. Fuck. It’s bloody freezing out.”
“Yeah. You should be warm in that coat though. It’s quite nice by the way.”
Tim tugged at the front lapel, pulling it tighter around himself. “Thanks. Jenna picked it out for me.”
“She has excellent taste. Apart from the whole dating you thing.” Gavin snorted, pulling out onto the street.
Tim gazed out the window.
“That was supposed to be a joke, mate.”
“Yeah, well, she’s seen the error of her ways.”
Gavin’s brow furrowed. “What’s that mean?”
Tim chewed on his thumbnail. “It means she appears to be done with me.”
“She just took you on an extravagant weekend getaway. That hardly seems like she’s done with you.”
“Well, I guess she’s had a change of heart. We spoke yesterday and now it seems she couldn’t care less if I never ring again.” Tim slouched lower in the car seat, wishing he’d stayed in bed. This was just making him feel worse.
“Look, you can’t expect she’s not going to be upset, what with you taking off as quick as you did. That hardly means she’s done with you. Talk to her.”
“I did. It’s pointless.”
Gavin pulled up in front of the restaurant and parked. “You’re being a complete prat.”
Tim’s jaw dropped. “What?”
“How long have we known each other?”
“About five minutes too long based on this conversation.”
Gavin took a deep breath and sighed. “What I’m saying is, in all the years I’ve known you I’ve not once seen you fall for someone the way you’ve fallen for Jenna. And between speaking with her and all you’ve told me it seems to me that the feeling was quite mutual. You’re in love.”
Tim couldn’t dispute that, but the troublesome facts remained. “Everything’s different now.”
“All that’s changed is your location, and I suspect you could change that again in a heartbeat if you put your mind to it.” He shoved the car keys in his pocket and opened his door. “Now let’s eat, I’m starving.”
While they ate, Gavin chattered about everything from his restaurant to the baby to what he’d watched on late-night TV the previous week. Tim couldn’t concentrate on any of it. Even after Gavin had dropped him back off at Jane’s, the only thing Tim kept hearing was the statement he’d made in the car. “All that’s changed is your location.” Could that be true? If I went back would Jenna and I pick up where we left off?
The possibility was tempting but frightening. Sure, things were wonderful for the past month and a half, better than Tim could imagine any relationship being, but no couple could sustain that level of happiness. Every time he tried to push his feelings for Jenna aside, something reminded him of her and they’d all come rushing back. Lucy’s freckles, the bracelets, the mere mention of M&M’s. He felt as if he was losing his mind.
He tried to call Jenna, to see if she was feeling the same, but she’d stopped answering her phone. He left texts and messages, all unreturned. Normally if a girl gave him the brush-off he took a hint, but this felt different. The more he thought about it the more he realized he couldn’t leave things like this. He’d been the one to stuff it all up. He had to find a way to make things right. I told her I’d take care of everything, and I will.
* * * * *
Jenna was beginning to dread the sight of her phone. She got a message from Tim every day. Last night’s was the third she hadn’t responded to.
Their attempts at phone conversations over the last ten days had been entirely disastrous. She knew she was being snippy and bitchy with him, but she couldn’t help it. She was sad that he wasn’t there. When he was happy, she was hurt. When he was down, she was frustrated As much as she missed him, the sound of his voice made the longing for him that much more difficult to endure.
The decision to stop calling him back had been made in haste and while she was in an admittedly hysterical state. She’d simply reached the point where she couldn’t do it anymore. Every time she got off the phone, it felt as if she’d been clawing at an open sore. Let it heal. Leave it alone.
But listening to Tim’s message from last night was getting to her. It didn’t help that she’d replayed it four times. Once more.
“It’s me. Hello? Is this thing on?” he asked, making a tapping noise against the phone. “I’m starting to wonder if you’ve changed your number or forgotten to charge your phone. Call me. I’d love to hear your voice.”
Ignoring him now hurt as much as talking to him.
She sighed, put down her phone and went back to cleaning the apartment, sweeping up the dust bunnies that had once lived under Rachel’s couch. Natalie had given Jenna the day off as a “mental health” day, which Jenna thought might really be Nat’s way of saying she couldn’t stand being around her anymore.
Jenna adjusted the only seating in the living room, two mismatched chairs, one black and the other a funky olive green. She stood back to survey the new arrangement, realizing how pitiful it looked. Saying the living room was sparsely furnished now was a joke. Beyond the chairs, all she had was a rickety flea-market coffee table, her stereo, and shelves of books, CDs and records.
She emptied the dustpan into the trash and hung up the broom, then sat on the floor in front of her music collection. She thumbed through the various titles, thinking about the times she’d taken records over to Tim’s apartment.
The night he gave her an extensive history lesson about the Rolling Stones had been a memorable one. By the time he played Brown Sugar, Jenna was tipsy and she’d danced around the room and sung loudly and off-key while Tim sprawled out on the couch and watched with a devilish smile painted on his face. Apparently it had been more than Tim could handle because he’d swept her into his arms and carried off to the bedroom, later telling her he’d never been more attracted to a woman in his entire life.
Jenna’s phone rang and she sprinted for the kitchen, hoping it might be Tim.
“How’s the patient?” Natalie asked when she answered.
“I’m doing better today. Thanks for the day off. I think it’s helping.”
“What exactly does better entail? What did you decide about calling him?”
Jenna grimaced and chewed on her fingernail. “I don’t know. What do you think?”
“I think you should do what’s right for you. Listen to your heart.”
“My heart is broken. I need you to tell me what you think.”
Natalie blew out a breath. “I think you were happy when you were with him.”
“It’s so annoying when you point out the obvious.”
“You asked my opinion. Whatever you decide, don’t waste your day sitting around sulking and eating ice cream.”
Jenna smiled and a tear came to her eye. “Have I told you lately that I love you?”
“Yes, but I don’t get tired of hearing it. Love you too.”
Jenna’s hand trembled when she hung up. What if three days of unreturned phone calls was too much? Stop thinking and just call him.
She dialed and the phone rang. And rang. And then it went to voicemail. Shit. “Hey, it’s me,” she said. “Sorry, I haven’t called you back. Call me. I’m home all day. Okay. Talk to you later.”
She went back to cleaning, this time in the bathroom. An hour later, she had impeccable tile and no returned call.
She checked her phone. Five bars. It’s not the reception. It would serve her right if he didn’t call her back. She’d hurt his feelings. I should apologize for real.
She got voicemail the second time and her chest hurt. Oh my God. He isn’t answering. I totally fucked this up. “Hey. Me again. Not sure if you got my other message. I’m really sorry I didn’t call you back. That was shitty of me. Call me so we can talk.”
Natalie had told her not to mope around and eat ice cream, but that was sounding like the only thing to do now that the unreturned messages were sending her anxiety level through the roof. Unfortunately, she’d finished the Ben & Jerry’s the night before.
She slipped on her shoes and went to the bodega on the corner, picking up ice cream and a few trashy celebrity magazines. She impulsively grabbed a bag of Pretzel M&M’s.
After inhaling the ice cream, she flipped through the magazines, her knee bobbing up and down as she fidgeted in the chair, unable to get comfortable. I messed up, big-time. She closed the magazine and dropped it to the floor. One more call.
Every ring of his phone was an excruciating exercise in humility. She chewed on her thumbnail. Please, please, please.
For a split second, she didn’t know what to do when he answered.
“I was beginning to think you weren’t speaking to me,” he said.
She shut her eyes and sank back against the chair, a wave of relief washing over her. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been thinking some things through.”
“Oh yeah? What sorts of things?”
“Stuff about us.” Jenna heard a loud car horn on his end of the line. “What are you doing?”
He sounded as if he was rushing. “Going to see a friend.”
The way he phrased it made her worry. What if he’s going to see another woman? “Someone special?” she asked, her pulse racing.
“Yes. Actually, I have something to tell you.”
She felt as if she was going to be sick. There was a knock at her door. Jesus. Now what? “Hold on a sec. Someone’s at my door.”
Chapter Ten
Tim held his breath as he listened to Jenna unlatch her locks. Her door swung open and there she was, looking lovelier than he’d ever seen her. Eyes wide with surprise, mouth enticingly open. His heart pounded in his ears. She flung herself into his arms with enough force he staggered backward, dropping his bags.
It felt so good to hold her, to feel her, he couldn’t even think what to say. He’d have been happy to stay in her stairwell with his arms wrapped around her, just breathing in her sweet honey scent forever.
Her fingers dug into his shoulders, her voice muffled against his neck. “You’re really here?”
He nodded, nestling his face in the silky waves of her hair. “I told you I had something important to tell you.”
She pulled back, eyes searching his, arms still around his neck. “What?”
He ran his fingers through her auburn tresses, tucking them behind her ears, his thumbs grazing her porcelain cheeks. “I love you.” He couldn’t go another second without kissing her.
Her lips were even sweeter than he remembered, full and lush, opening to him, welcoming him back. He didn’t want the kiss to end but she pulled away again, breathless, her hand on his chest. “But your life, Jane and Gavin and Lucy, it’s all in London.”
“They’ll always be my family, but you’re my future. If you’ll have me.” Tim’s stomach flip-flopped as he tried to decipher the meaning behind the tears that welled in Jenna’s eyes. “I—”
Jenna silenced him with a kiss so potent it nearly stopped his heart. Her hands were everywhere, his hair, his face, his back. The sound of footsteps barreling down the staircase above them startled him. Jenna drew away, her breath ragged. “Let’s get out of the hallway.” She tugged at his sleeve.
Tim wasted no time gathering his bags. The second he had everything in her apartment she was back in his arms, shoving the coat off his shoulders, her body curving in toward him, her mouth hungry against his. He ran his hands down her sides, settling at her waist, his fingers grazing the satiny skin just beneath the edge of her shirt. She leapt up, curling her legs tightly around him. Careful not to bang into the doorway, he carried her to her room.
Jenna inched them both across the bed, her mouth never leaving his, their bodies grinding together. Tim’s cock strained against the confines of his jeans. Jenna’s hands slithered beneath his shirt, pulling it up and over his head.
He knelt above her, his hands tracing the contours of her breasts. Her fingers went to work, quickly undoing his belt and zipper. His erection popped up into her hand, eager to get reacquainted. Her silky palm felt incredible against his overheated skin. He groaned, hips bucking. “You’re wearing a truly unfair amount of clothing.”
Jenna smiled, still tantalizing him with her talented fingers. She scooted herself upright and
peeled off her shirt. The lacy black of her bra accentuated her creamy breasts. She reached back and unhooked it, allowing it to fall away as well. Tim’s cock bobbed in anxious approval.
A sly smile crossed her face and before he could guess what she was thinking she took him in her mouth. The sensation of her hot tongue gliding down the length of him was almost too much to bear. His eyes clamped shut as he struggled to maintain control.
He sank his fingers into her hair, tempted to give in to the maddening pull of her lips, but he managed to find his voice. “I want to make love to you.”
The rattling purr that escaped Jenna vibrated against him and he almost lost his resolve, but she sat back, placing a kiss on his swollen head before reaching for the button of her jeans.
Jenna shimmied out of her pants as Tim dropped his over the edge of the bed, their naked bodies an instant tangle of limbs. He kissed his way across her chest, stopping to taste each hardened nipple. His hand traced up the inside of her thigh until his fingers slipped between her slick layers. Desire coiled low in his belly. He just wanted to be inside her. “Please tell me you have condoms.”
“Drawer.” Her voice was husky, her breathing ragged, turning him on beyond words.
He blindly reached for her bedside table, fumbling for the knob then rummaging around until he felt the cardboard box. He managed to rip the carton open. Condoms scattered around them.
Jenna laughed. “I think one will do for right now.”
“I missed you so much.” Between the throbbing in his groin and the tightening in his chest, Tim felt like his entire body might explode.
Jenna smoothed a condom over his waiting erection, urging him back on top of her. He eased his way above her, sliding back and forth. She rocked beneath him, luring him closer until he was nestled deep inside her. A perfect fit. The moan that escaped her sent a wave of heat rushing through him from head to toe.
He spiraled his hips as he dipped in and out of her, each pass an agonizing drag of pleasure. Jenna’s warmth enveloped him. She peppered his chest with kisses, her fingers kneading his back, her body rising to meet his with every stroke.
