Redstone Station

by Therese Creed

  ‘Well? What’s the big news? Mystery solved?’ Olive prompted impatiently.

  ‘My father died,’ Alice said at last. She was looking down at her neat little hands, folded together on the red and white checked tablecloth.

  There was a stunned silence. Sam’s eyes opened wide and he shook his head. Olive looked decidedly uncomfortable.

  Jeremy was still studying Alice. ‘Bugger, Ali.’ His voice was gently sorrowful.

  She looked up at him. His eyes were full of sympathy, and she felt a sudden lump in her throat.

  ‘That’s rough luck,’ he went on. ‘Specially with you being so keen to meet up with him again.’

  ‘Yes.’ Alice breathed out the monosyllable as a regretful sigh.

  ‘Were you? I didn’t know that,’ Olive snapped accusingly. Alice didn’t react, knowing it was discomfort that made her grandmother insensitive.

  Then Sam spoke up. ‘Would’ve liked to see him again myself. Benji was a legend. The world has lost a remarkable man. It’s a great shame.’

  Alice felt numb. She wished they would all stop talking.

  ‘How did he die?’ her grandmother asked. ‘Not coming off one of those wild things he used to ride?’

  ‘Mr Campbell didn’t say. Ma, can I please eat this tomorrow? I might just have a bath and go to bed.’

  ‘You must eat something, Alice. You’ve been out working all day. What else did Fred tell you?’

  ‘I have to go and see him about the will.’

  ‘Will? What of value would Benji have ever had?’ Olive demanded.

  Alice stood up and went mechanically to put away her untouched plate and cutlery. She had to get away. Be by herself.

  ‘Alice, you must eat,’ insisted Olive. ‘When does Fred want to see us?’

  ‘Next time I’m in town.’

  ‘Can you take a break from fencing? We could go in tomorrow.’

  ‘Thanks, Ma, but I think I’ll leave it till next week when I go to pick up those pallets of lick in the truck. There’s no need for you to go to the bother of coming. It’s something I’d rather do alone.’

  ‘Without me interfering, I suppose you mean.’ Olive sounded offended.

  Luckily, Sam came to the rescue. ‘Of course that’s what she means, Liv. Leave the poor kid alone.’

  A long time after going to bed, Alice lay wide awake, staring into the darkness with wide, dry eyes. Her exhausted body was held hostage by the sickening maelstrom of emotions whirling around in her brain. Any hint of drowsiness had been chased away. She searched the recesses of her memory for every detail of her one and only meeting with her father.

  Alice found that she could clearly picture his face. She’d been fourteen, and the memory was still vivid. She and her grandfather were bringing the Summerlea breeders and calves in for weaning. As they approached the Redstone yards, through the cloud of dust the mob had raised she’d seen a man. She’d known him immediately.

  He was balanced on the top rail of the old house yards and he sat up tall and waited. Alice felt her heart pounding. She was about to meet her father. Something she’d been longing for all her life suddenly seemed terrifying. When they came round the bend in the track, the rippling mob was moving quickly. Her two dogs circled the cattle, returning often to her side at the tail of the herd before venturing out again to push a beast in here, hurry one along there, or tidy up the stragglers at the back. Sam was out in the lead but Alice could see that Benji was searching beyond him, looking for her. As she came closer, Alice saw that his eyes were shining.

  Her grandfather had seen him too; raising his hat, he yelled out in welcome as he passed. Once the cattle were yarded, her grandfather sent her to take the two horses to the back yard, where they would wait until they were needed later. From there, Alice watched her grandfather warmly shake Benji’s hand and slap him on the back. The two men chatted for a minute, then looked in her direction, smiling. Alice swallowed nervously and waited until she saw her grandfather beckon. Then she trotted over to them.

  She examined her father shyly. Their eyes met and she recognised an extraordinary gentleness in his gaze. Her anxiety drained away.

  ‘Alice, this is Benji Wilson.’ Her grandfather smiled at her encouragingly before looking back at the stockman. ‘I’ll just go on inside and tell Olive to boil the jug. You two come on in when you’re ready.’

  But as he started to walk away Benji called after him. ‘Thanks, Sam, but I’ll be keeping on my way after I have a talk with Alice.’

  The older man turned back, disappointed. ‘Oh, that’s a mighty shame, Benji. Been great seeing you back here.’ He held out his hand and Benji shook it again, firmly.

  ‘You too, Sam. I wanna thank you for everything.’ Benji looked significantly at Alice.

  ‘It’s been a privilege.’ The two men smiled at one another and then, tipping his hat, Alice’s grandfather turned and walked away.

  Benji climbed back up onto the rail. He patted the timber beside him with his hand and raised his eyebrows at Alice. She climbed up too and perched alongside him, regarding him curiously.

  ‘You’re my father, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes, Alice.’

  She looked again into his eyes. They were her own eyes, lustrous and dark. It was an eerie feeling.

  ‘Have you ever seen me before today?’ Alice asked.

  ‘No. I never knew I had a little girl. Never knew until a few days back. First time I bin back south since leaving here. Ran into old Stretch and he told me.’ Benji paused, then went on, ‘Had to come and see you for meself.’

  ‘And what do you think of me?’

  The frankness of her question seemed to please him. ‘I think today I’m one lucky fella. I just can’t believe that the best girl I ever saw is my own girl.’ He bestowed on her one of his rare and famous smiles. The Benji Wilson Smile. Alice wondered whether it was this smile that had won her mother’s heart. She’d never forget it. She tingled all over and smiled back, her face glowing.

  Then, serious again, she asked, ‘Are you going to take me away?’

  Benji looked surprised and for a fleeting moment, elated. ‘Do you wanna come?’

  Alice looked away, suddenly afraid. She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Redstone. But at the same time, she wanted to get to know this man.

  Benji studied her countenance with a half-smile. ‘Don’ you worry, Alice. This Redstone is your country. Sam and Mrs Day are your people. Not my country and not my people. I would never take you away from here. I’ll go back to my own place. But it won’t be the same, because now I know about you. My own girl. This has been my lucky day.’

  Alice took his hand and squeezed it gratefully. He hopped down effortlessly and still holding his hand she alighted beside him.

  ‘When’s your birthday?’ Benji asked.

  ‘The twenty-first of April.’ She beamed at him. It was the first thing she’d told him about herself.

  He nodded slowly. ‘I’ll remember.’

  Behind him, Alice could see her grandmother waiting impatiently on the veranda, hands on hips. Benji tipped his hat to the grim-faced woman then looked back into Alice’s eyes. ‘I’m not gonna forget about you.’ He kissed her small hand and gently released it. Then, before Alice had a chance to say goodbye, he was walking away.

  Alice stood numbly where she was and watched him go.

  As Benji drove away she realised that she hadn’t asked him when his birthday was. She watched the trail of dust rise along the road behind his departing vehicle and her vision became blurred with tears. Her mind was suddenly flooded with all the things she wanted to tell him. About her horses and her dogs. How much she despised boarding school and Jacinta. About the Brumby Spring and the bush run. She wanted to ask him about the strange shivery feeling that she often experienced when she was alone in the scrub. She wanted to share thoughts and ideas with him that she’d never revealed to anyone before. But she’d save all these things until next time. She couldn’t wait to see
him again.

  Now, at age nineteen, lying in her narrow wooden bed, Alice was soothed a little by the memory of her father’s smile. But there had been no ‘next time’, and she ached with loss. It was the same loss that she’d experienced every year since on her birthday. There had never been another word from him. She’d always intended to track him down, to go looking for him in ‘the north’. But she’d missed her chance.

  The strange feeling that she’d truly known Benji had to be merely a product of her yearning imagination. She hadn’t known him, and he obviously hadn’t wanted to know her. It was somehow easier to be angry than sad, so the relief that might have come to Alice had she shed tears of bereavement never arrived. She wouldn’t indulge in such tears when she had no real claim to kinship with the man who had died. Dry-eyed, she fell at last into a light slumber just before dawn.

  The following Wednesday, Alice drove the old truck into town, picked up the pallets of lick, then went to see Fred Campbell. He told her that Benji had died a little more than a month before, of lymphoma. He’d refused all treatment and the aggressive cancer had ended his life quite quickly. Apart from Benji’s wife, a woman called Leilani, Fred couldn’t tell Alice of any other family.

  In the will, Alice had inherited a two-year-old Hino body truck, complete with a stock crate. She’d also been left two horses, of which there was no detail provided, a saddle and a dog. Alice felt pleased about the truck, but uncomfortable about the animals. Why had Benji left them to her? It seemed too personal a gesture from someone who had never known her. These animals had lived and breathed beside Benji. He’d handled them and probably taught them everything they knew. They would innocently carry a painful significance for Alice, and she wasn’t sure that she wanted to be surrounded by these constant living reminders of her lost opportunity.

  That night when they sat down to dinner, Alice gave her grandparents and Jeremy the news of her inheritance. Then, her duty done, she quietly set about eating her meal, leaving them to discuss and analyse what they had learned.

  Her grandmother seemed dubiously pleased. ‘Well, if it actually amounts to anything and this truck really exists, it will be a great boost for our budget. We’re long overdue for a new truck and we can get rid of the old one at last.’

  ‘Been a reliable old girl, that truck,’ Sam observed. ‘Might still come in handy for—’

  ‘No, Sam,’ Olive said. ‘Vehicles cost money to maintain. Especially that one. It’s definitely going, as soon as this new one materialises.’ Always thinking of the practicalities, she added, ‘How are we going to get all this down here from Cairns?’

  ‘I thought I might take a trip up on the bus,’ Alice said quietly.

  ‘Hitch a ride with some grey nomads,’ Jeremy suggested helpfully.

  ‘But where is this truck? I mean, who has it now? What sort of people will you be dealing with?’ Olive was beginning to get worked up.

  ‘Well, heck, Alice’s probably gonna find she’s got a few dozen siblings up there.’ Jeremy chuckled.

  ‘Thank you, Jeremy. I can always rely on you to add stress to a situation.’ Olive glared at his grinning face.

  ‘Chin up, Mrs Day. No need to get your knickers in a knot. I could go along with Alice and be her – what’s the word? – chaperone. I could make sure none of them little piccaninnies stow away in the crate.’

  Olive looked at him uncertainly, as if considering the offer.

  Alice resolved the dilemma. ‘Thanks, Jeremy, that’s really kind of you, but if I’m gone for a few days Pa will need you here.’ There was a slight tremor in her voice. The visit, while exciting, would undoubtedly be one of painful discovery for her. By stepping into her father’s world, she’d be exploring her own feelings in a way she’d always avoided, until now.

  ‘Rejected again.’ Jeremy sounded mournful.

  ‘But surely you won’t be staying up there though?’ The old lady was alarmed.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Alice. ‘It seems rude to just show up for the goods, then clear out again. And I want to find out a bit more about my father.’

  ‘The less you know the better, in my opinion,’ Olive said sulkily.

  Sam couldn’t let that go. ‘Now, Olive, that’s not fair – or honest. Benji was a capital fellow. He was well worth knowing. Just because Lara landed him in the—’

  ‘Sam, how dare you?’ Olive was going red in the face.

  Alice jumped in. ‘Please don’t worry, Ma. I’m quite capable of looking after myself. It’s something I feel I have to do. I may never get another chance.’

  Chapter 27

  Alice stood for a moment regarding the dilapidated wooden house set high off the ground on rough timber posts. It had welcoming wide verandas all round, rimmed with straggly little flowering bushes, frangipani and hibiscus. From behind these, a number of small children were peering shyly, their skins a variety of shades. A motley collection of dogs came running around the side of the house, barking to announce the arrival of a stranger.

  It hadn’t taken Alice long to find the solicitor’s office in Cairns. The tidy young secretary had given her directions to Benji’s former home, a small acreage not far out of town. Now that the taxi had driven away, leaving Alice standing at a short distance from the house, her swag hanging from one arm and her backpack on the other, the nerves that had plagued her for the entire length of the bus trip from Emerald had turned to nausea. She gritted her teeth and walked towards the house.

  The dogs stood their ground, still barking, but the children melted into the darkness under the house. As she approached the front steps, she could hear muffled giggling coming from the safety of their secret domain. A woman came out of the front door and stood at the top of the steps beaming at Alice. She was small, thin and very black. Her head was covered with a mop of soft black hair with a slightly reddish-brown tinge at the ends of her curls, and she was wearing a baggy, light cotton dress in a large scarlet flower print. Alice guessed this was Leilani.

  The older woman held her arms out wide as Alice started up the steps, greeting her with a hug once she’d reached the veranda.

  ‘Alice, sweetheart. We’ve been expecting you any day now.’ Leilani held Alice at arm’s length and looked her up and down. ‘Benji didn’t lie about how pretty you were.’

  Alice laughed in embarrassment, but she felt her anxiety fast subsiding at the genuine welcome she could see in Leilani’s deep-set brown eyes. ‘Hello, Leilani. I’m so glad to be here.’

  ‘Not as glad as we are to have you, my love.’ Leilani grabbed Alice’s heavy swag with her skinny arms and heaved it inside. ‘Come and have a cuppa.’

  Sitting at a little wooden table, on mismatched chairs, the two women regarded each other with mutual pleasure as they sipped their tea.

  ‘Benji was so proud of you,’ said Leilani. ‘He used to think about you all the time. Every day, I reckon.’

  Alice longed to believe this was true, but couldn’t help expressing her doubts. ‘Why did he never contact me or tell me where you lived?’

  ‘Oh, my love, when he saw you with your people he knew that you had been raised the white way. You were doing really fine without him coming to stir up trouble.’ Leilani patted her hand. ‘He didn’t want to mix you up and make you unhappy. He knew Sammy Day was a good man. Sammy told him that one day you would be running Redstone. Benji thought he should keep himself out of it and not go interfering.’

  ‘It wouldn’t have been interfering. I just wanted to talk to him and get to know him. I could have learned so much from him, Leilani.’

  ‘I know, baby. I thought so too. But Benji, he made up his mind. He didn’t forget you. He used to ring old Stretch every year in April – your birthday month. Benji wasn’t happy you had to go away to townie school. He said you needed to be in your own country, not in some noisy city. Stretch told him all about what you been doing. Deadly with horses. Deadly with dogs. Alice, love, he was so proud.’

  Alice’s eyes were full of
tears; normally she would have attempted to hide them, but for some reason she didn’t mind Leilani seeing.

  ‘That’s right, my love,’ Leilani said. ‘You go on and cry now. I always cry, every day. For a man like our man, who wouldn’t?’

  Alice wiped her eyes and smiled at Leilani. She took a calming sip of tea and then asked, ‘Do I have any brothers and sisters? Were those kids I saw all yours?’

  Leilani laughed. ‘No, none of them really mine, sweetheart. Not from my own body. I got something not right downstairs. Never had a baby. Raised plenty but.’ She laughed to herself again.

  ‘Did Benji – my father have any . . .’ Alice wasn’t sure how to finish the question.

  Leilani came to the rescue. ‘Kids with other women? No, honey. He was a good man, my Benji. My good man.’ Suddenly she began to wail loudly and covered her face. Alice jumped up and went to her. She bent down and put her arms tightly around the shuddering little body until Leilani’s sobs eased.

  Glancing up, Alice saw four little faces peeping around the door frame. She smiled and they disappeared again amid peals of laughter. Leilani chuckled through her tears.

  Alice went back to her chair and sat down again. ‘I’m not going to take the truck, Leilani. You can sell it, and the horses. I can see that you have a lot of people to look after here.’

  ‘No chance, sweet. Benji left me pretty well set up. He wanted you to have those things more than anything. Would be rotten of you not to take ’em. Would be wrong to Benji too.’

  The sound of a clapped-out car pulling in to the yard interrupted their conversation. An old red Ford station wagon stopped at the bottom of the steps, and a woman and some more chattering kids climbed out. The kids shot off around the back but the woman came quickly up the stairs. She stopped abruptly in the doorway, eyeing Alice narrowly. She looked worn and tired and, Alice suspected, older than she really was. Her face must once have been pretty but her sullen expression, drooping posture and straggly hair gave the impression of jaded exhaustion.