Redstone Station

by Therese Creed

‘Alice? Are you there by yourself? Go and find Beryl.’

  At this Alice pulled herself together. ‘No. I’ll be alright. I should go to Brisbane.’

  ‘Just wait till I get down there and see how the land lies. They said something about transferring him to Emerald if he picks up. I’ll ring you again tonight. I’m so sorry to upset you, darling.’

  ‘No! I mean, thanks so much for letting me know. If Jeremy wants me, I’ll come.’

  ‘I knew you’d say that, Alice darling – thank you.’

  Alice hung up the phone and stood staring at it, wondering what to do next. After a few minutes, she decided that it was best to carry on as normal until further notice, so she gathered her things and drove out to the back country as planned.

  The mob of cows and calves appeared happy enough, feeding outwards from the camp of sally wattle trees where they had spent the night. The air was already stifling, and as she scanned the rest of the paddock through the shimmering haze, Alice spotted the red hide of a cow lying on its side some distance from the others. With a sinking heart, she bumped the ute over the clumps of buffel grass until she was quite close to the cow. The animal remained unmoving apart from the slight rise and fall of her ribcage.

  As Alice opened her door, the dogs jumped out; the cow, suddenly aware of their presence, began to heave and struggle, her eyes bulging with terror. Alice commanded the dogs to get back into the ute while she walked around to the back end of the cow. She’d been fully prepared to see a stuck calf, but an even more gruesome sight met her eyes. The front legs of a large calf were protruding from below the cow’s thick tail, but the nose wasn’t showing. The calf’s legs had been chewed down to the bone, and the soft tissue of the cow’s rear had also been cruelly torn by canine teeth. The cow struggled again, thrashing her legs and trying to gain her footing. She lifted her head and scrabbled hopelessly before flopping down onto her side again.

  Alice turned away from the bloody mess and retched repeatedly, beads of sweat breaking out on her forehead. Then, steeling herself, she wiped her mouth and turned back to the cow. Alice spoke to her soothingly and, after a few attempts, was able to get down close to the calf without the cow struggling. The unfortunate creature was spent. First Alice had to push the calf back inside the cow and try to feel for its head. It took all of her strength to force the creature’s legs back inside, as the lubricating amniotic fluid had all but gone. She felt around and found the calf’s nose inside, tilted backwards and stuck at the wrong angle; this was the cause of the problem. As Alice pulled on the calf’s nose, the cow writhed and bellowed, and the movement helped Alice to jerk the head around. But she’d detected, even before seeing the nose, that the calf was horribly bloated in death. It was possibly too swollen to come out, but it was worth a try.

  Alice drove the ute closer to the anguished creature and took from the toolbox the wire strainers, usually used for tensioning the barbed wire when fencing. She attached one end of them to the bullbar and the other to the front feet of the calf. As Alice pulled back and forth on the ratchet lever, the chain became tight and the cow began to bellow again. The calf’s nose was now protruding, puffy with fluid. Alice continued to work the handle until the handle became too stiff and the calf would budge no further.

  She unhooked the strainers and tied a rope securely around the calf’s bloody hocks. The other end of it she tied to the bullbar of the ute. She climbed in and, as gently as she could, began to reverse, inch by inch. The cow writhed again in agony and was almost dragged bodily herself, but the calf stayed put. With another shuddering bellow the cow began to scrabble again with her feet in the dirt.

  This was the final straw for Alice. She’d been keen to save the cow, a young, square-framed Brahman of a very nice type. According to the year number of her brand this was only her second calf. But now she’d suffered enough. Her chances of recovery weren’t good, even if Alice had been able to extract the calf. She’d most probably have calving paralysis and be almost certain to develop septicaemia, the bites from the wild dogs adding to the likelihood of infection.

  Alice knew what she must do. She’d faced this kind of scenario many times before, but until this year, there’d always been someone else with whom she could share all the grisly discoveries. Now she had to handle it alone. She gritted her teeth and unzipped the rifle case. The subtle noise of the zip was enough to send Darcy leaping from the ute and scooting away to a clump of shrubs a few hundred metres away.

  Alice tried to focus on a tuft of hair above the cow’s eyes to avoid looking at the eyes themselves, so mournful and pleading. The single shot rang out across the paddock and echoed in the hills of the nearby national park. The animal’s suffering was at an end. It was a task that Alice despised at the best of times, but today she had no emotional reserve. She dropped to the ground and sat, rifle across her lap, crying bitterly. The discovery of the unlucky cow had been the final, fatal thrust on the floodgates that had been creaking and groaning for several days.

  All at once, through her misery, her grandfather’s most frequent prayer rang in her mind, as clearly as though he’d spoken it into her ear: ‘Thy will be done.’

  How many times over the years had she heard the old man say it, even in the face of great adversity? Alice tried to repeat it, to simply accept and survive, but her lips wouldn’t form the words. She couldn’t do without Jeremy. She no longer wanted to protect herself from him, because nothing could be worse than being without him. Redstone, everything she’d ever wanted, paled into insignificance beside the loss of him.

  ‘Give him another chance,’ she sobbed. ‘Give me another chance. I swear I’ll try harder not to judge people.’

  The dogs were pressed against her, distressed by her uncharacteristic outburst. Darcy had even overcome his fear of the gun to creep close and rest his big ugly head on her foot. Alice wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeve, reassured her dogs and was calm. Feeling a little foolish, she climbed back into the ute and finished her checking run.

  When Alice returned that evening, Beryl was sitting at the table on the little veranda of the cottage. She looked as though she’d been patiently waiting there for some time, working industriously on her patchwork.

  ‘Hello, dear,’ she greeted Alice gently, putting her sewing aside on the table, beside a bunch of garden flowers she’d arranged in a vase. She examined Alice’s face closely. ‘Thought they might brighten things up a bit.’ Beryl motioned towards the vase, but Alice wasn’t listening. She wanted only the news that Beryl must be bearing.

  ‘Mrs Sawtell, have you heard . . .’

  ‘Yes, dear, Sue rang and Jeremy seems to be out of danger. They’re sending him back in a day or two.’

  ‘To Emerald?’

  ‘No, to Sue’s. His kidneys are coming good. He should recover quite well provided he stays away from the drink from now on.’

  ‘Oh.’ Alice sank into a chair. ‘Thank God.’

  ‘Yes.’ Beryl nodded knowingly. ‘He’s a very lucky young man, by all accounts. Saved by an iron constitution and nothing else. He needs to take a leaf out of your Walter’s book and try his hand at some clean living. Can I make you a cuppa?’

  ‘No thanks, Mrs Sawtell, I’ve got a few more jobs to do yet.’ Alice stood up again.

  ‘Well, there’s some dinner in the fridge for you. Just zap it in the microwave for a minute or two and it’ll be ready to go.’ She smiled sympathetically at Alice.

  ‘Thank you, Mrs Sawtell, for everything you do for me.’ Alice gave the surprised old woman an impulsive hug and kiss before skipping lightly down the stairs and heading for the yards.

  Just on dark, Alice came back into the cottage and sank down onto a kitchen chair. The coffee cup on the windowsill caught her eye. She stood up again and peeped in doubtfully, then exclaimed out loud in amazement at the sight of an apparently healthy, tiny green tree frog, his soft throat pulsing and his large glossy eyes looking back at her. Alice’s skin tingled with goose bumps and she was fil
led with awe. Life. Such a fragile, fleeting thing.

  Her sudden appearance having disturbed the tiny creature, he leapt onto the rim of the mug and poised there gracefully, turning his head to regard his rescuer for a moment, before launching himself into the night and the sheltering leaves of the hibiscus. Alice smiled to herself. She knew exactly what she had to do.

  Chapter 46

  Alice walked through the half-open door into one of the old timber bedrooms of the O’Donnell homestead. The French doors at the other end of the room were flung wide open, and a light breeze was playing with the curtains and an old cobwebby set of wind chimes outside on the veranda. Jeremy was stretched out on the bed, asleep on top of the covers, the bottom of his bare feet facing her.

  She looked at his face. It was grey and drawn. There was no sign of the mirth that usually hung about the lines of his eyes and mouth. Instead, anxiety had carved new grooves in his forehead and his cheeks were hollow. Her first sensation was overwhelming guilt that he’d suffered so much and she hadn’t been there for him. But then, finding herself near him again after all this time, she felt an undeniable sense of rightness. He’d clearly been through the mill, but every detail of him was so familiar, so dear to her. How had she ever imagined that she could do without him?

  She made no sound as she stood there, but Jeremy must have sensed her presence, as he stirred and opened his eyes. As he focused and realisation dawned, his face was transfigured. It reminded Alice of sunlight breaking through clouds onto a sombre colourless landscape, transforming it. They smiled at each other for a minute or so in silence. She could feel the tears on her cheeks but couldn’t remember shedding them.

  Jeremy spoke first. ‘That angel’s here again, Lily. She’s just walked into my room.’ He brushed away tears of his own and reached out for her like a child wanting to be picked up. Alice went to him and, sitting herself on the bed beside him, held him for a long time. She tried not to tremble, but she was fighting to contain her happiness. She felt as though she’d just awoken from a long and dreary dream, the confusion was over and she was safe at last.

  ‘Are you going to be better soon, Jeremy?’ she said, her arms still around him. ‘I can see you’ve been terribly sick.’

  ‘That pancreatitis wasn’t much of a laugh. I really thought I was buggered for a while there.’ Jeremy pulled her a little closer. ‘Thought I was having a heart attack or some bloody thing. Could’ve died too, they reckoned. They said alcoholics get it. Alcoholics, Ali!’ Jeremy drew back and looked earnestly into her face. ‘Put the wind up me that did. I told ’em I was no damn soak. But then they told me I’d have to give it away for life and I couldn’t face it. Life without bloody booze.’ He sank back into Alice’s arms and stifled a deep sob. His voice cracked as he forced himself to go on. ‘Even a week without a drink seemed unthinkable. Then I knew I was in strife. A first-class bloody wino.’

  Jeremy buried his face in Alice’s shirt. She stroked the back of his head gently. He lifted his face towards her again. ‘Do you understand what I’m telling you, Alice? That’s how bad I’d become out there in that stinking black hole. Couldn’t even sleep unless I was half cut.’ Tears were coursing down his face now. Tears of shame, sorrow, joy and relief – relief that he’d been given a second chance.

  ‘Come back to Redstone, Jeremy.’ It was a command.

  ‘What for? So I can be head stockman for you and Wingnut? Sorry, Ali, no go.’

  ‘No, because I love you and don’t want to be at Redstone without you any longer.’

  Jeremy jerked free to sit up and examine her face, his blue eyes wide with astonishment and his eyelashes damp from tears. ‘You fair dinkum? You’re asking me to tie the knot?’

  Alice felt a flicker of surprise, but she replied without hesitation, ‘If you’re willing.’

  ‘Willing? You’re bloody barking mad. Let’s quit all this small talk and get onto a serious matter. You’re being too light-hearted. Tell me about the weather or something, I haven’t seen you for a lifetime.’

  ‘Does that mean yes?’

  ‘Willing? I’ve been willing ever since the night we caught poddy-dodging Fuzz and I tried to wipe the dribble off your cheek.’

  Alice laughed and shook her head. How she’d missed him. There would never be anyone else like him.

  ‘Heck, speaking of that . . .’ Jeremy quickly ran his fingers around his mouth. ‘Phew. Can’t accept a proposal of marriage with slobber on me gob.’

  At this point Sue O’Donnell knocked quietly on the door frame and after a moment poked her head around the door. At the sight of the pair on the bed the worried tension evaporated from her face and it was flooded with relief. She quickly withdrew and hurried away.

  Jeremy grabbed both of Alice’s hands and looked hard into her face. ‘Are you really fair dinkum, mate? Have you thought this through properly?’

  ‘I really haven’t thought about much else since you left.’ Alice’s face glowed as she smiled at him. Joy was flowing into all the corners of her small form. Jeremy swung his legs to the floor; wrapping his arms around her, he stood up, pulling her to her feet. He looked down into her face in wonderment. She looked into his blue, blue eyes and knew that she’d truly loved him for a very long time. Then he overwhelmed her by the passion of his kiss and the power of his arms holding her. She could feel his bones through his shirt and was overcome with sympathy and remorse. Reaching up, she put her arms around his neck, and suddenly, she was kissing him back.

  With that one kiss, Alice and Jeremy made up for all the kisses they had never shared.

  Then Jeremy buried his face in her hair and sagged a little in her arms, his legs shaking. She helped him back onto the bed and held his hands again. His face was serious while he rested for a moment. Then the grin returned.

  ‘Bloody women these days, the cheek of them. Can’t even wait for a fella to propose. Have to jump in first and catch him off his guard.’

  Alice smiled, and he went on, ‘Was gonna come out to Redstone when I was a bit more presentable. But then I got back here yesterday and heard that it was all on with you and Wingnut, so I gave that idea away. I thought to myself, who’s she gonna choose, a cashed-up church boy, or a drunken clown? My chances weren’t looking too flash. Hell, I reckoned you’d probably even gone out with him on Valentine’s Day.’

  Alice gave a teary laugh, shaking her head.

  ‘I felt bloody sorry for myself then, I tell ya. I even wished the pancreatitis had taken me out. But after a bit, I decided, what the hell, I had nothing to lose – I’d try my luck, Wingnut or no Wingnut. Was even prepared to lie in the dirt at your feet and grovel.’

  ‘Jeremy, stop!’ Alice interrupted. ‘What must you think of me? I can’t believe I made you feel like that about yourself.’ She hung her head.

  ‘Keep your shirt on! Was the best thing that ever happened to me, meeting a girl with the guts to boot me up the ar . . . backside. I’ll make it worth your while, Ali.’

  Alice looked at Jeremy’s animated face. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were a little too starry. She said firmly, ‘I’m going to go now so you can calm down and get some rest.’

  ‘Calm down!’ he exclaimed, clinging to her arm. ‘A snowflake has a better chance in hell! Where are you going, to break the news to Wingnut? Poor bugger – just think, I wanted to kill him a couple of days ago. Twist his top off. And now he’s out on his ear.’

  ‘Jeremy! You need to be quiet and rest now.’

  ‘No, seriously, makes me feel like a right bastard when I think of the poor fella.’ Jeremy was still gripping Alice’s hand.

  She sat back down. ‘Walter will get over it.’

  ‘Jeez, Ali, that’s bloody heartless, that is.’

  ‘No, you misunderstand me. He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t even really know me. I just fitted the description of what he’s looking for. Almost. If he wasn’t so sure of himself, he’d have worked out long ago that I was in love with someone else.’

&
nbsp; Jeremy went to speak again but she silenced him with a finger on his lips. ‘I’ll come and sit with you tomorrow. I’ll bring Henry and Banjo and even Jane if you want her.’

  ‘It’s you I want, not Jane blooming Austen.’

  Alice gently unhooked Jeremy’s fingers and stood up.

  ‘Alice . . .’ His face was agitated again and his eyes were pleading. She had never seen him look so vulnerable. ‘Now that I’ve seen ya, I’m scared to let you go . . . in case you up and disappear on me again. Once you’re gone I’ll think I dreamed the whole bloody thing.’

  Alice bent over and kissed him again. She put her hands on his cheeks and he became calmer. ‘It’s no dream, Jeremy. I’ll be back first thing. I promise.’

  He smiled and settled back on his pillow. ‘Righto, beautiful. I’ll be waiting.’

  Alice’s heart was singing as she turned and walked from the room.

  Epilogue

  They had pulled up the cattle for the night at the head of the usual gully. Alice drove Jeremy mad while she meticulously nightlined Rose and Carmen and set up camp. Seeing his look of reproach, she spoke to him encouragingly. ‘You’ve waited this long, Jeremy. Another few minutes can’t hurt.’

  Six weeks before, driving home to Redstone after her initial reunion with Jeremy, Alice had been engulfed by a wave of happiness so overwhelming it had seemed that if she didn’t share her feelings with someone, she’d surely drown. On arriving home at Redstone, she’d run past a curious Beryl with only a joyful wave. Back in her cottage, she’d picked up her phone and dialled. She told Leilani the news all in one breath.

  ‘That’s deadly, sweetheart,’ said Leilani. ‘Wait’ll I tell your Mary. The silly old fish might even smile. But your white folks might have a fit if all us blackfellas blew in for your wedding,’ she’d exploded with laughter at the very thought, ‘so make sure you bring your man north to our place soon.’

  Then in early April there had been the wedding. Lara and family had driven up from Brisbane and joined the group of locals who gathered in the church for the occasion. On greeting Alice before the ceremony, Lara had kissed her softly on the forehead and clasped a fine string of milky baby pearls around her throat. They had been Olive’s, and Lara had worn them on her own wedding day.