A Cure for All Diseases

by Reginald Hill

  "What for?"

  "Not mentioning Cap and ANIMA," I said.

  "No need to," he said. "Like me and Franny Roote, I know you won't let a personal relationship stand in the way of your duty."

  By the cringe! I thought, the bugger's really determined to put me in my place.

  Then he grinned like a schoolboy and produced this green plastic file.

  "Here you are," he said. "I'll be interested to hear what you make of them."

  "What?"

  "Miss Heywood's e-mails. You didn't really think I'd not let you see them? I made a copy for you."

  "But you didn't know I were coming down here," I protested.

  "Of course I didn't, Andy," he said, still grinning. "Like I don't know the swallows are coming in the spring."

  Oh, you clever bugger! I thought as I left. What'll you be like when time's set a grizzle on your case?

  Sooner I get back on the job the better, else I might be finding the place filled!

  3

  FROM:charley@whiffle.com

  TO:cassie@natterjack.com

  SUBJECT: things get worse!

  Hi!

  Im really frustrated. Lots happening-some fascinating stuff-its like being in a Miss Marple movie-but the screen goes fuzzy when youre not actually in shot!

  Breakfast was a bit of a scratch affair.

  Tom gobbled his then shot off to see what he could find out-& more important to reassure his troops that the violent events of the previous day were just a glitch in the triumphal progress of Sandytown! Mary made polite conversation-trying not to sully the ears of the children. Neednt have bothered. The younger kids had decided whatever was going on was adult stuff-disregardable so long as it didnt get in the way of their own plans-& they shot off outside as soon as theyd stuffed their faces.

  Minnie of course was having none of that-& it took a couple of-for Mary-sharp rebukes to keep her from cross examining Clara.

  Then we heard the sound of a car coming up the drive & Min looked out of the window & screamed-its Novello-come to take me for my interview!-

  Mary ordered her to sit still & went to the door-& we all waited-with bated breath-to see how she would handle things. If Tom had been home-Im sure thered have been a confrontation-but Mary kept her voice low & a few moments later she reappeared with Novello-looking a bit chastened-by her side.

  Min jumped up-face bright with expectation-but it was me the DC was looking at.

  Good morning Miss Heywood-she said-very formal-that should have warned me-Mr Pascoe our DCI would like to talk with you-

  -here?-I said stupidly-like he might be travelling in the boot of her tiny car.

  -no-down at the hall-as soon as you can-if thats OK-

  I shrugged & said-why not?

  Min-who was standing there like an actress whos got to her feet in anticipation of winning an Oscar only to hear someone elses name-burst out

  -but you promised wed go swimming!-

  -later-I said-I dont expect Ill be long-will I?- I looked at Novello who shrugged.

  We went out to her car. Behind us-from the doorstep-Mary said-you will remember what I said Constable Novello?-If at any time in the future you should wish to talk to any of my children-I would appreciate it if you contacted myself or their father first-

  No special voice here-just her normal gentle conversational tone-but I saw Novello wince like shed been whipped. She turned & began to speak-but Mary was already closing the door.

  On the way down the hill-I said-whats this all about Shirley? Is it true youve arrested Mr Godley?-

  -sorry-I cant discuss the case-she said-still formal. I put it down to being told off by Mary-& we did the rest of the short trip in silence.

  I expected to find the police had taken over the hall. Instead I was taken to a flat above the stables block. Looked in on Ginger. Seemed like someone had remembered to feed & water him-so not all townie morons!

  The flat was a decent size but run down. First room I entered looked like it had been a living room-now it had computers & telephones & display boards on all the walls. There I met 2 men. One was thickset with the kind of face people will eventually be paying me good money not to dream of! By contrast anyone would have looked good-but the other really was quite dishy-slim-mid 30s-a shock of pale brown hair either attractively dishevelled-or carefully arranged-narrow intelligent face-bright blue eyes that ran me up & down without undressing me-which I found rather disturbing-or disappointing?-& a nice smile as he said-Miss Heywood? Im DCI Pascoe-& this is Detective Sergeant Wield-so good of you to come-

  So this was the supersleuth-I thought. Easy to believe now Id seen him-except of course I was still certain hed got it dead wrong with regard to poor Mr Godley.

  He took me into another room-bedroom I suppose-peeling wallpaper- smell of damp-just enough room for a small kitchen table-several hard chairs-a clutter of recording equipment on a recessed shelf. The ugly sergeant was with us-but not Novello. We sat down-me opposite Pascoe-the sergeant to one side. For a few moments no one spoke-old psychologists trick-trying to let silence push me into speech-so-childishly-I resolved not to say anything before he did.

  Finally he opened a folder hed brought with him & spilled onto the table several sheets of closely printed paper. Even upside down I recognized them. The printouts of my emails that Id given to Novello. Suddenly I had a bad feeling & forgot my resolve. I said-where did you get those?- He said-from DC Novello of course-where else?- I thought-that dykey cow! (sorry-but even psychologists relapse into non-PC thinking at moments of stress!) No wonder she was a bit off with me this morning. Guilt!

  I said-well hold on there. I want to make it clear-I let DC Novello look at them on the strict understanding that shed only extract from them anything she thought might be useful & not pass it on without keeping me informed-

  -indeed-he said-so we may assume she found it all useful-& as for keeping you informed-thats whats happening now-isnt it?-

  This with the smile again-but I was on to him now. He wasnt trying to charm me into accepting Novellos shattering of my foolish trust. No-hed probably listened to her account of me & decided-rightly-I wasnt going to fall for the all mates together line again. So-get in my face-provoke a reaction-get it out of the way-then down to business.

  Not bad psychology-I thought. OK-I wasnt going to forgive bitch Novello in a hurry-but he knew that-& why should he care? In fact her getting all the crap left a clear field for him to be nice cop & get all the benefit of my interesting insights!

  I gave him a faint smile-& could see he was pleased. But every quid has a quo-as the HB used to say-& always make sure you see the quo before you let any sod get his hand on your quid-

  Not big on double entendre our dad-& Im sure hed have been shocked to have heard you & me giggling every time you came home from a first date & Id ask how big was his quo-& did he get his hand on your quid!

  I said-before we start-is it true youve arrested Mr Godley?-

  -hes been helping us with our inquiries-yes-he said.

  -then you must be mad-I said. If he wanted blunt-he was going to get it!

  -why?-

  -cos theres as much chance of him committing murder as the pope!-I said.

  -which pope would that be?-he said-John Paul the 2nd? Or Alexander the 6th?-

  I didnt get the reference but did get the message-I was dealing with a real clever bugger here-a category that ranks just above daft buggers on the HBs hit list!

  He hadnt finished either. He went on-in any case Miss Heywood-why would you think it impossible that a man you find distinctly odd -mad as a hatter was your description I seem to recall- should commit murder?-

  I said-youre right Mr Pascoe-I did find him odd-still do-but if-as I presume-youre trying to impress me with your total recall of what youve read in my private emails-you will also have noticed I modified my first impression considerably as I came to see his oddness was mainly the oddness of goodness & innocence in a corrupt & guilty world-

>   There! Let him see he wasnt the only clever bugger around! Of course all I was saying-when you dumped the fancy packaging-was- dont know how I know it but I just know Mr Godley couldnt kill anyone!

  He gave me a get-her! kind of look-then said-goodness & innocence can be motives too-but lets not get bogged down in psychology & metaphysics-lets look at the facts. Godley was found by 2 police officers beside Hollis's body-with his hand on the instrument that killed him. My officer searched the house immediately after the discovery. There was nobody else there-

  -which indicates-if you know your Agatha Christie-I interrupted-that he certainly did not do it! -

  A stupid thing to say-but he nodded as if really pleased-& said-you read Christie do you? I collect her first editions-Ive got one or two rarities-

  - no - I dont read the books-but Ive seen a lot of the movies-I said.

  -yes-like Jane Austen she films surprisingly well-he said-But you will recall that occasionally-as in The Hollow-the character you dismiss from the frame because theyve been caught apparently in flagrante can turn out to be the perpetrator after all-

  -youre suggesting Mr Godley let himself be caught-to divert suspicion!- I mocked.

  -in a way-yes-he said. His story is-he called at Witch Cottage-Miss Lee was out-he let himself in-sat in the living room to await her return-thought he heard a noise-got up-went across the hall into the consulting room-discovered Ollie Hollis on the treatment table-realized there was something wrong & was just on the point of trying to remove the fatal needle when interrupted by two of my officers-

  -its a good story-I said-but I expect youve got a better one-

  -an alternative certainly-he said-Mr Godley enters the cottage-discovers Hollis on the table-kills him with a needle-then hears my officers car pull up outside. The house has no rear exit. He could of course have let himself be discovered in the living room & claim he knew nothing of the body in the consulting room-but he knows what forensic science can do & he has not had time to reassure himself he has left no traces of his presence on or near the corpse. So he grasps the nettle-& the needle-& lets himself be discovered allegedly trying to pull it out of Hollis's back-

  -this is Mr Godley youre talking about-not Professor Moriarty-I said-why on earth do you imagine he would want to kill Ollie? -

  - perhaps because of something Mr Hollis saw at the hog roast?-he suggested.

  I was gobsmacked.

  -you mean you think Gordon had something to do with Lady Denhams murder?-I cried - now youre being really crazy!-what the hell could put a stupid idea like that into your head? -

  -well -for a start-you-he said-shuffling the email printouts-first you mention seeing Godley & the victim having an argument - an incident confirmed by several other witnesses. Then-after the discovery of the body - you describe how you found yourself being comforted by Godley - & he was dripping wet-

  -it had been raining! - I yelled - rain makes you wet - or havent you noticed?-

  - indeed - & the normal reaction is to head for shelter-he said - unless you have some good reason to stay out in the downpour- -anyone can get caught in the rain-I protested - what does he say?- -he says that he was preoccupied with his thoughts & did not notice it was raining - till he was soaked to the skin -

  -& whats wrong with that? - I demanded - are you so completely unimaginative that youve never got so deeply involved in something you didnt notice the weather?-

  -oh yes-he said-last time it happened I was lying in wait for a murderer-

  I suddenly realized - for a long time now hed been totally in control-while Id been on the defensive - with lots of yelling - & heavy sarcasm.

  I took a deep breath & said - so that was his motive for killing Ollie-but what would be his motive for killing Lady D?-Hed only ever seen her twice!-

  -twice when youd been present - you mean?-he said.

  -well yes-I said - but I know he had never been to Sandytown till Tom Parker persuaded him-

  -you know-how?-

  -because he hadnt-I said feebly.

  -I see-but didnt you think it odd that he hadnt when clearly - as you yourself so astutely observed - his relationship with Miss Lee was so . . .

  He was shuffling through the printouts again. -lovey-dovey-he read-bit of mutual alternative therapy going on there perhaps?-so-2 people in a close personal relationship-living within half an hours journey of each other-yet ignorant of the significant details of each others life? Doesnt seem likely-does it?-

  He was right-it didnt.

  I said-OK-but it seems to me that its Miss Lee you should be looking at - if youve been reading my private correspondence as closely as you claim youll have noticed she wasnt exactly Lady Ds greatest fan!-

  He smiled - turned to the ugly guy & said - Novello was right sergeant-Miss Heywood would make a very good detective-

  I noted the subtle attempt to repair feet-of-clay Novello-maybe he hopes I can be set up again for her all-girls-together act. Well forget it fellow! Remember Suzie Bogg who threw my favourite Barbie in the duck pond when I was 7? I still hear the splash every time I see her in the village.

  I said - so whats her story then?-

  -she says that Mr Hollis came to her in the throes of a bad asthma attack-she alleviated the worst symptoms by her usual treatment then had to go out for a regular appointment with some old lady who suffers badly from arthritis-

  -youve checked this? - I said.

  That got another approving smile & nod-& he went on-she left Mr Hollis on the table in the treatment room-she had no concern about doing this as in Mr Hollis's case retention of the needles for up to ninety minutes had proved to be efficacious-& she expected to be back within the hour. Mr Godley meanwhile had been having problems with his motorbike. Realizing he couldnt fix it himself he abandoned it at a local garage - which was closed - with a note asking them to check it out in the morning. Then-needing a bed for the night-he walked to Witch Cottage. When he realized Miss Lee wasnt home-he let himself in . . . He paused. I took the cue.

  -he had his own key?-I said.-

  no - but he knew that a spare key was left on the stone ledge above the front door - which implies a considerable familiarity does it not? Then he sat in the kitchen drinking Miss Lees whisky-till he thought he heard a noise. He went into the passage-saw nothing-returned to his whisky. Then a little later-twenty minutes perhaps - he wanted to go to the toilet. In the passage he noticed that the door of the treatment room-closed before - was now ajar. He looked inside-saw Mr Hollis on the table-realized there was something seriously wrong-that one of the needles was plunged in far too deeply-& he was attempting to pull it out when my officers interrupted him-

  -how did they get in? - I asked.

  -another good question!-they found the front door open-he said.

  -does Mr Godley say he left it like that? - I asked.

  -no-he is adamant he closed it behind him-he said.

  I said - when your men brought Mr Godley in-did he need to go to the toilet?-

  He looked surprised - then checked his notes & said - in fact yes he did - urgently-I see what youre getting at - this supports his story - on the other hand - with us men-stress often brings on the need to urinate or defecate-& killing somebody would be most stressful I imagine-especially for a healer. But that was a good point Miss Heywood-do go on-

  He was inviting me-almost provoking me-to speculate - which was rather flattering. But I wanted to get away & mull over these things by myself.

  I stood up & said - where is Mr Godley now?-would it be possible to see him?-

  To my surprise he said-no problem - in fact one of our cars is giving him a lift to his home in Willingdene-so they can drop you at Kyoto House en route-

  Gobsmacked-I said - you mean youre letting him go?-

  -we dont hold people unless weve got good reason Miss Heywood-he said.

  Which - of course-wasnt really an answer.

  Pascoe now shook my hand & said-thank you for helping us. I may need to tal
k to you again - if thats all right - & dont worry about your emails. Need-to-know is my watchword! Shirley!-

  Hed opened the door into the bigger room. Bitch Novello was there-still not meeting my gaze.

  Pascoe said-drop Miss Heywood off as you pass Kyoto-will you?- Neither of us spoke as Novello led me down the stairs & across the lawn to where a police car was waiting. I could see Mr Godley sitting in the back. Novello opened the rear door for me & I got in.

  Every time I see Mr Godley I seem to adjust his age downward. Id got him down to nearer thirty than forty - but today when he turned those gentle gray eyes on me-if it hadnt been for the grizzled beard-he could have been a frightened teenager. In fact - up close-I could see that the beard wasnt so much grizzled as gilded - the lighter coloured hairs amidst the dark brown being bright gold rather than gray. Some genetic quirk-I thought - or maybe hes got highlights! He was wearing jeans & a t-shirt-the former a bit too big-the latter a bit too small. Meaning theyd got his own clothes for examination - so he was still some way from being out of the woods.

  He did his usual shrinking away thing - & when I said-how are you?-

  he said - fine - in a choked sort of voice-& turned his head to look out of the window.

  Novello had got in the front passenger seat. She looked round & said to Mr Godley-wheres our driver then?-

  -he said something about getting a cup of coffee-said Mr Godley.

  -Jesus!-said Novello-whats he think hes on?-a coach tour of the dales?-

  Then she got out & strode off back toward the garage. I said-nows our chance-we could make a run for it- He looked round at me & said-why should I want to run?-

  I said-I didnt mean anything - look Mr Godley while Ive got the chance-I just want to say I think its absolutely ludicrous suspecting you of being involved in Lady Denhams murder-

  He looked at me blankly for a moment-then he smiled-& bang went another 5 years!

  -thank you-he said-thank you-

  To my horror I realized that-above the smile-there were tears in his eyes.

  -sorry-he said-brushing them away - its just that - a kind word - from you-