Surviving Slater

by Regan Ure

  Sin and Jeff were talking but Slater was silently watching me. His eyes were darker than usual and it was difficult to read his expression. Could he read my inner feelings past the calm exterior I portrayed?

  "Let's go," Matthew said, putting a hand to the small of my back. I gave Connor and Sin a smile. I stepped forward to give Jeff an unexpected hug. "Thank you," I whispered to him hoarsely.

  "You're welcome," he said when I pulled back.

  I felt the heat of Slater's gaze as Matthew guided me out of the ward.

  Chapter Two

  Even feeling exhausted I struggled to fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes I thought about Taylor struggling against her attacker, and images of her bloodied and trying to escape didn't ease my mind. It made it more difficult to keep the door shut on my own issues. By thinking about it and replaying it in my mind I felt like I was being victimized all over again. It was a secret I hadn't told anyone.

  To keep myself from concentrating on it too much I kept reminding myself she'd gotten away in time, before there had been a chance for him… I stopped the thought.

  Sometime in the early morning I finally dropped off to sleep. Later that morning, at around eight, I got up. I was looking forward to being able to see Taylor. Yawning, I stumbled into the kitchen, ready for strong coffee to help me through the day.

  Concentrating my thoughts on my friend, I managed to ease the ache in my chest. Seeing Slater had opened the raw wound in my heart. It had hurt to be around him, to be reminded of his rejection.

  It wasn't like I could cut him out of my life. My best friend was involved with his best friend. At the moment they weren't together but I knew it was only a matter of time before they sorted out their issues and got back together.

  Slater. An image of him drifted into my mind.

  His sharp silver-blue eyes seemed to see right through what other people saw, to the innermost me. It was like he was seeing what no one had before, and it frightened me. He was tall and sexy. Just a look in his direction was enough to make my skin tighten as my stomach fluttered with excitement. I touched my lips as I remembered the first time he had kissed me. But now it seemed so long ago.

  In the short time I had known him, I had experienced a momentary lapse when I had almost revealed my dark secret. I was used to hooking up with guys, but I had never been this close to someone. We had shared a connection I was still trying to get over. He had that way about him. And a way with me. But to him, I was easily cut from his life. I let out a heavy emotional sigh.

  "You're thinking too much," Matthew said from the doorway, taking me by surprise.

  I shrugged, not wanting to divulge what was on my mind. He knew I was still struggling with the end of what could have been with Slater. He had bought Taylor and me ice cream and watched chick flicks with us to help us get over our bad boys who had been playing havoc with our emotions.

  Sin had left town, crushing the little hope Taylor had that they would sort out their issues. Slater had told me that he couldn't give me what I wanted. Boys sucked.

  "Did you get some sleep?" he asked as he opened the cupboard to get a mug.

  "A little," I admitted. I breathed in the rich aroma of my coffee and let it tingle through me. I sipped it carefully.

  I could definitely have done with more sleep but I wanted to see Taylor. Later, after my visit to the hospital, I could catch up on the sleep I had missed. I had college classes but I wasn't up for it. Tomorrow I would try and ease back into my usual schedule.

  "Connor spent the night at the hospital," Matthew told me. He wouldn't have wanted Taylor to wake up without someone there.

  "Is she awake yet?" I asked.

  He shook his head.

  "Can we go to the hospital early?" I asked, cradling my coffee in my hands.

  "Yes. As soon as you're ready we can go."

  I liked having Matthew around. He was like a brother I'd never had, but if Taylor didn't need a bodyguard anymore, it meant Matthew would move on to another job. It made me sad to think he would be going soon.

  "When are you leaving?" I asked, watching him over the rim on my mug.

  He shrugged.

  "I'll still be here for a while. Connor wants me to stay until Eric is convicted."

  I was glad Connor wasn't taking any chances. Taylor had never confided in me about her past that she had kept hidden. It had been Connor, one late emotional night after Taylor had been taken, who had finally told me about the murder of their parents when Taylor had only been nine years old. She had been with her parents in the house but Connor, who at the time had been eighteen, had been at a friend's house.

  I couldn't imagine what it would have been like for such a small child to be forced to go through the horror of seeing her parents murdered.

  It had explained a lot, like the reason why Taylor was so naive and unworldly. When we had first met, I had been surprised she had never been to a party or even been drunk. It also explained why Connor had taken such drastic measures to keep her safe.

  "Good. I'm glad you'll be sticking around," I said to him. It was hard to just think of him as a person doing a job he was paid to do. I felt some real affection for him.

  "You're going to miss my great cooking," he teased with a wink, and I shook my head and smiled.

  He could cook, but there was a lot more to him that I would miss. When he had first moved in with us, he had done all the cooking, which had been great because both Taylor and I were pretty useless in the kitchen.

  "It's been good to have you around," I said. I didn't like to get emotional but he had been a rock to lean on over the past few trying weeks.

  "You getting soppy on me?" he asked as he cocked his head to the side with a teasing smile. I rolled my eyes at him.

  "No. I just wanted you to know it has been nice to have you around, with everything that's been going on."

  "You're welcome," he said. "You need ice cream and soppy movies, I'm your man."

  He made me laugh. It had been awhile.

  "It's nice to see you smile. You should do it more often."

  I wished I had more to smile about.

  "Hopefully with Taylor back and on the mend we can get back to normal," I said.

  "Can I ask you a question?" he asked suddenly.

  "Sure." He looked so serious.

  "What happened between you and Slater?" he asked.

  I frowned while I took a moment to think of how to explain it to him. His question had taken me by surprise.

  "I don't really know," I replied honestly.

  The only one who really knew was Slater. My connection with him had been something unplanned and hard to let go of but Slater had let go of me, stopping whatever had been happening between us.

  Matthew looked at me thoughtfully. "I wouldn't write him off yet."

  "Why do you say that?" I asked, frowning.

  "I caught the glares I was getting from him when we were at the hospital yesterday. It isn't the behavior of a guy who isn't interested."

  It didn't change anything. I shrugged. I took another sip of my coffee.

  Matthew frowned for a moment. "Did he give you a reason?"

  I shook my head. No, there hadn't been any reason, he had only told me he couldn't do us. Had he been scared of the connection we had made? I could still remember the sinking feeling in my stomach and the look on his face when he'd told me that. The rejection had hurt.

  It wasn't like I hadn't been dumped before but it had never hurt. I had never become emotionally invested in any prior relationships before, so walking away had been easy. But Slater had been different.

  "Enough about boys. Go get ready so you can take me to the hospital," I said, giving him a push toward the door.

  "But I haven't finished my coffee yet," he tried to reason, putting his cup down.

  "Then stop talking and drink it," I quipped. I emptied my coffee down the drain and rinsed the cup.

  I left him to finish up his coffee as I went into my room and clo
sed the door. For a moment I allowed myself to feel the hurt that talking about Slater made me feel. When it was over I released an emotional breath and pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind.

  I had to be strong for my friend. She would need me to help her through the next few days. Trying to keep myself from remembering things I didn't want to, I went to my closet and got some clothes out.

  The need to see Taylor pushed me to hurry Matthew. When we arrived at the hospital again I wasn't surprised to see Sin waiting outside Taylor's hospital door, still dressed in the clothes from the day before. He had probably stayed here all night. I assumed Connor was inside the room with her.

  "Is she awake yet?" I asked Sin as I reached him. He straightened up and raked a hand through his hair.

  "Yes."

  I bit my lip as I contemplated what she would be feeling. I rubbed my temple as I dealt with my overwhelming feelings, trying to concentrate on the relief and happiness that she was still alive. No matter what had happened between Taylor and Eric, it could be dealt with.

  But you know how hard it is to deal with the wounds that can't be seen, my mind reminded me, but I tried to shut the voice out.

  "What did she say?" I asked, trying to distract myself.

  "I don't know."

  The sadness I could see in him was hard to watch. This was tearing him apart. There was more. My eyes narrowed.

  He shrugged like he had the weight of the world on his broad shoulders. "I shouldn't have left."

  Then I understood. Guilt. I reached out and put my hand on his arm. My slightly tanned skin clashed with his inked swirl of color on his tattoo sleeve. It reminded me of Slater. Hell, everything seemed to remind me of him.

  "It wasn't your fault."

  He nodded at my words, although I could see he didn't believe me.

  We waited for a while to see Taylor. Matthew and I went in first. I had to school my expression when my eyes took in the damage Eric had inflicted. Emotion clogged my throat. Her skin was paler than usual emphasizing her bruises. Her shoulder-length platinum hair was limp and her vibrant blue eyes had lost their sparkle.

  Somehow I managed to keep myself from falling apart. It was only after the visit, when I left the room and caught sight of Slater waiting outside the door with Connor and Sin, that I felt my emotions overwhelm me.

  I made a hurried excuse to Matthew before I dashed down the hallway as my tears broke loose.

  Once inside the restroom, I allowed myself to cry in the hidden stall where no one could see. I hated feeling this way, weak and emotional. Disgusted with myself, I brushed my tears away.

  I was strong and I wouldn't allow myself to fall apart. But it hadn't just been that. The sight of Slater had brought back the night he had gotten a glimpse of the past that still had a way of creeping into my present, making me more sensitive than usual.

  I gave myself a pep talk as I dried my cheeks with a tissue. Thank goodness I hadn't worn mascara, otherwise I would have looked like a panda.

  After my little emotional moment I began to feel better, like the release of emotions had lifted some of the weight off me. I patted my face down with some water before drying it. Another look in the mirror told me my hazel eyes were still a little red but not enough to give away the fact I'd been crying. I soothed my short brown hair.

  As I exited, the sight of Slater standing outside caught me by surprise. I stopped, and he walked over to me.

  I swallowed that emotion that bubbled back up the surface. I wouldn't break down again.

  "You okay?" he asked softly, his eyes searching mine. I nodded stiffly.

  He reached out and brushed my cheek softly. I felt the soft touch of his fingers against my skin and it felt so good. I leaned into it. Then he pulled back suddenly, taking me by surprise.

  It was a familiar push and pull. I straightened up, refusing to show how his reaction to me affected me. He shoved his hands into his jeans, dropping his eyes for a few moments.

  Feeling slightly embarrassed and awkward, I shifted where I stood, not sure what to say or what to do. He could tie me up in knots. Not many people had that effect on me. It was unsettling.

  "You and Matt seem close," he said. I frowned slightly as I took in his words.

  "Yes. He's a good friend."

  He studied me for a moment before looking back down the hallway to where Connor and Matthew were standing.

  "Is that what he is?" he asked when he looked back at me.

  This time when my frown deepened I felt more than slightly annoyed. I could explain to him that no matter what it might look like, Matthew was only a good friend and nothing more. But after what happened between us, I didn't feel I owed him any explanation.

  We weren't together. He had made the choice.

  "Why do you care?" I asked, needing to get some sort of reaction out of him.

  He pressed his lips together as his eyes held mine.

  "I care," he said.

  "No, you don't," I scoffed. "You're just being a guy."

  "How's that?" He arched his pierced eyebrow.

  "You're like a dog with a bone. You don't want it but you don't want anyone else to have it either."

  "It's not that," he assured me with a shake of his head.

  "Then tell me," I asked, needing to understand why we were even having this conversation.

  He was the first guy I had grown close to. Before him, guys had been expendable. His rejection had dented my ego and it was hard to interact with him without experiencing that feeling renewed. And now he was standing here worried about the part Matthew was playing in my life.

  Matthew was hot. He was tall and lean. But it wasn't just that—he was also a good guy. I think it was the influence of two younger sisters that had taught him how to deal with women and their emotions because he knew when to listen and when to speak.

  "I know you're trying to be brave for everyone but I can see how much this is affecting you." He looked at me like he was seeing deeper than anyone else. "I just don't want someone to take advantage of your vulnerability."

  I pressed my lips together when I thought back to when he'd pushed me away. He hadn't been concerned then with hurting me.

  "Really?"

  He nodded.

  The urge to lose my temper and yell at him for hurting me before took all my self-control. I wasn't going to allow him to see how badly it had hurt. Granted, we hadn't been dating, it had been casual between us, but the connection had meant something to me.

  I shook my head and dropped my gaze, unable to look at him. Every time I looked at him, my heart sped up and I felt more alive. I hated feeling that way about him. The moment he entered a room, somehow I could sense him. He had a way of blocking out everything else when he was around. It was an addictive feeling.

  Trying to be the better person, I looked up at him, burying any feelings about him deep down.

  "I appreciate your concern," I said, sounding more business-like, which helped keep my emotions under control, "but I'm not yours to worry about." I paused for a moment, trying to find the right words to get my message across without showing him my true feelings. "Matthew is being a very good friend at the moment and that's what I need."

  I didn't tell him I only saw Matthew as an older brother-figure. For some reason I refused to tell him that. Maybe a childish part of me hoped he was feeling jealous as well.

  Not that it would make any difference.

  We'd had our chance and it was gone. Now we had to find a way to be around each other without causing tension or awkwardness. There was a very good chance Sin and Taylor would sort out their issues. And that meant that no matter how we felt about each other we were going to be seeing each other whether we liked it or not.

  I didn't say anything else before I left him standing and watching me as I headed to Matthew, who had been watching the exchange.

  "Everything okay?" he asked when I walked up to him.

  "Yes, everything is fine."

  Chapter Threer />
  For the next few days I shut any thoughts of Slater down. I concentrated on supporting Taylor as much as I could. I could see the fear that lingered in her eyes. It would take time for her to deal with the aftereffects of her kidnapping and attack. Her wounds on the outside began to heal but I was more worried about the emotional ones that no one could see.

  The doctor had told her to take time off and take it easy but she made no attempt to go back to school. I was really worried about her; she seemed broken and unable to find a way back to normality.

  Things between her and Sin hadn't gone quite the way I had expected. The look on his face when he had left her hospital room had left no doubt that things hadn't worked out. It was hard not to feel sorry for him when I had seen the devastation in his eyes.

  Despite my own issues with Slater, I still hoped somehow they would work things out. I wanted her to be happy and I was convinced the only person who could do that was Sin. My opinion of him had changed drastically. It was hard to believe when they had first met I had warned her he would break her heart.

  I knocked on Taylor's door. There was silence. I debated whether to leave her alone but I decided she couldn't just spend all day in her room alone. There was a chance she was sleeping but I opened her door anyway.

  Her room was dark, the thick curtains keeping the afternoon sun out. She lay on her side with the blankets up to her chin. Her eyes were open.

  "Hi," I said softly, taking the tone a mom would speak to a young child, because she looked so vulnerable. It hurt to look at her and remember what she'd been through before and now.

  She didn't answer. I bent down to her level and her eyes met mine.

  "Are you okay?" I asked softly. I reached out and brushed some stray hair out of her face.

  She nodded, but she wasn't. If she was, she wouldn't be hiding in her room.

  "Why don't you take a shower and get dressed and we can go out for something to eat?" I told her, wanting to help her face her fears.

  She frowned and pressed her lips together.

  "We can take Matthew with us," I added. It wasn't like we really had a choice. After what had happened, and even though they had Eric in custody, Connor and Matthew weren't taking any chances with her safety.