by Regan Ure
When he had asked me about myself it hadn't been easy to admit my upbringing had been very different, with only a single mother to support me. My grandfather, whom I had been quite close to, had died a year before I finished high school and had left me some money. It hadn't been a lot but it had been enough to pay for college. My mom, to my surprise, had saved up some money, which had been enough to cover most of my tuition.
I had shared with him the fact that I was studying to be an accountant. Accountants were usually considered boring people but I loved math, and I always had. I was good at it, really good. To me, numbers were constant and logical, not affected by emotions or other outside factors. To me, they gave me the stability I had felt lacking in the absence of my father.
We pulled up outside a miniature golf place and I turned to him with a questioning look.
"It will be fun," he assured me confidently. I arched an eyebrow at him, unconvinced.
"If you don't, then you get to pick the venue for our next date," he offered. His smiled was disarming.
"Okay," I said, deciding to give him a chance.
He came around and opened the door for me.
"Have you ever played golf before?" he asked as we walked to the front office to pay.
"No. I don't know if I'll be any good," I admitted.
I hadn't been big on sports growing up. I'd been the academic type, preferring to spend time in books than sweating on a grass field.
"I'll teach you." He gave me that sexy, self-assured smile.
It was going to make for an interesting evening.
After he paid for the tickets and we both got a gold ball and putter, we walked to the first hole. He went first. It wasn't complicated but it took me a few tries to get the hang of it.
We talked as we walked from one hole to the next. His questions never got deep, and I liked that I could be around him without feeling threatened.
He would help me with a difficult shot, showing me where to stand and how to swing my putter. He stood behind me with his hands on my hips, shifting me slightly into place. I thought it was sometimes an excuse to be able to touch me. I didn't mind. His touch didn't set my heart racing but I still liked it. It felt safe; there was no risk.
By the end of the evening I was smiling.
"And?" he asked as he walked me back to the car. "Did you have fun?"
I smiled at him as he turned to see my response. "I have to admit, I did."
He stepped closer, and I lifted my eyes to his. His usually easy-going nature stilled as our eyes connected. I knew what was going to happen next and I welcomed it. But I couldn't stop the slight disappointment when his lips touched mine.
His kiss did not set me on fire. This was what I wanted.
"So where do you want to go on our next date?" he asked when he pulled away slightly.
I rested my hands against his hard chest. I liked that he was confident and sure of himself. I didn't like guys I could walk all over.
"You can choose," I said. "I had a great time tonight."
He was easy to be around. I didn't have to keep my guard up. With him, there was no vulnerability. I was in complete control and it made me feel secure, not like I was free-falling without a parachute.
While he drove I stared out the window, watching the street lights and trying my best to keep my full attention on the moment instead of back in my memories, searching for precious moments with the tattooed boy whom I couldn't stop thinking about.
I pulled myself back to the present. I gave Steven a side-glance to remind me of the one I should be thinking about.
This had been our second date. The next date would be our third date. I got a slightly nervous tug in the pit of my stomach when I thought about that. It wasn't that he wasn't good-looking, because he was. The problem was it wasn't working on me. But I had to move on from Slater and this was the only way I knew how.
Like a gentleman, Steven opened the car door for me when we arrived back at the apartment. His hand rested on the small of my back as he led me inside the building and to the elevators.
He saw me to the apartment. I unlocked the door and opened it.
"So when can I see you again?" he asked when I turned to face him. He took my hands in his.
I could have invited him in for coffee but I didn't feel comfortable inviting him into the apartment when I knew Sin would still be there. I didn't want a repeat of the awkwardness from earlier that evening.
"How about next weekend?" I suggested.
"Sure," he said.
He pulled me closer by his hold on my hands. I smiled seductively at him, looking up at him as I stepped closer. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to mine.
It was a simple kiss and he smiled as he let me go.
"I'll call you during the week to make plans," he assured me before he turned to leave.
I stood and watched him disappear down the hallway before I went inside the apartment.
* * *
The next morning I wasn't surprised to see Sin standing in just his jeans waiting for the kettle to boil. He had bed-hair that could still make girls drool.
"Morning," I said as I joined him in the kitchen, needing caffeine to get me going.
He reached for an extra mug and set it down beside two other mugs, which I assumed were for him and Taylor. He leaned against the counter and folded his arms across his chest.
"Hi," he replied. His eyes studied me, making me feel like he was taking a closer look than usual. I wasn't sure what he was looking for.
"What?" I asked.
"How was your date?" he asked.
I shrugged. I didn't really want to go into details but there was still a part of me that wanted Slater to know I wasn't staying at home and moping over him anymore.
"It was good."
"Where did you meet him?"
"Around campus."
"You know him long?" Now he was starting to sound like a parent drilling their child.
"We went on a date before Taylor got kidnapped," I answered. "With everything that was going on, we kind of put things on hold."
He nodded slightly, pressing his lips together.
"What?" I asked again. I knew him well enough to see something was bugging him. The kettle finished boiling but he stood still, watching me.
"We've never been close…" he began to say.
That was an understatement. I had been the one to warn Taylor about Sin. I had been convinced he would use her like he had so many before her.
"And I don't want to tell you what to do…" He seemed to struggle with the next part.
"Just spit it out already, Sin," I said, getting agitated.
"The thing is," he said, "you get guys who are upfront about what they want."
I frowned slightly, trying to follow what he was trying to tell me.
"Like I was. I didn't mislead any girl. I told them from the start there would be no relationship. They knew what they were getting into."
"I don't know what this has to do with me or Steven."
"Then you get the guys who aren't upfront about it—the ones who will tell a girl anything to get them into bed."
My frown deepened.
"Steven has a reputation."
It felt unreal that I was getting warned by the guy who had slept his way through most of the girls in my college. He really had come a long way from when Taylor had first met him.
"I'm a big girl and I appreciate the advice but I can take care of myself," I responded, tucking some hair behind my ear.
His tongue flickered against his lip ring and he gave me a nod.
"Now, are you going to make me coffee or am I going to have to do it myself?" I asked in a teasing tone, trying to lighten the heavy mood.
"I got it," he said before he turned to the task of making us coffee.
I bit my lip as I contemplated his warning. It wasn't news. I knew Steven had a reputation as being a player.
It wasn't like I was looking for someone to put a ri
ng on my finger and give me a happily-ever-after. I didn't think I could even have a functional relationship with someone. There was a chance I was so messed up that I would never find happiness with a partner. I would probably flit from one guy to another, chasing something that was impossible to achieve, never trusting someone enough to allow myself to love them.
But what about Slater? Slater had got beneath my skin in a short space of time. But I put what I felt for him down to lust and the only reason it remained was because we'd never slept together. I'd convinced myself once we had sex it would go away.
At the moment I just needed someone to soothe the hurt Slater had caused by his rejection. I couldn't say I was fond of the feeling. I was probably no better than Steven, since I was using one guy to get over another one.
"Just the way you like it," Sin said as he handed me a steaming cup.
"Thanks," I said, taking it from him carefully.
Matthew walked in, wearing a shirt and shorts. His hair was disheveled.
"Where's mine?" he asked Sin with a sleepy frown.
"You're not pretty enough for me to make you coffee," Sin shot back without even making eye contact. He stirred the coffee.
I smiled. It was always fun to watch the two of them go at it.
Matthew sulked and looked in my direction for support.
"Nope," I said, holding my hand out to him. "I'm not getting involved. I'm Switzerland."
"I'll remember this the next time you need a favor," Matthew said, trying to blackmail me, but I was already out of the kitchen.
I found Taylor seated on the sofa.
"Morning," I said.
"Hey," she said before she suppressed a yawn.
I sat down beside her.
"You didn't sleep, did you?" I asked, studying the dark rings under her eyes.
"I'm trying," she said. "It's going to take time."
"I know," I replied, setting my cup down on the coffee table.
I reached over to give her a hug. I hated that there was an aftereffect from the attack that she was still struggling with.
Just as I pulled away, Sin appeared with their coffee. He frowned as he took in our interaction.
"You okay?" he asked Taylor. She nodded and reached for her mug.
"Yes." She smiled up at him, and his frown eased. It was so easy to see what they shared. It was in the way they looked at each other, like no one else existed.
Chapter Five
My last class for the day finished. I breathed a heavy sigh as I closed my book and began to clear my stuff from my desk. I squinted at the sun as I exited the classroom.
When I refocused, I saw Slater leaning against the wall. The sight of him sped up my heart and I felt a shortness of breath. Was he there to meet someone?
His eyes met mine, a familiar flutter of awareness sweeping through me. His worn jeans and fitted white shirt only enhanced his magnetism. There was something sexy and intimidating about the way he watched me. He pushed off the wall and headed to me. I clutched my bag more tightly in my hand, feeling a nervous dip in my stomach as he approached.
"Jordan," he said, and I had to stop the effect of hearing my name on his lips.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, cutting the pleasantries.
"I wanted to talk to you," he said, his eyes still on me.
I tried to remain outwardly calm in his presence, when my insides were swirling around like a tornado.
"I'm not sure we have anything to say to each other."
His silvery pale-blue eyes were intense. "Yes, we do."
One small sentence was enough to open my wound of rejection from him. I allowed the pain to pull me away from his hypnotic gaze.
"No." I turned to walk away, allowing the ache to make it easier, but his hand wrapped around my wrist, stopping me.
"Let me go," I said, refusing to look back at him, fearing if I did I wouldn't be able to walk away a second time.
"We're not finished."
I closed my eyes briefly.
"We need to talk."
I didn't want to. I wanted to run and never look back. Slater had gotten under my skin and I had to be careful around him. I needed to be able to keep him at a distance. He would leave me alone if I just let him say what he wanted, so I turned to face him. He released my wrist, and my hand soothed where I could still feel his hold on me.
"Fine, talk."
His eyes swept past the interested eyes watching us. "Not here."
"Then where?" I asked, crossing my arms. It was a small action to protect the vulnerability I felt when I was with him. I hated feeling the weakness he made me experience.
"I could come over to your place tonight?" he offered, but I shook my head. "Or you could come over to my house?" he asked, studying me closely.
It would probably just be the two of us. Sin still technically lived there but Taylor didn't feel comfortable going to the house anymore; it reminded her of Eric. So they spent most of their time at our apartment. Sin was in the process of selling it so he could buy somewhere else to live.
"Fine."
"I can pick you up," he offered.
I shook my head.
"No, I'll meet you there." I didn't want to be dependent on him. "I'll be there at seven."
He nodded. "See you then."
He gave me one more unreadable look, like he was trying to figure something out, before he turned and left.
I should have done the same but I was rooted to the spot, watching him walk away from me, unable to look away. The feeling of loss reopened the ache in my chest.
A nervous knot tightened in my stomach and stayed there for the rest of the afternoon. I kept trying to figure out why he wanted to talk to me. He had already decided to stop anything from happening between the two of us and I couldn't figure out what he wanted now.
I remembered my conversation with Sin over the weekend the morning after my date with Steven. I wondered if that was the reason why Slater wanted to talk to me. Would he also feel the need to warn me about Steven?
* * *
"Do you think it's a good idea?" Taylor asked when I told her I was going to see Slater.
"No, but I don't think he will stop until I let him say what he needs to."
Taylor pulled her knees closer to her chest and rested her chin on her knees as she sat on the sofa.
"I don't want you to get hurt," she said.
"That makes two of us."
"I can try and find out from Sin what he's up to?"
It had already crossed my mind but I didn't want to drag the two of them into whatever was going on between Slater and me.
"No. It's okay," I assured her before I sat down beside her. I handed her a cup of tea and cradled my cup in both my hands. She folded her legs as she sipped her tea. "I'll listen to what he has to say and then I'll leave."
I shrugged. I doubted there was much he was going to say that would change what I had already decided in my mind.
"Slater is so easy-going, it's hard to reconcile him with the asshole who keeps breaking your heart."
I gave a hollow laugh before I swallowed my emotion. That was his outward projection—to everyone he was easy-going, but I knew different. I had glimpsed the true side of Slater that few saw.
"I won't let him," I said with a certainty like I could control what was going to happen tonight.
I wasn't going to allow him close again and I wouldn't allow him to affect me like he had before. My walls were up now, and there was no getting through.
Sin arrived a little later. He and Taylor disappeared into her bedroom. I wondered if she was grilling him on what Slater wanted to talk to me about.
I made a point of not dressing up, choosing some old jeans and a plain top. There was no reason to get all dressed up. It wasn't like it was a date. Instead of lipstick I put a little lip gloss on.
"I'll drop you off, if you want," Matthew offered when I came out of my room ready to leave, but I shook my head.
"Don't worry
about it. I'll get a taxi."
He looked at me disapprovingly, but I wanted to do this on my own. They'd all had a glimpse of the hurt I'd experienced with Slater and were concerned I was in for a repeat.
"Seeing you like this brings out the big brother in me," he said, and I gave him a lopsided smile.
I hugged him.
"And from someone who doesn't have any siblings, it's nice to have someone who cares like you do."
"You will call me if you need me?" His face was serious. I'd never had a father around to be protective over me so this was something new. And I liked it. It made me miss what I had grown up without.
"Yes."
He called a taxi for me. It arrived ten minutes later, and Matthew insisted on walking me downstairs to the waiting car.
"You don't have to worry," I assured him as I got into the back.
"I'll try not to."
He closed the door and watched the taxi pull away. I tried to keep my stomach from tying myself up into knots on the way to Slater's. I gripped my hands together as I got closer to the house.
I hated the way my stomach tightened anxiously when the taxi pulled up outside the familiar house. I took a deep breath and released it before I paid the driver.
My feet felt like lead as I stood out front, trying to build up the courage to face Slater.
You can do this, I told myself. I wasn't some weak girl who was going to allow this to be a big thing. He wanted to talk, I would listen, and then I had already made my mind up. I would leave.
I climbed the steps to the front door. I took another deep breath to ease my nervousness as I clasped my hands together to stop them from shaking, refusing to allow him to see how anxious I was.
Before I could change my mind, I knocked on the door and stepped back. The house was quiet as I waited. Every second felt like forever.
Then the door opened. The sight of familiar silver-blue eyes was enough to stutter my heart to a stop.
No, I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. But I couldn't run now.
"You came," he said, his eyes holding mine.
I nodded, still trying to ease my racing heart. He was devastatingly handsome.
He stepped aside and indicated for me to enter. It was like the lion inviting his prey in. Determined, I pushed my shoulders back slightly as I forced myself to take the few steps inside despite my instinct telling me to get out.
