Surviving Slater

by Regan Ure

  The sound of the door shutting behind me tightened the knot of nervousness in my stomach. I hated feeling this way, so when I turned to face him I refused to allow him to see how his presence affected me.

  "What did you want to talk about?" I asked him coolly.

  He rubbed the back of his neck as he walked past me into the living room. Feeling more frustrated, I followed behind him. He was casually dressed in a pair of jeans and a white shirt. He was barefoot.

  "Sit," he instructed. I eyed the sofa for a moment before I sat down, rubbing my sweating palms on my jeans to ease my nervousness.

  He remained standing. I didn't like that I was forced to look up at him.

  "Just say what you have to," I finally said, hating the suspense that was building up between us—the type of tension you could cut with a knife.

  He remained silent as he studied me.

  "Do you want to leave?" he asked softly. The tone of his voice made the hairs on the back of my neck tingle with awareness. It was unexpected.

  "Stop playing games and get to the point." I crossed my arms.

  "When I told you I couldn't do us, I wasn't trying to hurt you."

  I pressed my lips firmly together to suppress the sharp pain I felt at the memory. Even if he hadn't meant to, he had. I uncrossed my arms and gripped the edge of the seat.

  "I can't do emotional attachments," he continued, but I put my hand up to stop him as I stood up.

  "I don't want to hear it," I told him. "I heard you the first time. I don't need a repeat."

  "Don't," he said, stepping forward.

  "What do you want from me?" I held both my hands out to him.

  "Let me finish what I need to say," he said forcefully, and I gritted my teeth to stop myself from snapping back at him.

  He stepped forward. He was so close I just had to lift my hand to touch him. Fisting my hands beside me, I resisted the temptation to touch him.

  "Telling you I couldn't be with you was easier…" That hurt. I turned to leave. "…than living it each day."

  I stood still, with my back to him. I know he stepped closer because I could feel the heat from his body even though he wasn't touching me.

  "Tell me you haven't been thinking about me."

  I tightened my fisted hands again as I swallowed my nervousness. I didn't want to give in but I couldn't deny I had been haunted by the same thoughts. It was the attraction between the two of us. Like a lit fire, it continued to burn.

  But my stubbornness refused to allow me to turn and face him. I was hanging on by a thread.

  "Tell me you don't want me to touch you."

  I closed my eyes briefly to fight against the instinct that wanted to follow his command. The feel of his warm breath whispered on the back of my neck, and I struggled against the tremor of need that ran through me.

  "Tell me to stop," he whispered.

  I wanted to. His lips brushed against my skin and I squeezed my eyes shut. My skin burned under his lips.

  "You want me."

  He trailed kisses down the side of my neck. For just a moment I leaned back into him, allowing myself to feel the power of the chemistry between us.

  It would be so easy to give in and let it happen. I wanted to so badly. But the pain I had felt when he had walked away returned and I stepped forward, out of his reach.

  I turned to face him, my breathing rapid as I tried to fight for control. I put my hands on my hips.

  "You wanted me to come over for this?" I asked angrily.

  "You can deny it all you want. I know you want me too." He said it so confidently.

  "You're the one who said you couldn't do us."

  For several moments we stood, our eyes connected.

  "I can't do emotions. I can't do relationships." He stepped closer, and my breath stilled.

  "I can do this." He leaned closer and kissed me lightly before he pulled away. "This is what I want."

  His hand slid to the back of my neck and pulled me closer when his mouth covered mine. Any resistance I had managed to muster crumbled under the heat of his kiss.

  I gripped his shirt as his mouth moved over mine. I opened my lips slightly as I groaned against his lips. His tongue slid into my mouth and swept against my tongue. My stomach flipped at the action.

  "I want you," he murmured against my lips. His free arm encircled my waist, pulling me closer to his body. My hands splayed over his hard chest. God, he felt so good.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice spoke up: Stop.

  I tried to ignore it. I didn't want to think, I wanted to feel his body against mine. Giving in to the physical need of my body for his was what mattered. There was no feelings, no thinking.

  When his lips broke from mine, I looked up at him as my tongue slid across my bottom lip while I struggled to breathe. His eyes darkened when they took in the small action.

  This was so confusing. I had come over not knowing what to expect and now I was standing in front of him, breathless, trying to figure out what was happening.

  "Do you want me?" he asked, looking confident, like he already knew the answer. His hand slid from my neck to rest on my hip.

  I did, but I bit my tongue. I felt like I was a puppet being controlled by strings.

  "Tell me you don't want this." His hand gripped my hip firmer, pulling me closer.

  Being so close to him was intoxicating. Like that drunk feeling where you were floating and everything around you felt right and peaceful.

  It would be so easy to say yes and fall into his arms. Our night together would make my world shift. It would be great. But what would happen when the night turned to day and our night together was finished?

  I reminded myself how I felt when he had told me he couldn't give me what I wanted.

  I woke up. My hand moved to the empty space beside me. It was dark but a soft light from the hallway lit the familiar room. I lifted myself up onto my elbow as I brushed my hair out of my face.

  Then I found him. My heart spiked at the sight of him. He had that way of knocking me physically when those eyes found mine. He was leaning against the door, watching me silently with his arms crossed.

  Heated kisses and a physical want that burned between us had led us to his bedroom. But the ghosts from my past had stopped it from going any further. My inability to deal with my issues was playing havoc with my life. Against my better judgment and at his insistence, I'd stayed the night. He hadn't wanted me catching a taxi so late.

  "Slater." I spoke his name softly as I sat up. I held the blanket to my chest even though I was dressed in my shirt and underwear. My jeans still lay discarded on his bedroom floor. Maybe I was trying to hide my vulnerability.

  He didn't answer. Instead, he continued to watch me without saying a word. I wasn't sure what to say.

  "I'm sorry," I said, unsure of what to say to erase what had happened the night before.

  "You have nothing to be sorry about," he said.

  We were silent for a few moments. The air between us was uncomfortable and I didn't know what to say next. He let out a heavy breath. It was a strong sign that whatever he was going to say I wasn't going to like.

  "I can't." He ran a hand through his hair. My frown deepened. A fear uncoiled in the pit of my stomach. I knew what was coming.

  "I can't do this," he said, gesturing from me to him. The fear burned like a physical pain.

  I swallowed a lump of emotion. The ache spread through my chest.

  "Who said it was what I wanted?" I managed to say.

  Had my freak-out the previous night scared him off? I couldn't help feeling self-conscious.

  "You deserve better than what I can give you."

  Facing him with the renewed feeling of pain, I felt the strength to resist him.

  Chapter Six

  He saw the change in me—the hesitation replaced by a steely determination.

  "Why fight the inevitable?"

  I shook my head. "The push and pull is making me dizzy."
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br />   "I know we'll be so good together." His eyes slid over me, stoking the heat in my veins. With one look he could make me question everything. I hated that I felt so weak. It made me feel disgusted with myself.

  "You think I'm just some puppy dog that's going to follow you around until you decide to throw me a bone?" My anger was in free flow now—no way to stop the flood of it through my body, clouding my judgment. "I gave you a chance and you threw it back in my face."

  He shook his head.

  "That was different. It was emotional."

  I frowned slightly at him. "And this?"

  "This will just be physical." His voice was husky.

  I wanted him. There was no doubt about it. But I was afraid of letting him in again. What if I couldn't control it and I ended up feeling more for him than I already did? But the pull to him was strong.

  My anger faded to seductiveness. I stepped closer. His breath stilled when my finger reached up and I trailed it across his lips. His eyes darkened as they met mine. He wanted me, there was no hiding it.

  I smiled at him. It was some consolation that I affected him as much as he affected me. It evened the playing field.

  "No." My answer was clear and concise. It wasn't what he'd expected. He looked slightly taken aback. "I'm seeing someone."

  He gave me a hallow laugh. I glared at him.

  "I like Steven." I felt my stubborn streak rise up.

  He continued to smile, which stoked my anger.

  "He's an asshole," he said with a dismissive shrug, like what he was saying was a fact and not an opinion.

  "How are you any better than him?" I put my hand on my hip as I pinned him with a glare.

  "At least you know where you stand with me. There are no lies."

  He shrugged his wide shoulders. Granted, I knew Slater better than I knew Steven, but I wouldn't allow him to ruin this for me.

  "I'll be going on my third date with Steven this weekend."

  His forehead creased when he realized the full impact of the statement.

  "Third date," he murmured, and I nodded.

  I had once told him about my third-date rule.

  "Don't do it," he said, trying to warn me. Gone was the confidence that had been there just moments before. There was a seriousness in him now that I rarely saw.

  "You don't get to tell me what I can or can't do."

  "He'll hurt you." He looked at me with concern. He had been the only guy I had come close to breaking that rule for.

  I swallowed, trying to contain that familiar feeling when I remembered his rejection. Every time I thought back to it, it was like someone was rubbing salt in an old wound. And it hurt as much as it did the first time I had experienced it.

  "Like you did."

  He was about to say something but instead he shut his mouth and shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "I never meant to."

  Whether or not it had been his intent, it didn't matter. It didn't change the fact that he had.

  It still frightened me how quickly he had gotten under my skin. Usually I was good at handling guys. I knew how to control them and keep them at a safe distance emotionally, but he had been the exception. It was another reason to avoid him altogether. Getting physically involved with him was like jumping off a cliff and hoping to land safely without injury. It was unrealistic.

  Deciding it was time to leave, I got my phone out and called a taxi. I ended the call and re-pocketed my phone. I settled back on the sofa comfortably, crossing my arms again, needing to keep them busy; otherwise, he would see right through the confident facade to the nervous girl in front of him.

  I didn't want him to see me as someone weak, someone he could bend to his will. No, I wasn't going to be one of those girls.

  "So you've made your mind up," he said, watching me carefully as I looked around the room for something to do other than look at him.

  "Yup," I said lazily, like we were discussing the weather instead of sex.

  When my eyes caught his, he was watching me with a knowing smile. Folding my arms tighter, I glared at him.

  "What are you smiling about?" I asked, unable to stop myself. I should have played it cool, indifferent. But I had to know why he didn't look slightly upset. It was killing my ego.

  "It will happen." He leaned against the arm of the sofa angled to me. He looked so sure of himself. I had to stop myself from looking at how nicely his shirt showed off his fit build. Stop it! I told myself. I wasn't a hormonal teenager, for goodness sake. I had to exercise some control.

  "What?" I asked, distracting myself with pulling my phone out of my pocket again so I could check the time.

  "You and me."

  I shook my head. "No, it won't," I said with a false sense of confidence as I held his gaze, willing myself not to tremble and give my weakness away.

  "I give it a week."

  I laughed at him. "A week? Are you on something?"

  "I know you want me." His gaze intensified. It wasn't enough. I could fight it. Every time he looked at me like that, my heart fluttered and I had to fight to stop myself from reacting to it. "You want me to kiss you."

  I held his gaze before my eyes dropped to his lips. I tore my gaze away from him for a moment.

  "To slide my lips across your skin."

  I swallowed.

  "I'll strip you naked."

  My eyes connected with his. That sentence had sent a shiver of awareness through my body despite my mind refusing to acknowledge what he was saying.

  "And then I'll give you a night you'll never forget."

  Oh, my God! Just listening to his words made my skin tingle where I felt his imaginary touch. Our encounter had been brief but I remembered how his kisses set me alight. I remembered how every touch had made me feel.

  No, stop it. I wanted to tell him off but instead I shook my head at him.

  "No."

  He didn't say anything more. Instead, he continued to smile at me with that knowing look, which made me more determined to prove him wrong. Soon I would go on my third date with Steven and all this between Slater would be over and done with, then I could move on with Steven or maybe even someone else.

  I was relieved when my taxi finally turned up and I got out of there as fast as I could. He walked me to the door and stood in the doorway, watching me as I got into the car. When the door closed, our eyes met for a few moments. His smile widened and I turned away from him, looking in the opposite direction.

  I wouldn't let him win. I had a plan and it didn't include him.

  A week. As if.

  On my way home I kept reminding myself why it was a bad idea to even contemplate anything with the bad boy who had the ability to hurt me. Being around him more would give him the power to hurt me more. I couldn't let that happen.

  I had to concentrate on Steven. I smiled, trying to forget about my reaction to Slater. I would go on a third date with Steven and then I would seal the deal. It would be my way of working Slater out of my system.

  And the added bonus was once I slept with Steven, I was pretty sure Slater wouldn't be bothered with me anymore. I'd rejected him for someone else, and it would be enough to dent his ego and send him straight into the arms of some girl to ease his superficial hurt.

  My plan was going to work.

  * * *

  "So what did he say?" Taylor asked me the next day while we were watching TV.

  I shrugged. "He wanted to offer me a physical relationship."

  She looked surprised. I had her full attention now. "Really?"

  I nodded.

  "And what did you say?"

  "No," I answered.

  She was silent as she watched me. I wanted to ignore her but instead I turned to face her.

  "What?"

  "I know how much you like him." She had seen more than anyone else but she had also seen how his rejection had hurt me.

  "Liked," I corrected her. "I told him I wasn't interested. Besides, I'm going out with Steven on Saturday nigh
t."

  "Isn't it your third date?" she asked, and I smiled while nodding.

  She also knew about my three-date rule.

  "Sin told me about Steven's reputation." She looked a little worried.

  "I'm not planning on marrying him and having his babies," I replied. "I just want someone to go out with and have a good time."

  "Look, I'm not Slater's biggest fan at the moment but I trust him more than I trust Steven."

  She didn't know Slater had the power to hurt me more than anyone. I didn't expect things to work out between Steven and me. I was using him and he was using me. It didn't really matter. What mattered to me was getting Slater out of my system. Getting more involved with him wasn't a part of the plan.

  It was hard to think back to his seductive words of what he'd do to me and not give in to it. He knew how hard it had been to resist him.

  A week. But I was determined not to let him win this. I was strong enough to stop myself. Besides, once I went on my third date with Steven, it would all be over.

  "Slater isn't an option." I didn't want to even think about how complicated it would get if I went down that road.

  "So where is Steven taking you on Saturday?" she asked, trying to change the subject slightly, moving it away from Slater.

  "To dinner," I told her.

  "That's nice. Did he say where?"

  I shook my head. "He wanted to surprise me."

  It didn't matter where he was taking me. What did matter was what happened after our date came to an end.

  * * *

  Saturday came quickly, and I was busy getting dressed.

  The usual crowd was watching TV. There was some big football game on. Sin was supporting the one team and Matthew was supporting the opposite side. Needless to say, there had been a lot of yelling.

  Sin's team won and Matthew was now sulking. Taylor had watched with them but she had no interest in it.

  I put my earrings on, when I heard the knock at the door. Looking down at my watch, I knew it was Steven. He was always so punctual. It was one of the things I liked about him.