Dork Diaries Book 12: Tales From a Not-So-Secret Crush Catastrophe

by Rachel Renée Russell

  Thanks to Daisy, Brandon and I had a very cold and refreshing lemonade SHOWER!

  WE never got a chance to drink my lemonade.

  But Daisy tasted it.

  And she LOVED it!

  After we’d finished with Daisy’s lesson, I decided it was time to finally break the bad news.

  “Listen, Brandon! I appreciate everything you’ve done for Daisy, but I really need to tell you—”

  “Nikki, you DON’T have to THANK ME again!” Brandon smiled. Then he brushed his shaggy bangs out of his eyes and smiled at me all shy-like. “I really enjoy hanging out with you. As a matter of fact, I was wondering if you, um . . . wanted to go out to Queasy Cheesy for pizza this weekend?”

  “Sure, Brandon! Of course. It would be fun,” I answered very calmly.

  But deep down inside I was elated and doing my Snoopy “happy dance.” . . .

  SQUEEEEEEE !!

  BRANDON ASKED ME TO HANG OUT AT QUEASY CHEESY!

  We decided to text each other Saturday morning to arrange everything.

  I know it’s NOT actually a REAL date!

  Since we’re NOT actually a REAL couple!

  YET!

  But . . .

  STILL!!

  It’s like really, really, really CLOSE to all of that without ACTUALLY being it.

  So I decided NOT to RUIN the moment by bringing up other stuff.

  Hey, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

  Just try not to SPILL it all over your CRUSH!

  I’m really lucky to have a friend like Brandon!

  SQUEEEEEEE!!

  !!

  WEDNESDAY—9:00 P.M.

  IN MY BEDROOM

  This whole day has been one giant emotional ROLLER COASTER !

  Another photo was posted online about an hour ago. It was more gossip about André and me. . . .

  * * * * * * * * * *

  SelfieChic: Isn’t this against the rules?!

  LuvMyLipGloss: ONLY if they get caught !

  Diva124: Then they can do after-school detention TOGETHER! How romantic!

  CheerGirl: Where’d they go?

  Flawless: Maybe to the CupCakery? In Paris! On his family’s private jet!

  SelfieChic: I’m so JELLY!

  LuvMyLipGloss: Poor André was probably trying to get away from her tacky, annoying BFFs, Chloe and Zoey!

  * * * * * * * * * *

  OMG!

  I was FURIOUS!

  André and I did NOT ditch school together! He had simply left early for a dentist appointment.

  I wonder who’s posting this GARBAGE?!

  Judging from the usernames, I can make a pretty good guess.

  LuvMyLipGloss is probably MacKenzie, and SelfieChic is probably Tiffany from NHH.

  I have no idea WHY they would do this to me.

  Well, other than the fact that they both HATE my GUTS!!

  The HUMILIATING part is that most of the students from WCD and NHH will probably read this stuff and believe it’s TRUE!

  It just occurred to me that posts like this are considered cyberbullying.

  And both schools, WCD and NHH, have very strict rules against it.

  Sometimes in life you have to do the right thing, even when it’s difficult or unpopular.

  Which means I need to PONDER a very COMPLEX and DIFFICULT question. . . .

  WHY IS MY LIFE SUCH A GIANT BUCKET OF PUKE?!!

  !!

  THURSDAY, MAY 29—7:00 A.M.

  IN MY BEDROOM

  I just got out of bed thirty minutes ago, but I’m STILL totally EXHAUSTED, mostly due to excessive WORRY and SLEEP deprivation !

  My life would be PERFECT if I could sleep late, watch cartoons, chillax, eat yummy snacks, take a nap, AND go to school for only HALF a day.

  Yes, I’ll admit it. I WISH I was back in kindergarten! My life was SO simple then.

  I checked my e-mail and there weren’t any new posts about André and me. Thank goodness!

  I DID receive that packet of info about the Paris trip. It said the flight is going to be seven and a half hours, which is really long.

  But it’s going to be a BREEZE compared to the HORRIFIC ninety-minute plane trip I took with Brianna last summer when we went to visit my aunt in Indiana.

  It started with a really long wait in line to get through airport security to board the plane. Which meant wandering through a crowded maze, taking off our shoes, and then walking into that thing that looks like a space pod.

  Brianna was bored out of her mind and sticking a wad of bubble gum up her nose (I am NOT lying!), when she suddenly pointed and screamed, “HEY, LOOK!! A PUPPY!”

  Sure enough, there was a security guy with a German shepherd on a leash sniffing for drugs, bombs, or dangerous toiletries—whatever those dogs are trained to sniff for.

  “Brianna, that dog is busy working,” my dad explained. “So please don’t bother it, honey.”

  In spite of my dad’s warning, she quickly DOVE under the divider, rushed over to the dog, threw her arms around it, and gave it a big hug.

  My mom gasped and I frantically dashed after Brianna.

  Luckily, the dog just sniffed her and licked her. . . .

  The grumpy security guy scowled at Brianna and said, “Step AWAY from the dog, miss!”

  Brianna’s eyes got huge. My parents froze. I quickly grabbed Brianna’s hand.

  “Sorry, sir! She’s just a little kid,” I apologized.

  But he just glared at us. “BOTH OF YOU! STEP AWAY FROM THE DOG!” he shouted.

  Brianna and I scrambled back to our spot in line while the dog just wagged his tail.

  My bratty little sister had almost gotten us arrested by attack-hugging a security dog, and we hadn’t even made it to the plane yet.

  Unfortunately, it went totally downhill from there.

  Since we had left the house at 6:00 a.m., I was hoping she would sleep on the plane, but I couldn’t have been more wrong!

  She was so hyped up on sugar from an overpriced airport breakfast of doughnuts and hot chocolate that she probably wasn’t going to sleep for at least a week. (Thanks a lot, MOM !)

  To make matters worse, this was Brianna’s very first trip on a plane.

  And, unfortunately, we didn’t have four seats all together in the same row, because each row had only three seats.

  My parents sat together, and I was stuck sitting with Brianna a few rows behind them.

  Brianna demanded the window seat. So I was trapped between her and this businessman who kept on elbowing me as he typed on his laptop.

  “Why aren’t we flying?” she asked two seconds after we sat down.

  “Brianna, people are still boarding the plane,” I explained. “We’ll be leaving soon, okay?!”

  “How about now? Is it time yet? When are we going to flyyyyyyy??!!” she complained.

  Mr. Laptop Guy was straight up trying to kill us WITH HIS EYES.

  I mean, I wanted Brianna to shut up too! But why was he giving ME the EVIL EYE?!

  Once everyone was seated, the flight attendant started her speech about what to do when the plane CRASHES into the OCEAN.

  I’m not going to lie! That speech always makes me a little nervous. So I kind of understood when Brianna started to freak out.

  But my little sister took FREAKING OUT to a whole new level!

  “Is my seat belt tight enough? Promise you’ll do my air mask first, Nikki! A WATER landing?! WHERE’S MY LIFE VEST?!!” Brianna panicked.

  Then she climbed OUT of her seat and crawled underneath it, even though the plane was already taxiing on the runway.

  OMG! I almost had a heart attack when Brianna pulled out the life vest that was attached to the bottom of her seat.

  “Hey! She can’t do that!” Mr. Laptop Guy huffed, looking up from his computer.

  “Yeah, well, you’re not supposed to be on your laptop during takeoff, either!” I shot back.

  But I just said it inside my head, so no one else heard it but me.
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br />   I pulled Brianna back into her seat and grabbed her seat belt.

  Okay. So have you ever tried to put a seat belt on a child who is KICKING, SCREAMING, and having a TEMPER TANTRUM while wearing a LIFE VEST aboard an AIRPLANE?! . . .

  BRIANNA HAS A COMPLETE MELTDOWN ON THE PLANE!

  Well, I HAVE!!

  And it’s pretty much . . . IMPOSSIBLE!

  “Brianna, take off that LIFE VEST NOW!” I hissed. “And get back into your seat belt!”

  “But that lady said we’re going to have a WAAA-TER LAAAND-ING!” she screamed.

  “We’re flying from New York to Indiana. There will NOT be a water landing,” I tried to reason with her.

  “You don’t know that for SURE!” she whined.

  “Actually . . . I do!”

  “What about lakes?! And rivers?! And . . . and . . . SWIMMING POOLS?!” she cried.

  Okay, so maybe my sister had a point, but still.

  I was like, SORRY, BRIANNA!

  CRASHING into a SWIMMING POOL is way better than ANOTHER MINUTE stuck sitting next to YOU on this PLANE!

  “Look, Brianna, if you chill out, I’ll let you play Princess Sugar Plum: Adventures on Baby Unicorn Island on my cell phone, okay?!”

  But she didn’t answer because right then the plane lifted off the ground. And our ascent into the air felt a lot like a roller coaster going up a huge hill.

  That’s when Brianna started to SCREAM! At the top of her lungs!

  “Would you PLEASE tell her to be quiet?!” Mr. Laptop Guy grumbled.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled. “Brianna, hey! Look at me! We’re okay! You wanted to fly! We’re flying! Like . . . like fairies! Like . . . unicorns!”

  “Unicorns don’t FLY!” a woman muttered behind me. She was NOT helping. Thanks for NOTHING, lady!

  (And I KNOW unicorns don’t fly, but this was a VERY stressful situation, okay?)

  “Um, is she all right?” a flight attendant said, gripping the top of Mr. Laptop Guy’s seat.

  I don’t think she was supposed to be walking around yet, but Brianna’s screams were hard to ignore.

  “NOT really!” I sighed.

  “Is she actually . . . wearing her LIFE VEST?!” the attendant asked in disbelief.

  DUH!! This lady had a really strong grasp of the OBVIOUS!!

  “I’d like a different seat,” Mr. Laptop Guy snarled.

  “Brianna, honey, why are you screaming?” asked my mom, who was now standing up in her row.

  “Ma’am, PLEASE sit down! NOW!” the flight attendant snapped at her.

  “THAT is MY daughter!” Mom shot back.

  Suddenly Brianna stopped screaming and pointed out the window. “Wow! Cotton candy clouds?!”

  After that, Mr. Laptop Guy switched seats with my mom, and Brianna only SCREAMED again when the plane ride got a little bumpy. . . .

  And when someone flushed the toilet on the plane.

  And when the flight attendant offered her apple juice because the airline didn’t serve Princess Sugar Plum punch.

  And when we were landing.

  And when it took ten minutes to get off the plane.

  And in the airport when Dad wouldn’t let her RIDE on the baggage carousel with the suitcases.

  I could NOT believe the moment Brianna chose to FINALLY fall asleep. In the rental car, as we were pulling into my aunt’s driveway!

  “Oh, she’s sleeping like a little ANGEL!” my aunt gushed, gazing at her through the window.

  In spite of the fact that Brianna had been acting like a TASMANIAN DEVIL in pink Barbie sneakers, my mom actually AGREED with her!

  That’s when I totally LOST IT!

  “REALLY?! If Brianna is an ANGEL, then maybe she can FLY herself home! SORRY, people! But I will NOT be sitting next to HER on the return flight!”

  But I just said that inside my head, so no one else heard it but me.

  Hey, I really LOVE my little sister!

  It’s just that sometimes I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be an ONLY child.

  Anyway, I’ve finally decided to break the news to Brandon about the trip to Paris when we hang out at Queasy Cheesy this weekend.

  Then maybe we can both meet Chloe and Zoey at the CupCakery and tell them everything.

  I’ve decided not to worry about those stupid photos for now.

  André’s last day here at WCD is tomorrow, and then he’ll be going back to NHH.

  So, it will be impossible for anyone to post new photos after that since we won’t be around each other anymore.

  I guess those HATERS will have to find something else to do.

  Thank goodness all this photo drama will be over in TWO MORE DAYS!

  I just hope my BFFs don’t see them before then.

  Fingers crossed!

  I already feel like a humongous weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

  !!

  THURSDAY—12:20 P.M.

  AT MY LOCKER

  Well, my day is pretty much RUINED !

  A new photo was posted two hours ago. . . .

  * * * * * * * * * *

  CheerGirl: Awww! Don’t they make a picture-perfect couple?

  LuvMyLipGloss: Nikki STILL denies they’re an item, tho. Nikki, we see you, girl!

  SelfieChic: Right! She’s not fooling anybody! That chick is SO scandalous!

  Flawless: I seriously can’t believe she dropped Brandon for this shallow jerk! I’m Team Brandon all the way!

  Diva124: Team Brandon for life! What does André have that he doesn’t?

  LuvMyLipGloss: That’s easy! He’s French, he’s fine, and he has tons of MONEY! All Brandon has is a cute smile and a dusty old camera. And I totally don’t get why he LOVES hanging around stray dogs! I mean the 4-legged ones, not Chloe, Zoey, and Nikki.

  SelfieChic: LOL!!! Girlfriend, that was SHADY!

  * * * * * * * * * *

  That’s when I stopped reading.

  Those posts were CRUEL!!

  I sighed and blinked back my tears.

  Then I studied the photo carefully, trying my best to remember when André and I may have taken any selfies together.

  Based on the outfit I was wearing, this had to have been taken on Tuesday.

  That’s when I suddenly remembered that Chloe, Zoey, André, and I had taken a selfie together on that day.

  But it appeared that Chloe and Zoey had been completely cropped out of the photo.

  Obviously, someone wanted it to look like André and I were taking selfies together because we were totally into each other.

  Which is a BIG FAT LIE!!

  I was SO . . .

  ANGRY !

  But not nearly as ANGRY as I was about the photo that was just posted ten minutes ago. . . .

  * * * * * * * * * *

  SelfieChic: OMG! This is SOOO romantic!

  Diva124: Well, it’s quite obvious they’re serious about each other.

  Flawless: Nikki! How could you?!

  LuvMyLipGloss: Just wait until Brandon finds out. Watching her messy love life unfold will be like watching a train wreck. I am totally LOVING IT!

  SelfieChic: Me too! Things are getting good! I’ve got my bowl of popcorn ready!

  LuvMyLipGloss: I’ve got candy and my 3-D glasses on! LOL!

  CheerGirl: Um . . . I think you two are enjoying this a little too much.

  Diva124: Why am I suddenly hungry for a warm cinnamon bun with cream cheese frosting?

  Flawless: Me too! Let’s meet at the CupCakery after school.

  * * * * * * * * * *

  I stopped reading and shoved my cell phone back into my purse.

  I wanted to . . .

  SCREEEEEAM !!

  André and I each had our OWN cinnamon roll!

  But for some reason, only ONE was shown in the photo!

  MINE !!

  There was NO WAY we were just sitting there in the library like a bride and groom sharing a piece of wedding cake!

  Hey, I barely even KNOW the guy!
!

  To make things even worse, it feels like the entire school is GOSSIPING about me.

  Well, most of the kids in the CCP (Cute, Cool, and Popular) clique, anyway.

  MacKenzie and her friends were whispering about me while I was at my locker.

  My stomach feels so QUEASY, I could throw up on MacKenzie’s really cute gold designer platform sandals.

  If I wasn’t so WORRIED about Brandon seeing those photos, assuming the worst, getting his feelings hurt, and then NEVER speaking to me again, I’d rush down to the office, call my mom, and go HOME!

  But instead I plan to go straight to BIO and WARN Brandon about those photos!

  Before it’s too late!

  !

  THURSDAY—3:30 P.M.

  IN THE JANITOR’S CLOSET

  Right now I’m in the janitor’s closet, writing this and trying not to have a complete MELTDOWN!

  OMG! MacKenzie Hollister is . . .

  PURE EVIL !

  HOW evil is she?!!

  She’s SO evil that if I was in the HOSPITAL, she’d UNPLUG my LIFE SUPPORT to charge her CELL PHONE!

  As soon as I finished my last diary entry, I grabbed my books, stopped by André’s locker (hey, he’s part of my job duties!), and rushed straight to bio.

  But, unfortunately, I had arrived just seconds TOO LATE. . . .

  MACKENZIE SHOWS BRANDON THE PICS OF ANDRÉ AND ME!

  I just stood there FREAKING OUT as Brandon scrolled through the photos. He looked shocked, surprised, and hurt! All at the same time. . . .

  BRANDON LOOKS AT THE PICS!

  Right then all I wanted to do was dig a really deep hole right next to my desk, CRAWL into it, and DIE!!

  Once class started, I could practically feel Brandon staring at the back of my head.

  But whenever I turned around to make eye contact, he just gazed blankly at his bio book.

  Of course MacKenzie sat there with a big fat SMIRK on her face.

  She was SO proud of herself for pretty much DESTROYING my friendship with Brandon.

  I wanted to walk right up to her and say, “Congratulations, MacKenzie!” and give her a high five!

  In the FACE. With a CHAIR!

  Just kidding !

  NOT !