by Jayne Blue
The color left Maya’s face as she remembered that last day. As she sat there, the truth washed over me. Of all the things that might have happened, I didn’t expect that.
“She’s the one who hit you,” I said. “Your mother.”
Maya didn’t blink. She pursed her lips then flicked her eyes to me. Slowly, she nodded. “Just once. Straight across the face. It’s not even that it hurt. I mean, it did. But I just couldn’t anymore after that. You know? My whole life I’ve taken care of them. Tried to run interference. Tried to deflect. I’ve been the good girl so long. I was supposed to stay and take care of them forever. My brothers, the older ones used to get in all sorts of trouble. I never did. I always did what everyone else told me was the right thing. Even this thing with Junior, I’m trying to do the right thing. Cory was Cory, but he didn’t deserve to die. No one deserves what happened to him. He has a family. A mother. Brothers and sisters, probably. I always do the right thing. Except for …”
I smoothed the hair away from her face as she looked at me. “Except for what, baby?”
Maya’s smile brightened my heart. “Except for you.” She shifted so she was kneeling. Maya slid her hands over my chest and brought her lips to mine. “Axle, you’re the one thing I’ve ever done that everyone else would have told me was the wrong thing. And you’re the only thing that’s turned out right. So what does that tell you?”
I pulled her close. My heart ached with the lie I held within it. I wasn’t the right thing for her. I was everything she should run away from. Her shit with her family was bad, but even that would be a better life for her than what I could offer. But as I knelt in my grandmother’s garden with her, I wasn’t brave enough to push her away. After all of it, I was a fucking coward. I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t let her go. I could only hold her in my arms and take what didn’t belong to me. I didn’t deserve Maya’s heart but there she was, handing it to me wide-eyed and breathless. She pulled me in and wouldn’t let me go.
Two truths sat in my heart. I loved her. I’d been sent to claim the price on her head. I couldn’t tell her either. Those truths died on my lips, sealed by a kiss that felt like one more lie.
Maya pulled away. “Teach me to ride,” she said.
I reared back. “Are you kidding?”
She stood and offered me her hand. Pulling off her gardening gloves, she tucked them in her back pocket. “Not the Harley. Though, maybe someday I’ll be brave enough even for that. No, I mean one of the horses.”
I laughed. “You mean to tell me you never have?”
“Nope. Too much drama in the Ballard household. No way I was gonna ask my parents to buy me riding lessons. A bunch of my other friends used to go to horse camps in the summer but I never could.”
“What the hell is horse camp?”
Maya shrugged. “I don’t actually know.”
“Well,” I said. “I’ve got something to confess. I’m a hell of a lot better on a Harley than in the saddle.”
“Mmm.” Maya leaned against me. “I beg to differ on that one.”
The wicked lilt in her voice made my jeans tighten. God, she was insatiable. Fuck, so was I where she was concerned. “What, just cuz I’m a Texan, you think we all know how to ride?”
She looked up at me and touched my cheek. “Don’t you?” She winked, trying to tease me. I had a few ideas of my own about how to tease her back.
“I’ll make a deal with you. I’ve got to go handle a few things in town tonight. I’m planning on spending the night here with you, but I can’t promise that. I will promise to take you out riding first thing in the morning. Trouble is, Gran’s mares aren’t all that exciting. They’re fat and slow and not too used to riders anymore. But I’m pretty sure I can still make ’em do what they’re told.”
Maya let out a little gasp that damn near did me in. The thought of leaving her side, even for a second, tore at me. She turned in my arms and pressed her tits against my chest. Her nipples were rock hard with arousal. I had to leave her though. I felt chained to two rocks with the tide rolling in. I couldn’t be what she needed from me and I couldn’t be what the club needed from me if shit went on like this any longer. I didn’t know how I’d do it, but I’d have to make the club listen to me. They had to know about Maya and me. Swallowing hard, I kept my arms firm.
“Baby, you’re killing me.”
“That’s the idea. You’re doing the same thing to me. I told you, the only really bad thing I’ve ever done is you. Best decision I ever made.”
“I wish that were true.”
“It is. And it’s just the beginning. Coming here was such a good idea, Axle. It’s cleared my head. I don’t know what my next move is, but I’ll figure it out. I’ll find another job. A better one. I’m not going back to Monroe. I’m going to stay right here and fight for the life I want. Fuck Junior DiSalvo.”
I kissed her hard and deep. It was a mistake because it made it that much harder to tear myself away from her. I had no choice. I owed it to her and the club to set things right. I had no fucking clue how I was going to do that, but I had to try for both of our sakes.
“Tomorrow morning,” I said. “Then I’m all yours. I’ll help you figure out your next move if you want me too.”
“Sounds perfect. In the meantime, I expect your grandmother’s going to come out here raising hell soon. She’s making dumplings or stew or something and wants to show me how.”
“Sheeit,” I said, throwing my arm around her shoulders. We started to walk up to the house together. “She’s going to domesticate your ass yet. Turn you into a regular farm girl. Mmm, I like the sound of that.”
“I don’t know if I’d go that far, cowboy.”
I swatted her ass. She gave that little squealing laugh I loved so much and quickened her step. Just as she predicted, I could hear Gran hollering from the porch step. The next hurdle I had was telling Gran I had to leave again. She wouldn’t let me put her off for too much longer and she’d already hit me square between the eyes with her suspicions about Maya. God save me from the women in my life.
“He’s out back,” I heard her yell. Her words didn’t register until it was too late. We’d been on the other side of the barn. I should have heard the rumble of engines and the crunch of dirt and gravel when they pulled up. But I’d been too distracted by Maya in the garden.
I yanked her arm as she kept walking but I froze. Gran stood on the porch waving her arm high above her head. Walking down the porch steps straight for me were Zig and Benz.
Maya smiled back at me. “It’s about time you introduced me to some of your crew, Axle. You can’t hide me forever.”
God. If only I could. As they got closer, Zig’s face fell as he recognized Maya from her picture.
Chapter 18
Maya
“Well, hot damn,” Gran said as she stood on the porch with her hands on her hips. “Y’all are here just in time for dinner.”
The two men standing at the end of her porch looked from each other, to me. Axle let go of my hand and headed straight for them. I thought Axle was big. He was, but the man standing at his shoulder now was just as big and broad-shouldered. He had sandy-blond hair that touched his collar and a full beard. He reminded me a little of a blond grizzly bear with pale blue eyes that seemed to cut straight through me. He held his hand out for Axle and when they shook, they drew in close, slapping each other’s back and touching shoulders. The other man was dark like Axle, but clean shaven with fierce, green eyes that he trained on me.
“Don’t be rude,” Gran said. “Maya, this is Zig and Benz. I’d like to tell ya they look worse than they really are, but the truth is all three of these boys are hellraisers.”
“Come on now, Gran,” the man she’d introduced as Benz, the blond, said. “We only raise the hell that needs raising. And what’re you cooking? It smells good.”
“Sheeit,” Zig said. “Just don’t tell Mama Bear we’re cheating on her tonight. She’s got the whole crew down
at the clubhouse for fried chicken.”
My stomach growled. I didn’t know who or what Mama Bear was, but I’d been out in the garden most of the day. I don’t think I’d even remembered to eat lunch. Axle stood beside me still as a stone wall. Every muscle in his body seemed to tense as he reached back and held my hand. I took a step forward, planning to extend a handshake to give Axle’s friends a proper hello. He held onto me in a vice grip, his nostrils flaring.
Whatever had Axle keyed up, the other members of his crew didn’t seem to share it. Zig gave Gran a hug then extended his hand to mine. He shook it in a solid grip. His expression wasn’t openly friendly, but he regarded me with keen eyes and a sincere smile. Benz did the same.
“It’s nice to meet you, Maya,” he said. “I can see why Axle’s been hiding out lately.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” I said. “It’s nice to finally put names to faces. Well, at least where Benz is concerned. I gotta say, Zig, I’ve only really heard about you from Wendy down at Cups.”
I meant it as a joke. I knew Wendy had some past relationship with this Zig. Nikki had actually clued me into that, trying to explain why Wendy might’ve had her nose out of joint about me spending time with Axle. Nikki figured Wendy had planned on moving on down the row of Dark Saints members and Axle was just next on her list.
Zig’s face fell. “Don’t believe anything that girl told you. She’s a hot mess.”
I couldn’t help it. I was petty enough that I nodded in agreement. In my last days at the bar, Wendy had given me nothing but trouble. “Well, I won’t hold it against you,” I said. “Seriously though, it’s good to finally meet you.”
“Well, come on up,” Gran yelled. “I’ve got stew in the pot and it won’t keep forever.” A look passed between Axle and his friends. When I made a move to head up the porch steps after Gran, Axle didn’t follow. He damn near pulled my arm out of its socket as he stood there immobile.
“Axle.” I turned. I mouthed, “What the hell?”
A nerve in his jaw twitched and he kept his dark stare on Zig and Benz. Then finally, he blinked hard, snapping out of whatever trance held him. “Yeah,” he said. “We should eat.” He went ahead of me, pulling me with him up the steps. Zig and Benz followed right behind me, their heavy boots tromping up the wooden planks.
These three hulking men in their leather cuts made Gran’s kitchen seem extra small. I couldn’t imagine how imposing the whole club would be in the same room together. I made a move to help Gran set the table and dish out the stew, but she wouldn’t hear of it. This was her kitchen and we were her guests.
Axle took a seat at the head of the table and I sat beside him. Zig sat at my left and Benz sat directly across from me. Whatever odd tension simmered between them, it vanished as soon as Gran set heaping bowls of her beef stew in front of them. Even Axle seemed to relax as he carved his spoon through the steaming brew.
Gran sat at the other end of the table and her eyes shone. Her pleasure at watching these men eat was infectious. They did it with such gusto they reminded me a little of bears.
“So,” Zig said, through a mouthful of food. He cleared his throat and put the back of his hand to his mouth in an attempt at manners that made me smile. “You two meet at Cups?”
Axle set his spoon down. When it became obvious he wasn’t going to answer, I spoke up. “Uh, yes, actually. Axle stepped in when Uncle Frank DiSalvo tried to mess with me.”
Axle let out a snort. “I think you had that one under control. I was just there for back up.”
“Fucking Frank,” Benz said. “He’s been pulling that shit since Gino opened that bar. I hope you gave it to him straight between the eyes.”
“Well, I gave it to him straight between something,” I said, half under my breath.
There was a pause in the conversation, then Benz and Zig started to laugh. Axle didn’t though. His eyes held that same dark expression he’d had since we walked around the barn and found these two on Gran’s porch. Something was definitely up. When we had time alone, I aimed to ask him about it.
Zig and Benz wolfed down Gran’s stew and asked for seconds and thirds. She sat back smiling. She leaned over and tousled Benz’s hair.
“It’s good to see you,” she said. “You boys don’t come around enough anymore. This one,” she turned to me. “Nothing but trouble.”
“Oh?” I said. Axle kept his head down. While the others seemed easy and jovial with Gran, Axle wasn’t. He’d barely eaten anything either. I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed him. He stiffened and his gaze flicked to mine.
“Are you feeling okay?” I asked him.
“I’m fine,” he said. “We’ve just got some business to discuss. I’d like to get to it.”
“Don’t be rude, Axle,” Zig said. “We haven’t seen your grandmother in a long-ass time.”
Axle clenched his fist, then hid it beneath the table. I looked at Gran. Her own expression went from joy to concern as she looked at Axle. Club business. I knew that’s what he’d tell me. She might be used to this, but I wasn’t.
“Come on, you two,” Gran said. “I’ve got a couch down in the basement I need moved. The church is coming to collect it the day after tomorrow.”
Benz and Zig stood at the same time, their chairs scraping hard over the wood floor. Axle again had his head down and his fists clenched resting on either side of his bowl. They followed Gran out of the kitchen and down the basement stairs leaving us alone.
“Axle,” I said. “What the hell is going on?”
He leaned back hard in his chair. “Club business.”
I said it along with him, crossing my arms. “Let me guess, you’re leaving sooner rather than later?”
He took a great breath and hesitated before letting it out again.
“It’s okay,” I said. “You’ve been here with me for days. You dropped your whole life on account of me. I didn’t expect that. I’m fine. In fact, I think it’s time I went home. I mean, I love it here. But I have to figure out my next move. I have to find a new job, figure out how I’m going to pay next month’s rent. You go do what you have to, I’ll do what I have to. It’s time.”
“Maya,” he said. “I need to ask you something. I need you not to go back to Port Azrael just now. Just for a few more days.”
“This club business,” I said. “It has to do with me?”
Axle narrowed his eyes. Then he looked out the window. Zig and Benz had emerged from the basement through a side egress and heaved Gran’s checkered couch between them. She stood in front of them pointing, her voice raised like a drill sergeant’s as they moved the couch to the end of the driveway.
“They’re good men?” I asked.
Axle rose from his chair. He laced his hands together and placed them on the back of his head as he started to pace. “They’re good men, Maya. They’re all good men. But sometimes, we have to do things that other people might not think of as good. Port Az. It’s safe there now. Places like Cups and the businesses along the dock, they thrive because of men like me and the rest of my crew. People don’t understand. We’ve made hard choices.”
My eyes darted back and forth as I followed him. It was as if he were talking to himself more than to me. I’d asked the question almost as a way to break the tension in him. It only seemed to have heightened it. It scared me. Whatever was going on with the club, it weighed heavily on him and he wouldn’t let me in.
“I’d like to get to know them,” I said. “The men of your club. Axle, they’re your family. They’re important to you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide that side of yourself from me.”
Axle stopped pacing. His back was to me as he dropped his hands. His shoulders tightened and his fists came out again. He let out a great sigh. When he finally turned to face me, it was as if a storm had risen behind his eyes. If he was going to tell me something more, he never got the chance. Gran walked into the kitchen.
“Benz and Zig are going to bunk here toni
ght,” she said, her eyes twinkling. It occurred to me that as settled as Gran was, as vibrant and active she was for an eighty-five-year-old woman, she had to be lonely a lot of the time. She lived in this great big house all by herself and Axle didn’t have the chance to come and visit her as much as she’d like. Her only son was long gone. Axle was the only family she had left. It was no wonder she cared about his other family so much.
“Gran, we can’t stay here,” Axle said. But her mind was already made up. Zig and Benz still stood in the yard. I got the impression they’d sent her to smooth things over with Axle. Though I still couldn’t figure out why they’d need to.
“You can ride out with them in the morning,” she said. “But for now you’re going to do your old grandmother a favor and you’re going to let me go to sleep with a full house. Those two have been riding all day. Maya can help me make up the beds in the downstairs guestrooms. We’re having pancakes in the morning. Meantime, you let those boys get changed and the three of you can deal with that tractor that’s been sitting behind the barn all spring. You should have brought Benz with you days ago.”
Axle was almost thirty years old. At six feet five, he was one of the tallest, toughest men I’d ever known. But as his grandmother wagged her finger at him and gave him his marching orders, he stood there and nodded. It seemed nobody ever really could say no to Gran. I couldn’t help it, I covered my mouth to stop from laughing.
“Maya, will you help me?” Gran asked. It seemed Axle wasn’t the only one about to get marching orders. “Let’s clear this mess and you can help me make up the batter. You think those boys can eat the hell outta my stew, wait until you see what they do with a stack of pancakes.”
