Caring For His Child

by Amy Andrews

  David nodded. ‘Thank you.’

  Fran nodded back. They stood staring at each other for a few moments. Fran held on to the sink behind her because she knew if she wasn’t anchored to something, she was going to run to him and never let him go.

  David clenched and unclenched his fists, wanting to go to her as well, but didn’t think he could keep facing her rejection. He didn’t want to force Fran or have to talk her into anything. He wanted her to come to him of her own free accord. To say she knew that what lay ahead could be painful but life without him would be more painful.

  He looked at her utter dejection. ‘Oh, Fran,’ he whispered.

  She shook her head vigorously and turned back to the sink because she knew he was going to come closer and she didn’t have the power to stop him. She emptied her mostly full cup of coffee down the sink. ‘Just go. Please,’ she pleaded, ‘just go.’

  David, who had drawn closer and was about to put his hands on her shoulders, paused and took a step back. The complexity of her issues seemed overwhelming suddenly and he doubted whether his touch would cut it. For the first time since Mirry had got sick he really believed it was over.

  ‘I’ll see you tomorrow with Mirry.’

  She nodded and he wondered as he turned to go if it was actually physically painful for her to be holding herself so erect.

  Fran was as prepared as she was ever going to be when the doorbell chimed. Fonzie barked enthusiastically and she could hear Mirry’s excited chatter as she approached the door.

  She had made an effort with her appearance. Washed her hair and put something on that fitted. She didn’t want Mirry’s last memory of her to be the same as her first. And there was nothing wrong with a little bit of dressing the part. If she looked together then hopefully she could actually pull it off.

  But when she opened the door to them she knew she was going to fail—badly. Standing before her were two people she loved with every fibre of her being. David looked tall and handsome and resigned and Miranda looked her usual energetic self, jiggling on the spot. Saying goodbye was going to be impossible.

  ‘Fran!’ exclaimed Mirry, and threw herself at Fran’s body, her skinny arms easily circling Fran’s waist.

  ‘Hey, you,’ said Fran, ejecting the tremble from her voice. She looked into Mranda’s beautiful face, framed by those disobedient red curls. Miranda grabbed her enthusiastically and pulled Fran towards her, giving her another big hug. ‘I missed you, Fran.’

  Fran heard the steady beating of Miranda’s heart. ‘You look great. Much better than the last time I saw you!’

  Mirry nodded at her and wriggled out of Fran’s hold to get to Fonzie, who was squirming impatiently for a bit of loving from Miranda. David stepped into the house and they watched Miranda and Fonzie get reacquainted.

  David watched Fran surreptitiously. Her face was a mixture of emotions. Joy and pain, happiness and sorrow. How could she walk away from them?

  She had to. She felt her heart swelling and swelling as her love for Miranda and David grew with each second they were in her house, but she knew how bad it felt to lose that. Better to let it go now when their acquaintance had been short and the feelings weren’t as deep.

  Miranda stopped playing with Fonzie and approached Fran.

  ‘Daddy says that being at the hospital with me freaked you out. If I promise to never get sick again, will you stay? If you stay, Daddy and I will make you happy for ever. Please, stay, Fran. We love you. And Fonzie.’

  Fonzie wagged his tail. Fran blinked at Miranda’s candour and felt her heart break. She could do this. She had said goodbye to two people she had loved before and she could do it again.

  ‘I love you, too, sweetie. I really do, but it’s time to move on for me. I know it’s hard to understand, but I hope you will one day. Anyway, I’ll write and I may even come back for a visit.’

  Miranda’s face crumbled and Fran scooped the girl into her arms again. She refused to shed any tears as Mirry unloaded hers. If she started she wouldn’t stop and she had to be the adult here.

  She glanced up at David who also looked like his heart was being torn out. He probably hated her right now. His job as a father was to protect his child from hurt and there was nothing he could do to fix this.

  ‘Anyway,’ said Fran, extricating herself from Miranda’s vice-like grip, ‘I thought, if it was OK with your father, you might like to keep Fonzie for me. He needs someone energetic and he’d miss everyone at the home too much and I’m not sure where I’ll be for a while…’

  Miranda’s face lit up like a New Year’s Eve firework display. ‘Do you mean it, Fran? Really?’ She turned to her father. ‘Can I, Daddy, oh, please, can I?’

  Fran tried to sell the idea further. ‘I’m sorry, I should have asked first. I know there are pet issues with transplant patients but he’s fully vaccinated and she’s really very good at washing her hands.’

  David looked at Fran and realised the sacrifice she was making. Fonzie had symbolised the start of a new life and the determination to drag herself out of the abyss she’d been languishing in. Fran loved that dog. But she loved Mirry more and knew that it was in the best interests of both of them.

  Fran was relieved to see the suggestion had worked. Miranda had cheered up and she hoped that having Fonzie would soften the blow of her leaving. Losing Fonzie as well as David and Miranda would be hard, she knew that, but Fonzie loved it here, too, and Fran knew this was a win-win situation.

  David searched Fran’s eyes, wanting to make sure she meant it. She nodded at him.

  ‘Of course, darling,’ he said, and Miranda cheered as she waltzed around the room with Fonzie in her arms.

  Fran looked at her watch, suddenly overwhelmed again by what she was giving up. Now it was done she just wanted them to go. ‘Well.’ She cleared her voice of its huskiness. ‘I have to go and see Glenda.’

  David knew they were being summarily dismissed but could sense how precariously she was hanging on. He groped around, desperately trying to find the key. The right words that would make her see sense and stay.

  ‘Please, Fran,’ he said huskily, ‘if you won’t stay for you, then stay for me. I don’t want to go through this alone any more. I don’t think I’m strong enough to watch Mirry go through another op. The tests and biopsies are hard enough. I don’t want to do it by myself any more. I can’t. I need someone to lean on.’

  ‘Yes, you can, David,’ she said, her voice strong. ‘You can and you will because she’s your daughter, and while there is still breath left in you, you will do what needs to be done for her. Because that’s what parents do. David…do whatever it takes because nothing is more precious.’

  ‘Fran,’ he whispered, and he didn’t have to fake the mournful, desperate edge.

  He held his arms out to her but she stepped away from him. If she let him touch her now, hold her, she’d never be strong enough to do what she had to do.

  ‘Goodbye,’ she said, proud of the sliver of steel in her voice.

  All three of them looked at her. Fonzie flopped his head from side to side, staring at her with big brown eyes. Miranda looked ready to cry again. David opened his mouth to say something.

  ‘I’m going to be fine,’ she said, emotion making her voice husky. To prove it, she gave Fonzie an ear scratch, Miranda a tight squeeze and David a quick peck on the cheek. ‘I’ll call, I promise.’

  Defeated, David rounded up Miranda and Fonzie and moved them out. Fran watched from the doorstep, determined to put on a brave face until the end. She waved at them as they left, walking side by side to the gate.

  This was for the best. This was for the best. Please, don’t look back. Just keep walking. She could do this. Their acquaintance had been brief. The pain would go. She’d had worse. She felt the tunnel encroaching around her and sucking her back in, and the despair bubble up into her chest.

  And then all three turned in unison and looked back at her, their love shining in their eyes, and she knew she could
n’t do it. She couldn’t go back into the tunnel when she’d fought so long and hard to get free of it. And she couldn’t let the three things that had come to mean so much to her in the last months walk out of her life. Not when she loved them more than her own life.

  What the hell had she been thinking? Did she really think how long you knew someone was directly proportional to your strength of feeling for them? That knowing someone for months made it easier to say goodbye than if you’d known them for years? Loving someone for a minute or a lifetime didn’t matter. It only mattered that you loved them.

  ‘Wait.’ The command was wrenched from deep inside her.

  ‘Fran?’ David saw the conflict on Fran’s face and held his breath.

  She ran down the path and stood in front of him. ‘I was wrong. Please, don’t go. I love you. I want to be with you.’ Fonzie licked her leg and she looked down at him and Miranda. ‘All of you.’

  Mirry squealed and launched herself at Fran, jumping up and down as she hugged her.

  ‘Really?’ asked David, not daring to hope.

  ‘Really.’ She nodded and smiled.

  He opened his arms to her and she sank into them gratefully, bursting into tears. Mirry’s arms snaked around both of them and David kissed Fran’s hair until she quietened.

  Fonzie jumped up, wanting some of the action, and Miranda broke away, chasing him round and round the yard in her excitement.

  David gave Fran a brief passionate kiss that held so much promise. ‘Are you sure about this?’ he said, wiping her tears away with his fingers.

  ‘Yes.’ She nodded. ‘I can’t promise that it’s all going to be plain sailing but I love you and I don’t want to live another day without you. I can’t believe I almost let you walk away.’

  Fran kissed him and he believed her. But there was some unfinished stuff between them. ‘What happens if Miranda gets sick again?’

  Fran pulled back a little. She supposed it was a fair enough question. ‘Look, I know that there’s a lot of potential pain for me in this relationship, David. If things go bad with Mirry, that will be really hard for me. But it’ll be even harder for you. You’re going to need my support and I want to be there for you. I’m sorry I deserted you last week. It really threw me for a loop but I’m going into this with my eyes open now and I can promise to be stronger and better next time round. Whatever our future holds, I need you to know that I’d rather have an eternity of pain than miss out on another day of loving you.’

  ‘Good answer.’ David smiled down into her tear-stained face. Her words were like music to his ears. Fran wasn’t totally healed and perhaps part of her would always be a little broken, but she wanted them. Loved them. And that was enough for him.

  Miranda and Fonzie stopped what they were doing and watched the two adults embracing. They looked at each other, chocolate brown eyes meeting sea green.

  Life had been pretty damn good before.

  But now…now it was perfect.

  ISBN: 978-1-4603-5880-1

  CARING FOR HIS CHILD

  First North American Publication 2006

  Copyright © 2006 by Alison Ahearn

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