Uncanny Kingdom: An Eleven Book Urban Fantasy Collection (Uncanny Kingdom Omnibus 1)

by David Bussell

  ‘How is this place even open?’ asked David. ‘None of this is legal. Especially what that woman is having that horse do.’

  ‘Donkey.’

  ‘Well, pardon me.’

  ‘Just stay close, will you, there’s a lot of bad people in here.’

  ‘Really? That lady over there using a cheese grater on that mans testicles seems just super.’

  Stella…

  I ignored the voice, I knew it was only in my own head. We walked into the belly of the club, heads turning briefly our way as we passed, before going back to whatever depravity they’d gone to The Den to indulge in. Some of the faces you would recognise: Politicians. Sports stars. Royalty.

  ‘Wait a second, that’s… is that..?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘How does none of this get out? This would be spread across every tabloid.’

  ‘This is the place you go to do whatever’s in the dark recesses of your mind, because you know it never leaves these four walls. It never leaves these four walls, because the place belongs to Anya and her succubus family. To spread what you saw, to try and make money out of it, to blackmail, that gets you a home visit. A one-time and very final home visit.’

  ‘Ah...’

  I nodded. ‘The only people allowed to make use of what goes on in here are Anya and her family.’

  Stella, you let us die—

  Let us die, Stella—

  The voices of my dead masters, needling at me. I knew what it was of course; it was this place trying to find a weakness. A desire that I would unleash and indulge. I’d do that and I’d be in their hands. I’d been here on several occasions and had grown to manage the power of the place. To be able to cope with it and ignore it.

  Or at least, that’s what I thought. But I’d never walked in there with any real, overwhelming desire before.

  This time I did.

  Revenge.

  ‘We need to go downstairs, to Anya’s office, right now. That’s where she’ll be.’

  David was looking at me funny; ‘Are you okay there, Magic Lady? Your eyes look like a junkie’s who’s about to pull a knife on me.’

  ‘I’m fine!’ I heard how loud my voice was, how fierce. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. I needed to give myself a little of what I gave to David outside.

  Don’t ignore us, Stella—

  Revenge—

  Kill for us—

  Spill blood for us—

  Now!

  I’d been stupid, arrogant. I needed to cast a little protection spell upon myself before—

  ‘Hey, I heard those bitch witches is dead, huh? Sounds like the good times are here at last!’

  I turned to find a wall of flesh before me, a sneer upon his flattened face.

  And then my brain seemed to implode.

  I drew the magic in the room toward me and thrust my hands out, unleashing an explosive force towards the man that smacked him across the room. He collided with the far wall, his head cracking like an egg.

  ‘Stella, whoa, calm down—’

  Without a second thought, I flicked my wrist and David corkscrewed away from me—

  No time to stop—

  For thoughts of restraint—

  Only for anger and violence and bloody, awful, wonderful revenge on…

  On who...?

  Everybody!

  I drew the magic into me again and again as I rampaged through The Den, wallowing joyfully in the screams and the panic, cheered on by the voices in my head, as I unleashed spell after spell and bodies fell and bled and cowered before me.

  I wasn’t going to stop.

  I was going to rampage through this place until everyone was dead. Then I’d find the others; the other dark Uncannys that would be revelling right now in the deaths of my masters. I would make them all cry in fear. I would make them all scream and bleed and die—

  ‘Oi, little Familiar—’

  I swung around in a rage, teeth bared, ready to sink them into flesh. Jake, one of The Den’s doormen, waved at me.

  ‘That’s right, look at me. Go on then Jack.’

  ‘Right you are, Jake.’

  Jack’s voice came from behind me. I only had time to turn halfway around before something solid struck me on the side of the head, then out went the lights.

  14

  I came to, my head throbbing from whatever had been cracked over my skull.

  ‘Awake at last, Stella.’

  I recognised the deep, sultry voice that seemed to caress my skin. Anya. Owner of The Den and the head of the succubus family in London.

  ‘Tell your doormen that if they try to knock me out again, I’ll turn their spines to jelly.’

  I uncurled from the floor and attempted to hide my unsteadiness as I pushed myself up to my feet.

  ‘Always so feisty. It’s why I like you, Stella. Why I don’t just sit astride your chest and suck you dry?’ She licked her lips, slowly.

  Jack and Jake were nowhere to be seen. Someone as strong as Anya doesn’t need bodyguards, it’s other people that need to be protected from her.

  ‘Before you ask, I’m having a really wonderful time,’ said David, who was chained to the far wall, his eye swollen.

  ‘Who attacked him?’ I asked, spitting the words in Anya’s direction.

  ‘Yeah, that would be you, remember?’ said David.

  ‘It seems you misbehaved in my club, Stella. You know I don’t take kindly to those who interrupt the serene debauchery of my clientele; it’s bad for business. I want everyone to know this is a safe space for them to do very unsafe, nasty, cruel things. I can’t have the likes of you giving the place a bad name.’

  I snorted at that. A ‘bad name’. There were few worse places than The Den in the whole of London. The only reason my masters hadn’t closed the place down a long time ago was because they needed to keep the succubus family happy, busy, and contained. Sometimes diplomacy means letting awful things slide for the greater good. I’d learned that the hard way.

  Anya strode across to a drinks cabinet, her curves barely hidden by the thin satin dress that clung to her like a second skin. She poured something red and thick into a crystal glass and drank it slowly, running her fingernails down David’s cheek. Not hard enough to break the skin, but hard enough for him to think she might.

  ‘People will know if I go missing,’ said David.

  ‘Shut up,’ I said.

  ‘I’m just saying, I’m a detective, the last thing a place like this wants is the police sniffing around. They’ll have you down the cells before you know what’s happening.’

  Anya laughed. It wasn’t a pleasant sound, and it made me tremble despite myself. She gripped David’s jaw. ’Such mean words from such a pretty mouth.’

  ‘Okay,’ said David, his words coming out slightly garbled. ‘Maybe we could stop right now before this all goes too far. What d’you say?’

  Anya smiled, ‘I say that I’m curious as to what it is that hides in the dark nooks and crannies of your little mind. There’s something in there, isn’t that right? I can see it. I can always see the dark. What d’you long for, Detective? What makes your blood boil, your loins twitch. Don’t be shy....’

  ‘Stella, anytime you’re ready to lend a hand!’

  ‘Anya, stop, now!’

  Before I had time to think, she’d bounded across the room and pinned me to the wall by my neck, her eyes completely black.

  ‘Stella, darling, tell me why I shouldn’t break you over my knee, and feast upon the emotions of you and your new pet?’

  I pulled the magic in the room towards me, ready for a fight—

  ‘You dare?’ asked Anya, and with a scream, she threw me across the room.

  ‘Leave her alone!’

  I heard David yelling, my head swirling as I scrambled up, Anya walking towards me slowly. She wasn’t scared. What reason did something as powerful as her have to be afraid of a lowly Familiar like me?

  ‘Isn’t that sweet? The normal tries to st
ick up for you. The damsel in distress.’

  ‘Yes I… wait, is she the damsel, or me? Don’t answer that. Look, I understand you’re very powerful and scary and sexy, but I am an officer of the law. I don’t care who or what you are, you will respect that. I mean… if you want to.’

  ‘Such bravery for something so vulnerable. I almost admire the sorry thing,’ said Anya.

  ‘Don’t pay him any attention, focus on me, Anya. I’m the one you have to reckon with.’

  ‘I heard about what happened to the witches,’ said Anya. She turned her back on me, a sign of power. Of contempt. She knew that, right now, nothing I could do could trouble her. She could take me anytime she wanted.

  ‘My masters were always good to you,’ I said, trying to hide the shake in my voice.

  ‘Ha! Only because they had to be. You know as well as I do that if they could they’d have chased every succubus from England, never mind London. But even they had their limits, so we came to an… understanding.’

  ‘Did you have anything to do with their murder?’

  Anya stopped and turned to me, one eyebrow raised. ‘Who has been whispering such nasty ideas into your ear, Familiar?’

  ‘So you don’t deny it?’

  Anya sighed and walked across her office, taking a seat behind her desk. ‘Now, what possible good could it do me to try and kill the witches of the London Coven, hmm?’

  ‘Because no matter what horrible stuff you get up to, you’re still living within constraints, and that must burn you up inside.’

  ‘I won’t deny that, on occasion, it has stung. The knowledge that we could be doing so much more. We could turn the whole of London into one big, writhing, pleasure palace for us to feast upon. But I respect the witches. Let me rephrase that: I respected them.’

  The word stung. They were gone. Past tense now. The fragile peace between all the different stripes of the Uncanny that stalked the streets and blind alleys of London hung in the balance, and I was the only one left to try and hold it all together.

  ‘So you’re denying all knowledge?’

  Anya shrugged, picking up her glass and taking another sip of the dark liquid it held. ‘The first I heard about it was when Jack and Jake passed on the news. Said everyone was talking about it as they entered the club.’

  She stood and walked towards David once again. ‘Hey there, Miss Head Succubus Lady; sorry about all that police talk earlier. Please don’t do anything horrible to any bits of me.’

  Anya turned to me, smiling. ‘You know, I like your pet, he’s funny.’

  ‘Oh, thanks,’ said David, giving her two thumbs-up.

  Anya opened the locks on his chains, and David warily stepped towards the door.

  ‘Okay, well, Stella, perhaps we should, you know, get the hell out of here before our fine host changes her mind and decides to make our insides our outsides, what d’you say?’

  ‘You look me in the face, Anya, and you promise me you had nothing to do with this.’

  Anya walked towards me. I stood my ground, ready to stare her down.

  ‘Hear these words, Familiar. I had nothing to do with the murder of your masters. In all honesty, the idea that something, anything, could enter your coven and do that to the witches of London? It terrifies me.’

  I searched her eyes, I saw nothing but the truth.

  ‘Come on, David, let’s get out of here.’

  ‘Best news I’ve heard all day.’

  David opened the door and hopped outside. As I reached the exit, I paused: ‘If you hear anything…’

  ‘I am not your informer. I make no promises to anyone but myself and my family. But know this, Familiar… you are in terrible danger. A thing that could do that to the witches… I’m not sure what power could stop it.’

  I shivered and stepped out of the office.

  15

  I sat feeling like hell at David’s kitchen table as he made himself busy with the kettle.

  ‘Do you take sugar?’

  ‘No,’ I said, running my hands through my hair, feeling more tired than I should have. A cup of tea was placed before me and I wrapped my hands around it, warming myself.

  ‘So, all in all, it’s not gone well so far, hey?’

  ‘No.’

  David nodded and blew at his tea. ‘Still, now I know there are creatures like that Anya woman walking the streets of London, I can live the rest of my life in a state of blind terror. So that’s something.’

  I smiled despite myself. I found I kind of admired the way he could keep a bright face on, despite the world-tipping situation he found himself in. Before I arrived, he thought he knew what the world was. And now there was magic. And hidden streets. And monsters. And here he was, making me a cup of tea and being funny, trying to cheer me up.

  ‘So what now? Seems like the intel was a bust,’ said David, taking a sip from his mug, then jerking back with a hiss as the still-too-hot tea burnt his lip.

  ‘I don’t know,’ I replied. And the truth was I really didn’t. I wasn’t used to picking up the clues myself. I did what I was told. I carried out instructions given by my masters. I had no experience of putting a case together, of solving a mystery. I was out of my depth and it made my stomach churn. The knowledge that I was the only one who could find out what had happened to my masters and bring about justice, and yet I didn’t have a clue as to how I was going to go about it.

  I’d hit a dead end.

  I was a failure.

  I wasn’t going to be able to do it.

  The witches of the London Coven had been murdered and I wasn’t up to the job I’d vowed. To take revenge upon whoever carried the attack out. Rage rushed over me and I screamed, throwing the cup of tea against the wall.

  ‘You know, my mum bought me that mug.’

  I glared at him, then broke. ‘I’m… sorry.’

  ‘Hey, no biggie,’ he replied, smiling softly.

  ‘You know, what you did back at The Den. What you said to Anya. That was very brave of you.’

  ‘Stupid might be the correct word for it, but I’ll take brave. So what’s next?’

  I shrank in my chair. ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Oh. Well, okay, let’s just have a little think about this. What we’re carrying out here is a murder investigation, right?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Okay, well it seems to me that we’ve missed a step.’

  ‘What step?’

  ‘Well, any good investigation starts at the scene of the crime.’

  I felt myself grow cold. I closed my eyes and saw the main room of the coven again. The blood, the destroyed bodies, the lack of any magic whatsoever.

  ‘Hey, what’s wrong? What is it?’

  ‘I don’t think… I don’t think I can go back there.’

  ‘I understand it’s not pleasant, but—’

  ‘—No! You don’t understand. You don’t understand at all!’

  ‘Hey, come on, calm down—’

  ‘That was my family, David! My family! They brought me into this world and I’ve let them down! And now I’ve got nothing and nobody!’

  I kicked the chair away from me and turned from him, ashamed to realise I was crying like a baby.

  ‘You’re right. I don’t understand. I’ve never lost anyone I loved. Well, they haven’t died. Even my gran is still up and kicking. But you want to do right by them, yes?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then we have to go back there, no matter how tough it is. No matter how scary. Because if we don’t, the bad guys are gonna win. And you never let the bad guys win.’

  I felt his hand gently touch my arm and I allowed him to slowly turn me towards him. I didn’t want him to see me like this. For anyone to see me like this. Tear-streaked and vulnerable. I was strong. I was created to be strong. But in that moment, I felt like I had nothing left. No fight. Only empty, bewildered fear.

  David smiled and rubbed at my tears with his thumb.

  ‘It’s okay. I may be an idiot, but
I know how to carry out an investigation. This is my thing. You can trust me.’

  I put my hand over his and nodded, breathing long and slow to try and get a grip on myself again.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘It’s okay. Your family died yesterday, those tears just mean you’re not quite the robot I’d started to take you for. Maybe there’s even a real person with annoying emotions in there, too.’

  We stood for a second, just smiling at each other, then I pulled away and dried my face. It was time to get serious.

  ‘It might be dangerous,’ I said. ‘In fact, it probably will be. There was a monster there waiting for me last time I was at the coven.’

  ‘That’s okay. I believe in you, Stella Familiar. You won’t let anything bad happen to me, or to you. And together, we’re going to find out who or what murdered your family. And then we’re going to bring them to justice.’

  I nodded, and for the first time felt glad, really glad, that he was with me. He wasn’t a burden, an annoyance that was getting in my way. He was my friend. Together, we were going to solve this thing.

  16

  The blind alley opened up in front of us. At its far end sat the London Coven.

  My birthplace.

  My home.

  ‘I take it you’re not just staring at a brick wall, right?’ said David.

  ‘See it—’ I said, pushing the spell towards David.

  ‘I’m not ever getting used to that. One moment, it’s a wall, I blink, and suddenly there’s a whole other place that I can walk into.’

  I stepped into the blind alley, David following. I realised with relief that the alley had already begun to fill up with background magic again. A least I didn’t have to deal with the withdrawal symptoms that had disturbed me so much the last time.

  ‘This alley,’ said David. ‘The cobbled road, the stone of the walls, this is older than the last one. How long has your coven stood here for?’