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Uncanny Kingdom: An Eleven Book Urban Fantasy Collection (Uncanny Kingdom Omnibus 1)

Page 24

by David Bussell


  I tensed and took a step backwards, looking at all the eyes now on me. They weren’t happy eyes. They were angry, eager, ready to attack.

  ‘This isn’t my doing Razor, I’m trying to stop this.’

  ‘You’re “trying”? Trying doesn’t make our young open their eyes, does it? They’re alive right now—just about—but how long is that going to last? Huh? Will they die today? Tomorrow? Is there any way back for them?’

  I never let Razor talk to me like that. Usually my fist would have connected with his jaw a few sentences in, but I felt weak. Powerless. Because he was right.

  ‘I know what the creature is. I found it.’

  ‘Then why aren’t my young awake?’

  ‘I just need to figure out a way to stop it. To destroy it if I can.’

  ‘“If”? I bring you to my den, show you this, and all you’ve got is an “if”?’

  ‘I can’t promise anything.’ I thought about what I’d said to David. The promise tumbled out easily then, more than once, because I wanted him to believe in me. I wanted him to believe I was going to take that pain away.

  ‘You know how long it took your witches to deal with this the last time? One day. One morning kids in Hanwell didn’t wake up and by the evening they’d taken care of the whole thing. The creature never affected another child. How many nights have passed this time?’

  ‘I’m not my masters,’ I replied.

  ‘No, you’re not. You’re a weak little familiar that they made out of dirt and spit. A mindless thug without an ounce of their knowledge. You think you’re what London needs? That you can just take up the mantle of the London Coven all on your own and keep everyone safe?’

  I realised I was backed up against a wall, my heart beating like a jackhammer. He was right. I wasn’t as good as my masters, nowhere near. Maybe I didn’t have what it took to replace them. Maybe I doing more damage than good.

  ‘I’m trying, Razor. I’ll beat this thing, I pro… I’ll beat it.’

  Razor snorted and his eyes narrowed. ‘You’d better. Because it’s not just the young of normals being taken. It’s everyone’s. And we all know whose job it’s supposed to be to fix it, so if you don’t, we’ll be coming for you. All of us.’ He pointed to the door. ‘Now get the fuck out of my house.’

  29

  David was slumped on the couch in the coven’s main room when I got back, his mobile phone discarded on the floor several feet away.

  ‘Good walk?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah. No. Not really. Razor took me home to see the family.’

  David looked at me with a not unreasonable amount of confusion. ‘Say what?’

  ‘Oh, he was just showing me what a shit job I’m doing, that’s all.’

  ‘Fair enough.’

  I gestured at the phone on the floor, ‘What’s happened now?’

  He sat up and sighed. ‘I called my sister. Had a nice chat. Lied to her about her daughter, the one in the coma that she might never come out of. You remember Amy, right?’

  ‘I remember.’

  ‘I told her Amy was going to stay a few more nights because we were having so much fun, and that the reason she wasn’t replying to calls or texts was because she dropped her phone into the toilet and we were trying to dry it out in a bag of rice. So, I feel really amazing right now and not at all like a subhuman piece of shit.’

  I flopped on a chair and pictured the room of slumbering eaves, all being terrorised by the creature in its nightmare realm. They’d have been up and about had my witches been alive. Had Mr. Trick not dropped into our world and murdered them.

  ‘You know, Magic Lady, the whole defeated body language you’re rocking there isn’t filling this detective with a lot of confidence.’

  I waved a middle finger in his general direction.

  ‘Ever the lady. Okay,’ said David, ‘enough with the sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves stuff, let’s actually try and get this sorted out, shall we?’

  ‘Don’t you think that’s what I want? I don’t know what to do, David. Everyone is relying on me to stop this thing and I don’t know how.’

  ‘Do I ever seem like I know what I’m doing?’

  I raised an eyebrow.

  ‘Exactly, but I still solve cases. Because you don’t need to know everything, or even anything, I just have to know the things the case shows me as I stumble around in the dark like an idiot. So, let’s act like detectives and put everything we know on the table. We do that, we have all the pieces out there, and we’ll find what we need to do next. Standard procedure. Come on, what do we know about this thing?’

  I smiled. David knew how to give me a metaphorical slap around the face to get me moving.

  ‘Well, we know it takes kids. It’s only interested in kids.’

  ‘Okay, that’s thing one. We also know it only takes them when they go to sleep.’

  ‘And after they’ve already said the rhyme,’ I said, standing and pacing.

  ‘We know it zeroes in on childhood trauma. That it’s drawn to it like a wasp to a sticky bun.’

  ‘Yes, it was even distracted by yours, even though you’re a grown up.’

  ‘Yes, I am a sort of a grown-up, whatever my ex says.’

  ‘It seemed like it couldn’t even see me because I don’t have any childhood trauma. Or childhood.’

  ‘Okay, another thing we know is that it doesn’t really, sort of, exist here. Not where we are, right?’

  ‘Right, yes. In the alley, when I managed to pull its realm into ours a little, I passed right through it. It doesn’t exist properly here.’

  ‘So, what does that mean? We can’t do anything to it?’

  I stopped my pacing as a few thoughts started to coalesce. ‘Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what it means,’ I said, grinning.

  ‘Well, I’m glad that tickles you, Magic Lady, but it seems like a teensy bit of a problem from where I’m sitting.’

  ‘I know what we have to do. I think I know.’

  ‘That’s definitely a positive. Run with it, Stella.’

  ‘We have to go to the thing’s realm and kick its teeth in over there.’

  David nodded slowly, ‘Okay. Following. Makes sense.’

  ‘If I can get there I can finish this, I’m certain of it. Well, pretty certain.’

  ‘Pretty certain?’

  ‘Sixty percent. Sixty-five maybe.’

  ‘You’re losing me a little. Let’s bring this home strong; how do we actually, you know, get over there? To Scary-Town?’

  ‘The thing only pulls children into its world, yes?’

  ‘Correct.’

  ‘Then I just have to convince it I’m a child.’

  Another slow nod.

  ‘As simple as that, eh?’

  ‘Yes. Actually, no. There’s more…’

  30

  We found him supping a pint in the corner of the Camden Tavern.

  ‘Well, well, look what the cat dragged in,’ said Jake Fletcher; ghost and ex-exorcist, as we entered the pub. ‘I take it this isn’t a happy coincidence?’

  ‘Um, who’s this?’ asked David, pointing at the man in the booth.

  ‘That’s Jake Fletcher.’

  David turned to him again, understandably confused. ‘What are you talking about? This guy’s much better looking.’

  Jake scowled. ‘You’re a real charmer, you know that?’

  We were off to a bad start, so I poured on some honey. ‘Nice suit,’ I said.

  ‘You like? Cost a bomb I reckon,’ he replied, stroking the lapels of his pinstripe jacket.

  ‘I was talking about the meat suit,’ I said, gesturing to the living body Jake was currently possessing.

  ‘Oh, this old thing? Yeah, I sometimes need to avail myself of a living person every now and again. You know, when I’ve got something important needs seeing to, or when I fancy a drink and a packet of dry roasted. Cheers,’ he said, raising the beer, taking a big gulp, and smacking his lips. ‘You’ve no idea what a bugger it
is not being able to have a drink whenever you want. Probably the worst thing about being dead.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said David, ‘Are you saying you’re currently possessing a living person?’

  ‘Bang on, son. He’s quick, isn’t he, for a copper I mean.’

  I smiled and sat on a stool opposite Jake. Well, opposite Jake and the man he was currently riding around inside of.

  David took the stool next to mine, ‘Wait, is this not, well, not illegal, as such, but morally a bit… iffy?’

  ‘I wouldn’t get your knickers in a twist about it, mate. Grade-A turd, this one,’ he said, prodding the chest of his meat suit. ‘Like I said last time, he used to make my life a living hell growing up, so now, whenever I need a living body, I take his. Least he owes me, the twat. Besides, I make sure he never remembers any of it later. No harm, no foul.’

  ‘Alright then, I think I might get a drink. Stella?’

  I nodded and David went to order.

  ‘So, how did you know I’d be here?’ Jake asked.

  ‘A little birdie told me.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’

  ‘Well, a little eaves anyway.’

  ‘Those little bald guys with the piranha teeth? I had a ruckus with one of them a little while back. Razor he was called.’

  I smiled. ‘So, that was you who gave him the fresh bruises?’

  ‘Seemed rude not to.’

  He certainly had a sense of humour for a dead guy.

  ‘So, is there a reason you two have rocked up in my local?’ Jake asked. ‘Don’t get me wrong, it’s always a pleasure to chew the fat with some other weirdos, but I was under the impression me and you weren’t too friendly.’

  ‘Have you seen the news?’

  He nodded. ‘The kids.’

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘I thought that was a bit naughty, yeah. I was going to have a gander at it myself at some point.’

  ‘Right after you’d possessed a former bully so you could get drunk?’

  ‘Priorities, Stella,’ he said with a wink.

  ‘This thing attacks children. It’s attracted to childhood trauma, and I plan to use myself as bait. I want it to latch onto me and pull me into its realm so I can kick its teeth down its throat.’

  ‘So, you’re going to waft your childhood boo-hoos under its nose and hope it takes a bite?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘And how are you meant to pull that one off? I’ve read about familiars, you’re created exactly like you are now, all grown-up. You don’t have a childhood.’

  ‘No,’ I replied, ‘but you do.’

  Jake sat back and grinned.

  ‘Oh, I see how it is. You’ve come begging a favour, have you? Well isn’t this a turn up.’

  David returned, placing a pint before me and sitting down to take a mouthful out of his own. He wiped the foam from his mouth and looked at the pair of us, silently staring at each other. ‘What did I miss?’

  ‘Jake being a prick.’

  ‘Right,’ he replied, and took another swig.

  ‘It’s funny,’ said Jake, ‘because I seem to remember, not so very long ago, coming to you with a little heads-up about a potential giant, terrible problem and being told to do one, in no uncertain terms. That stung my cold, dead heart, I’m not gonna lie, folks.’

  ‘You can blame her for that,’ replied David. ‘That’s just her personality.’

  I glared at David, then started on my drink.

  ‘So, what’s the deal with you two? Knocking boots?’

  ‘What does that mean?’ I asked.

  ‘I’m picturing P.C. Plod here in something frilly, tied to a bed, while you stroll around in thigh-high boots, cracking a whip. Am I close? How close? Seventy percent of the way there?’

  ‘Hey,’ said David. ‘Why am I the one tied up?’

  ‘We’re not a couple,’ I said, my voice a little higher than I’d have liked.

  ‘So, what you’re saying is, you’re available?’

  I felt the blood rush to my face and had to swallow the urge to clobber the man Jake was possessing.

  ‘Okay, okay,’ said Jake. ‘I’m rising above here. So what exactly is it you want from me that’s important enough to interrupt pint and peanuts night?’

  ‘Well,’ I said, already regretting the words before I spoke them, ‘Jake Fletcher, I want you inside of me.’

  David coughed and spluttered as his drink went down the wrong way. ‘What did you just say?’ he gasped.

  The way he said it, I sensed something more than just surprise. What was it? Was it jealousy? Did David care for me as something other than a friend?

  This wasn’t the place. I turned to Jake. ‘So?’ I said.

  ‘So what?’ he replied.

  ‘Are you going to help me or not?’

  ‘Give us a second,’ he said, then lifted his pint, draining the last of its contents, before slapping the glass down and unleashing a deep burp. ‘Stella Familiar, it looks like we have ourselves a crossover episode.’

  31

  Jake knocked back eight shots of tequila, then went to the toilets and left the body he’d been possessing unconscious in one of the cubicles.

  ‘Let’s rock and roll,’ he said, as he walked through the door, back in his ghost form, and headed for the street.

  The fact that Jake could possess the living, and that he’d chosen to possess that body in particular, had been the two things that made my plan come together.

  I needed to convince this nightmare creature that I was a child. The magic to make myself look like one was simple, but I needed more than that. I needed childhood trauma. Real trauma. And I needed it embedded deep in my brain.

  That’s where Jake came in.

  First, he’d be able to jump inside me and share my body, share my mind. Well, share the bits I allowed him to. Then, when the creature came for me, my magic would convince it that I was a child, and Jake’s childhood trauma would seal the deal. The trauma he’d told me about when we first met at The Beehive. The trauma the man he liked to possess had been responsible for.

  It was a good plan.

  It would work.

  It had to, because if it didn’t, I wasn’t sure what else I could do.

  ‘So, this is the London Coven, huh?’ said Jake, looking around. ‘I thought it would be a bit swankier. This place has all the soul of a motorway service station.’

  We moved through to the bedroom where Amy was still laid out in her coma.

  ‘Who’s this then?’

  ‘My niece,’ said Jake.

  ‘Right. Sorry about that. She still…?’

  ‘She’s alive,’ I said. ‘The thing has her, but she’s alive. And I’m going to get her back.’

  We moved Amy over so there was enough room for me to lay next to her. I took her hand and rested my head on the pillow. Amy was part one of the plan. My physical connection to her would get the trick rolling. Would fool the creature into thinking I was a child.

  ‘Jake, when you’re inside me, don’t try to control anything. Don’t try to move me. Just sit still and think about the things you used to suffer.’

  ‘Well, this is going to be a barrel of laughs. I’m being sarcastic, by the way.’

  ‘I got that,’ said David.

  ‘That’s why you’re the detective, Detective.’

  David pulled up a chair and sat by my side. I held out my other hand and he took it in his. ‘You’re going to be my anchor, David. My way back in case I need to get out of that thing’s realm fast. By holding your hand I’ve given myself a living, conscious tether back into this world, so whatever you do, don’t let go. My life is literally in your hands.’

  ‘If I need to pee really quick, is that okay?’

  I shot him a dirty look then turned to Jake. ‘Go on then, in you go.’

  ‘Don’t worry, darling, I’ll be gentle.’

  Jake warped and fuzzed, then broke into an indistinct cloud that floated towards me. It felt like being
dropped into a cold bath as the two of us became one.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  David’s voice, but distant.

  ‘Yes. It’s just… it’s uncomfortable.’

  I shook my head as Jake’s memories began to mix with my own. He wasn’t possessing me, not completely. If he did, my conscious mind would drop out and he’d take over completely. No, for this to work we had to exist as a duo. Like we were one and the same.

  Alright darling, whenever you’re ready to stick your head in the lion’s mouth.

  Jake’s voice inside my head. That was weird.

  Yeah, it takes some getting used to.

  I looked up to David, trying not to look worried.

  ‘Go and kick this thing’s arse,’ he said. ‘Go and show it who it’s messing with, then bring Amy back. Bring them all back. And make sure you come back, too, okay?’

  He squeezed my hand.

  I turned my head and looked up at the ceiling. The magic of the coven washed around me and I pulled it into myself, the colours strobing as they drew towards me.

  I was a child. I was a child like Amy. I wasn’t a grown up, I was young, small, still to fully develop.

  I felt the spell connecting, felt the spark, the static, between my hand and Amy’s.

  Time for part two.

  I put the correct words together in my mind, then closed my eyes and spoke a single word.

  ‘Sleep.’

  32

  At first I was nowhere.

  A black nothing without sound, without feeling, without time or space.

  I tried to look at my hands to stop feeling so dislocated, but I wasn’t even sure I had hands anymore.

  So I sat in the nothing for a while. Or stood in it. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing.

  Then I was in a room I half remembered from over twenty years ago. It was a bar, somewhere in Soho. Not sure where now, but I remembered being there a few times. I was singing karaoke with a person I’d never met before. At least I didn’t remember meeting them. Then I was the person I didn’t remember and I was annoyed that this other person, the me I was now stood opposite, didn’t seem to know who I was.

 

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