Uncanny Kingdom: An Eleven Book Urban Fantasy Collection (Uncanny Kingdom Omnibus 1)

by David Bussell

  I watched her, confused, as she leaned towards the wall now blocking entrance to the coven and gave it a sniff.

  ‘I mean, the thing stinks.’

  ‘Stinks of what?’

  ‘Of very bad news. Of a very good reason why we should just walk away.’

  ‘Stop being so fucking enigmatic and just tell—’

  I stopped as I caught sight of something over Eva’s shoulder.

  Someone was stood on the other side of the street, watching us. They wore a long cloak, the hood up but enough of their face on show to reveal their identity.

  It was Lorna. It was the rogue succubus.

  22

  Eva and I remained still, not looking directly at our observer. I didn’t want to spook Lorna and make her bolt before I’d arrived at a plan of action.

  ‘Didn’t her mam, or boss, or sister or whatever tell you to stay out of that whole thing?’

  I bobbed my head just slightly.

  ‘Because, when a head of a succubus family gives you a not so friendly warning, it’s best, in my experience, to run the other fucking way. And I believe I’ve already spoken about how much I despise the act of, you know, running.’

  ‘I don’t care. She’s just murdered a whole family, including kids. Kids, Eva.’

  ‘You’re sure it wasn’t me, ‘cos it sounded like you thought I might be the big bad.’

  ‘Shut up.’

  ‘Oh, nice. I’ll take that as an apology.’

  Eva sighed, her brow creasing, as she swore around the ciggy that was still lodged between her lips.

  ‘We can do this, Eva. Me and you, if we go at her, full force, we can stop all this.’

  ‘Or just piss her off, and her whole family, and bring trouble crashing down on us.’

  ‘This is what we do.’

  ‘Not me. I gave it up for my health, love.’

  I glared at her. I think she may have shrank a little. Was that something close to shame I saw momentarily twitch across her face?

  ‘Eva…’

  She looked away from me, didn’t want to make eye contact.

  ‘That whole mess just….’ She looked at the wall that now stood at the entrance to the blind alley and inhaled through her nose, ‘It smells like trouble. Trust me. It won’t lead anywhere good.’

  Lorna was on the move, heading away from us. I had to do this. Had to do it now.

  ‘Eva, help me. She was six years old. One of the kids was just five and she sucked the life right out of her. Do what you were made for.’

  Eva sagged, spat out the cigarette, then stomped it out under her boot. ‘You know, I’m starting to not like you.’

  I smiled. ‘Let’s get that bitch.’

  We turned as one and ran towards Lorna, pulling in the magic around us as we moved, our fists starting to glow with energy that begged to be unleashed. To hurtle towards Lorna and blast her off her feet.

  ‘Stop in the name of me,’ said Eva, flinging a ball or orange energy in Lorna’s direction. The succubus felt it coming and dropped onto all fours and started running, the magic sailing harmlessly overhead and detonating a post box.

  ‘Shit it, she’s a fast bugger,’ yelled Eva.

  We turned into a street more densely populated with foot traffic and people began to scream and scatter as Lorna barged her way through, still on all fours, the claws from her hands gouging holes in the pavement as she went.

  You’d be surprised at the sort of sights the normal population finds a rational explanation for. This thing scampering through town on all fours wasn’t some sort of beast from their worst nightmares, it couldn’t be. No, more likely a strung out addict, high on a combination of who knows what, rampaging past. Better to get the hell out of the way than stop to look any closer.

  I was relieved when Lorna ducked out of the high street and began to lead us down a warren of backstreets, before we emerged into an almost empty car park. I grunted as I flung a ball of green fire in Lorna’s direction, catching her feet and sending her tumbling head over heels into a wall. Eva saw her chance and punched out a few rounds in a row, slamming into Lorna over and over, pinning her back against a wall as she screamed in fury and thrashed back and forth.

  Both hands throbbing with power, I nodded to Eva, and we both unleashed a volley of hits, Lorna raising her arms to try and bat the assault away. I thought we had her on the ropes, when, with a screech, she pounced, taking me by surprise. I crashed down onto my back, Lorna crouched over me, her face furious, mouth wide, ready to slurp the life out of me. I tried to wiggle myself free enough to punch her, but she was too strong, I was pinned like a butterfly.

  A flash of yellow and Lorna was blasted aside by a burst of magic from Eva. I scrabbled to my feet, ready to redouble the attack, only to find a traffic bollard hurtling in our direction.

  ‘Shit—’ was all Eva was able to get out before the heavy stone bollard smashed into us and knocked us to the ground.

  I think I blacked out for a second. The world turned fuzzy and distant. I tried to claw my way back into full consciousness, aware that any moment Lorna could sit astride me and that could be that.

  I felt someone grab my jacket and yank me into a sitting position, then slap me around the face.

  ‘Hey!’ I said, holding my stinging cheek.

  ‘I think we need to take some ducking classes,’ said Eva.

  She helped me back onto my feet, my head throbbing from the impact with the ground. I looked around, but there was no sign of Lorna.

  ‘Yeah, that cow legged it whilst we were taking a nap,’ said Eva.

  ‘Fuck. Fuck!’ I punched a ball of energy out in frustration, wrecking a long out of use phone box and sending prostitutes’ calling cards everywhere.

  ‘Hey, that was a perfectly nice drunk person’s toilet you just wrecked, there,’ said Eva.

  ‘That was it, that was our chance to stop her and we failed.’

  ‘I’m sure she’ll turn up again.’

  ‘When? And how many more bodies will have piled up before we get another chance? How many more children won’t get to grow up, Eva?’

  Eva hesitated. ‘Ah, fuck.’ She pulled out her vodka, the bottle miraculously unbroken, unscrewed the cap and took a swig. ‘Fuckity, fuck.’ Another swig.

  ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

  ‘A lot of stuff.’’

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘I think… I think I might know where we can find her.’

  I blinked in surprise then grabbed Eva by her coat, ‘Tell me!’

  ‘You’re really not going to like this. I’m not, either. On a scale of one to ten, this isn’t even a number. It’s basically a big hole full of poo that we’re in and it’s just passed over our eyebrows.’

  I yanked Eva closer to me, my teeth clenched, veins on my neck popping: ‘Tell me where she is.’

  23

  I looked up at the sign and shuddered as a mix of fear, of fury, of disbelief danced up and down my body.

  ‘Well,’ said Eva, ‘you happy now?’

  I was a long way from happy. Maybe this was a mistake. Or maybe there’d be some sort of explanation that would make it all okay. Something gone wrong that could now be sorted.

  Except I already knew that wouldn’t be the case.

  L’Merrier’s Antiques.

  The home of one of the most powerful wizards to ever walk the face of the Earth. A hero to my witches; to Eva’s too.

  ‘Come on,’ I said.

  I took a breath and opened the shop’s door, the bell tinkling to announce our entrance. The shop was shrouded in gloom, the windows only allowing a few shafts of light to filter inside in long, stark fingers.

  I pulled the magic into me, wondering even as I did why I was bothering. Would I really attack the mighty L’Merrier? What would be the point? It would be like a toddler throwing a tantrum in front of a grizzly bear.

  ‘So, here you both are,’ came L’Merrier’s disembodied voice, sliding out of the shadows.
r />   ‘Why’d you do it?’ I asked, both fists crackling with strands of multi-coloured magic.

  ‘You have come to accuse me of something? I, who make arch demons quake?’

  ‘We get it, love,’ said Eva, ‘you’ve got a big head.’

  A break in the shadows, and out slid L’Merrier, his hands clasped atop his stomach.

  ‘When did you first suspect?’ he asked.

  Eva looked to me, wavering.

  ‘Eva?’ I asked.

  ‘Oh, I’m not the only one who has been keeping secrets, am I, Eva Familiar? I can taste it on you.’

  ‘The alley. The dead tramp in the alley way. I thought I got a whiff, but I couldn’t be sure,’ she said.

  ‘Ah,’ said L’Merrier, ‘The Cumbrian Coven always did produce a finer stripe of familiar. ‘Tis a pity what happened to them.’

  ‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ I asked.

  Eva looked at the floor.

  ‘Because she is a wretched, broken thing, is that not correct?’

  Eva scowled at him, ‘You know what happened to me. To my coven.’

  ‘Yes, and you have been pouting like a child about it for ten years, betraying your creators with the dawning of each day.’

  ‘Eva?’

  ‘When we first came here, to this dusty shop of old crap, I said I could smell his magic,’ she said. ‘That the place reeked of him. Well, I thought I got a hint of that stink on the corpse in the alley. But we’d been here directly before, I thought it was just because I still had the smell of this place in my nose.’

  ‘More people have died, Eva! That’s on you, that’s on your conscience. You’re a familiar, Eva, you should have told me!’

  ‘There’s nothing I should do, love. Not anymore.’

  ‘Don’t fight, you two, it is not Eva’s fault that she has grown to be such a selfish coward, shirking her responsibilities. It’s everyone else’s. Is that not so, little one?’

  For once, Eva didn’t have anything to say. I felt betrayed, that was sure enough. Betrayed by L’Merrier, and now betrayed by Eva, another familiar, one of my own kind. Should I have been surprised that she’d kept the information to herself? That she hadn’t wanted to get involved? I knew what Eva was. I knew how she lived her life. That, in the end, she got involved at all was the real surprise.

  ‘So why’d you do it, L’Merrier?’ I asked. ‘Why turn a succubus feral and let her off the leash? Why’d you block the entrance to my coven?’

  L’Merrier sighed. ‘My goodness, but you are a slow one. I told you what needed to happen.’

  David.

  ‘You want David dead.’

  L’Merrier spread his arms wide. ‘Of course. Believe me, I take no pleasure in that fact, but I have the best interests of this city at heart. Something you should also have, Stella. I believe David detonating and wiping out the city would be a bad thing, don’t you?’

  ‘But why Lorna?’

  ‘Simple. A distraction. Something to pull you away from him, to keep you busy. You’re so dedicated to your purpose—unlike your misbegotten ally here—that I knew no matter what was happening with Detective Tyler, you would have to take care of a feral succubus. You would not just let it run riot whilst you stood by his side, his Uncanny bodyguard. If he is alone, if you do not have access to your seat of power... well, you can put together the rest, surely?’

  L’Merrier wanted David dead, but he’s not the kind of man to get his hands dirty. At least not for a century or more. He stays within the walls of his dusty little shop. That meant others needed to do the deed. Needed to murder David. If I was with him, L’Merrier knew I would fight tooth and nail to protect him. He needed David alone. So the rogue succubus, so the distraction to pull us apart.

  I felt myself trembling with rage.

  ‘People died, L’Merrier. Children died.’

  He bowed his head, his brow creasing, ‘Yes, and I will live with those deaths. I will remember their faces. Their names. And I will pay for each. But what I have done is for the good of all.’

  ‘You know, love,’ said Eva, ‘You really are one special piece of shit.’

  A movement in the shadows. It was Lorna, feral, eyes black, hands claws, stalking into view.

  ‘Stay,’ L’Merrier commanded, and the feral succubus stopped in her tracks, her face a mask of frustration. She wanted to lunge across the room at us, but L’Merrier’s control kept her at bay. For now.

  ‘As the truth is now out, it seems I must be more direct. Lorna here will now keep the two of you busy whilst I go and do what, unfortunately, must be done. For you. For me. For this city.’

  ‘No!’ I cried. He was going to leave and he was going to murder David. Murder my friend. Even as terror and fury coursed through my body, I wasn’t consumed enough not to realise how big a deal that was. How big a deal all that L’Merrier had done to try and fix the David problem was. How big a deal it was that now he himself was going to walk out of his sanctuary and do the killing himself.

  He didn’t know David, not that it would have mattered if he had. London was in danger; at any moment David could rupture and the magical fallout would kill everyone in London. As far as L’Merrier was concerned, he was doing what was right. Doing what he saw I couldn’t. Because he thought I was weak. Thought I was compromised.

  And he was right.

  But I didn’t care.

  He was still responsible for the deaths of innocents. I wouldn’t overlook or excuse that. And I wouldn’t just let him murder David.

  ‘I won’t let you kill him, L’Merrier.’

  He looked at me, pity in his eyes, ‘You have no choice. It must be so, and so it will be.’

  ‘You don’t even know where he is, big fella,’ said Eva.

  ‘Oh, I know.’

  ‘Then you know I had the eaves build us a safe house,’ I replied. ‘You won’t find him.’

  ‘Familiar, that would work for most, but me? It is like a child hiding behind some curtains. I can see their feet poking out from underneath.’

  With a sweep of his hand, Eva and I were thrown across the room, crashing into the wall and landing with a painful thump on the floor.

  ‘Well, that’s just bloody rude,’ said Eva, standing up and pulling her fist back to punch out some magic.

  ‘Eva!’ I cried, but it was too late. She turned just in time to see Lorna springing through the air. The pair went down, rolling over and over into the shadows.

  L’Merrier was at the door, about to open it, about to leave.

  I summoned the magic into me, the sounds of Eva’s struggle seemed distant as I focussed on stopping L’Merrier leaving. From stepping outside onto the streets for the first time in living memory to go and slaughter my friend.

  ‘No!’ I punched out a blast of energy, and another, L’Merrier turned smoothly, his robes floating, and deflected my attack back at me with the flick of a wrist, the impact throwing me across the room.

  ‘For what it is worth,’ said L’Merrier. ‘I take no pleasure in this. None.’

  I grimaced, ‘Fuck you.’

  He nodded and opened the door—

  —to reveal Anya and the six remaining members of her family.

  ‘We have come for our sister,’ hissed Anya, eyes black.

  ‘Oh yeah,’ said Eva, staggering back into view, face bloody, after managing to wriggle free of Lorna’s grasp, ‘I might have passed on the news about you brainwashing their family member earlier. Whoops.’

  24

  If there was one force that could maybe—just maybe—cause L’Merrier a little trouble, it was the succubus family of London, working as one. And right now, that family was angry beyond belief.

  They turned feral in a heartbeat and swarmed into the shop, surrounding L’Merrier, Jack and Jake joining them, as they launched an attack from all angles.

  ‘Come on!’ I said, waving Eva ahead.

  ‘They seem like they’ve got things covered,’ she replied.

  But th
ey didn’t. They fought well, fought hard, but L’Merrier was a giant. Oh, they were certainly causing him to work harder than he’d like, but it was quickly becoming clear that this was only going to end one way.

  I pulled in as much magic as I could and unleashed it in his direction, I think I even managed to make him wince a little.

  ‘Enough,’ he said, voice booming.

  Anya, breathing heavily, raised a hand and the assault paused. ‘You will die at our hands for what you have done to our sister, L’Merrier,’ she said.

  ‘I don’t think I wish to be delayed any further, not while the future of this city depends on me, and so…’

  He clapped his hands together, unleashing a shockwave that caused everyone around him to take a step back, ears ringing. The magic in the room rippled and turned dark. L’Merrier rubbed his hands together, coils of dark, purple energy rolling around his fingers, and then with a grunt he flung the power towards the shadows. We all held our breath, but all that could be heard was silence.

  And then something happened.

  Lorna stepped to one side, only she also stayed where she was. And then she did it again. And again. Each time she stepped aside she left behind a copy of herself, until there were twelve versions of Lorna, all influenced by L’Merrier, stood in a pack, growling hungrily at her own family.

  ‘Good luck,’ said L’Merrier, striding towards the exit, pushing a clear path for himself as he swatted his hand back and forth, knocking his foes aside.

  ‘L’Merrier, stop!’ I demanded as I tried to go after him, but one of the Lorna clones turned, her mouth a giant, silent scream.

  She charged me. I heard the door’s bell tinkle as L’Merrier left, but all I saw was the wild succubus attacking me, attacking everyone.

  I felt panic overwhelm me. I was trapped here, and David was sat somewhere I’d told him was safe. Sat waiting for me to return and finally solve what was afflicting him, not realising for a moment that the mightiest wizard in the Uncanny Kingdom was en route to end his life.

  I picked myself up from the floor after taking another hit from one of the Lorna copies, Eva lending me a hand.