Once Burned

by Jennifer Willows

  When she glanced back into his eyes, he seemed to wait for something, though she had no idea what it could be. Until she remembered they were mirrors and she untied his robe with one hand, careful to keep the other in its original placement.

  When they both had a shoulder free from the entrapment of silk, he switched hands and slid the opposing half away from her clothed half. The robe was now a pool behind her and she was for the most part naked as she only opted for panties.

  At least they were cute.

  Spencer’s breathing picked up slightly and his attempt to slow down was visible in his tense frame. Her eyes followed the path his had taken and looked at the slope of her own breasts. She had never paid them an excessive amount of attention. They were on the small side and that was the only saving grace that kept them perky after breastfeeding her children.

  They still sagged slightly, but she had gained a full cup size that never went away. The low C cup was enough to fill her clothes out, so no issues there. But aside from that, they were breasts. Nothing special, just boobs with a thick nipple and tiny defined areola the color of blackberries.

  But his eyes spoke a different story. His eyes said that her breasts were the only breasts in the world. It almost made her wish to have the cover of the robe back.

  Juniper knew how to deal with rejection. She had no way to deal with acceptance. Let alone the appreciation that Spencer displayed. It was like offering a kicked dog a treat. That was just how wary she had programmed herself to feel. As if shying away would keep the pain at bay. And it had for a time, until she had no choice but to deal with the back log of emotions.

  To try and dispel the negative thoughts that had come to the fore of their beautiful interaction, she busied herself as Spencer’s mirror. She slid the robe from his broad shoulders.

  Shoulders that seemed wide enough to bear the weight of the world with aplomb, an Atlas that refused to shrug.

  He must had noticed her emotional change, because when he was free of the robe he wrapped his arms around her. It was a full body hug, one that she was loathe to ever leave. But she knew that it would end, all good things did eventually.

  She wanted this. But he was right. She wasn’t ready. Even being in his embrace was hard. It felt as if she was going to cry at any moment, yet again. And she was so sure that she had cried all of the tears that she needed to.

  But this time the impending water works felt…

  Good.

  It was as if the first time was to cut the pain from her, a catharsis. One that was painful but necessary. The second was the balm on the wounds and crafted to soothe her soul.

  Now she felt a spiritual release, one that she couldn’t even explain if she tried to. Her very soul felt lighter now. Despite all of that, she didn’t want to cry again.

  Wasn’t once tonight enough? She definitely didn’t want to make Spencer think she was crazy. And she didn’t want to push him to his limit. Most men couldn’t handle women crying, heck her ex didn’t even want to hear his children cry. That is, when he was home to be bothered by it.

  Spencer dropped his head and touched his brow to hers. “It’s okay.”

  And she knew he meant it. He wanted her tears, her sorrow, and her joy. Just her. All of her.

  The big question?

  Could she accept being accepted?

  Or really what she wondered was, could she love and be beloved?

  When she lifted her head from his shoulder, she was sure that could.

  Juniper knew nothing in life was guaranteed.

  All she knew was that she wanted to try and that was more than she ever thought she would be ready for.

  When all was said and done every tear had been wept and every iota of anger was gone. She no longer carried the hate, disgust, pain, anguish and the loathing that she swallowed as a bitter pill daily for years.

  Her heart felt lighter.

  The world was brighter.

  And it seemed as if it had only taken an instant.

  “That’s what I wanted to see.”

  Juniper opened her eyes.

  Spencer’s were filled with compassion and love, but also with a few tears of his own as brethren to hers.

  Juniper took one hand from around him and wiped the tracks of water away from his face.

  “Are you okay?” She asked, even as she wondered where his tears had come from.

  He flashed a healthy grin. “Yeah, I’m definitely okay.”

  “Why did you cry?”

  “How couldn’t I? This is the closest I’ve ever been to another human being, Juniper. I could feel this how you gifted me with your joy. I’m so grateful that you were willing to share your healing with me. It was beautiful.”

  “It was, wasn’t it?” And she meant every word.

  Spencer was right. There was a beauty in seeing his real emotions, instead of the façade that many people presented to the world.

  It took bravery and courage to show feelings and cowardice to hide them as if sentiments were wrong or dirty.

  “Would you like a drink? I have something especially for the occasion.”

  Now that he mentioned it, she was a bit parched. “Sure.”

  But when they slipped their robes back on and padded back downstairs, she wondered what “something especially for the occasion” meant.

  “Is it alcoholic?” Not that it mattered.

  But she wondered if he had done this with other women. Somehow the idea that he had other women cry on his lap aside from her sent a twinge of jealousy through her. The thought would be funny if it didn’t make her so sad.

  She could disregard sex, but his being spiritually close to another woman was enough to send her into a not-so-happy place.

  “No, alcohol would dehydrate you and it’s a depressant. The last thing we want after progress is to backslide.”

  He sat her at the bar stools at a small island in the center of the kitchen. He poured juice from a pitcher into a glass and took a sip, then offered it to her.

  “This is good. What’s it called?”

  “Orgasmi-coco.” He said the words with a straight face that didn’t mask the mirth in his eyes.

  “You have to explain that.”

  “I drink it for recovery. A friend of mine has a hobby,” Spencer made quotations with his fingers. ”Which is making his lovers squirt during sex. Apparently it’s dehydrating work, so he gives them this afterwards to rehydrate. I put my own spin on it, but I use it after I finish working out.”

  “Oh. So you haven’t tested it out yet?”

  Spencer chuckled. “You know I haven’t had a lover in some time, Juniper. So no, I haven’t been luring unsuspecting women into my lair for dozens of orgasms so I can test my pitcher of juice. Promise.”

  Juniper opened her mouth before she could stop herself. “What about suspecting ones?”

  “I have done that.” And the bastard had the temerity to wink.

  When her eyes narrowed, Spencer took the empty glass from her. It was then she realized she had held the cup as if it were a missile. Little wonder he absconded it.

  She had some serious hang-ups, and Juniper had to give herself a serious reality check. “Sorry. I don’t even have the right to ask.”

  “Yes, you do. You just don’t have the right to be angry about the unvarnished truth. But before you attack me, there has never been another woman in the position we shared tonight. You’re the only suspecting soul that would bite. Does that make you feel better?”

  “Not really, maybe you were on top?” She had to have the last word for a reason she couldn’t identify.

  Spencer barked a hoarse laugh. “In yabyum? She’d have to be an Amazon to support my weight for any length of time.”

  She sounded worse than a fishwife. “Now that I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth, can I have more juice please?”

  “Of course. And I happen to like a woman who can put her foot in her own mouth. That much flexibility has benefits.”

  Of cours
e it would. But instead of stuffing her face with foot, she tossed back the juice and shut her pie hole.

  After she was no longer thirsty, Spencer and Juniper went to bed.

  But Spencer’s idea of sleeping was much different than Juniper’s.

  He gave her one of his college t-shirts to sleep in, the thing was so old that it had no neck and the logo was beyond recognition. The only parts of the screen print that could be made out was the word rowing and a faded crest. She was positioned on top of him, with her legs splayed to either side of his hips. Her head was pillowed on his chest where a thick mat of auburn hair tickled her cheek and her arm gave him an odd, fleshy neck pillow.

  This had to be uncomfortable for him. Because of healthy living, she wasn’t huge. But still. “How can you expect to sleep like this?”

  “I’m not, but you will.”

  “Why wouldn’t you go to sleep?”

  “Why would I, when I have you in bed with me?”

  Juniper shut up then, she was irritated with him for putting her to sleep like a child while he got to stay awake all night.

  So she decided to stay up with him.

  The intention was a good one, but the cadence of his heart was a rhythm she couldn’t ignore. The lud-dump sound that came from his chest was a metronome and before she knew it, she was in la-la land, whether she wanted to be or not.

  When she woke, the sun crept into dawn and she was alone.

  But she could smell something delicious in the air.

  The scents lured her out of bed. But before she could walk down stairs, Spencer was in the hall with a tray propped onto his hands.

  “Hi. I wasn’t sure if you would be up yet.”

  “Yeah, it smelled too good for me to stay asleep for much longer. I thought I was dreaming at first.”

  “Well, I wanted to ask if you could hold off for a little while.”

  “Okay, if you don’t mind me asking why.”

  “It’s a beautiful morning, and I wondered if you wanted to come to the roof with me for yoga.”

  She remembered one of their conversations previously on a similar topic. But at the time she has assumed that their being together at dawn meant she had spent the night having incredible sex.

  Although, she had to admit, she felt better after a single night in his arms than sex had ever made her feel.

  If nothing else, she appreciated that he wanted to spend what was normally solo time with her.

  So she smiled and shook her head in agreement. “But I think I need to take care of some personal business first.”

  “Of course, I placed a fresh tooth brush in the bathroom for you. Do you want shower first?”

  “Nah. I’ll live dangerously and do it after we finish up.”

  He laughed at that.

  With basic ablutions finished Juniper had fresh breath and a clean face. She only wore his t-shirt and her panties. But since he had seen most of everything she had the night before, there was no reason for false modesty.

  Spencer took her back to the rooftop garden and in the barely there ripple of sunrise, the flora was even more beautiful than it had been at night.

  The yoga wasn’t strenuous, Spencer seemed to take it easy on her with a series of poses that didn’t tax her too terribly. He helped her into each before he adopted the posture of himself. It was nice, the simplicity of it all.

  The fact that he was happy to spend time with her just being together went a long way in their courtship.

  That was strange.

  Juniper had never imagined being courted per se. She knew logically that she would eventually begin dating at some point. But she had never imagined that she would get to know someone like him. Someone that would knock her socks off with a little effort and unfathomable patience.

  But Spencer had.

  When they finished, they both were coated with a fine sheen of sweat and plastered on grins.

  “Now are you ready for that shower and something to eat?”

  “Definitely.”

  She had nothing to wear home, and Juniper knew she would have to make a mad dash from the car to her house so her neighbors wouldn’t get too much to gossip about post her run o’shame.

  But when she finished showering, Spencer had laid out another t-shirt, this one sported a Buddha on the front, Om on the back and a pair of shorts that she hoped would stay up.

  The shorts were a basketball cut, extra-long legs, and they did have a drawstring that would cover everything modestly.

  They had tacos for breakfast. Or rather, Spencer scrambled eggs with ham and an array of vegetables that they wrapped in tortillas.

  He looked up at her after the first bites were taken. “What time will the kids be home?”

  “At two.”

  “Do you want to go home now, or would you like to stay here for a while longer?”

  “I should go home. I have to start this week’s meals and I need to clean up a bit.”

  “Want any help?”

  Chapter 7: A Series of Fortunate Events

  That weekend started another series of habits. He had wormed his way into her life and her calendar with ease.

  Fridays were a family day of sorts. Spencer would cook for everyone, sometimes at his house, other times at hers. There was always a movie and buckets of popcorn followed by a board game or two. She had forgotten just how much her children loved to play Uno.

  Saturdays were spent on an adult date and Spencer always made sure to have her home no later than midnight.

  Just one month later, school was about to be out for the summer break.

  The last Saturday of the month, Juniper watched her eldest child walk across the stage to receive his high school diploma. She had to admit, this was one of the proudest moments of her life.

  As the graduating class of 2014 tossed their caps in the air, Juniper jumped in the air even as she tried to record the entire event.

  “Let me take that.” Spencer took the camera and recorded the remainder of the event.

  After it was all over, they celebrated with a good meal and a game of laser tag. It was girls against boys, and Juniper sucked at it. It took her a full round before she understood how the game really worked. And it took three rounds for her to stop sneaking kisses in with Spencer after he zapped her with his gun.

  A few days later, Juniper was in the middle of planning her family vacation. Everything was booked, but she had some last minute arrangements to make. She and the kids were headed on a trip to the Bahamas, but she hated the idea of leaving Spencer behind.

  She didn’t ask him if he wanted to go with her as this was supposed to be for just her and her children.

  However, Malik and Paris thought differently on the matter as she found out shortly thereafter. It was Friday, their usual family night, and Spencer was in her kitchen making the beloved Yum Yum by special request.

  Paris and Malik helped him in the kitchen, chopping a bit of this and that as Juniper busied herself with work. She would be gone for a week and she didn’t want to get behind on the files due to the comptroller by the sixth of each month for the prior months reporting.

  She didn’t have all of the data, as the banquet report wasn’t finished yet, but she could get the rest of the input completed.

  Despite the fact that she was swamped with numbers and excel spreadsheets, she still heard the conversation in the kitchen. Juniper heard the knife work stop, then Paris whisper. “You know we are going to the Bahamas right?”

  “I remember your mom telling me something like that.” Spencer said diplomatically.

  “Are you coming with us?”

  “Well Paris, I haven’t been invited.”

  Paris snorted. “I’m inviting you.”

  “I’ll have to talk to your mom about that.”

  “Mom will probably say no. I know how she thinks. This is Malik’s graduation gift and she wouldn’t want to invite anyone else. But we both want you to come with us.”

  “I’ll have to
see what your mother thinks. This was already set up before I was in the picture and I don’t want to intrude.”

  “You can only intrude if we didn’t want you around. But we do. Malik and I talked about it. Mom needs to start having a life without us. Malik is about to leave and I will only be here for two more years before I go too. And we know mom really likes you. I even think she loves you.” Paris had dropped her voice so low that in order to hear her, Juniper had to stop everything she was doing and lean over.

  Juniper wasn’t even breathing for fear of missing a single word.

  But Spencer’s voice was clear enough. “I would like that. I love your mother already, but I don’t know if she’s ready to hear that.”

  Juniper didn’t know if she was ready to hear that yet either. But she did know that her heart said she was, even if her mind proclaimed it to be too soon for language of that ilk.

  She dropped her head into her hands.

  What should she do?

  But she must have been lost in thought for much longer than she imagined, as she heard Spencer call her name.

  “Juniper! Dinner bell!”

  She looked down at the paperwork that was almost a lost cause due to her distraction. The form at one time contained formulas, and now contained nothing but row after row of blankness.

  Crap.

  Now she had to start from scratch.

  “Ughh.” Juniper sighed.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I just made the worst mess out of my excel spreadsheet and lost all of the formulas. There’s no way this report is going to balance and I have to restart it.”

  “Hold on, let me take a look at that.”

  Juniper waved her hand at the laptop. “Have at it.”

  She watched in amazement at how quickly Spencer restored her form to its previously half completed glory and in no time at all.

  She watched him enter the command to save the work as it was before he folded the computer closed. “Okay, I’ve saved it. Come on.”

  Malik and Paris waited impatiently for her to take a seat. Juniper knew their haste was so they could tag team her and not due to hunger.

  They just finished praying when Paris piped up. “So mom, can Spencer come with us to the Bahamas?”