Once Burned

by Jennifer Willows

  “Perfect. Do you want me to bring dinner?”

  “Actually, I promised the kids we were having a pizza night.”

  “Alright, see you then.”

  Juniper busied herself the rest of the day with one thing after another until she realized it was time to go home. She had to drive like a maniac to get there, but she parked in her driveway at five twenty five only to find Javier was already there.

  The man had the nerve to park in the driveway as if he had a right to be there. But Juniper took a few deep breaths and emerged from her car as if nothing was wrong. Her heart beat so fast, she was sure it would jump out of her chest.

  She hadn’t laid eyes on Javier in years.

  When he stepped out of his car, a shiny, black two door BMW, Juniper could only think about the pain he had to endure to get it. While they were married, she was the one to help him recuperate from the beatings. She was the one who ran him hot baths and made poultices from the directions his mother had given her.

  Javier was still a handsome man, the last years had only helped him to mature into his families’ exotic good looks. He was leaner, less fat around the middle, but more bulky with muscle mass than he’d been all those years ago. Both ears were permanent cauliflowers from the blows he had taken to the head. There was a cut over his eyebrow that he didn’t have before.

  She noticed he had taken stock of her the same way she had looked at him. The idea that he took note of her was oddly uncomfortable.

  Javier broke the silence. “Juniper, you look beautiful.”

  “Thank you, Javier. Would you like to come inside?”

  “Of course.”

  She opened the door and let him walk into her home.

  “Paris! Malik!” She called out.

  “In the kitchen!”

  Juniper walked into the kitchen, where her two children rolled balls of dough and wrapped them in saran wrap. “What’s that?”

  Paris piped in. “You said we’re having pizza night right?”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t plan on making them. Can we say delivery?”

  “Spencer showed us how to make it.” When?

  “He was here?”

  Paris shrugged. “Yeah, but he left about a half hour ago and said he would be back later.”

  “Okay. What makes this dough so special?” Special enough that Spencer showed up to make it in advance?

  “It has less calories and its whole wheat! Not to mention, we learned how to use yeast!”

  Juniper wanted to feel as excited as Paris was, and if she didn’t have to bring Javier in her home with her children she would have basked in the feelings.

  “Sounds good. By the way, your dad is here.” She could practically feel Javier’s eyes from behind and it made her shoulder blades itch.

  “Oh.” Paris’ smile fell.

  Javier stepped around her and smiled at the children they made together years ago. “Hi, pearbear.”

  “Hi.” Paris seemed as if she were torn and Juniper didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t make her children accept him back in their lives. But she knew they needed him, even if they didn’t want to.

  Javier waved stiltedly. “Hello, Malik.”

  “What do you want dad?” She had expected a snarky response from Paris, but Malik was normally respectful in the extreme, so hearing the curt words from him bothered her.

  She hated the idea that having their father make an untimely appearance would make her jovial son have such a turn in attitude.

  “That looks good.” Javier said, and Juniper saw the words for what they were. A last ditch effort to have common ground.

  “Of course it does. Spencer can burn!” Paris joked.

  “Ah, so who is this Spencer? Your chef?” Javier chortled, the sound grated on Juniper’s nerves to the nth degree.

  Paris laughed. “No, he’s mom’s boyfriend.”

  The silence that emerged from Paris’ statement was epic in duration. Juniper had no idea what to say. He was her boyfriend, if she wanted to attach a label to their relationship. But he seemed like so much more to her than that.

  “Oh.” Javier said, and she assumed he was at a loss for words.

  “Well, I know you didn’t come by to chat about old news with us, so have a seat. Malik?”

  “Yeah mom?”

  Juniper tried levity to lower the tension level in the air. “Will the dough hold for a little while?”

  But, she knew it didn’t work when Malik nodded severely. “Yeah, Spencer had us put it in the plastic wrap until he got back here to help us prepare it.”

  Juniper’s next tactic was diversion. “Do you want a drink Javier?”

  “Sure.”

  It was strange to say the least and awkward at the worst. This was the home they had made together as a family, and now Javier was an outsider in what used to be his territory. So much about the space had changed, that he must have been dumbfounded at the updates.

  After the purchase of the tiny house, Javier’s family painted the walls with bright colors and some furniture. Her parents redid the baby’s room and brought in basic housewares.

  When Juniper had enough money, she had updated the foyer and torn down a wall or two. The furnishings were definitely different from the hand me downs they had inherited eighteen years ago.

  Even the walls were repainted.

  With all of that in mind, she felt a little sorry for Javier. She had gotten to keep the best parts of their relationship with her and he was left to manage the passing years alone.

  Almost like Rip Van Winkle.

  But on the other hand, she recalled the last time the four walls around them had housed Javier, and what he had done to their children with his betrayal and callousness.

  That was reason enough to make this meeting as short as humanly possible, despite nostalgia.

  Juniper mixed together a batch of juice and water the way Javier used to like it when he was training. There were very few indulgences for a boxer, if they wanted to maintain fighting weight and Javier spent his on Goya nectar. Juniper found the best way to cut the calorie content was with water and mixing several of the juices together for the most flavor.

  When Javier looked at the glass, she saw he remembered the concoction, the same way she did.

  “You remembered?” His eyes glistened and for a moment, Juniper hated him all over again.

  How dare he act nostalgic? As if he had the right to cry after all of the years he wasted with whores and boxing. He was the one that walked away and anything after that moment didn’t matter.

  But she looked around, at the children that would take their cues from her and the home she made with them. “Of course Javier. I didn’t forget a thing.” She tried to take the sting from her tone with a small smile.

  She could be the generous party in this situation, she had everything that mattered.

  Her children watched their father, a man they hadn’t seen in years as he clutched the silly glass jelly jar with some cartoon character on it that had long since been washed away.

  When he finished, Javier cleared his throat. “I know this is long overdue. I am sorry, Paris for walking out the way I did. The way I lied to you as I left out of the door were the actions of an immature idiot.” He looked at Paris and then over to his son. “Malik, I am sorry for not being a man when you needed one the most. And Juniper, I am sorry that I took advantage of your hard work, and even more sorry that I wasn’t able to be the man I had promised to be to you.”

  “That’s it?” Paris asked, her voice high and anger laced each word. “You walk back in here after all these years and expect what? That life didn’t go on? Like your eldest didn’t just graduate high school and is about to go to college? Like I haven’t had dozens of recitals, and father daughter days that I had to bring my mother to? Like mom hasn’t struggled to take care of us every single day since you left? You know what, dad? I don’t want to hear it.”

  Paris tried to flounce off, but Juniper grabbed the
girl’s arm and held her beautiful daughter tight against her chest. She had to watch her youngest swallow the tears back that threatened to drip with every breath. “It’s okay baby. He understands. Just let him apologize to you. You deserve that. So take it. Okay?”

  “Alright mom. But, I don’t know why you would even let him come back here.” The venom was too bitter for a child so young and Juniper knew it was her fault. She never bad mouthed Javier, but when she had withheld forgiveness, her children had opted to do the same.

  Juniper had no good answer to the question Paris posed. Out of the mouth of babe’s right? “Everything I do is for you and your brother.”

  Javier frowned. “Paris is right. I don’t deserve anything but hatred. I was stupid and foolish for so long. All I wanted was to make a name for myself, and I threw away the only thing that could make me happy to get it. It’s no excuse, but I knew that if I didn’t make money as a boxer, I had no chance at all. I grew up in a place so poor that to eat once a day was considered lucky. My mother gave up everything to come here, and for many years we were all illegals. She worked twenty hour days to get papers so I could go to school. She told me that I had to get an education, but I knew that I wasn’t smart. Not like your mother.” He rubbed his hand over his eyes and sighed.

  “She was the only person, who saw me as more than a poorly spoken immigrant. She saw me as a man worthy of love. So when I say that I am sorry, I mean it. The worst part was that I regretted it as soon as I was done, but it was too late. I had already left the few things that mattered behind. You were the perfect woman for me Juniper. You took no crap off of me. You accepted me as I was and not for what I could be. But I hated the fact that I was told to do the right thing instead of coming to the conclusion on my own. And I stupidly took the first chance I had to run away because of my hard head. I abandoned my family and every teaching my mother gave me in my life.”

  Juniper knew what he meant. His mother was sorely disappointed in him before she died a few years ago. Spanish families were incredibly close and no man left his family by choice.

  “Javier, what are you trying to say exactly? Why now?”

  “I found out a few weeks ago that I can no longer box.” Juniper felt as if she had been knocked over by a feather.

  “What happened?”

  “I have taken too many blows to the head. The next will likely kill me.”

  There was much love lost between her and Javier, but she had never imagined this would be his fate. Despite the fact that she had always complained about his obsession with boxing. Their entire married life revolved around his career.

  “What are you going to do now?”

  “The right thing.” Funny that.

  “And what is that?” Juniper wondered if Javier even knew what the right thing was.

  “I thought I would move closer to home and maybe try to have a relationship with my children if they would have me?”

  Malik didn’t appear angry, just disillusioned. Paris seemed to swing a pendulum, at one end of the chasm was teenage ire fueled by hormones. On the other side of the gap resided a deep sorrow that came with being too old to slap a bandage on the wounds, even when she was still young enough to crave the easy fix.

  Juniper knew her children needed more time to become accustomed to the idea. “How about we let them think about it for a while? I promise I won’t try to sway them either way.”

  Javier smiled. “I know you wouldn’t do that Juniper. You have too much honor to do that, even as I had none. If they were already rightfully poisoned against me, they wouldn’t have even listened as much as they did.”

  Juniper agreed with him. “True.”

  “I’ll see myself out. Enjoy your dinner.”

  “Wait. I’ll walk you to your car and we can schedule a time when you might like to come by.”

  Paris stomped into the kitchen and Malik followed her. “I’ve got this mom.”

  Juniper whispered. “Thank you.”

  When she walked outside, Juniper saw Spencer’s car and had to check her watch. It hadn’t seemed like the conversation could have possibly taken two hours.

  A glance revealed only an hour had passed.

  “Hey, Juniper! Do you need any help gal?” Juniper peered over and after a moment realized Mr. Dickenson stood at the edge of his property. The older man detested her ex-husband for the desertion and swore that if he were just twenty years younger, he would have knocked Javier into the next century.

  “Uh, no sir, we’re okay!” She called back out.

  “Is that Mr. Dickenson?” Javier asked, his tone sounded scandalized.

  “Yes it is.” Juniper said and shook her head.

  “Damn, he’s still alive?” Javier asked, and she remembered behind the drive that made Javier who he was, the boy that used to love to laugh. Although, she was the only one who saw that side of him, until he showed her what he really thought of her.

  “Yes, he’s only eighty-one. He has a few good years left in him.”

  “Juniper, no way, he had to be a hundred when we moved in.” The accent was still there, much fainter than she recalled. But beneath the polished veneer and silk shirt she saw the youth he used to be, the one who was in ESL classes and the boy she tutored through English Lit.

  “Javier, stop it.” Juniper hissed, but couldn’t stop herself from chuckling even as she smacked him on the arm.

  Javier looked at the curb and the car that was so obviously parked in front of the house, complete with occupant.

  “Is that him? Your Spencer?” Javier asked as he waved in the direction of the car parked in front of her yard.

  Juniper barely held the smile back at the mere thought of “her” Spencer. “Yes, that would be him.”

  Javier walked around the bumper of his car and stopped abruptly, as if it were a challenge. Spencer must have decided to accept the unspoken dare as he emerged from his Audi and strode over to where she stood.

  Javier nodded his head. “You must be Spencer.”

  “Yes. Javier?” Spencer queried, although he seemed to know exactly who the other man was well enough.

  It’s a Mexican standoff. Juniper worked hard not to laugh at her pun. “That would be correct.”

  Javier stuck out one hand and waited until Spencer offered his in return. The pair shook hands, it seemed for a bit too long and too aggressively to Juniper’s eye. But at least no blows were thrown.

  She had to send Spencer away until she could finish whatever the odd meeting with Javier could be considered as. “Spencer, could you go in house and save the dough before Paris murders it?”

  “Sure.” Spencer did as she asked, but took longer than necessary to do so.

  After she had deflected what felt like nuclear war, Juniper looked at Javier. “I’d better get back inside.”

  Javier cleared his throat and she could tell his next words would be in Spanish. He was much more comfortable with it and defaulted to it when he was flustered. That was the reason she had to tutor him, not because he was stupid or ignorant as he claimed time and time again.

  “Yes, you should. He cares about you Juniper. He won’t be a fool like I was. But before I go, let me tell you the truth. I left and thought that you would choose me. That you would come and get me, show me you loved me. I knew your father made you marry me and when he died, I thought you were going to leave me. Who was I but an ignorant immigrant with dirt under my fingers? So I left first.” He shrugged.

  Javier looked at the back of his car, and Juniper noticed the gleam of chrome from the tires. “But once I was gone and you never tried to see me, talk to me, I knew then that you really didn’t want me anymore. So I found reasons not to come back. I slept with any woman I wanted and wondered if you would even care. You have my number, yes?” Javier looked sad, beaten. It would have been a victory to see that expression even three months ago, but now it was a hollow conquest.

  It explained much. Both of them had too much pride and their children paid for
it. But this conversation was too late, by ten years at least. “I do.”

  “Call me if the children want to talk to me. If they don’t, I understand and I won’t bother you again.” Javier slid into the car and revved the engine, his exit a hair too fast for the posted neighborhood limit.

  Juniper walked inside to find Malik and Paris standing in the kitchen with Spencer. Instead of the scene she expected, everyone was calm. The children even smiled and watched how he spun and tossed a flattened ball of dough into a thin disc for their amusement.

  “Try it, it’s all in the wrist. See?” And he did it again. But unbeknownst to the teenagers watching it was more than that, Juniper knew he worked in a pizzeria through high school until he left for college.

  Malik was the first to grab his softened dough and emulate Spencer. Paris saw how easy they made it look and gamely grabbed hers. But the younger girl’s effort wasn’t quite on par and the dough flew overhead and smacked the linoleum floor.

  “I dropped it.” Paris said the obvious with a frown.

  “Not a big deal, why do you think we made so much in the first place? We can drop half and still eat just fine.” Spencer shrugged and she watched Malik grab the wad from the floor and throw it in the trash.

  Juniper walked into the kitchen and shook her head. “Is there going to be enough for me? I’m hungry.”

  “Hey.” Spencer said, and she watched his eyes light up even as his voice was the anchor of calm in the midst of turbulence.

  “Hi.” Juniper couldn’t stop herself from smiling back at him, he was too adorable, freckles and all.

  “Mom, did you see what Spencer did with the dough? It looked like the Italian guy in the commercial!”

  “Yeah, I got to see part of that.”

  Six ruined balls of dough later…

  By the time they finished playing with pizza dough and making concoctions that sounded interesting, but would likely make Juniper hurl to eat, they had completed eight pizzas and wore stupid grins from the assembly.

  They ate three of the best sounding pizzas and sampled two others.

  She would have never imagined it, but butternut squash and Italian sausage was pretty darn tasty.