I Love You

by Shanade White

  “Are you okay?” Andre asked with concern in his voice. She took a moment but then nodded.

  “I’m okay, I must be tired that’s all.” She said and sat back into the seat. Andre turned up the radio and they sang loudly to some tunes as they went to a restaurant.

  *****

  “Thank you for today.” Milan said as she pulled her purse out of the car and grabbed Andre’s hand. He helped her out of the car and shut the door behind her.

  “Why would you thank me for the torture of baby clothes shopping?”

  “Andre did you forget I’m a girl? Any kind of shopping is not torture.” She joked. He stared at her with a gleaming smile and wallowed in her beauty. She was gorgeous and he had known that since they were kids. He imagined this would be the moment that he kissed her. After a fabulous date he would walk her up to her doorstep and give her a passionate kiss to seal the night but that was only in his dreams. There was no way it was something he would be able to do now. He had missed that chance a long time ago.

  “Do you need something?” She asked practically whispering. She was lost in his eyes as well. He cleared his throat but didn’t break eye contact.

  “No… why would you ask?”

  “Because you’re still holding my hand.” She said. He jumped back; he hadn’t realized he was. He chuckled nervously and wiped his hands on the sides of his pants.

  “Wow, that’s awkward. I’ll see you later, Milan.”

  “Same.” She said before watching as he quickly walked over to the driver’s side of his car. She shook her head and laughed.

  ‘What the hell is going on between us?’ she questioned herself and took her dreaded steps up the porch of her townhouse.

  It was time to face another man, but this one was simple. She knew exactly what was going on between them: nothing. There was no love. No communication. No sex.

  “Oh, you’re back? I thought maybe that was it for you.” Derek said over his shoulder. He was in the same exact position Milan had left his this morning but this time with a new bottle of beer and a new clip on the TV.

  “Did you even move since I left?”

  “Of course not. I was eagerly waiting for my wife to return home.”

  “That’s pathetic.”

  “It’s called chivalry, Milan. You’d think with all those promotions you’d at least be smart enough to know what chivalry looks like.”

  “How could I? You’re the only man I’ve been with and you’ve never displayed an ounce of chivalry in your whole life.”

  “That’s a lie. What do you think I’m doing right now?”

  “You’re so disgusting.” Milan said under her breath before walking up the stairs.

  “Thanks for that kiss on the cheek, sweetie. It’s great to know you missed me too.” He shouted up at her sarcastically. She slammed the bedroom door behind her and fell onto the bed.

  “Ugh!” She screamed and began to cry: Another day, another headache.

  *****

  “Milan!” Derek shouted at the top of his lungs. She was still asleep but the sound of the door practically flying off of its hinges and thudding against the wall startled her into consciousness.

  “What?” She asked with squinted eyes. She ran her finger across her face and looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was 6 AM.

  “What the fuck is this?” He roared at her and threw his beat up cell phone at her. She couldn’t focus her eyesight. She had no idea what she was looking for.

  “Can you just tell me what you’re mad about?” She gave up and dropped her arms to her lap. He yanked it out of her hands and zoomed into the article. He held it up to her face and watched as she read the headline:

  Billionaire Andre Hausman is spotted with mystery girl at Infant shop. Does Andre have a bun cooking in that oven? Most definitely! See below for more pictures.

  She immediately shut her eyes. She was devastated. She knew she felt something yesterday and this was proof that she wasn’t crazy. Andre had been so toned-down since the pregnancy that he thought the paparazzi had stopped watching him. In the beginning, he was very conscious about the tabloids and the paparazzi but it seemed like the moment he let his guard down they attacked him.

  “Why are you on stupid gossip sites anyway?”

  “Don’t change the subject! I knew it.”

  “You knew what?” Milan scrunched her eyebrows. There was no way Derek could have guessed she was pregnant she left no evidence and she didn’t look like it.

  “I knew you and Andre were too close. I’m not even surprised. I knew you were cheating on me this whole time. I just kept waiting for the moment I got proof of it. This is it! You’re the most disrespectful woman I have ever met in my life!”

  “Derek, I didn’t cheat on you! I would never do that. I’m not that kind of person. If I didn’t want to be with you anymore why would I keep trying to work it out with you? It looks bad but Andre’s having a baby and so I was with him to-”

  “You mean you’re having his baby! Before you even have kids with your fucking husband. That’s rich. You said you were going to an appointment with your friend… You mean you went to one of those clinics and got the news that you were pregnant. You were so excited that you went shopping for baby clothes. Am I right?”

  “No. Well, not completely…” Milan tried to hold back tears. Derek was so angry that no matter how she explained it to him he probably wouldn’t understand. She couldn’t believe he had to find out this way.

  “What do you mean not completely Milan?”

  “I’m his surrogate mother. He asked me to carry his baby because-”

  “You carrying his baby without even asking me if it was fucking alright?” Derek shouted throwing his phone across the room in anger. Milan ducked and fell to her knees.

  “Derek… Please, I promise I wanted to tell you but we haven’t had open-communication for years. This wasn’t something I could just tell you when I was walking in the door.”

  “But I was your husband. You needed to tell me… But I guess I’m not rich enough to be the one to get you pregnant.”

  “What do you mean you were my husband? You still are!” Milan dragged her knees across the carpeted floor. “What does money have to do with any of this?”

  “You know you been planning this since the moment you met Andre. You’ve wanted a piece of his money since you were 16. I’m glad you finally got the rights to it but you had to spread your legs to get it. There’s no way you were thinking about your husband when you were on your back taking that-”

  “I’ve never had sex with him, Derek! I’m telling you the truth. I’m his surrogate. They inject me with his sperm and that’s it.” Milan interjected. Derek’s jaw practically dropped to the floor and he laughed sarcastically.

  “You act like that’s any better!”

  “Please, Derek, don’t do this. At least think about the 13 years we’ve built together. We live in a house, we have joint bank accounts, and we’re married.”

  “We won't be married for long. I’m going to leave for a few hours and I’m going to do what I need to do to start the divorce process.”

  “Derek!” Milan cried out. Tears had now streamed down her face carelessly. She crawled to him and grabbed at his ankle.

  “Don’t do this, Milan. At least have some respect for yourself and stand up. There’s nothing you can do to change this and when I get back I better not see you in this house. Since it’s only under my name and not yours. That’s another dumb mistake you made in your life.”

  “But… Derek…” Milan stuttered through loud sobs. She couldn’t speak anymore, her whole body had shut down and all she knew how to do was cry. Derek shook her off of his leg and jogged down the stairs.

  Milan rolled over onto her back and continued to cry out. It had finally happened. The life she once had was officially over.

  She needed to explain the situation to Derek. He clearly had the wro
ng idea and because of that he was making decisions that were irrational.

  She stood up and searched for her phone. Once she got it, she dialed the number of the only person who could explain this better than her:

  Andre.

  *****

  Milan walked out of her kitchen with a glass of wine and handed it to Andre who sat on the couch. He took a sip and sat it on the coffee table.

  “So, you’re saying he wouldn’t even listen to you? He just assumed and believed that you cheated on him and we had sex.”

  “Exactly. That’s the thing I’ve been dreading this whole time. I knew this was going to happen. I knew he wouldn’t listen to me.”

  “Don’t worry about that, Milan. I’m going to talk to him.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t know how he is when he’s like this. He won’t listen to anything that doesn’t sound like what he wants to hear.”

  “Hey, what did I tell you that night you told me you would be my surrogate?”

  “That… You wanted the smallest amount of people involved in the process as possible.”

  “Yes, but that’s not what I’m talking about. What else did I tell you?”

  “That you’ve always wanted to refer to me as baby momma?”

  “No, Milan. I’m talking about when I told you that you’d never be in danger. As long as you’re in my life and carrying my child I will make sure you are out of harms way. No one will be an exception to that. Do you remember me saying that?”

  “Oh yeah. I guess that would make more sense in this situation.”

  Andre and Milan laughed together and suddenly they heard a key fumbled with the lock. Milan’s whole body tensed up and she took short breaths into her system. She immediately began to panic. Andre placed his hand on her thigh and gently rubbed it.

  “It’s okay. I’m going to talk to him and it’ll be fine.” Andre assured her before sitting his glass of wine on the table and standing up. Derek greeted him the moment he opened the door.

  “What the fuck is this guy doing here?” He asked Milan while staring Andre down. Andre held his hands up in an attempt to show he had no intentions of being hostile with Derek. He simply wanted to talk to him.

  “Man, I know what it looks like and I would be just as mad as you if Milan was my lady but you have to understand that you’re not getting the whole picture.”

  “She can be your lady. I don’t care anymore.” He shrugged, dismissing Andre’s attempt at an explanation. Derek walked around him and stood in front of the couch staring down at Milan who had just swallowed a huge lump in her throat. “Did you think this was a good idea? Getting your boyfriend to come beg me to stay with your cheating ass?” He asked before swiping the glass of wine off the coffee table and downing it in one gulp. Milan shook her head disagreeing.

  “I told you he’s not my boyfriend. He needed someone to carry his baby and he asked me to be his surrogate. I’ve never even seen him with his shirt off!”

  “You don’t need your shirt off to have sex, Milan. Surely you know that, you try to act all proper and innocent but you’re just a gold-digger.”

  “What?” Andre couldn’t help but laugh as soon as he heard Derek say that. Gold-digger was the most inaccurate way to refer to Milan. It was impossible to think he could even say that. It was beyond untrue.

  “What’s funny preppy boy?” Derek asked puffing out his chest and walking back over to Andre. He looked Andre up and down. “You don’t remember why Milan had to leave that little afterschool club you two met at years ago? She was broke before I gave her something to believe in. She never would’ve even tried to work in an office if I didn’t tell her about the job opportunity. She got a few promotions and immediately thought she was better than me. Self-righteous bitch. I made you.” He hissed at her. She narrowed her eyes at him and couldn’t believe he would say such things. He did not ‘make’ her and he barely had any part in the career path she had chosen.

  Everything Milan had professionally was by the grace of God and the will in her character. A man was not the reason she had become successful in her own right and he wasn’t going to be the reason she allowed herself to fall apart.

  “That’s enough, Derek.”

  “No that’s enough of you, Milan! I told you not to be here when I got back and instead you come here with your baby’s father? I swear you have no common sense no matter how much you like to believe you do.”

  “I’m not her baby’s father. It’s actually my child.”

  “Well, if it’s your child why don’t you help the woman carrying your child get lost. If she’s in this house tonight I’ll make sure she has a rough night.” Derek threatened vaguely. He had never laid a hand on Milan and she knew he wasn’t going to start now but with the anger that oozed from him it was obvious he was not to be messed with. He needed time to himself and that was something Milan was willing to give him no matter how much it hurt to know it was officially over. Her husband had found out in the worst way possible that she was pregnant and there was no way to reverse it. Her marriage was shattered and her husband was long gone.

  “Let’s go, Milan.” Andre decided after a moment of silence. She raised her eyebrows and looked over at Andre with wide eyes.

  “I’m going with you?” She asked in a whisper. He walked over to the couch and held out his hand.

  “Do you have somewhere else to go? Clearly you aren’t wanted here. I told you I was going to protect you and the safest place I know is my house. I need to make sure you and my baby are safe.” He mumbled to her.

  Although the surrogacy was all in the open he wasn’t sure on her stance. She might still have hope that she’d be able to work it out with Derek and because of that possibility Andre wasn’t going to reveal to her the feelings he had developed for her since the pregnancy but even more so, since he met her.

  She was a forbidden fruit to him. Everything about her was new and attracted him like no other woman had the power to do. She was independent, strong, sassy, fearless, and funny as hell. She didn’t care about his money and didn’t show an interest in his looks. She was always interested in getting to know him and the things that made him tick. No person, let alone woman, treated him that way. That was why he had to do this for Milan. He loved her and she needed to know he had imagined a life with her for years and he was ready to make that happen whenever she was ready for it; But right now was not the time and definitely not the place to make that kind of confession.

  “You definitely can’t stay here tonight.” Derek told her with his arms crossed over his chest. He had a stern look on his face as he watched Milan’s bottom lip begin to quiver. It was the first time she had noticed a remorseful expression from him.

  “You don’t mean that do you?” Milan asked getting off the couch and suddenly taking steps toward Derek. He shook his head and put up his hand to stop her from getting any closer.

  “I do mean that. You need to get the hell out of here before I call the police and they escort you instead.” Derek was heartless. Milan let a single tear roll down her cheek before she proceeded up the steps. It was awkward to leave both Andre and Derek downstairs alone but she knew they weren’t killing each other, not that she would’ve cared; she was so wrapped up in her own feelings that anything else wouldn’t even trigger a feeling in her. She was completely numb.

  She no longer had the life she had built for 13 years. She was back to square one. Single but this time she was about to be the contributor to someone else's happiest life moment. In a few months she would give birth and that is when it all would hit her: was losing everything worth helping out Andre?

  If her and Derek were in love, the moment when Andre asked if she would be his surrogate shouldn’t have been enough to overcome love. Or was love and marriage conditional? Derek simply deciding to break his commitment was enough to break apart that love.

  That was where the discussion about love always became hazy: the hypotheticals and what-ifs
were left answered by speculation and the idea of love could manipulate even the keenest observers.

  She pulled her most valuable clothing items out of the closet and into her large tote purse and doubled down the stairs. She stopped in front of Derek and stared into his eyes. They were cold and gone. He had detached himself from the situation and he no longer allowed himself to feel.

  “Derek…” Milan started before he cut her off.

  “I’m filing the divorce papers tomorrow.” He assured her and that was the straw that broke the camels back for her. She rushed passed him and straight out the door with tears welling in her eyes. She leaned against the car and sobbed. Seconds later, Andre ran out behind her.

  “Get in the car.” Andre said softly as he took the bag of clothes from her hand and opened the door with his other. He made sure she was seated comfortably before throwing her things in the backseat and quickly slipping into the driver’s side.

  He was going to do anything in his power from that moment forward to ensure her happiness at any cost.

  Chapter 6

  Milan sat in the den of his penthouse on a comfy white plush couch. She sipped a calming cup of Chamomile tea that was prepared by Andre’s in-house chef. He was currently out running an errand for his parents and he’d be back soon.

  She had been a guest in Andre’s luxurious home but she felt as if she belonged. He provided her with everything she wanted and needed the moment she asked for it. He didn’t let her mope and mourn around the house. Instead he provided her with encouraging words and tasks that allowed her to spoil herself. She had never experienced such a pampered lifestyle and it was a nice change of pace. Although she knew it wasn’t the way she’d be able to live for long. She was naturally independent and the fact that she had asked for an impromptu vacation from work for two weeks until she got herself together was a reminder that she wasn’t the type of woman to sit in one place for too long. She grew anxious every morning she awoke and remembered where she was and what had transpired a week and a half ago. She felt as if she was taking a break from life by escaping to a reality that could never be hers. After the baby was born and she recovered from the pregnancy, this lifestyle would be gone and she’d have to start a new one: probably in a suburb.