Home Field

by Laurie Winter

  “I don’t know, Reagan.” She shrugged. “Bloody snow.”

  “Frostbite.” He bumped her hip. “Get it?”

  Finally, the faintest of smiles pulled at the corners of her mouth, followed by laughter. “I plead for mercy. No more jokes.”

  Good, because he had no more. Except for the ones he’d heard in the locker room, and he would never repeat any of those to Julie.

  When they returned, Aiden was showing Matt his new video game system. Matt was getting a play-by-play of Aiden’s latest quest.

  Chrissy, who sat in the recliner, jumped out of the chair when she saw Julie. “I’m sorry we couldn’t be here sooner. Aiden looks really good after everything he’s gone through.” She engulfed Julie in a bear hug.

  “Yes, he’s doing very well. I know you and Matt couldn’t be here earlier, but I’m happy you’re here now. I was so scared.”

  “But he’s going to be fine. He’ll heal quickly.” Chrissy stepped back and gave Julie’s arms a squeeze.

  She nodded. “That’s what the doctors are telling me.”

  Chrissy clasped her hand and looked over at Reagan. “I’m glad Reagan’s here to watch over you. I worry about you less, knowing he’s with you.”

  Her endorsement meant a lot to Reagan. He found a chair next to the bed, and the three guys talked video games. Aiden showed him how many levels he’d completed in the short time he was gone. After twenty minutes of Aiden’s tutorials, he needed a break. Reagan decided to make a trip to the cafeteria, and Matt joined him.

  “That was the perfect gift,” Matt commented when they left the room.

  “Thanks. I figured Julie will have a hard time keeping him still while he heals.”

  After a few wrong turns, the guys found the cafeteria. The large room was brightly lit by a wall of windows. Various medical personal and patient family members filled rows of tables. Reagan and Matt perused the rows of prepackaged food items and bright-colored drinks arranged in tall coolers. Farther down sat a restaurant-style counter, with a food menu hanging above. They purchased the requested items—coffee for Julie and Mary, diet cola and a candy bar for Chrissy, a bottle of water and apple for Reagan.

  Matt ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of soup.

  Since Matt had to wait for his food, Reagan started back to the pediatric floor alone. When he approached Aiden’s room, he heard the sound of Julie’s and Chrissy’s hushed voices, and John’s name being spoken. He stopped in the hall and waited, not wanting to interrupt.

  “I’m not sure about anything anymore,” Julie said “I want to be free to love again. I’m so torn, because I can’t let go of the past.”

  “Aiden’s accident pushed you off balance, and now you’re questioning your feelings,” Chrissy said. “You were terrified he’d been taken from you, too. All the pain of losing John has resurfaced. Don’t let it pull you into the darkness. You’ve come so far over these past few months because of Reagan. Let that be your focus.”

  “Some days, I wonder what he’s doing with me. He deserves so much better than this, hanging around a hospital. He could literally have any woman he wanted, so why does he want me? Someone who might never love him the way he deserves.”

  “Because he loves you,” Chrissy countered. “Stop being so hard on yourself and accept the fact that you deserve to be happy. John would want that for you.”

  “John’s not here for his son…which breaks my heart.” Julie sniffled. “I want him here with us.”

  “Julie,” Chrissy said quietly. “Time for you to accept reality…John’s gone.”

  Julie’s words landed like a punch to the gut. The ghost of John Ellis was still a third party to their young and fragile relationship. He walked past the nurse’s station until he came to a small, empty lounge.

  Taking a seat, he inhaled deeply, needing solitude to assess the situation. He pictured Sarah, handing back her engagement ring and breaking his heart. After all this time, he failed to learn from his earlier mistakes. How could he have been so foolish to think proposing to Julie was a good idea? The memory of her husband—the man she loved since high school, the man who died a hero’s death, would always be a barrier to their own happily ever after.

  He thought of the success he’d worked so hard to achieve. To think this emotional turmoil wouldn’t seep onto the playfield would be foolish. He’d have to be careful. The last thing he wanted was to end up with a crushed heart and a broken career. When enough time had passed, he took the drink tray to Aiden’s room.

  Matt had returned and was in the middle of eating his sandwich.

  “Where did you go?” Julie asked. “Matt said you left the cafeteria before him.”

  Reagan offered her an apologetic grin. “Sorry, I must have taken the long way.”

  She looked solemnly into his eyes. “You okay?”

  He handed her a warm cup of coffee and nodded. “Never better.”

  ****

  Miraculously, Aiden was released from the hospital in less than a week after his accident. He came home to an impromptu celebration with cake and balloons. Christmas Day was a week away, and Julie had so much to be grateful for. Aiden’s laughter filled her house again, and Reagan would be spending the holiday with both of them.

  This past week had been very busy for Reagan, with football practice and other obligations, but he put everything else aside in order to be there for Aiden’s homecoming. He was so good to them, always putting her and Aiden’s needs ahead of his own.

  Julie often wondered if she deserved someone as wonderful as Reagan, when her heart was so hopelessly divided. How could she explain the deep love that remained for John? And would Reagan understand her devotion to her late husband didn’t take away the love she felt for him?

  Aiden, propped on the sofa, worked tirelessly on building a skyscraper with his new block set. With Reagan sitting next to him, she went into the kitchen to start dinner.

  “Do you need any help?” Reagan called from the family room.

  “Only if you are looking for an excuse to escape,” she answered.

  Reagan’s help was a godsend. Aiden needed loads of extra attention since getting home. Something he’d taken advantage of to the extreme.

  The sound of Reagan’s laughter echoed from the family room. “I’ll be right there.”

  Julie motioned him over with the large knife in her hand. “You can peel potatoes.” She pointed to the dirty, brown lumps piled on the counter.

  He walked over to her. “I would love to,” he said. “Just don’t stab me when I do this.” He grabbed her from behind and swung her around to face him.

  She melted into him. The man was so disarming. As much as she wanted to slow things down with him, she couldn’t help but be drawn in. Julie absently set the knife on the counter. She reached up and brushed his cheek with the back of her hand. “You need to shave,” she murmured.

  He ran kisses over her delicate neck, tickling her with his stubble.

  She giggled at the conflicting sensations.

  “Do you still think I need to shave?”

  “No. I now understand the benefits of facial hair.”

  He brushed his fingers through her hair, winding a section loosely around his index finger. “You are so beautiful…my sweet addiction.”

  Meal prep temporarily forgotten, she leaned against the counter, and he descended on her with a demanding kiss. His arm slipped around her waist, pressing her body against his. Her hands moved along his arms, her fingers massaging the muscles in his neck and pulling through his messy hair. Finally, she gathered enough willpower to pull back and tried to catch her breath. “Dinner will never get finished if we keep this up.”

  “You’re right.” He grinned. “But this is more fun.”

  He looked devilishly handsome, which was so not fighting fair. Blushing, she picked up the knife to resume chopping carrots. Quickly looking over her shoulder, she caught a glance of the picture of John hanging on the refrigerator door. For a mo
ment, she felt lightheaded and grabbed the counter to steady herself. Her guilt surfaced again—a feeling that never fully went away when she was in Reagan’s arms.

  When they finally sat around the table for dinner, Reagan was uncharacteristically quiet. Somewhere along the way, he’d lost some of his earlier humor. “I was thinking once the football season’s over and the weather gets a little nicer, we could go to the Art Museum in Chicago,” Julie proposed. “Maybe stop at Navy Pier, too.”

  “Hey, Reagan, I don’t know why you would want to go to an art museum,” Aiden piped in. “I told Mom you should go to Pro Wrestling Smackdown instead, but she said no.”

  “Well, that idea does sound like fun, too.” Reagan grinned at the little boy with sauce covering his mouth and chin. “But I like art museums, and I don’t think your mom would be happy watching wrestling.”

  “You’re right, no wrestling for me.” She watched as Aiden gave Reagan a sympathetic nod of the head.

  Like two branches from the same tree. They might not be father and son, but their bond grew deeper with each passing day. She couldn’t do anything to ruin her relationship with Reagan.

  Reclining back on the chair, Reagan placed his hand on Aiden’s shoulder. “Hopefully, the Warriors’ season won’t finish too soon. We’ve got a pretty good shot to win the Super Bowl this year. If we win Sunday’s game, we’ll have home field advantage for the playoffs.”

  “If you go to the Super Bowl, can I come, too?” Aiden asked. “But, you know, just to watch.”

  “For sure, kid.” Reagan gave Aiden a high five.

  Later that night, with Aiden tucked securely in bed, Julie was hoping for some alone time with Reagan. She wanted desperately to push all doubt and insecurity out of her heart. Unfortunately, Aiden had plans of his own. He’d already been caught a few times, peeking around the staircase, afraid he’d miss the action downstairs.

  After several trips to Aiden’s room, she was now snuggled comfortably with Reagan on the sofa. The room was dark, only illuminated by the tree’s colored lights. The soft melody of Christmas music played in the background. She rested her head on his chest. His arms wrapped around her in a protective embrace. Around them was stillness and peace.

  But only for a minute. Until out of the corner of her eye, she saw movement at the top of the stairs. Not again. “Aiden,” she called out. “For the last time, stay in bed and go to sleep.” She heard the movement of small feet from above, followed by a door closing. “He’s getting good at using those crutches.” She shook her head in exasperation. If he didn’t get to sleep soon, she’d be dealing with a crabby child tomorrow. “When do you leave for LA?”

  “Tomorrow morning. Most of the team is returning on the plane right after the game, but I have to stay a few extra days. My sports agent has lined up some commercials to shoot while I’m out there. Don’t worry, I’ll be home in time for Christmas.”

  “Oh, right.” Would she ever get used to seeing her boyfriend’s face on the TV or in print ads? Probably not. Just like she’d never get used to being at the center of attention whenever she was in public with him. “I forgot I’m dating someone famous.”

  “Don’t be too impressed.” He rubbed the small of her back. “My agent does all the hard work. I just go along with it. The extra income puts food on the table.”

  “I’m sure you’d starve without it.”

  “I wouldn’t starve because I’d live on love,” he whispered into her ear and gave her backside a pinch.

  “Hey, that hurt,” she squealed.

  “Mom, I’m thirsty,” Aiden called from upstairs.

  “I should get going.” Reagan attempted to rise.

  “Not yet.” She kissed him rapidly along his neck, over his chin, and stopping at his waiting mouth. She felt his hand roam over her back, pulling up on her shirt so he pressed against her skin. He rolled her on top of him and wrapped one arm around her to hold her tight. She felt the desperation behind his kiss, and the way he held her…like he was afraid she’d slip away. Their lips pulsed together with gaining intensity.

  Lost in overwhelming bliss, her memory slipped backward in time. In her mind, she was laying on the grass, in the middle of Cottonwood Field, with John’s mouth moving over hers. “John,” she moaned, before snapping back to reality to realize what she had just done.

  Reagan instantly pulled away. His blue-eyed gaze pierced into hers.

  As he searched her soul for the truth, she shrank away. She’d called out another man’s name. Those words, that truth, couldn’t be taken back.

  He untangled himself from Julie and got off the sofa.

  “No,” she cried. “I never meant—”

  Reagan cut her off with a wave of his hand. “I know you would never hurt me intentionally, but I can’t play second string to another man…even if he’s dead.”

  She gasped, her hand fluttering over her heart. How could she make him understand she was constantly at war with guilt and grief?

  He grabbed his coat, put it on, and slid his stocking hat onto his head. “Your heart was never mine. I’m not John, and I never will be.”

  “Reagan, I’m sorry.” She saw the grimace on his face. How could she have done something so hurtful? One slip of the tongue in a moment of weakness, and she might have lost the man she loves.

  “I’m the one who’s sorry.” Reagan leaned over to kiss to top of her head. As his lips touched her hair, he inhaled deeply, and then walked out the door.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Reagan pulled his rented silver luxury car in front of the busy LA nightclub. Opening the car door to get out, he bumped his knee against the door frame. “Ugh,” he mumbled. His whole body hurt after yesterday’s game. The Warriors had won by only a single field goal, which was too close for his satisfaction.

  Reagan’s agent and a few friends had insisted on taking him out that night. At first, he resisted the idea, but eventually agreed. The group was meeting at Lex, a popular nightclub in downtown Los Angeles. Lex was packed with trendy LA patrons, looking to let loose and have a good time. Reagan had no trouble moving past the long line and went straight into the club.

  They were led to a half-circle table with booth seating and an excellent view of the dance floor. When the five guys were seated, their waitress came over to get their drink orders. Reagan glanced around the club. The dance floor and bar were crowded, even though the time was only ten pm, which meant the party was just getting started.

  “How did the commercial shoot go today?” Blake, his agent, asked.

  “Fine. I go tomorrow for the stills.” He reclined against the back of the booth. The whole product endorsement side of his career wasn’t his favorite, but companies paid big money, which made doing forty takes during a commercial shoot bearable.

  Blake brushed a hand over his dark, slicked-back hair. “Just give me the word, and I’ll keep those deals coming. You’re a hot commodity right now. Makes my job easy.”

  “Sure, I’m happy to help you support your ex-wives,” Reagan joked.

  Their drinks arrived, and a glass of whiskey was placed before him on the polished metal table.

  “Good to see you among the living, Reagan.” Jason, his former college teammate, raised his glass. “Cheers!”

  Reagan took a refreshing drink. “Glad to be back,” he said with a relaxed grin.

  “I heard a rumor you’ve become domesticated in Wisconsin.” Jason grinned, and his perfect white teeth gleamed despite the dim lighting of the club. “You finally met a woman who reined you in?”

  “What? I don’t believe it,” Damien, another college teammate, commented. A flashing red strobe light, originating for somewhere by the dance floor, bounced off his shiny, bald head. He extended his muscular arm and gave Reagan a slap on the back. “He’s a hero to us married guys. I’ve been living vicariously through him for the past four years, ever since I said ‘I do’.”

  Reagan found himself thinking of Julie and how he’d felt two nights a
go, when his world came crashing down. The pain of hearing her say John’s name had been worse than anything he’d ever experienced on the football field. With one word, she’d wiped all the color from his life, leaving behind only a dull gray. “Things didn’t work out with the woman I was seeing in Wisconsin. I won’t bore you with a long story but I will report that I’m back in the game.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” Blake’s grin faded. “I saw a picture of you two. She’s cute. Maybe I’ll take a trip to Wisconsin and soothe her broken heart.”

  “Not a chance.” Reagan gave him a light punch on the arm.

  As the hours passed, the friends cracked jokes and told stories. The drinks kept coming, and finally, a couple of the guys went to dance with some girls who’d stopped by their table. Reagan was in no mood for empty flirtations, so he contently stayed at their table and watched the action on the dance floor.

  Noticing his empty glass, he looked around for their server. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a blonde woman slide into the booth next to him.

  “Reagan Harrison, am I ever glad to see you,” Brynn purred. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and leaned in close, placing her lips next to his ear. “I heard you’d be here tonight. I’ve missed you.”

  Brynn looked great tonight, in a gold, sparkling mini dress. Her long hair tickled his arm. Back when they’d dated, he’d been enchanted by her glamour. Now, he thought she simply looked over-processed. Not like Julie, whose graceful beauty was totally natural. His chest tightened at the memory of the morning after their first date, when he’d made breakfast. Even with messy hair and no make-up, she was more attractive than Brynn would ever be.

  He forced himself to stop looking at the past. What he needed was a push forward. “Brynn, you’re just what I need right now.” He pointed to the dance floor, and she took his hand, pulling him to his feet. He wrapped his arm around her small waist and led her through the crowd.

  After a few songs, the music slowed. As they moved to the beat of the music, she didn’t feel right in his arms—like jamming the wrong key into a lock. Brynn was too tall, too thin—and not Julie. He cursed himself for being unable to kick the memory of Julie’s face, with her lightly freckled nose and strawberry-tinted lips, out of his mind.