‘It’s OK, Mum’s here now.’
She felt Sophie’s body go rigid. Sophie jerked away. ‘No! You can’t do this. You can’t come back and make believe it’s OK. It’s not OK, Mum – Anna – whoever you are. You’ve been lying to me my whole life. Why should I believe you now? Everything I thought was real is just a lie! I’m not who I thought I was, and you aren’t my mother. You’re a kidnapper. Our whole life is based on falsehoods. You can’t just tell me you love me and think that it’s all going to be OK. It’s not. I hate you for what you did. Laura is a lovely person. She’s really spiritual and creative and kind and caring. She would have been a great mother. She’s my real mother, you’re just a – just a freak.’
Anna felt as if her stomach was being ripped out. ‘Sophie, sweetheart, come on.’
Sophie stood up, pulled her bag to her chest and glared at Anna. Her eyes were red-rimmed and full of rage. ‘No more. I won’t listen to your lies any longer. I’m going home to be with my real family.’ She stormed away.
Anna stood up to follow her but the pain in her stomach forced her down. ‘They’re not lies,’ she shouted after Sophie. ‘Ask Laura. Ask her what really happened on that boat. You’ll see I’m not the one who’s lying.’
As Sophie disappeared around a corner, Anna doubled over in pain. She threw up beside the bench. The ground was red with blood.
27.
Laura
Killduf, July 2011
Laura had been hovering in the garden since Sophie had left. She was like a cat on a hot tin roof. What was Anna going to say? Would she persuade Sophie to go back to London? Would she take her away again? Would she tell Sophie how drunk Laura had been on the boat and how she’d neglected her? Oh, God, she felt sick at the thought. She didn’t want Sophie to think badly of her. She’d only just got her back. She couldn’t bear her daughter to know what a terrible mother she had been. She wanted Sophie to see the new Laura, the reformed Laura, the Laura who had spent seventeen years working so hard to make amends for all her mistakes. The Laura who had grown to love her from afar, the Laura who had beaten herself up every day for having been so immature and selfish. The Laura who had tried to be the best mother in the world to Mandy to make up for the error of her ways. The Laura who yearned to make up to Sophie for letting her go. She looked at her watch: one minute since she’d last checked – damn.
Lexie tottered out with a tray. She refused to wear flat shoes even though Laura had told her she could break her leg on the uneven grass. Even at breakfast Lexie always had her high-heeled slippers on.
‘I’m four foot eleven, darlin’. I never go anywhere without my heels. I look like a flippin’ midget without them,’ Lexie had told her. ‘Dougie said I looked like one of them Oompa Loompas from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Cheeky bugger!’
Lexie had kept to her room for most of the day, discreetly tucking herself away to work on her book, while Mandy, Laura and Frank were coming to terms with Sophie’s arrival.
She walked across the grass, set the tray on the table, gently guided Laura to a chair and told her to sit down. ‘Now, I want you to drink this. It’s one of them calming herbal teas I found in the kitchen. Personally I think they taste like muddy water, but I know you like ’em. I’m a builder’s-tea girl myself.’ She handed Laura a mug. ‘Get that down your neck. You’re all of a doo-da and you need to chill.’
Laura smiled up at her new friend. ‘Thanks. Sophie went to meet Anna and I’m terrified of losing her again.’
Lexie sat down beside her, facing the magnificent view. She poured herself some tea. ‘She had to meet her at some point. She needs to have it out with her, find out what’s what. It’s only normal. She’ll be back.’
Laura sipped her tea in silence while Lexie tapped on her iPhone. ‘Between Frank and Dougie, I can’t get a moment’s peace. Frank’s stalking me for them new tapes, but I’m a bit behind, what with all the drama here. He says I have to get me finger out, he’s payin’ the ghost writer a ton of cash and he’s sit-tin’ on his arse cos I ain’t sent the new tapes up to him yet. I’m a bit stuck, to be honest. I got to the part where I find out about Dougie stickin’ his dick where it don’t belong an’ it’s hard to talk about the emotions. Made me feel, well, sad and pathetic, really.’
Laura smiled at her. ‘I’m sure it’s awful to have to dredge up all those feelings again. Ignore Frank, take your time.’
‘The thing is, since I got away and come here, I see things differently. Over in London I was wrapped up in bein’ a WAG and all that. You know, I was lovin’ the money and the lifestyle, especially since I come from nothin’. But being here with you lot and seein’ how you live, without all the bling and the parties an’ all, well, it’s made me think. What’s important in life? I see you livin’ here beside the sea, wakin’ up to the most beautiful sight every morning and goin’ into your studio and workin’ at something you feel passionate about and I think, What the hell am I doin’ with my life? I spend my days shoppin’ and going to the gym and gettin’ me hair done. It’s an empty life, innit?’
Laura leaned forward. ‘No, it isn’t. You’re twenty-six, you had a really difficult childhood, you deserve to have fun and enjoy yourself.’
Lexie sighed. ‘But I’ve been doin’ it for years now and I’m bored with it all. I want something else. I want to be my own person, not just Dougie’s wife, although I do still love the bugger. I actually got a text from him – do you want to read it? It’ll give you a laugh.’
‘Of course.’
‘Brace yourself, darlin’.’
Lexie I hear u is writn a bk. If u tel em I cryd wen we woz wachin X-factr I wil tel em that u waid 9 stone 11 wen u gav up smokin. I hope u is alrit. Wher r u Lex?I is sory abt ur sister. It was off side but I woz out of me hed on vodka. I mis u Lex. We woz gd togeda. D Gaffer sez I m playin like a fukin criple. Cant score a goal to sav me life. I need u Lex. I m on d bench nxt wk. I m etin tak outs & dem Doritos al d time. D Gaffer sez I need 2 looz a stone & get me hed sortd. I m ded lonly Lex. I hate livin by meslf. I no I woz a prik & I shagd ur sistr but wil u tink bout comin bak. I wil try me best not 2 get drunk & go of wid uder birds. I luv u. Dougie
‘Wow, that is some text.’
Lexie giggled. ‘He really poured his heart out. Poor Dougie, he started bunkin’ off school at thirteen so readin’ and writin’ aren’t his strong points. I always read, not big posh books or anything, but me mum’s Mills & Boons and me nan’s Danielle Steels. The only thing Dougie reads is the scoreboard.’
They both cracked up laughing. Lexie put her phone on the table and picked up her tea. Laura watched her. Behind the laughter she could see sadness. ‘Are you OK? It must be hard hearing how much he misses you and how things are going badly for him in his career since you left.’
Lexie’s eyes were hidden behind her sunglasses. ‘He deserves it, Laura. That prick put me through the wringer. He made a fool of me, and then when I lost it with him about goin’ with them slappers, he went and had sex with my sister. What kind of person does that?’
Laura nodded. ‘Fair enough. He was horrible to you.’
Lexie’s right leg jiggled. ‘The really annoyin’ thing is, I do feel for him, the stupid bugger. Football is his life. I know how much bein’ on the bench will hurt him. I know what he’s like when he’s unhappy – he just eats. I’d say he’s a tub of lard now. Maybe I should go back and stick some photos of David Beckham and Ronaldo up on the fridge door. Give him a taste of his own medicine.’ She giggled.
‘Well, it would certainly teach him a lesson.’ Laura grinned.
Lexie broke a tiny corner off a chocolate biscuit and popped it into her mouth. ‘The stupid thing is that I love him. I know it’s mad and he’ll never be faithful but I love him. Dougie knows me – he gets where I come from, how much I needed to get away from my past. He’s the same. He grew up in an estate like mine, full of junkies and losers. I’m totally myself with Dougie. No pretendin’ I watch the news or read the
papers. No pretendin’ I give a shit about politics or understand the first thing about taxes and stocks and shares. I can take me makeup off and go barefoot with Dougie. He knows I’m a short-arse.’ Lexie looked at her six-inch wedges. ‘I don’t have to pretend my family’s normal or that me dad’s got a decent job and isn’t locked up. And best of all,’ Lexie’s lip began to quiver, ‘he doesn’t mind that I can’t have children. He’s fine about me not being able to give him little Dougies. Most men would struggle with that. So …’
Laura took Lexie’s manicured hand in hers. ‘Oh, Lexie, I can see that this is really hard for you. But my advice to you is, follow your heart. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over my messed-up, grief-filled life, it’s that you have to grab happiness while you can. If you think being with Dougie will make you happy, then maybe you should talk to him. I know what it’s like to live half a life, to spend every day wondering what if, if only … Don’t do it to yourself. If you think Dougie’s the man for you, then talk to him and see if you can sort it out.’
Lexie pulled her sunglasses up, her eyes red. ‘What about the cheatin’?’
‘Obviously you’ll have to set rules. If he’s unfaithful again, you walk and never come back. He loses you for good. Remind him that losing you also means that his career will suffer and he’ll end up with nothing.’
Lexie thought about this. ‘He shagged my sister.’
‘I know that’s a hard one to get past.’
‘Even though she’s only a half-sister, she’s still family.’
‘Look, I’m not for a second condoning his –’
‘Condo-what?’
Laura smiled. ‘Sorry. I mean I’m not forgiving or excusing his actions.’
‘Good, because that mortified me that did. I looked a right fool with my husband havin’ sex with me sister. Like a flippin’ Jerry Springer Show we was.’
Laura wanted to reassure Lexie. ‘What he did was shocking and appalling. All I’m saying is that, if you really love him and think you’d like to give it another go, don’t let pride get in your way. Obviously it’s a risk. He could cheat again, but I suppose that at least if it doesn’t work out this time, you’ll walk away with no regrets and no what-ifs.’
‘ARE YOU INSANE?’
They spun around to see Mandy standing behind them, holding her guitar.
‘You nearly gave me a bleedin’ heart attack,’ Lexie puffed.
Mandy’s face was like thunder. ‘Mum! How can you tell Lexie to go back to that love-rat Dougie? I can’t believe you’d encourage her to walk back into that shitty relationship. Don’t do it, Lexie. Have some pride.’
‘Keep your hair on, darlin’,’ Lexie told her. ‘We’re just havin’ a discussion.’
Laura looked up at her younger daughter. ‘I’m not telling Lexie to go back to him, but I am suggesting that she looks at all her options.’
Mandy was having none of it. ‘But he treated her really badly and she deserves to be treated like the incredible person she is.’
Lexie patted Mandy on the back. ‘Stop! You’ll have me bawlin’ in a minute.’
‘I agree.’ Laura didn’t want Mandy getting the impression that she thought cheating was all right. ‘Lexie deserves the very best, but she loves Dougie and he’s asked her to come back. I just thought it might be a good idea for her to meet him and have a chat.’
Lexie smiled at Mandy. ‘Don’t worry, darlin’, I’ll be all right. Lexie’s a tough old bird. Now, that’s enough about me. What do you reckon about your new sister? Never a dull moment around here, eh?’
Mandy plonked herself opposite them with her back to the view. ‘It’s pretty mind-blowing.’ She put her guitar down beside her.
‘Writing a song about her, are you?’ Lexie grinned. ‘I’d guess you’ve got enough material for an album after what you found out today.’
‘It’s actually pretty cool. I’ve got all these ideas and I’m trying to get them down on paper before I forget them.’
Mandy had been great about Sophie, Laura thought. She’d expected her to be much more difficult, but the two girls had been up in her room together for ages, and when they’d come down they’d seemed to have bonded. Laura was thrilled to see them getting along. She was so proud of the way Mandy had handled it that she decided to ignore the smell of smoke and leave Mandy alone for today.
‘So, how do you feel about havin’ an older sister?’ Lexie asked.
‘It’s pretty freaky when you consider she was supposed to be dead and then she just turned up, seventeen years later, alive and, like, normal. I thought she’d be really messed up and weird but she’s actually kind of a square.’
‘She’s wonderful,’ Laura said. ‘So thoughtful and polite and clever and –’
‘She’s not that clever,’ Mandy interrupted. ‘It took her seventeen years to figure out her mother was a stranger who abducted her.’
‘She was only nineteen months old when she was taken. She knew no other life.’ Laura felt defensive for Sophie. She didn’t want anyone, not even Mandy, criticizing her. As far as she was concerned, Sophie was perfect.
‘I can’t believe she’s not more messed up in the head. She seems very together and mature for her age. And her accent is dead posh. She didn’t go to school round my way, I can tell you.’ Lexie cackled.
‘Her accent is gorgeous,’ Laura gushed.
Mandy frowned. ‘It sounds a bit put-on.’
‘That’s just cos you’re used to listenin’ to me. I’m as common as muck. Sophie sounds like royalty and I sound like Barbara Windsor.’ Lexie roared laughing.
Laura leaned back in her chair, smiling. ‘I just can’t believe how together she is – she’s so poised. She told me she always got top marks in her exams.’
Mandy picked at the blue-black nail varnish on her index finger. ‘I told you she was a square. She might study ten hours a day but she has no clue about life, real life. She’s very innocent in lots of ways.’
Lexie took another tiny bite of her biscuit. ‘I wish I’d been more innocent when I was younger. Too much too young is no good, mark my words.’
Laura turned to her. ‘Lexie, at twenty-six, you are young.’
Lexie brushed some crumbs off her skinny jeans. ‘I feel old, darlin’. I’ve been pregnant, had a botched abortion that left me barren, been kicked out of home, had a boob job, Botox, filler and veneers … got married and now I’m about to get divorced.’
Laura stroked Lexie’s hand. ‘Hopefully the next decade will be less dramatic for you.’
‘No!’ Mandy sat forward. ‘That’s the whole point. You’ve lived. You’ve experienced life and you’re interesting because of it. You haven’t sat at home studying, wrapped in cotton wool, having your dinner cooked every night, like I have.’
Mandy was so impatient to get away from home and spread her wings. Laura constantly had to rein her in. From the day she was born she had tried to assert her independence, always pushing boundaries and demanding more freedom. But Laura had made such a mess of her own life that she couldn’t let go. She knew it was hard for Mandy that she was over-protective, but how could she not be? The last thing she wanted was for Mandy to get drunk, do drugs and end up pregnant in her teens, as she had. Life was complicated and at times very cruel. She didn’t want Mandy to experience that side of it until she was older. She wanted her to enjoy her youth and not be jaded, worn out and shattered in her early twenties, as she had been.
‘There’s plenty of time to experience life,’ Lexie echoed Laura’s sentiments. ‘Stick at your books for the moment. Go to college and get a degree so you can support yourself and not rely on some dodgy footballer or your boobs for money.’
Laura glanced at her watch again. Sophie had been gone for more than an hour. ‘Do you know where they were meeting?’ she asked Mandy.
Mandy shook her head. ‘No. But I wouldn’t worry about it, Mum. She’s really pissed off with Anna. I’d say she’s giving her a complete bollocking right now.�
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‘So she should,’ Lexie said. ‘Bleedin’ kidnapper! What the hell was she thinkin’?’
‘I’m just worried she’ll persuade her to go back to London with her. I couldn’t stand it if she leaves. I’ve only just got her back.’ Laura began to get upset.
‘Relax, Mum, she’s not going anywhere. She likes it here.’
‘Can you believe she has synaesthesia as well and wants to go to art college? Isn’t that amazing?’ Laura was like a young girl in love.
‘Unlike me who can barely hold a paintbrush,’ Mandy grumbled.
‘You’re talented in other ways,’ Laura reassured her. ‘It’s just so wonderful to know that the synaesthesia gene is still in the family.’
‘Joan and Frank don’t have it and they’re great,’ Mandy snapped.
‘Of course they are. I’m just saying it’s nice for me to have someone who understands how I see the world. It’s very special.’
‘Weird, if you ask me,’ Mandy muttered. She picked up her guitar and started to pluck the strings. She began to sing in a low voice:
‘One sister has colours on her mind,
The other is colour blind,
But I think you’ll find,
She’s defined by other things …
Ohohohohohoh.
The ghost returns,
Life upturned,
Will she get burned by the mirage
Ohohohohoh …
Mother in love with this new dove,
Fits like a glove,
I’m feeling the shove coming,
Ohohohoh …’
Mandy’s voice fizzled out.
Lexie patted her knee. ‘Lovely, darlin’. Is that a new one?’
‘Yeah, I’ve only just come up with it.’
This Child of Mine Page 28
