‘Excellent,’ Laura said, staring at the gate, completely oblivious to what Mandy was singing. Her whole focus was on Sophie coming back. She stood up abruptly. ‘I can’t sit here for a second longer. I’m going to find her.’
‘No!’ Lexie and Mandy both jumped up, but it was too late: Laura had sprinted off.
After she’d gone about five hundred yards she saw Sophie in the distance. She was walking slowly down the lane towards the house. Her shoulders were shaking. As Laura got closer she saw that her long-lost daughter was sobbing. She rushed towards her, arms outstretched, eager to comfort her. She was delighted that Sophie’s reunion with Anna had clearly gone badly.
‘Sophie!’ she called, and ran towards her. Sophie stopped dead.
Laura ran to her but Sophie ducked away.
‘Are you all right?’ Laura asked. Sophie’s eyes were red and puffy from crying.
Sophie took a deep breath. ‘I need to ask you something. If you lie to me, I will never speak to you again. I’m sick of all the deceit. I can’t take any more.’
Laura swallowed hard. ‘All right.’
‘Were you drunk on the boat that day?’
Laura fleetingly considered lying, but she knew she couldn’t. She had to be honest. She had to explain. ‘Yes, I was. I –’
‘WHAT? How could you get drunk with a baby to look after?’ Tears streamed down Sophie’s face.
Laura spoke slowly and deliberately. ‘I was twenty. I was immature and stupid and overwhelmed with being a mother. I had a few drinks, which was a really stupid thing to do but, believe me, I’ve paid for that mistake.’
‘Define a few drinks. Were you tipsy or passed out drunk at the bar like my mother just told me?’
Laura felt her heart constrict. She willed herself not to get upset. ‘At the end of the boat journey, I did fall asleep briefly.’
Sophie’s mouth hung open. ‘How could you do that? How could you be so neglectful? I was a baby. I needed a mother to look after me. How could you get so drunk that you blacked out? How could you not care about me? How could you just leave me on my own to fend for myself? What kind of person does that? I would never leave a small child on their own while I got drunk.’
Laura began to see yellow. She was getting angry now. Clearly Anna had slated her to Sophie in an attempt to justify her evil deed. ‘Hold on a minute. I admit I was drunk, I admit I made a huge mistake, but I did not neglect you. I loved you. I was just too young and immature to be a responsible mother.’
‘You did neglect me. You were in a coma!’
‘It was only that one time and I haven’t touched a drink in seventeen years.’
‘Did you really shout at me and push me away and tell Anna she could take me?’
‘No!’ Laura shouted. But she was shaken. Had she said that? Had she pushed her baby girl away? She had been so drunk she couldn’t remember. She had gone over that day in her mind a million times and she had a horrible feeling deep inside her that she had pushed Jody away. Damn that bitch Anna. Damn her.
Sophie was becoming hysterical. ‘Anna said that you told her to take me, that you said your life would be better without me.’
‘I DID NOT!’ Now Laura was seeing all yellow. ‘How dare that woman tell you that? I may not have been the best mother but I didn’t give you away. I died that day.’ Laura thumped her chest. ‘My heart stopped beating when you were taken. I did not give you up. She TOOK you, she STOLE you.’
Sophie wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She was having trouble breathing. ‘How can you take something if it’s being looked after? How can you abduct a child if its mother is holding its hand?’
‘I may have let go of your hand but that was not an invitation for someone to snatch you. I’ve paid dearly for my behaviour that day.’
‘What about me? I’ve paid too.’
Laura squeezed her hands together. ‘Sophie, believe me when I tell you my life was ruined that day. I died inside. The only reason I didn’t kill myself was because I got pregnant again with Mandy. I haven’t touched a drink since. I’ve spent my life making up for that awful day. I’ve been the best mother I can be to Mandy, and I will be to you too, if you let me.’
‘But Anna said you didn’t want me.’ Sophie broke down.
Laura wanted to scream, jump up and down and thump the nearest tree. She wanted to find Anna and wring her neck. How dare that bitch tell her beautiful child that she hadn’t wanted her? Laura knew she had to calm down, for Sophie’s sake. She went over to her and placed a hand gently on her sobbing daughter’s shoulder. ‘Of course she said that. She’s trying to justify her evil actions. Don’t you see? She’s trying to make out that I was a worthless mother so her kidnapping you doesn’t seem so vile. But it is vile. It’s the worst thing you can do to someone. It’s unforgivable.’
Sophie began to calm down. Laura’s soothing tones were working on her. ‘I’m so confused,’ she said. ‘Everything is red and green. I feel as if I’ve lived ten years in the last week. So much has happened and I don’t know who I am or what I am or who anyone really is. My life has been completely upended.’
‘Of course you’re confused, you poor dote,’ Laura sympathized. ‘Sit down here and we’ll do some yoga breathing.’ She pointed to a tree stump. Sophie sat down and they began to breathe deeply, in and out.
Just as Sophie was calming down they heard a rustle. They looked up to see Joan storming down the path, followed by Frank and Mandy.
Joan was furious. ‘What the hell is going on? Frank told me –’
Laura turned to face her mother. As she did so, Sophie came into view. Joan stared at her and fainted.
28.
Sophie
Killduf, July 2011
‘You killed my granny, you ghost freak!’ Mandy shouted, as she crouched down to see if Joan was still breathing.
‘I’m sorry, I –’ Sophie was terrified.
‘Don’t be silly! She’s just fainted.’ Laura glared at Mandy.
Frank slapped his mother’s cheek gently to bring her round. Joan’s eyes fluttered open. She saw Sophie and fainted again.
‘See? She’s killing her!’ Mandy cried. ‘Her heart can’t take it.’
‘Be quiet,’ Laura barked. ‘She’ll be fine. It’s just the shock.’
Frank put his arms under his mother, picked her up and carried her to the house. He laid her on the couch in the lounge and put a cushion under her head.
‘What did you tell her?’ Laura asked him.
Frank sighed. ‘I thought she knew – you said you were going to tell her today so when I called in I said, “What about Jody coming back? Isn’t it a miracle?” and she went mad. I had to drive her straight down. She thought the whole thing was some hoax.’
‘Ooooh,’ Joan moaned, coming round again.
Lexie was clopping down the stairs in her heels. She came into the room, got her very strong scent out of her handbag, sprayed some on a tissue and waved it under Joan’s nose. ‘Oooooh.’ Joan opened her eyes. ‘Get that dreadful smell away from me.’ She pushed the tissue aside and sat up.
‘That’s Beyoncé’s perfume that is.’ Lexie looked surprised. ‘It’s supposed to drive men wild.’ Ignoring her, Joan stood up and looked at Laura, Frank, Mandy and then Sophie. Her lined face scrunched into a deep frown. She peered closer and closer until she was almost nose to nose with Sophie. Then she reached out to touch her. Sophie was completely freaked out. She hated Joan’s cold hands groping her face. It was so awkward and embarrassing. She tried not to pull away as Joan stroked her hair and muttered, ‘Jody … Jody … my Jody.’
Sophie hated the name ‘Jody’. It made her feel queasy. It was a green name, a bad name.
‘Is it really you, Jody? Have you come back to us? Am I dreaming? Is this real?’ Joan’s voice shook. ‘Is it true, Frankie? Is it her?’
Frank nodded. ‘Yes, it’s really her. I told you, Mum, she’s come back to us.’
Joan touched Sophie’s hands and arms.
‘Jody, my Jody.’ She began to cry.
Frank put his arm around her. ‘It’s all right, Mum. It’s been a shock to us all.’
Joan turned to Laura, who was crying. ‘She came back, Laura. She didn’t die?’
‘No, Mum, she didn’t.’
Joan stared at her daughter. ‘You were right, she didn’t drown. I never believed you, but you were right. Our Jody’s back, our little angel.’
Laura went to her mother and tried to hug her, but Joan stepped away. She stood on Sophie’s toe in her eagerness to avoid Laura’s affection. Sophie didn’t squeal: she bit her lip and gingerly moved her toe.
Joan gripped her hand. ‘Where have you been, Jody? Where did you go?’
Sophie really wanted to pull her hand out of Joan’s vice-like grip. ‘I’ve been living in London,’ she answered. She hated all these questions. She’d answered them already. She’d been over it ten times. She wanted to lie down on Mandy’s bed and sleep. She was drained. She couldn’t take any more emotion or scrutiny today.
‘But how?’ Joan asked. ‘How did you end up there?’
Sophie remained quiet, trying to muster up the energy to answer yet more questions. Mandy was studying her closely. She stepped in: ‘Gran, she was abducted by a nutter who took her to London and she grew up there. She went to an all-girls Catholic school, you’ll be delighted to hear! And she’s actually very normal, considering.’
‘Abducted? Oh, my God.’
Abducted, nutter … That was her mother they were talking about. Anna, who had been a good mother, not insane, not a psychopath … but she had kidnapped her. Oh, God, it was all too much. Green, green, green.
Joan let go of Sophie’s hand and sank down into the couch.
‘I think Joan needs a drink, real alcohol,’ Lexie said. ‘I’ve got a stash in my room.’ She rushed upstairs to get some vodka.
Joan peered at Sophie. ‘Who was the monster who took you? What kind of human being would do that?’
Sophie squirmed. More horrible name-calling. ‘She’s not a monster,’ she said. ‘She’s actually a nice person.’
Joan wagged a finger in her face. ‘She is a monster. We thought you were dead. I nearly died myself of a broken heart. You were my baby, my angel, the love of my life. That day finished me. I’m a broken woman. That person needs to go to jail and rot there for the rest of her days.’
Sophie knew Anna had done a terrible thing, but prison? Lock her up in a cell with some murderer? No.
Laura was watching her. She said to Joan, ‘It’s OK. Sophie’s home now.’
‘Sophie?’ Joan spat.
‘That’s her name. She’s asked us to call her that. We need to ease her back in, Mum,’ Laura said firmly.
‘Here you go, Joan, get that down you. It’ll put hairs on your chest.’ Lexie handed Joan a large vodka, which she knocked back.
Joan’s eyes narrowed. ‘My granddaughter’s name is Jody and I will not be calling her anything else. That monster stole seventeen years of her life. She’s not taking her name too.’
Laura sighed. She whispered, ‘I know, Mum, but this isn’t about Anna – the woman who took her. It’s about Sophie being confused and frightened. It’s not her fault so please just work with me.’
‘Jody,’ Joan said, completely ignoring Laura’s plea. ‘You were christened Jody, and for nineteen wonderful months I fed you and dressed you and rocked you to sleep and sang you lullabies and took you to the park and taught you how to walk and loved you with all my heart. I will not be calling you by any other name.’
‘I understand,’ Sophie said, not wanting to have an argument with the woman. Joan frightened her: she was so full of anger and bitterness. She hated being called Jody, but she’d let it go with Joan.
‘Where is this woman who stole you from us? I want her arrested immediately.’
‘Mum!’ Laura warned. ‘Stop.’
Joan lashed out at her: ‘Don’t you dare tell me what to do. If it wasn’t for you being a drunken mess on that boat we wouldn’t have lost Jody.’
‘MUM!’
‘Drunk?’ Mandy frowned. ‘Mum’s a Pioneer.’
Joan laughed bitterly. ‘She was out of her mind with drink that day. We all thought Jody had drowned because she was neglected, but now we know that a complete stranger walked off with her in broad daylight because her mother was too drunk to notice.’
‘Steady on, Joan,’ Lexie defended Laura.
‘Be quiet, Mum. Laura’s suffered enough,’ Frank snapped.
‘Laura’s suffered enough, has she?’ Joan hissed. ‘It was me who raised that child. It was me who rocked her back to sleep when she cried. Laura was never there. She was too busy partying and cavorting to look after her own baby. I’m the one who sat up with her at night giving her bottles. I’m the one who changed her nappies. I’m the one who was teaching her how to talk. Me.’ Joan beat her chest. ‘Not you, Laura, or you, Frank. Me! Do you even know what her favourite food was? Stewed pear. Do you know what her first word was? “Gany” – for Granny! I did everything. She was my baby, my Jody. I died with her that day on the boat. I died.’
Sophie was shocked. Laura had never said Joan had done all the parenting. She hadn’t said she’d been partying while Joan looked after her. Laura had hidden all this from her. Sophie was beginning to wonder if she was as great as she seemed.
‘That’s not fair,’ Lexie said. ‘Laura’s a great mum. I’ve seen her here with Mandy and she’s totally devoted.’
‘I can’t believe Mum was partying and drinking.’ Mandy was astonished.
‘Your mother was wild and completely irresponsible, and it wasn’t just drink either,’ Joan continued.
‘MUM!’ Laura yelled.
‘Drugs?’ Mandy gasped.
‘Stop it!’ Frank said. ‘That’s enough, Mum. Laura’s spent seventeen years eaten alive with guilt. She doesn’t need any more.’
‘It’s the truth,’ Joan snapped.
‘Were you really drunk when Sophie was snatched on the boat?’ Mandy pulled Laura’s arm so she was facing her.
Sophie could see that Laura wanted to run away, just like she did. She looked devastated. Joan was making everything worse with her accusations and revelations. Sophie wished she would go away again. Everything had been better before she’d arrived. Granted, all of their lives had been turned upside down, and things had been extremely emotional and confusing, but the atmosphere had been mostly joyful, not bitter and twisted as it was now. Joan seemed so angry with Laura.
Laura looked at her younger daughter. She took a deep breath. ‘Yes, Mandy, I was. I drank too much that day and I have lived with the regret and guilt every moment of the last seventeen years.’
Mandy was incredulous. ‘You were so drunk that you let someone nick your own kid?’
Laura clenched her teeth. ‘Yes.’
‘And you lecture me on my behaviour?’
‘I don’t want you to make the mistakes I did or have to experience the pain I have.’
‘Were you so drunk you blacked out? How could you get that drunk with a baby to look after?’ Mandy wouldn’t let it go.
Sophie felt physically sick. She couldn’t listen to much more of this. It was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room.
‘Hang on a minute,’ Frank interrupted. ‘Your mum wasn’t much more than a child herself when she had Sophie. It’s a huge responsibility for a teenager. And she made a few bad decisions, but who hasn’t? Unfortunately for Laura, hers led to a horrendous outcome. But she has learned from her mistakes and has been a brilliant mother to you.’
‘It’s OK, Frank. Mandy should know the truth.’ Laura sank down on to the edge of the couch. ‘Yes, Mandy, I was so drunk I passed out. My disgusting behaviour did give this Anna woman the opportunity to kidnap Sophie. But what I did does not give anyone the right to abduct a child. It’s still wrong, immoral, illegal and completely unforgivable.’
Joan waved a long finger in Laura’s face. ‘If you
hadn’t been drunk none of this would have happened and all of our lives wouldn’t have been ruined.’
‘STOP!’ Sophie screamed, holding her hands over her ears. ‘STOP IT, ALL OF YOU.’
She ran out of the lounge and up to Mandy’s bedroom, where she locked herself in.
She threw open the window and gulped fresh air into her lungs. She could hear raised voices downstairs, then a knock on the door. ‘Please go away. I need to be alone for a bit.’
‘That’s all very well but you’re in my bedroom and I’d like a bit of time out myself,’ Mandy said, through the keyhole.
Sophie reluctantly unlocked the door. Mandy stalked past her and flopped down on her bed. Sophie locked the door again. She wasn’t letting anyone else in. She’d had enough.
‘Jesus, what a day this has been. You couldn’t make this shit up.’ Mandy chewed a fingernail.
Sophie leaned out of the window and looked at the sky.
‘Are you OK? Too much drama?’
Sophie turned to her sister. ‘I’m used to a very quiet life and this has been … well … just …’
‘A kick in the teeth.’
‘No, more of a –’
‘Smack in the face? Punch in the nose?’
‘I feel as though I’ve been run over by a freight train. I was finding it difficult to breathe down there.’
Mandy kicked off her boots and lay back on the bed. ‘Me too. I cannot believe my mum was a lush. She’s so square now.’
Sophie longed to be alone. She didn’t want to talk about the day any more.
Mandy rolled on to her side and rested her head on her hand. ‘What do you think of Joan? In fairness, you didn’t see her at her best. She was being a bit of a bitch down there.’
‘She seems awfully bitter,’ Sophie ventured.
Mandy blew her fringe out of her eyes. ‘So would you be if you’d just found out your beloved granddaughter, who was like your own daughter to you, wasn’t dead.’
‘I suppose so. She’s a bit mean to Laura, though.’
Mandy pulled some cigarettes out of her bedside locker and lit one. ‘Well she deserves it – getting so pissed that she passed out and let someone take you. That is seriously messed up.’
This Child of Mine Page 29
