Beckoning Souls (A Psychological Thriller)

by J. R. Tate

  Nathan’s words hit me hard. This is all so crazy, and had we not gone through everything that has transpired, I wouldn’t believe a word of it, but it has to be true. I feel so sorry for him. I know losing victims weighs heavy on him. I married him knowing he was a firefighter. It was part of the ‘for better or worse’ part of the marriage, just like now. He is wounded both physically and mentally, and some is my fault.

  “They tell you that?” I ask, wanting him to keep talking.

  “Not directly, but it’s what is happening, Rose. They ask me why. They want me to come with them. I’m to the point where I want to go and see. I’ve heard other voices of people, but they’re the only three who have made themselves visible.” A tear falls down his cheek. “I’ve got that part figured out. Now I have to figure out how to make them stop or it’s going to kill me. I’ve never wanted to take my own life. I’ve never wanted to die. But after you betrayed me and after all of this, I’m ready. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this. I can’t be with a woman who thinks I need to be committed and I can’t live with the fear of closing my eyes, not knowing what’s going to hurt me.”

  “Forget me, Nathan. It’s obvious it’s going to take time for you to forgive me, and I can’t blame you for that. I understand. What about your son? What about Rusty? He’s supported you through all of this, as I should have. How would it look to him if you gave in?”

  Nathan winces again and shifts his weight. The poor guy needs a comfortable bed and a good night’s rest. “How does it already look to him? I can only imagine what you and my father have said around him. He might support me, but his father is labeled psychotic. It’ll always be in the back of his mind that I was put here. It’ll always be hanging over my head.”

  I shake my head and move even closer, and this time, he doesn’t shy away from me. I look him in the eye, wishing I’d see that sparkle that used to be in them. “We believe you, Nathan. You’re not crazy. I wish you’d believe me. What can I do to make you believe me?”

  “Get me out of here. Get me out of here, Rose,” he repeats, keeping his eyes on me.

  I pull him for a tight hug, burying his face against my neck. I wish he could hug me back, but the fact that he leans in and doesn’t push away is enough of an indication that we are moving in the right direction. I comb my fingers through his hair and he quivers under my touch. I’m not sure if he’s crying, but I feel the warm moisture of his tears drip through my scrub top, confirming that he is.

  “I want to close my eyes and not be scared. I want to forget everything I’ve seen.” His breath is warm against me, and I hold him tighter. “I want to be able to turn a light off and sleep through the night with no nightmares.” He looks up at me, but keeps his head pressed up against me. “I want everything to be normal again.”

  I kiss the top of his head. “We’ll get there. You’ve been through so much, but stay strong. We’ll get it figured out.” I hope I’m right. What do these victims want from him, and how can we get them to go away?

  I don’t even know where to begin.

  ***

  Nathan

  I stare out of the window in the common area, not even paying attention to what is going on around me. I’m still in a daze after Rose’s visit. She stayed with me for a few hours, until they made her leave. They allowed me to leave the padded room, as long as I promised to stay calm. Seeing as I’ve just sat through an electrocution, I’m still pretty pissed, but to compromise, I reassure them that it’ll all be okay.

  One question is weighing heavy on my mind. Does Rose really believe me? Is she just telling me this to keep me calm? I hope she feels horrible about everything. Maybe she’s just saying it because of the guilt she’s probably feeling. I hate not being able to trust my wife, but I also don’t want to give in too soon.

  I rest my head in my hand. Her visit did relax me and it did help, but I think about the horrible ECT treatment this morning. Dr. Clint mentioned needing more than one treatment, but I hope to God I’m out of here long before he can even get it scheduled. How am I going to go about that? Getting out of a psych hospital is impossible if you’re not deemed fit to join the real world again, and I know for a fact that the medical staff here will not clear me.

  I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Dr. Clint, one of the last people on the planet I want to see. I don’t say anything and turn to look out the window again.

  “I’m glad you got to see your wife today.”

  I still don’t say anything. I’m in no mood.

  “You not up for talking?”

  I glance at him from the corner of my eye. “Why should I be? Everything I say you twist all to hell. It all goes down on that damn clipboard.”

  He pulls the sleeve up on my shirt and looks at the newest gashes I’ve acquired. My instinct is to jerk away, but I want him to look. I want him to see that I wasn’t capable of doing such damage being restrained and not having anything sharp on me. He stares at it and shakes his head in disbelief.

  “Care to explain that, Doc? My fingernails aren’t long enough to do that, and even if they were, you had me tied up like livestock at a rodeo.”

  “It’s getting infected. We need to take you down to the medical ward and have it cleaned.”

  I scoff and stay right where I’m at. “No explanation? You mean your brilliant mind can’t justify this?” I arch my eyebrow. “Better yet, how about I get my wife to contact an attorney? If you don’t want to admit that I’ve been telling the truth from the very beginning, then it’d have to be one of your staff responsible, yeah?”

  He shakes his head and motions for a nurse. “I’m not done analyzing it. Let’s get you down there and get it cleaned and bandaged up. I promise, that’s all we’re gonna do and you can come back here and rest. It’s almost time for meds and lights out anyway.”

  I don’t fight it. I’m so tired of going against the grain, and the injury does hurt. I stand up and am escorted by three nurses and a doctor. It’s hard to believe that I worry them that much, but at the same time, I still get a small shred of amusement out of it. “No offense, Doc, but your promises don’t mean jack shit to me.”

  He helps me on the examination table and I’m shocked that he’s still staying. The medical doctor who I’m familiar with walks in, examines it like it’s nothing outrageous, and swabs it with some alcohol. It burns, but my pain tolerance has really grown, and it doesn’t bug me.

  “It’s not deep enough for stitches, but we’ll need to keep an eye on it. I’ll wrap it in gauze and you can come back tomorrow for a follow up.”

  After I’m finished, I’m escorted back to my ward. Instead of going back to the window, I head straight to my room. Dr. Clint is saying something to me, but I ignore everything. I don’t care what he has to say. I’m done with him. If I can’t get out of here soon, I wonder if I can transfer my care to someone else. As I’m often reminded, this place doesn’t work like a medical hospital, so my rights aren’t the same. I’m sure there’s some stipulation stating I have to stay with him.

  I fall into my bed and burrow under the covers. Sleep damn it. Get there before the woman and the kids come back. Stay asleep. Maybe if I can get some rest I can feel clear headed and come up with a plan.

  “Get some sleep, Nathan. You’re going to need it.”

  I hear the voice, but I don’t even open my eyes or lift my head. I’m so familiar with them all, I know it’s the young girl. I don’t even question her.

  Rolling over on my side, I hear her say it again. Though I don’t acknowledge her, I have to wonder – why am I going to need it? What in the hell could possibly happen next?

  Chapter Fifteen

  At first I taste it. I breathe it in and it is heavy on my lungs. I know what it is. I sit up and see the smoke hovering right at eye level. The crackling of fire is loud down the hallway. At first I’m not sure if I’m dreaming, hallucinating, or if this is really happening.

  Kicking my legs over the side of the be
d, I feel my lungs burn from the toxic fumes that have taken over my room. Getting the floor, I crawl on my stomach out into the hallway. I’m not even sure what time it is, but the staff is moving around, attempting to get all of the patients gathered and out.

  “There’s Nathan! Get him!”

  Riley scoots me across the floor, but for a second, I swear I hear someone yelling. There are more secure rooms just down the way from where I am. Have they checked all of them? This place has left a bitter taste in my mouth, but would they literally leave someone behind?

  I’m able to push away from Riley, and I run down the hallway, checking each room. So far, I haven’t come across anyone. It’s nice to know that in the middle of everything, that my firefighter’s instincts kick in, and I push through and remember everything about the job. I know the nurses are not far behind me, but I don’t give a damn about that. If they knew what was good for everyone, they’d let me do what I know.

  I kick open a door and another room is all clear. Where in the hell is the yelling coming from? Am I imagining it? Am I imagining all of this? I suddenly notice people watching me, standing right in the middle of the flames. I see the woman and the two kids. I see other familiar faces of people I’ve tried to save on the job. They’re all gathered here.

  What if this is a dream? What if this is what they said I’d need rest for? Is this my time to be taken with them? Are they fooling me into believing there is an actual fire and it’ll be my time to go? It’s tough to say, and I push back the thoughts. I need to find the yelling. Someone is obviously nearby and I can’t just leave them.

  The smoke is billowing and growing thicker. I can’t breathe, and try to get as low to the floor as possible. A dark wall of soot hits me, and an explosion of flames rattles the entire ward. I’m knocked back a few feet, but I keep going, well aware of the audience still watching me.

  “Help me!” The voice is louder, even over the rumble and crackling of the fire. I fight my fading consciousness and my failing lungs. The fire is hot, and it’s the first time in a long time that I’m within the belly of the beast without my turnouts and gear. “I’m back in the file room! Help me!”

  Is that Dr. Clint? I push harder. The man has put me through hell, but I still care for him. No one deserves to be stuck in a fire.

  I make my way down a small corridor, assuming this is the way to the file room. This is part of the hospital that wasn’t included in my tour. I finally see a door at the end. I’m farther away from the fire, but the skinny hallway is serving as a chimney and the smoke is the thickest I’ve seen it. Coughing, I stand up and feel the door. It’s not hot, but the knob is locked. Taking a few steps back, I try to pull as much energy as I can and kick. The door doesn’t budge, so I try again.

  “Son of a bitch!” I yell out. The crowd of onlookers is still there, right by my side with every move I make. They all look disappointed, and a few of their gazes are downcast. “I’m trying! Can’t you see! I’m trying to get to him!” I yell loud, feeling judged that my effort isn’t enough. And really, it isn’t enough. I feel it is never enough, unless the person makes it out alive.

  The doorframe is cracked and finally giving way to my impact. “One more time, damn it.” I kick again, this time with every last cell of my being, and the file room door swings open. The smoke isn’t quite as heavy, but now that I opened the barrier, it gushes in quickly.

  “Dr. Clint?” I yell, trying to get a response. “Is anyone in here?” Had the smoke gotten to him?

  I move things around, throwing files and paperwork, when I see his legs under a table. Crawling, I finally spot the rest of him. He’s awake with a handkerchief over his mouth.

  “Nathan. Thank God. I didn’t tell anyone I was back here. I figured they got all of you out.”

  “No. I’m getting you out. Let’s go right now or we’ll be trapped. It’s moving fast and it’s on this floor.”

  I grab his legs and scoot him out from under the table. That is when I notice the wound on his leg, right on his thigh. It was punctured and he must be able to read my mind. “I fell when whatever that was exploded. I don’t know what it was.”

  “Can you walk?”

  He shakes his head. “I can try.”

  “To hell with it.” I heave him over my shoulder, hoping that I can fight through my own ailments and get us out. Rather than going back the way I came, I find a back exit to the file room that leads out into an area I am not familiar with.

  “Go right, Nathan. That’ll take you to a stairwell. Go down it and we’ll come out in the main lobby where admissions is.”

  I do as told, hanging on to the heavy man resting on me. The flames are thick and it feels as if the door to the staircase is getting farther away with each step I take toward it. I look to the side. As I expect, everyone is still here, with the woman and the two children right in the front row. I take a second to look at each of them. I want them to see me taking the doctor out. I want them to know that I’m a better person than what they think.

  “Why are we stopped, Nathan? What do you see?”

  Dr. Clint’s voice brings me back to reality, and I push hard, finally reaching the stairs. The floor we are on has tons of smoke, but as I go downward, the air gets more breathable. My legs are shaky under me, like noodles, but I can’t give up now. We are almost to the first floor. I’m out of breath and wheezing, but that’s the least of my problems. Dr. Clint needs an ambulance and we both need fresh air.

  The first floor sign is like heaven. I throw all of my body weight into the door and like Dr. Clint said, we are now in the main lobby of the entire hospital. There are firefighters there to greet us, and despite my last efforts to keep my balance, I collapse to the floor. We land with a hard thud, but thankfully, Dr. Clint is quickly taken by a couple of medics.

  “Sir, are you okay?”

  The firefighter looks down at me, motioning toward someone. I try to take in a deep breath, but my lungs are not allowing it. It’s like I’m having an asthma attack, only one hundred times worse.

  “Let’s get him on the gurney and out to the ambulance. He’s got some serious smoke inhalation going on.”

  I’m hoisted up onto a backboard, and I lift my head to try to get another look at my surroundings. All of the ghosts are there, but slowly fade. The last to completely go are the three that have caused me the most trouble. I look deep into the eye of the woman, keeping visual contact with her until she also disappears into the smoke.

  The fresh air is amazing, and they push me right into the back of an ambulance. “You’re gonna be okay, Nathan. We’re gonna get you to the hospital.”

  I squint to try and recognize the medic, but I’m drawing a blank. She places a mask over my nose and mouth, and I take in the oxygen like it’s the first time I’ve ever had air.

  “You did a good thing today. You saved that man.”

  I close my eyes and my lids burn. I still see all of the faces, watching, judging, and wondering if I’m going to pull through and do what I’m good at. I got Dr. Clint out. I forgot how great it feels to get a save, and my adrenaline helps alleviate some of my discomfort.

  “You get some rest. We’ll call Rose and she’ll meet us at the hospital. Everything else is taken care of.”

  The back doors of the ambulance slam shut and finally, I relax until I doze off into a restful sleep.

  ***

  “I got all of your stuff gathered up in that bag,” Rose says, and points to it in the corner. I walk to it, making sure my belongings are all there, and since I really didn’t have many, there weren’t many contents to sift through. She has my wallet and the clothes I was wearing the day I went to Sunset Canyon, but aside from that, anything of mine was left behind at my father’s house.

  I pull on the clean pair of jeans she brought to me, and am shocked to feel that they are very loose around the waist. The black polo she packed is also loose. This is the first time I have any perspective on the weight I’ve lost since being put in the
hospital, and it worries me.

  I notice Rose’s stare and it makes me even more self-conscious. “Happen to bring a belt?” I try to laugh it off, but it’s obvious she’s concerned.

  “Damn, Nathan, I thought psychotropic meds were supposed to make people gain weight.”

  I shrug and look at myself in the mirror. “It’s not exactly home cooking in there, hon.” At least I’m can recognize myself again. I’m not sure who or when they shaved me, but the thick beard that grew in is gone, and aside from a slight five o’clock shadow, I am clean-shaven.

  “So what’s next?” I ask, unsure of what is going on.

  “The doctor is bringing your discharge paperwork. I also think someone from Sunset Canyon will be bringing some stuff for you to sign. Apparently Dr. Clint is still in the hospital since his leg needed surgery, but he is coherent enough to allow you to go home.”

  I cringe when I think about his injury. Luckily, I came out with a few bumps and bruises, and some smoke inhalation, but nothing that will keep me here longer than a day or two.

  “Are you sure he’s not gonna send me back?” I ask as I sit on the edge of the bed and put my boots on.

  “I’m certain, Nathan.” Rose sits beside me. “If they were, they’d have their staff in here to make sure you don’t skip out on them.” She grabs my hand and kisses the back of it. “I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you.”

  A nurse walks in before I can respond to my wife, and I sign a few sheets. Just like that, I’m a free man again, but something still seems strange to me. We are both quiet as we walk out into the parking garage and to my truck. I am holding the discharge instructions from both hospitals, and plan to read the one from Sunset Canyon from front to back to try and get some grasp on what the hell is going on.

  I haven’t been released to drive, so I climb into the passenger side. It’s strange to see Rose from this angle, but she puts the pickup in gear and takes off. The low hum of the diesel engine is like music to my ears – it’s a sound I obviously take for granted, and am suddenly thrilled to be back in my truck, on the way back to my home.